Stop Losing Yourself in the Fear of Losing Love Anxious Attachment | Attachment Series Part 1

The Automatic Success Mechanism: How to Aim Consciously

Episode companion [https://drive.google.com/file/d/16JALmPMv6XRd50fQ8T0qpNvjLAyGr-79/view?usp=sharing] In this episode of The New Ashla Podcast, Justin V. Gates and Michael Perry explore the Automatic Success Mechanism, the idea that the human mind is always moving toward a target, whether we realize it or not. Your thoughts aim you. Your fears aim you. Your expectations aim you. Your habits aim you. Your self-image aims you. And once the inner system has a target, it begins organizing your attention, behavior, emotions, choices, and corrections around that aim. But here is the deeper question: are you aiming at purpose, or are you aiming at fear? Many people believe they are stuck because they lack motivation, discipline, or ability. But often, the real issue is that their inner world has been aimed unconsciously at avoidance. Avoiding rejection. Avoiding failure. Avoiding discomfort. Avoiding vulnerability. Avoiding the possibility of being seen, challenged, or changed. Through the teachings of Ashla, this becomes the discipline of alignment. The path is not only about wanting a better life. It is about consciously aiming thought, motive, emotion, and action toward truth, purpose, healing, and Light. Vague desire creates vague movement, but a clear aim gives the deeper mind direction. Justin and Michael discuss how fear can become an unconscious target, how old conditioning and self-image can quietly direct our lives, and why clarity allows correction. They also explore how visualization, prayer, disciplined thought, emotional alignment, and right action help us return to the path when we drift. This episode is a reminder that you are always moving toward something. The question is whether your life is being aimed by fear, or consciously directed by truth. Aim with intention. Align with the Light. Walk the path on purpose. Get the book here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/4ADHZyA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://a.co/d/4ADHZyA] Facebook:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/NewAshla⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/NewAshla] Facebook:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/JustinVGates⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/JustinVGates] TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@justinvgates?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@justinvgates?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] YouTube:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.youtube.com/@KnightsofAwakening⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [http://www.youtube.com/@KnightsofAwakening] YouTube:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.youtube.com/@TemplumLumis⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [http://www.youtube.com/@TemplumLumis] Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.newashla.com [www.newashla.com] Key topics * Inner goal-seeking mechanism * Unconscious influences on behavior * Shadow work and self-awareness * Alignment and intentional living Keywords automatic success mechanism, Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz, goal seeking mechanism, subconscious mind, self image, inner target, aiming at fear, aiming at purpose, fear or purpose, subconscious programming, mental alignment, spiritual alignment, New Ashla Podcast, Justin V Gates, Michael Perry, Ashla, the Light, the Force, Luminari, self mastery, personal growth, spiritual growth, emotional healing, mindset, mindset training, visualization, prayer and purpose, right action, inner alignment, conscious growth, fear based thinking, avoidance patterns, self sabotage, healing old conditioning, purpose driven life, inner world, thought discipline, emotional discipline, alignment with truth, clarity and correction, success mindset, manifestation, spiritual psychology, personal transformation, truth purpose and Light, walking the path

The Problem With Modern Healing Culture

Episode Companion [https://drive.google.com/file/d/16FOFj9tvWitSnHxN8SjkEcO5aOCRqjXd/view?usp=sharing] Are you tired of healing, or are you tired of healing being performed? In this episode of The New Ashla Podcast, Michael Perry and Justin Gates explore the difference between healing that is actually being lived and healing that is only being worn. Healing language is everywhere right now. Boundaries, trauma, manifestation, shadow work, nervous system regulation, alignment, and inner child work have become common parts of the conversation. That can be beautiful — but when sacred work becomes popular, imitation often follows. This conversation is not about rejecting healing, spirituality, coaching, or personal growth. It is about discernment. Real healing is not about sounding wise, looking peaceful, or posting the right words. Real healing changes how we live. It shows up in accountability, repair, humility, action, and the ability to face hard truths without collapsing or avoiding. In this episode, we explore: * Performative healing vs embodied healing * Spiritual bypassing and false shortcuts * Why awareness is not the same as integration * The difference between boundaries and avoidance * Manifestation without action * How to recognize red flags and green flags in teachers, coaches, and spiritual spaces * Why real healing requires accountability, humility, and practice Key Takeaways: * Healing is not proven by how spiritual someone sounds. * Real growth shows up in behavior, repair, and consistency. * Awareness is only the beginning; integration is the actual work. * Not every boundary is healthy. Sometimes “protecting your peace” becomes avoidance. * A good teacher should help you become more honest and capable, not dependent. * Discernment allows you to question healing culture without becoming bitter. Practice for the Week: Look at the healing, spiritual, or personal growth content the algorithm keeps showing you. Ask yourself: * Is this only affirming me, or is it leading me into action? * Is this helping me become more honest with myself and others? * Is it changing how I actually behave? * Is there a real practice attached to it? * What would it look like if I actually lived what I keep listening to? Affirmations: * I do not need to perform healing for my healing to be real. * My growth is shown through practice, not image. * I can protect my peace and still face hard truths. * I can use discernment without becoming bitter. * Real healing brings me closer to honesty, humility, and love. Journaling Prompt: Where have I been using the language of healing without fully living the practice of it? Keywords: healing culture, performative healing, spiritual bypassing, shadow work, manifestation, boundaries, trauma healing, nervous system regulation, personal growth, spiritual growth, discernment, accountability, emotional healing, integration, New Ashla, Path of Ashla, Axioms of Light. Connect: Michael Perry [https://www.facebook.com/michael.perry.18400700/] | Justin Gates [https://www.facebook.com/JustinVGates] Follow: TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@justinvgates?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] | New Ashla [https://newashla.com]

