When They Were Young: Amplifying Voices of Adoptees

Today we have  an adoptee who was a guest on episode 50 where we discussed the dangers of calling adoption a blessing. Sara Easterly is an adoptee, essayist, and author of books that include Adoption Unfiltered: Revelations from Adoptees, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Allies, and award-winning spiritual memoir, Searching for Mom. She is the founder of Adoptee Voices, which supports adoptees in their storytelling. She is also a trained course facilitator with the Neufeld Institute, with special interest in the intersection of attachment, child development, brain science, and adoption. We discuss: * Check in on her book tours for Adoption Unfiltered (I make a cameo in this book!) * The feeling of rejection for adoptees * How she found her book collaborators * Sara’s reunion with her biological family * The corruption in adoption * The new excuse to hold onto adoption narrative Books cited: Author Gabor Mate  "Addicted to Drama" by Dr Scott Lyons Daniel Nayeri the author of "Everthing Sad and Untrue" Gretchen Sisson the author of "Relinquished" (Guest on Episode 71) GUEST: www.saraeasterly.com [http://www.saraeasterly.com/] https://www.instagram.com/saraeasterlyauthor/ [https://www.instagram.com/saraeasterlyauthor/] https://www.facebook.com/saraeasterlyauthor [https://www.facebook.com/saraeasterlyauthor] https://x/saraeasterly [https://x/saraeasterly] Photo credit for bio pic: Adoptee Eileen Skahill Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/whentheywereyoung] CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/podcast] WATCH ON YOUTUBE Here [https://www.youtube.com/@Lantoines]! MERCH here [https://www.bonfire.com/store/when-they-where-young-podcast/] "I am my Hero" and "Courage, my love" Tees SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE [https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=102fad8baa576c8c889df424d62ce1&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=whentheywereyoung¬_found=1&gor=start]! DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair [https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY]products 15% off Code: WTWY ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS: 14 through18, and episode 28, and 29. WATCH PANELS: Here! [https://www.facebook.com/USFCH/videos/806431379903046] JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS" [https://bannekerinstitute.fas.harvard.edu/files/bannekerinstitute/files/on_being_white.and_other_lies_baldwin_0.pdf]: HISTORY of the word “Colored” [https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/03/30/295931070/the-journey-from-colored-to-minorities-to-people-of-color]: NYC ARTICLE ON THE USE OF "BIPOC" [https://www.nytimes.com/article/what-is-bipoc.html]: RESOURCES ON ... [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/post/copy-of-literacy-program-for-syrian-girls-refugees]

Hi again! The idea of adoptees reclaiming themselves have perplexed certain people for awhile now. If you aren’t adopted or haven’t had an in-depth conversation with someone who is adopted you might wonder “What do they need to reclaim?” Today’s guest is Rae from Adoptee Reclaimed.  Rae is trauma-informed and versed in child development, brain-body integration, and addiction and abuse recovery coaching. Rae borrows somatic methods and Internal Family Systems which she customizes for adoptees. I stumbled across Rae from her Poetry contest. We discuss: * Using our voice in a Poetic form * Why I’ve named the  podcast “When they were young” * The silent assignment of adoptees * Recognition of before the fog * History of adoption with native Americans * Reunion Support * How we can best receive joy * And 5 tips for quality of life (The 3rd tip will change the course of how you approach dating) Guest: Rae Adopteereclaimed [https://www.adopteereclaimed.com/].com Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/whentheywereyoung] CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/podcast] WATCH ON YOUTUBE Here [https://www.youtube.com/@Lantoines]! MERCH here [https://www.bonfire.com/store/when-they-where-young-podcast/] "I am my Hero" and "Courage, my love" Tees SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE [https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=102fad8baa576c8c889df424d62ce1&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=whentheywereyoung¬_found=1&gor=start]! DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair [https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY]products 15% off Code: WTWY ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS: 14 through18, and episode 28, and 29. WATCH PANELS: Here! [https://www.facebook.com/USFCH/videos/806431379903046] JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS" [https://bannekerinstitute.fas.harvard.edu/files/bannekerinstitute/files/on_being_white.and_other_lies_baldwin_0.pdf]: HISTORY of the word “Colored” [https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/03/30/295931070/the-journey-from-colored-to-minorities-to-people-of-color]: NYC ARTICLE ON THE USE OF "BIPOC" [https://www.nytimes.com/article/what-is-bipoc.html]: RESOURCES ON ... [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/post/copy-of-literacy-program-for-syrian-girls-refugees]

