The Reality of Adult Friendship: Here’s Why You’re Lonely & How to Make Real Friends as an Adult

The Reality of Adult Friendship: Here’s Why You’re Lonely & How to Make Real Friends as an Adult

If you’ve ever felt like making friends as an adult feels impossible, or you’ve looked around and thought, "Where did all my friends go?" – you are not alone.  Or maybe you have friends, and you want deeper connections, but you don’t know how to create it without forcing it. Friendship is hard right now. Which is why today, Mel is sitting down with Harvard-trained social scientist and bestselling author, Kasley Killam, who has spent the last 15 years researching friendship, connection, and loneliness.  Have you ever wondered why the friendships that once felt close now feel distant? Why you genuinely want to see people more, but somehow always end up canceling? Or why making new friends as an adult feels so forced and exhausting when it never used to? There's a reason for all of that. And today, Kasley is giving you the answer. She is also raising the stakes on friendship and explaining why social health is the missing key to living a longer, healthier, and happier life.  Kasley has conducted positive psychology research at the University of Pennsylvania and launched an award-winning initiative at Stanford that promotes empathy and kindness. And in this conversation, she’s here to clear up the confusion, cut through the excuses, and give you the tools that make connection feel doable again. You’ll also learn the 4 friendship styles - and identify which one you are - so you’ll finally understand why friendship drains you, why it feels easy for some people, and what you specifically need to create the relationships you want. In this episode, you’ll learn: -Why adult friendship feels so hard (and how to make it easier) -Why social health is a missing pillar of well-being -The Excuse vs. Need framework for connection -The Swap Strategy to feel less lonely, fast -The 5-3-1 Rule for stronger friendships -How to deepen the relationships you already have -Exactly how to make new friends as an adult -Why connection is essential - not optional No matter your age or stage of life, it’s not too late. If you’ve felt lonely, disconnected, or like building real friendship is impossible, this conversation will show you exactly what to do next, with steps that are simple, specific, and realistic. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-393/] for the podcast episode page.   If you liked the episode, check out this one next: What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-161/] Connect with Mel:     * Order Mel’s new product, Pure Genius Protein [https://puregeniusprotein.com/MP] * Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. [https://www.melrobbins.com/newsletter/] * Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory [https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401971369?tag=lnk0001-20&geniuslink=true] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://bit.ly/45OWCNr] * Follow Mel on Instagram  [https://bit.ly/3QfG8bb] * The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram [https://bit.ly/49bg4GP] * Mel's TikTok  [https://bit.ly/46Kpw2v] * Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free [https://siriusxm.supportingcast.fm/] * Disclaimer [https://www.melrobbins.com/disclaimer] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Harvard Business School Professor: This One Research Study Will Change Your Life and Career

Today's episode is going to completely change the way you think about every conversation you've been too afraid to have. Ever wonder why your relationships feel surface level, even after years?  Why you feel lonely, even when you're surrounded by people?  Why you say “I’m fine,” even when you’re not? Why some people earn trust instantly, while you struggle to be taken seriously? Harvard Business School’s Dr. Leslie K. John, a behavioral scientist who has spent decades studying honesty, trust, privacy, regret, and decision-making, is here to teach you the answer – and it's not what you think. In today’s episode, you will learn the surprising science of honesty, vulnerability, and human connection.  Her research has found why the things you don't say are quietly hurting your health, your relationships, and your career – and exactly what to do about it. For years, the advice has been: don't overshare, at work or with friends. Keep things private. But decades of Harvard research say that advice is backwards.  Dr. John's findings are shocking, and reveal that the real problem, the one deepening loneliness and costing you the career and connections you want, is undersharing. In this episode, you’ll learn that 89% of people would choose to work with, trust, and hire someone who reveals something difficult, even something unflattering, over someone who stays quiet.   That keeping secrets doesn't just feel heavy. Research shows it lowers cognitive performance, IQ, and is linked to measurable declines in physical health. That one of the most common deathbed regrets is “I wish I had shared my feelings more.” That you can use The Disclosure Matrix, which is the exact decision-making tool Dr. John teaches at Harvard Business School, so you always know when to speak up and when to stay quiet. And, you’ll learn the 2-sentence framework that makes any hard conversation easier to start. If you've ever held something back because you didn't want to make things awkward, said "I'm fine" when you weren't, or wished your relationships felt deeper and more honest, this episode will change the way you communicate forever. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-392/] for the podcast episode page. Get Dr. John's book Revealing here [https://www.proflesliejohn.com/book]. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: Stanford Luck Researcher: How to Manifest the Life You Want [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-388/] Connect with Mel:     * Get Pure Genius Protein [https://puregeniusprotein.com/MP] * Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. [https://www.melrobbins.com/newsletter/] * Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory [https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401971369?tag=lnk0001-20&geniuslink=true] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://bit.ly/45OWCNr] * Follow Mel on Instagram  [https://bit.ly/3QfG8bb] * The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram [https://bit.ly/49bg4GP] * Mel's TikTok  [https://bit.ly/46Kpw2v] * Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free [https://siriusxm.supportingcast.fm/] * Disclaimer [https://www.melrobbins.com/disclaimer] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Eat This to Live Longer, Stay Young, and Transform Your Health