Why Love Feels Addictive When It Isn’t Safe

Episode Companion and Attachment Quiz [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FmcvsEmXTmZX0_UIxiIeO5Wv4u4QikH5/view?usp=sharing] One person reaches. The other retreats. And the harder one chases, the further the other pulls away. In this final episode of our attachment series, we bring anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment together to explore how these patterns actually interact inside relationships. The anxious-avoidant dance can feel confusing, addictive, painful, and deeply personal. One partner may fear abandonment while the other fears being consumed. One seeks reassurance while the other seeks space. But underneath both strategies, there is often the same deeper wound: fear. This episode is not about blaming one attachment style over another. It is about learning to see the loop clearly, understand the stories your nervous system creates, and begin practicing something different. Secure attachment is not about becoming perfect. It is not about never getting triggered. It is about learning to regulate before reaction, repair after rupture, communicate honestly, and build enough trust to stay present with yourself and others. Topics covered: * The anxious-avoidant relationship loop * Why one person chases while the other withdraws * How disorganized attachment creates hot-and-cold dynamics * Nervous system activation and relationship stories * Reflection vs rumination * Secure attachment as a practice * Repair after rupture * Trust, presence, and communication * Using a couples journal to create safer conversations Key takeaways: * Anxious and avoidant patterns are often opposite strategies protecting against similar fears. * The story you tell yourself during activation may not be the full truth. * Reflection becomes powerful when it leads to accountability, not self-justification. * Secure attachment is built through awareness, regulation, repair, and trust. * Every moment you choose differently is evidence that you are changing. Practice from the episode: Think of a recent moment when you felt activated in a relationship. It does not have to be romantic. It could be with a friend, family member, partner, or coworker. Before focusing on what happened after, pause and ask: What did I immediately tell myself this meant? Write the story down honestly. Do not edit it. Do not make it sound wise or healed. Just notice what your nervous system believed in that moment. Then ask: Is this a current offense, or is this touching an older wound? Affirmations: I am not an attachment wound. I am the one who can heal it. I can feel fear in connection and choose to stay present anyway. Secure attachment is something I practice, not something I missed. I am learning to regulate before I react. Every moment I choose differently is evidence that I am changing. Journaling prompts: When you feel disconnected from someone you care about, what do you usually do? What are you hoping that response will get you? Has that strategy actually worked? What have your old protection mechanisms cost you in relationships? What would it feel like to be truly secure in connection, without needing constant reassurance or constant distance? Think of one moment when you were regulated and present in a relationship. What made that possible? Keywords: attachment styles, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, secure attachment, anxious avoidant dance, relationship healing, nervous system regulation, emotional triggers, repair after rupture, trust, communication, self-awareness, New Ashla, Path of Ashla. Connect: Michael Perry [https://www.facebook.com/michael.perry.18400700/] | Justin Gates [https://www.facebook.com/JustinVGates] Follow: TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@justinvgates?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] | New Ashla [https://newashla.com/]