Happy New Year! This conversation is a great inspiration for this next chapter. Eunnuri Lee is a Korean-American activist, visual artist, and adoptee who I stumbled across on Tik Tok. I was instantly intrigued by her multidimensional content, her whimsical makeup and Megan thee Stallion commentary.  And the fact that she is an adoptee as well was sprinkles on the top.  This conversation covers just about everything. We discuss the importance of sex education and her partners app that he’s developing around conscious coupling. We talk about:  * Eunnuri's visual artwork * Why transparency around influencers is important * Her journey to confidence as a beauty creator * And her work with Operation Olive Branch Books mentioned: All about love by Bell Hooks Esther Perel Dating in Captivity Addicted to Drama by Dr. Scott Lyons GUEST: Eunnuri Lee Instagram - @eunnuri_lee / @oori_nuri TIktok - @eunnuri_lee Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/whentheywereyoung] CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/podcast] WATCH ON YOUTUBE Here [https://www.youtube.com/@Lantoines]! MERCH here [https://www.bonfire.com/store/when-they-where-young-podcast/] "I am my Hero" and "Courage, my love" Tees SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE [https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=102fad8baa576c8c889df424d62ce1&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=whentheywereyoung¬_found=1&gor=start]! DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair [https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY]products 15% off Code: WTWY ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS: 14 through18, and episode 28, and 29. WATCH PANELS: Here! [https://www.facebook.com/USFCH/videos/806431379903046] JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS" [https://bannekerinstitute.fas.harvard.edu/files/bannekerinstitute/files/on_being_white.and_other_lies_baldwin_0.pdf]: HISTORY of the word “Colored” [https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/03/30/295931070/the-journey-from-colored-to-minorities-to-people-of-color]: NYC ARTICLE ON THE USE OF "BIPOC" [https://www.nytimes.com/article/what-is-bipoc.html]: RESOURCES ON ... [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/post/copy-of-literacy-program-for-syrian-girls-refugees]

Hey there, love! Today we have Shania Ives as a guest! Shania is an adult adoptee from the UK, the Founding Director of The Dunbar Project, and a trainee integrative psychotherapist. Her mission is to create spaces for empowerment and growth within marginalized communities. Shania is the very first adoptee I’ve met whose adoptive parents strove to preserve Shania’s connection with her biological family. The story on how her Adoptive parents understood and organized themselves around  her trauma is breathtaking.  We discuss: * The atmosphere of adoption in the UK * Shania's biological father’s struggle to keep her  * How she founded the Dunbar Project * What Shania's philosophy to RECLAIM. REFRAME looks like * We also unpack a variety of resources for extraordinary organizations and initiative for adoptees in the UK and beyond * And Shania breakdown why is important to have Trauma informed caregivers.  GUEST: Shania Ives @thedunbarproject [https://www.instagram.com/thedunbarproject/] www.thedunbarproject.org.uk [https://www.thedunbarproject.org.uk/adopteevoices/where-there-is-love] Article [https://www.blagravetrust.org/the-dunbar-project-is-rewriting-the-narrative-on-adoption/] on the Dunbar Project Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/whentheywereyoung] CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/podcast] WATCH ON YOUTUBE Here [https://www.youtube.com/@Lantoines]! MERCH here [https://www.bonfire.com/store/when-they-where-young-podcast/] "I am my Hero" and "Courage, my love" Tees SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE [https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=102fad8baa576c8c889df424d62ce1&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=whentheywereyoung¬_found=1&gor=start]! DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair [https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY]products 15% off Code: WTWY ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS: 14 through18, and episode 28, and 29. WATCH PANELS: Here! [https://www.facebook.com/USFCH/videos/806431379903046] JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS" [https://bannekerinstitute.fas.harvard.edu/files/bannekerinstitute/files/on_being_white.and_other_lies_baldwin_0.pdf]: HISTORY of the word “Colored” [https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/03/30/295931070/the-journey-from-colored-to-minorities-to-people-of-color]: NYC ARTICLE ON THE USE OF "BIPOC" [https://www.nytimes.com/article/what-is-bipoc.html]: RESOURCES ON ... [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/post/copy-of-literacy-program-for-syrian-girls-refugees]

Today I chat with Becca Flatt, who is a therapist and advocate specializing in adoption-related trauma, grief, and estrangement. A queer, Black, interracial biracial adoptee, she provides therapy exclusively for adoptees and consultations for both adoptees and adoptive parents. Becca facilitates an estrangement support group for adoptees with Adoption Mosaic and teaches an estrangement course for adoptive parents, helping clients navigate relational challenges with compassion, boundaries, and clarity. We discuss: -How she found the balance between accountability and understanding.  - How she defines what “Forced Empathy” looks like -What accountability looks like when you burn it to the ground - How she dealt with self hatred stemming from racism.  - Why adoptees forgo their comfort to support their adoptive parents.  - Misogynoir--what is it? -And Becca does touch on but does not go into detail how she is a sexual abuse survivor. GUEST: Becca Flatt @mending_the_adopted_heart [https://www.instagram.com/mending_the_adopted_heart/] www.mendedheart.org [https://www.mendedheart.org/] Support the show [https://ko-fi.com/whentheywereyoung] CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/podcast] WATCH ON YOUTUBE Here [https://www.youtube.com/@Lantoines]! MERCH here [https://www.bonfire.com/store/when-they-where-young-podcast/] "I am my Hero" and "Courage, my love" Tees SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE [https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=102fad8baa576c8c889df424d62ce1&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=whentheywereyoung¬_found=1&gor=start]! DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair [https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY]products 15% off Code: WTWY ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS: 14 through18, and episode 28, and 29. WATCH PANELS: Here! [https://www.facebook.com/USFCH/videos/806431379903046] JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS" [https://bannekerinstitute.fas.harvard.edu/files/bannekerinstitute/files/on_being_white.and_other_lies_baldwin_0.pdf]: HISTORY of the word “Colored” [https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/03/30/295931070/the-journey-from-colored-to-minorities-to-people-of-color]: NYC ARTICLE ON THE USE OF "BIPOC" [https://www.nytimes.com/article/what-is-bipoc.html]: RESOURCES ON ... [https://www.laniseantoineshelley.com/post/copy-of-literacy-program-for-syrian-girls-refugees]