Western Baul Podcast Series

Fun with Self-Hatred (Bandhu Dunham)

Self-hatred is characterized by a critical voice that goes beyond constructive evaluation. It operates visibly and invisibly and can be transmitted between generations. It doesn’t work to try to paste self-love on top of self-hatred. There’s a spiritual idea that the universe, including negative manifestation, exists for God’s entertainment. Forms of self-hatred may involve high achievement, romantic masochism, shyness, imposter syndrome, persistent anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, and grandiosity. Origins of self-hatred include emotional neglect and abuse. Addictive behavior regenerates self-hatred. With self-hatred, the three roles of the drama triangle (victim, abuser, rescuer) can show up in one person. Self-hatred takes so much energy that battling with it can seem to be the point of life. In Buddhist psychology, it’s said that we spin our perception of reality into existence and that our natural state is stillness but we get bored with it. Things happen in life that allow the truth of reality to break through. Recognizing self-hatred is key to learning to move beyond it. Self-doubt can kill our impulses so we don’t risk getting hurt again. Every neurotic manifestation has a flip side. Self-hatred can start us on a path of seeing ourselves more clearly. It unravels with self-acceptance. Self-observation is more than just mental analysis; it involves feeling what is going on in the body. In meditation we learn to be present and see ourselves more clearly. Humility and restraint can be upsides of self-hatred. A component of self-hatred is cultural. There is a certain tension that is necessary—a struggle between yes and no—on the path of transformation. Taking a step back, gaining perspective, and humor are helpful in working with self-hatred. Idiocy is part of the human condition. Bandhu Dunham is the author of Creative Life and an internationally recognized glass artist and teacher.

Third and Fourth Quarter Game Plans: Spirituality in the Second Half of Life (Regina Sara Ryan)

Longevity has become an obsession and looking young mythologized. Tasks of the first and second halves of life are considered. The first is about establishing identity, security, and sex and gender orientation. Five tasks of the second half of life are discussed: emptying, taking care of unfinished business, making a sacrament of the present moment, cultivating elder wisdom, and building spiritual friendship. There is obviously overlap of tasks in the two halves. It isn’t possible to make a completely clean exit from life, but part of this work involves giving away and gifting, which can be a joy, and forgiveness and reconciliation, which may need to happen internally. In the first half of life we attach to work, children, homes, dreams of success; the second half involves detaching and remaining in love with what we’re detaching from. We tend to take death personally, but it’s possible to “go through the goalposts” with dignity and bravery. There is a distinction between aging and growing in wisdom. The counterbalance to the culture’s messages can be to reclaim and model dignity, grace, and authentic power. Many of us haven’t had wise elder parents or grandparents, but we can recognize and honor the wise elders we have—some of whom may kick ass and offer more than just being sweet. We can harvest our own wisdom and read to remember what we already know. Our culture is ritually bereft, but we can ritualize elder wisdomhood. What has our heart opened to that we want to leave to the next generation? Our reputation is going to go. Can we encounter and work with that now? Being ordinary is not a choice but a freedom if we no longer have pretensions. Regina Sara Ryan was the editor of Hohm Press for 35 years. She is a workshop leader, retreat guide, and author of The Woman Awake, Igniting the Inner Life, Praying Dangerously, Only God, and other books.

Feeding the Body of Light (Clelia Lewis)

