Both My Parents Are Gone
Grief and loss seem like devastation and destruction, but the gospel teaches that God is working to redeem all things for good in the end by the blood of Jesus.
I am so thankful for my conversation with Reigns Of Victory [https://substack.com/profile/263089718-reigns-of-victory] (Phil Varnhagen) about his cancer journey, and my recent loss of my mom, after losing my dad suddenly in 2023.
We can trust in the LORD. Jesus is so close to the broken hearted, and we learn more about Him through our suffering.
Some highlights: “The disease was the cure.” Phil’s cancer gave him a new perspective on life, and cured his self-destruction—helping him focus on God.
What’s our treasure? What’s winning? If it’s Jesus, we find that suffering makes us draw closer to Jesus. We can continue to enjoy God’s presence, and we know all service to God is valuable. Only He is infinitely valuable. This is how we find freedom from living for human approval.
It’s not about how productive we can be, but how present we can be. Suffering shakes away so many things, leaving behind what is important: our firm foundation and our anchor in Jesus.
Phil wrote some words he associates with grief and loss: impactful, personal, painful, separation, uncertainty, discontent, and uneasy.
He wrote this about the gospel: truth, hope love, timeless, and foundational. I added the word redemption as well. See the sunny day of redemption that God will provide, and He will help you forget (or at least decrease the pain of) that suffering leading up to it. Our response then becomes worship instead of grumbling and complaining.
Let’s not run away from suffering people, but draw near to them and witness what God is doing in their lives. We can see our pain and suffering as so small in comparison to the greatness of knowing Jesus better. Let’s stay engaged so we can find Jesus in the suffering; stop trying to numb our pain [https://janetabadir.substack.com/p/the-better-remedy-for-pain-e42?r=1nwwp5] with alcohol, substances, scrolling, or emotional withdrawal from others.
Phil’s morning prayer: “Lord thank you for preparing this day for me, and prepare me for this day.” So helpful for me as a person who has dread and groans every morning [https://janetabadir.substack.com/p/from-dread-to-delight-549?r=1nwwp5]!
Death is final; God is reminding us of what’s at stake. “So teach us to number our days, so that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12). Stay in community in your grief, because there is protection and healing in that. Remember that suffering is never punishment if we are in Christ; there is discipline, and there are hard times, but Jesus has drunk every drop of the cup of wrath for us on the cross (Romans 8:1).
We have an embarrassment of riches [https://youtu.be/GbCV_V8Q0E8] when we have Jesus. For a better perspective on your suffering, read a book written by persecuted and suffering Christians [https://www.amazon.com/Hearts-Fire-Underground-Church-Stories/dp/0882641506/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.-09kIOrFIDBBJPDzadg0X0SC3OQXGAHLz8AcxJX6pdJq3wlTEtxMpaxhWGJXdLEN5TJoBkbo0vIEkNL5u-ZUTfggpq2jqfXdU0OKQQfndPNjxLWUmkRIpo3CCs6XtRvnd_2TowzX6dn8n9BlRH4PixZSFJRrYlp9nLhkDRN_q7HEqfVH5YWdOsIhKcqMlfRpobmmvtuAAzZH6owGhGYrkVvEMVSS6KTr3vYav17NgG42dCDBNZ9rEnbPng5B-gG9N6QHJACu2mdBepAnAqbSF1GZ3_OBssJfm_be_zcBukU.k_s_6LcGSjuLm_r1Qt7r2fRepz82nPH0J1buldhKSy8&qid=1777334191&sr=8-3#detailBullets_feature_div]. One glimpse of the glory of God will make all of this temporary suffering worthwhile. Our story matters, and all our suffering has purpose.
Courtney Doctor’s study, called From Garden to Glory [https://www.amazon.com/Garden-Glory-Understanding-Story-Changes/dp/0736988343/ref=sr_1_2?sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sr=8-2#], reveals that we have to know God’s story so that we can know our role in it—our part He gave us as “improvisational actors”!
2 Corinthians 4:16–18
[16] So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. [17] For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, [18] as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (ESV)
Phil read from my most recent post, Untethered or Anchored.
Please comment below with your thoughts on navigating grief and loss.
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Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Eric Mattie [https://substack.com/profile/254735552-eric-mattie]
Psalm 119:28–32
[28] My soul melts away for sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word!
[29] Put false ways far from me
and graciously teach me your law!
[30] I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
I set your rules before me.
[31] I cling to your testimonies, O LORD;
let me not be put to shame!
[32] I will run in the way of your commandments
when you enlarge my heart! (ESV)
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