You have more control over your life and future than you think – and it’s sitting on your plate.  If you want to lose weight, feel energized, crush cravings, clear brain fog, calm inflammation, slow aging naturally, enjoy your life, and finally stop feeling confused about what to eat, this episode will change your relationship with food forever.  Today, Stanford epigenetics scientist and nutrition researcher Dr. Lucia Aronica joins Mel for a research-backed, hope-filled conversation about how to eat to live longer, stay young, and feel better than ever.  She says food isn’t just fuel – it’s information. Every bite sends signals to your body that shape your energy, your metabolism, your focus, and how fast you age.  Dr. Aronica says that means you are never stuck – not because of your family history, not because of the current state of your health, and not because you’ve resigned yourself to “this is just how it is now.”  Every meal is a chance to send a different signal to your genes. And when you start doing that consistently, you become a different person at the cellular level.   In this episode, Dr. Aronica will reveal her Stanford framework for eating your way to younger genes, including the everyday foods that deliver the biggest payoff and the sneaky mistakes that can strip those foods of their benefits if you’re not careful.   You’ll also learn:  -The #1 reason losing weight feels hard and why Dr. Aronica says you’ll never need a diet again  -Why inflammation ages you faster than time, and what to do about it  -The egg myth keeping you from a stronger brain and healthier aging    -The anti-aging kitchen hacks that will change the way you see tomatoes, broccoli, garlic, and other foods  -The surprising truth about dark chocolate   -How to make eating healthy easy and fun  -How to help someone you love make positive changes   Dr. Aronica says you’re in charge of your health story.   Once you learn the framework that sets you up for success, you’ll be able to make your life a masterpiece, one bite at a time.   For more resources related to today’s episode, click here [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-391] for the podcast episode page.    If you liked the episode, check out this one next: #1 Body Image Expert: How to Repair Your Relationship With Your Body & Food [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-376/].  Connect with Mel:     * Order Mel’s new product, Pure Genius Protein [https://puregeniusprotein.com/MP] * Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. [https://www.melrobbins.com/newsletter/] * Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory [https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401971369?tag=lnk0001-20&geniuslink=true] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://bit.ly/45OWCNr] * Follow Mel on Instagram  [https://bit.ly/3QfG8bb] * The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram [https://bit.ly/49bg4GP] * Mel's TikTok  [https://bit.ly/46Kpw2v] * Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free [https://siriusxm.supportingcast.fm/] * Disclaimer [https://www.melrobbins.com/disclaimer] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Do THIS Every Day to Rewire Your Brain From Stress and Anxiety

