But the Years Are Short

When Kids Run the Show: Protecting Family Hierarchy in Co-Parenting

When Kids Run the Show: Protecting Family Hierarchy in One Home or Two What happens when kids start making the decisions in the family? In this episode of But the Years Are Short, Katie and Meagan talk about family hierarchy—what it is, why kids need it, and how it becomes even more important (and more complicated) when parenting happens across two homes. If you're co-parenting after divorce or separation, it can be tempting to relax rules, compete for your child’s loyalty, or accidentally put kids in the middle of adult conflict. But when kids feel responsible for adult decisions or emotions, their nervous systems carry a burden they were never meant to hold. In this conversation, we break down what healthy family leadership looks like, common ways hierarchy gets disrupted, and practical ways parents can restore structure that helps kids feel safe, steady, and supported. In This Episode We discuss: • What family hierarchy means in healthy families • Why kids feel safer when adults hold the decision-making role • The difference between giving kids a voice vs. giving them the vote • Signs your family hierarchy may be off balance • Why oversharing adult problems creates anxiety for children • The biggest challenges to hierarchy in two-home families • Loyalty conflicts, guilt parenting, and parentification • How kids end up stuck in the middle of co-parent communication • Simple scripts parents can use to avoid criticizing the other home • How regulating your own emotions helps protect your child’s nervous system Key Takeaway Kids thrive when adults lead. Maintaining healthy family hierarchy doesn’t mean ignoring your child’s voice—it means holding the responsibility for the big decisions so your child can relax into the role of being a kid. When parents regulate themselves and communicate respectfully across homes, children experience greater emotional safety and stability, even in the midst of big family transitions. Resources Mentioned Book on Communication for Co-Parents • BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People by Bill Eddy Co-Parenting Communication Apps • Our Family Wizard https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ [https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/] • AppClose https://www.appclose.com/ [https://www.appclose.com/] These apps can help reduce conflict by keeping communication organized, documented, and focused on the needs of your children. Need Help Navigating Co-Parenting? If you’re struggling to manage parenting across two homes, support can make a huge difference. You can learn more or reach out to us here: Meagan Jackson Counseling https://meaganjacksoncounseling.com [https://meaganjacksoncounseling.com] Franklin Collaborative Solutions (Katie Franklin) https://franklincollab.com [https://franklincollab.com] Both of us specialize in helping families create healthier co-parenting systems that support children through big family transitions. Listen to More Episodes If this episode was helpful, make sure to: • Follow the podcast • Share it with another co-parent • Leave a review so more families can find the show Because while parenting can feel overwhelming sometimes, the years really are short.

Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be a Battle: A Better Way for Families

Collaborative Divorce: A Healthier Wayfor Families to Separate Divorce is one of the hardest transitions a family can go through. Butwhat if the process itself didn’t have to create more conflict? In this episode, Katie and Meagan talk about Collaborative Divorce—anapproach designed to help families separate with more support, less conflict,and a stronger focus on children’s wellbeing. Katie shares a funny story from the recent Collaborative Divorce Texas Spring Conference before the conversation shifts into an honest and practical look at how the collaborative model works—and why it can make such a meaningfuldifference for families. Together, they unpack the roles that support families in this process, including the mental health professional, child specialist, and financial neutral, and explain how these professionals work alongside attorneys tohelp parents move through divorce thoughtfully and intentionally. If you’re a parent navigating divorce—or you know someone who is—this conversation offers a hopeful look at how families can restructure in a waythat protects kids and preserves dignity. What You'll Learn in This Episode 1. What Collaborative Divorce is and why it's different from litigation 2. Why conflict - not divorce itself - is what most impacts children 3. The role of the mental health professional in supporting parents through the process 4. What a child specialist does and why giving kids a "voice, not a vote can be so powerful 5. Why children often want equal time with both parents 6. How Collaborative teams help families create healthier parenting plans from the start. 7. How this process helps parents stay regulated so they can make thoughtful decisions 8. Why Collaborative Divorce often leads to better long term coparenting relationships Key Takeaway Research consistently shows that divorce itself does not harmchildren—conflict does. The collaborative process is designed to reduce conflict, increasesupport, and give families the tools they need to build two healthy homes. Who This Episode Is For This episode is especially helpful for: 1. Parents considering divorce 2. Couples wanting a lower-conflict separation process. 3. Professionals working with families in transition 4. Anyone who wants to understand how divorce can be handled in a more thoughtful, child-centered way. Resources & Links If you're interested in learning more about Collaborative Divorce or connecting with professionals trained in this model [https://www.collaborativedivorcetexas.com/], check out Collaborative Divorce Texas [https://www.collaborativedivorcetexas.com/] or the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals [https://directory.collaborativepractice.com/]. You can also reach out to Katie [https://franklincollab.com/] for an initial consultation to explore whether this approach may be a good fit for your family.