We may take life personally, but larger forces that affect us are at play. Astrological imagery describes what is happening in the world. In Jyotish astrology, Rahu is a being associated with deception, confusion, and inflation of power and ego. The influence of Rahu is active now and is always difficult but can be useful for spiritual practice due to the necessity it creates to work with energies in the world. We want to be careful since prana or life force goes where our attention goes. We can consider reality as a field of light and each of us as bodies of light that come into and out of existence. We need sanctuary to feed the body of light. The process of creating sanctuary is ongoing since we are constantly being deconstructed. Feeding the body of light can take place in the way we relate to a teacher, lineage, community, family, service work, art, social action, prayer, or other situations. We can instinctually sense when this happens. It is common to have an intuitive sense of something bigger than ourselves and to long for relationship with that. Shamanic paths focus on relationship with the gods, who give us life so we will remember them. This is a different way of looking at creation than asking God for favors. Humans have forgotten their function. Feeding the gods through remembrance, in ways such as ritual, keeps existence alive. The sacred includes light and darkness. Turning toward the sacred feeds the body of light. The true enemy is not certain people but a force that takes them over. We can’t see the big picture, but our hearts can tell us what to feed that is in front of us. Creation is the play of God which comes into existence as separate beings in order to experience the play. Clelia Lewis is a freelance editor specializing in spiritual teachings, self-development, and memoir. She is a practitioner in the lineage of Lee Lozowick, Yogi Ramsuratkumar, and Swami Papa Ramdas.

Obsession for God (Matthew Files)

We all have reference points for being obsessed with something or someone so that everything else is obscured. Obsession for God is an affair of the heart; it’s not about the intensity of practice. Obsession may be necessary at some point since only it will get us where the path leads. Coming to the point of not having anything else to live for is at the heart of being obsessed with God. The waking state may not be something permanent but something we move in and out of. Experiences we remember from childhood may have occurred when we were in the waking state. Obsession for God is an internal process. It can occur while being functional in the world and not stuck in a mad state of God consciousness. Everything starts with self-interest, including getting on the spiritual path. We can’t have obsession for God without obsession for life; maybe they are interchangeable. Obsession is more than dedication or commitment. A fire in us has to be carried in a vessel. Practice seals up the cracks and makes a useful vessel. Obsession can be cultivated by seeing what’s in the way of it becoming a blazing fire. Real teachers can provide a spark for practitioners to get a taste of how life is when we go beyond ourselves, but it’s not exclusively available through them. It can come from nature, a love affair, or in other ways unique to us. Some artists are obsessed. We can be attracted to being on fire and resistant at the same time since obsession for God means the obliteration of who I think I am. Engaging practices over and over may not produce what we are looking for. We can make everything practice. A shake-up provided by the universe can totally reorient us. With obsession for God, we may find that God actually is everywhere. Matthew Files facilitates groups that support people to look deeper into their process, formulate their own questions, and become responsible for their choices.

The Crisis of Continuity of Wisdom (Rob Schmidt and Stuart Goodnick)

How do people relate to a tradition once the teacher is gone and there is no authorized leader to carry it forward? An important distinction is that a tradition is intended to serve the Work and that practitioners are not obligated to serve the formality of the tradition without deviating from a formula. An element of continuity of wisdom is willingness to embrace a degree of risk. In some communities, there’s fear of wiseacring, a Gurdjieffian term for screwing up. If we’re open to learning, mistakes are part of the path. Can balance be struck between being true to an original tradition and responding to the conditions of the world in a way that keeps the teaching alive? The idea that size matters is a Western construct. It’s not up to us if fewer people are interested in the Work; yet we can serve those with spiritual need if we are sincere and open-hearted. Some believe that the age of the teacher is over and that the teacher-student relationship is problematic if bounds of conventional propriety are crossed. But by design the teacher pushes boundaries beyond programming and comfort zone, which is not a license for self-gratification. We don’t know how the future is supposed to unfold and can cultivate a “Don’t Know” state. It’s a natural tendency to cling to the familiar, but this must be released for the path to reflect our being. We don’t know how transmission happens, but we can feel its magic. We learn by demonstration. The secret to development is to align with a higher will. We can cultivate trust and receptivity, but don’t have to be perfect to transmit what we’ve learned. Conversation among practitioners is a useful human tool on the path. Rob Schmidt and Stuart Goodnick run Tayu Meditation Center and founded Many Rivers Books and Tea in Sebastopol, CA. They invite spiritual teachers, practitioners, and authors to articulate their stories on The Mystical Positivist podcast.