What you learn today will make you forever calmer and more in control of your emotions.  If you’ve ever had a moment where you thought:  “Why does one email, one comment…ruin my day?”  “Why do I always get overwhelmed by the littlest things?”  “Why am I like this?”  This conversation gives you the answer. In this episode, Dr. Burke Harris explains why so many of the patterns you hate, like being reactive, shutting down, people-pleasing, not being able to follow through, and feeling dread for no reason, are not your “personality flaws” – and give you the truth. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, MD is one of the most important voices in trauma science and public health. She’s a pediatrician, who conducted pioneering research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), the founder of the Center for Youth Wellness, and the former Surgeon General of the State of California.  She is here to tell you that your body is running an overactive stress response that got wired in childhood, and never got turned off. Dr. Burke Harris gives you research-backed tools that help your body re-regulate, calm down, and feel safe, so stress stops driving your life. You will be able to start rewiring your nervous system today, with one powerful, 3-word sentence you can say to yourself. It takes less than a few minutes and reverses the feelings that make life harder than it should be.  In this episode, you’ll learn: -Why you shut down sometimes, get emotional, “triggered”, or overwhelmed  (and why it’s not your fault) -Why you procrastinate even when it feels bad -How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime -Why trauma is (Mel had it wrong for decades) and how childhood trauma is keeping you stuck -How to help your body return to balance after being upset -The 3 essential words that rewire your nervous system -The 7 evidence-based things you can do to regulate your nervous system -How to support someone you love who’s stuck, shut down, or overwhelmed in their life This episode is hopeful, practical, and empowering.  You will get a playbook that helps you rewire your nervous system so you feel less stress and more in control of your emotions. When you finally understand what’s happening in your body, you can have a different life. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-390/] for the podcast episode page.  If you liked the episode, check out this one next:  Why You Feel Lost in Life: Dr. Gabor Maté on Trauma & How to Heal [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-274/] Connect with Mel:     * Order Mel’s new product, Pure Genius Protein [https://puregeniusprotein.com/MP] * Get Pure Genius Protein at Target [https://www.target.com/b/pure-genius/-/N-q643leyptqo] * Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. [https://www.melrobbins.com/newsletter/] * Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory [https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401971369?tag=lnk0001-20&geniuslink=true] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://bit.ly/45OWCNr] * Follow Mel on Instagram  [https://bit.ly/3QfG8bb] * The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram [https://bit.ly/49bg4GP] * Mel's TikTok  [https://bit.ly/46Kpw2v] * Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free [https://siriusxm.supportingcast.fm/] * Disclaimer [https://www.melrobbins.com/disclaimer] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

My Process For Achieving Goals: How to Change Your Life in 5 Simple Steps

Do you want to know how to set goals you can actually achieve?  Do you want the two science‑backed requirements that determine whether goals succeed or fail?  Or do you feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unsure what you even want anymore?  This episode is a step‑by‑step, research‑backed framework for setting goals that give you clarity, motivation, and momentum. You’ll learn how to choose the right goal and how to start pursuing it immediately. By the end of this episode, you won’t just feel inspired – you'll have already taken action. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, out of control, or like your life is running you instead of the other way around, this episode is for you. Whether you’re exhausted, stuck in reaction mode, caring for everyone else, unsure what you want anymore, or feeling disconnected from yourself, this episode will show you exactly how to take back control – starting today. This episode delivers the most important guidance you need to hear right now. It will teach you the 5 essential rules for setting and achieving personal goals - the skills no one ever taught you, but everyone needs to reclaim their time, energy, and sense of control. And it’s your guide to taking control of your life: how to choose a goal that actually matters to you, how to pursue it in a busy life, and how to keep going even when motivation fades. Today, Mel breaks down decades of research from psychology, neuroscience, and behavioral science  and shows how she’s used these five rules to achieve her own goals.  In this episode, you’ll learn: -The counterintuitive reason setting one meaningful personal goal can immediately help you feel more in control -The 5 research‑backed rules that make goals stick - even if you’re exhausted or short on time -How to choose a goal that’s truly yours (and not something you think you “should” want) -Why writing your goal down and visualizing it rewires your brain to follow through -The difference between the will (your why) and the way (your plan)  -Why consistency beats intensity - and how to keep going even after setbacks -How personal goals become an anchor in the storm when the world feels heavy After listening, you’ll walk away with clarity, a sense of direction, and a simple plan to start pursuing something meaningful - even if life feels full right now. This is practical, research‑backed guidance that actually works. If you’re ready to stop feeling overwhelmed and start taking control of your life again, this episode is where it begins. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-389/] for the podcast episode page.   In the episode, Mel mentioned Pure Genius, the company she co-founded that is one of her personal goals. You can learn more here. [https://puregeniusprotein.com/MP] If you liked the episode, check out this episode with James Clear: The Science of Making & Breaking Habits: How to Change Your Life in 1 Month [https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-359/] Connect with Mel:     * Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. [https://www.melrobbins.com/newsletter/] * Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory [https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401971369?tag=lnk0001-20&geniuslink=true] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://bit.ly/45OWCNr] * Follow Mel on Instagram  [https://bit.ly/3QfG8bb] * The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram [https://bit.ly/49bg4GP] * Mel's TikTok  [https://bit.ly/46Kpw2v] * Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free [https://siriusxm.supportingcast.fm/] * Disclaimer [https://www.melrobbins.com/disclaimer] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.