Staying Connected to Your Kids (Even When You're Exhausted)

Feeling stretched thin, touched out, or just plain exhausted? You’re not alone—and you’re not failing. In this episode, we’re talking about how connection with your kids doesn’t have to be big, elaborate, or time-consuming. Instead, it’s built in small, meaningful “micro moments” that add up over time. We’ll share simple, realistic ways to stay connected—even on your hardest days—so you can support your kids without depleting yourself.

The 7 Things Kids Need to Hear When You're Divorcing

Summer planning is stressful for any parent… and coordinating it across two homes can feel like a whole extra job. In today’s episode, Katie and Meagan kick off a month focused on parenting after divorce with one of the biggest (and hardest) moments: telling your kids your family is changing. If you’re in the early stages of separation, contemplating divorce, or already moving toward two homes — this conversation is for you. We walk through when to tell your kids, where to have the conversation, what to say (and what NOT to say), and how to support them in the days and weeks after. Our goal is simple: give you a plan, reduce the fear, and offer hope. This can be done in a way that protects your kids and builds a steady foundation for what comes next. In this episode, we cover: * Why summer planning can highlight the stress (and opportunity) of co-parenting well * The core message kids need most: “We are all going to be okay.” * When to tell your kids (and why “too early” can create anxiety) * The importance of a planned conversation (not in the car, not in the middle of chaos) * Why kids can’t hold two “truths” from two parents — and how to create one shared story * How to handle common reactions: anger, shutdown, “fine,” tears, and a LOT of questions * How to protect your kids without pretending it isn’t sad * The difference between being human (teary) vs. emotionally unloading on your child The 7 “Must Tell” Messages (save these!) 1. We will always be a family — just a different kind of family. 2. We know this doesn’t feel okay right now, but we will all be okay. (Optional add-on if both parents can truthfully say it: “We believe this is for the best.”) 3. We will always love you, and nothing can change that. 4. We will always be your parents. Mom will always be your mom. Dad will always be your dad. 5. This is not your fault. 6. This is a grown-up decision between a husband and a wife. It is final and will not change. 7. Some things will change, and lots of things will stay the same. One change is you’ll have two homes. A few key reminders: * Avoid sharing adult details, blame, legal/financial stress, or emotional venting. * Choose a day with unstructured time afterward so you can respond to what your kids need. * Avoid birthdays/holidays so that date doesn’t become a yearly emotional marker. If this episode helped you, share it with a friend who needs it — and if you’re in this season, we’re sending you so much encouragement. You can do hard things.

Talking to Kids About Death & Grief: What to Say (and What Not To)

Talking about death with kids can feel overwhelming. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I make it worse? What if I scare them? In this episode of But the Years Are Short, Meagan and Katie walk through how to help kids understand death and grief in developmentally appropriate ways — without panic, pressure, or perfect language. We normalize why kids (especially ages 6–8) suddenly become obsessed with questions about death, how their brains are developing, and what they’re actually looking for when they ask those big questions. We also talk about: * Why kids make up their own stories if we don’t give them one * How to create a “family story” about death * What language to avoid (and why) * How to respond when your child worries about you dying * What healthy grief looks like over time * When to seek extra support * How to hold your child’s grief while you’re grieving too And maybe most importantly: It’s not perfect wording that heals. It’s connection. 🧠 Key Takeaways * Kids are naturally egocentric — if they don’t understand something, they fill in the blanks (and often blame themselves). * Ages 6–8 is when children begin to understand the permanence of death — questions increase during this stage. * Avoid vague phrases like “went to sleep” or “we lost them.” * Be honest, concrete, and developmentally appropriate. * Grief isn’t just about death — it also shows up in divorce, moves, illness, and big life changes. * Frequency and intensity of distress should decrease over time — if not, consider additional support. Your kids feelings aren't yours to fix, and your feelings aren't THEIRS to fix. 💬 Helpful Scripts * “That makes sense. You’re having a lot of feelings.” * “It’s okay to ask that question again.” * “I don’t have all the answers, but we can talk about it together.” * “My feelings are my job. Your job is to be a kid.” If this episode helped you, share it with a friend who might need it. And remember: the goal isn’t perfect answers — it’s being a safe place.