When Love Feels Safe… and Terrifying

Episode Guide [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-9rbJtupl4P-ByZ26TlTGrJw3pj46bx6/view?usp=sharing] You want the relationship. You want closeness. You want to be loved. But the moment it starts to feel real, the moment someone actually shows up for you, something inside you starts looking for the exit. In part three of our attachment series, we explore disorganized attachment: the painful push-pull of craving connection while fearing it at the same time. Disorganized attachment often forms when the person a child depends on for comfort is also a source of fear, instability, or emotional danger. The nervous system learns an impossible equation: I need you, and you are not safe. That contradiction can follow us into adulthood. Love can feel good and terrifying. Safety can feel unfamiliar. A stable relationship can trigger the urge to run, pick a fight, shut down, or brace for everything to fall apart. In this episode, we talk about how disorganized attachment shows up in relationships, why self-sabotage is often old self-protection, and how healing begins through awareness, nervous system regulation, compassion, and the slow practice of staying present when things are good. Topics covered: * Why disorganized attachment feels so confusing * The push-pull between wanting closeness and fearing it * How love can become a trigger * Self-sabotage, impulsivity, and relationship hypervigilance * Shame, guilt, and the belief “I am bad” * Why safe relationships can feel threatening * The role of the nervous system in attachment healing * How the pause creates space between activation and reaction * Learning to build safety, trust, and secure connection * A reminder for partners: compassion does not mean losing yourself Key takeaways: * Disorganized attachment is not a flaw. It is a survival pattern. * Self-sabotage often comes from the nervous system trying to protect you. * Shame keeps the wound open; compassion creates room for healing. * Healing requires more than insight. The body needs new experiences of safety. * You are not too broken, too much, or too far gone. * Good things can stay. Love can become safe. Practice: Stay in the Good The next time something genuinely good happens in a relationship — a kind gesture, a peaceful conversation, a moment of real connection — pause. Put your feet on the floor. Take two slow breaths. Let the moment be what it is without waiting for it to turn. No analysis. No preparing for the crash. Just ten seconds of letting good be good. Affirmations: * I am allowed to want closeness and to have it. * Safety is something I can learn. It is not too late for me. * I do not have to sabotage what is good. Good things can stay. * My nervous system is old. The present moment is new. I can tell the difference. * I am not too much. I am someone learning how to be loved. Journaling prompts: * Think about the last time you pulled back from someone who was showing up for you. What were you afraid was about to happen? Where does that fear actually come from? * What does safe feel like in your body? If you are not sure, what would you need from a relationship to start finding out? * Is there a good thing in your life right now that you have been waiting to fall apart? What would it mean to let yourself trust it? Keywords: disorganized attachment, attachment styles, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, attachment wounds, relationship anxiety, self-sabotage, nervous system regulation, emotional triggers, shame healing, secure attachment, emotional regulation, the pause, self-trust, New Ashla, Path of Ashla.

From Survival to Creation: Meeting Crisis Through the Light

Get the Episode Companion Guide Here! [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IgSwp0sYXHoPQzRHyRT9qqOcrrrESqaf/view?usp=sharing] In this episode of The New Ashla Podcast, Justin V. Gates and Michael Perry explore how crisis can either collapse us into survival or awaken a deeper creative power within us. Crisis has a way of revealing what has been leading beneath the surface. When pressure rises, fear can take over, old patterns can return, and the nervous system can move into panic, control, or avoidance. But crisis can also become a doorway. It can sharpen clarity, reveal courage, interrupt old patterns, and call forth a version of us that knows how to respond instead of simply react. Drawing from the teachings of Ashla, this conversation reframes crisis as a test of awareness, alignment, and self-mastery. Not because suffering is good, but because even in difficulty, the Light can reveal the next right step. Justin and Michael discuss how fear can become either panic or courage depending on where we aim it, why not every moment deserves our full alarm, and how to keep truth, purpose, and Light as the target when life becomes uncertain. This episode is a reminder that crisis does not have to become collapse. With awareness, discernment, and aligned action, pressure can become creative power, fear can become courage, and difficulty can become a doorway into transformation. Key topics * Crisis as a reveal of inner strength and patterns * The role of fear and old patterns in crisis * How faith and trust influence our response * Practical exercises for managing crisis energy * The importance of self-awareness and responsibility Get the book here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/4ADHZyA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://a.co/d/4ADHZyA] Facebook:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/NewAshla⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/NewAshla] Facebook:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/JustinVGates⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/JustinVGates] TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@justinvgates?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@justinvgates?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] YouTube:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.youtube.com/@KnightsofAwakening⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [http://www.youtube.com/@KnightsofAwakening] YouTube:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.youtube.com/@TemplumLumis⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [http://www.youtube.com/@TemplumLumis] Website: ⁠⁠⁠www.newashla.com [www.newashla.com] Takeaways * Crisis reveals our true self and dormant patterns. * Fear can either collapse us or fuel our growth. * Maintaining awareness and trust guides us through crisis. * Companion guides help reflect and integrate lessons. * Facing crisis with courage transforms challenges into opportunities. Keywords: survival to creation, crisis and healing, turning fear into courage, creative power, spiritual growth, self mastery, emotional regulation, crisis response, nervous system, fear and anxiety, conscious response, Ashla, New Ashla Podcast, Justin V Gates, Michael Perry, the Light, the Force, Luminari, shadow work, inner work, spiritual alignment, crisis as a doorway, fear into courage, awareness, discernment, purpose, right action, personal transformation, emotional resilience, healing through crisis, pressure and growth, faith in crisis, walking in the Light