Humaning with Dr. Kelly Flanagan

[REPLAY] He Said, She Said: The Masculine and Feminine in Conversation

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit drkellyflanagan.substack.com [https://drkellyflanagan.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7] “He said, she said.” That phrase typically refers to a situation in which two people offer conflicting accounts of the same event and there’s no clear evidence to prove which version is true—it’s just the word of one person against the word of another. However, “He said, she said” could also be used to describe any conversation in which both people are speaking and no one is really listening. This happens far more than you might think. It doesn’t just happen when both people are vocalizing their thoughts. Often, it looks like one person is listening, but if that person is distracted, mentally rehearsing their defense, planning their reply, analyzing what is being said, or thinking about ending the conversation, they are not playing the role of the listener. Most conversational conflict consists of two speakers and no listener, because we lack clarity about who should be speaking or listening in any given moment. During this month’s Zoom call for paid subscribers, we focused on how to establish a rhythm of speaking and listening in all our conversations, so connection can actually happen and the chances of conflict are diminished. We recorded my keynote for replay so you can benefit from these ideas too. This is what you’ll get in the Replay: * We correct a harmful misconception about one of the most fundamental relational polarities * We simplify the lens through which you can look at any interaction or conversation, so you can pivot more nimbly between speaking and listening, maintaining balance between participants * We provide a scientifically-supported tool for speaking and listening in a constructive way, especially in high-stakes and conflict-prone conversations In the unrecorded Q&A session, Kelly answered attendees questions about how to apply this tool in real-life moments and provided coaching for specific situations, especially in application to parenting young and adult children. If you attended the Q&A after the keynote, I’d love to continue the discussion with you in the comments. Also, if you missed the live event but have questions of your own after watching the full replay, I’d be happy to answer those in the comments as well. Note: By upgrading below, free subscribers can view the whole replay, join the discussion in the comments, and get access to future Human Hours.

[REPLAY] Bridge the Gap: Overcoming Differences in Conflict Styles

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit drkellyflanagan.substack.com [https://drkellyflanagan.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7] “We want to work on our communication.” That is the number one request of most couples who present for couples therapy, and it is one of the most common sentiments in any relationship. It was also one of your top requests for Human Hour topics, in response to last month’s survey. So, this month we focused on finding the common ground in seemingly incompatible conflict styles. I spoke for twenty minutes and then we spent thirty minutes in Q&A and conversation. If you weren’t there, I recorded the teaching for you. This is what I cover in the recording: * The most common kind of problematic communication pattern in relationships * Viewing conflict styles as defensive behaviors rather than defective characters * The nine defensive behaviors that are often utilized within these styles * A scientific study that revealed the commonality beneath very different styles * The role of nervous system dysregulation in perpetuating these conflict styles * Concrete, actionable guidelines for disrupting the pattern If you attended the Q&A and conversation after the keynote, I’d love to continue the discussion with you in the comments. If you missed the live event but have questions of your own, I’d love to hear those in the comments as well. Note: By upgrading below, free subscribers can view the whole replay, join the discussion in the comments, and get access to future Human Hours.

REPLAY: The Powerful Pause That Will Transform Your Relationships

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit drkellyflanagan.substack.com [https://drkellyflanagan.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7] Hey there! This week’s Human Hour REPLAY is a great introduction to my next book. It’s also thirty-one minutes and forty seconds that could change your life. Enjoy! This is what we cover in the recording: * Why, when it comes to human connection, more knowledge doesn’t make you more nimble. * Why it doesn’t matter how many communication tools you have, if you close your communication toolbox when you need them the most. * How ninety-four percent of us don’t know how to keep our toolbox open. * Why you do have a choice, but it usually passes quickly and unconsciously. * How to tend to yourself when you’re triggered by your people. * Why you shouldn’t pay attention to what’s happening around you but to what’s tightening within you. * How much extra time and space this creates to choose connection over conflict. * A simple exercise to help you get started. If you attended the Q&A and conversation after the keynote, I’d love to continue the discussion with you in the comments. If you missed the live event but have questions of your own, I’d love to hear those in the comments as well. Note: By upgrading below, free subscribers can view the whole replay, join the discussion in the comments, and get access to future Human Hours.

REPLAY: Make Connection Your Default Condition

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit drkellyflanagan.substack.com [https://drkellyflanagan.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7] This month’s video quality is an improvement over last month: in February you couldn’t see me at all, but this month you can see half of me. We’ll figure it out all the way in April! This is what we cover in this recording: * The game we’ve all been unconsciously playing for as long as we can remember, which accidentally creates separateness and suffering * Why and how children generate their own sense of shame in even the most loving environments * The one thing we all have in common which can become a source of deep connection * How to transform that thing into an engine for connection * An exercise for harnessing it at the most pivotal moments in your relationships If you attended the Q&A, conversation, and coaching after the reading, I’d love to continue the discussion with you in the comments. If you missed the live event but have questions of your own, I’d love to hear those in the comments as well. Note: By upgrading below, free subscribers can view the whole replay, join the discussion in the comments, and get access to next month’s Human Hour about the the most powerful thing you can do to change any relationship for the better.

REPLAY: Turn Conflict into Curiosity

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit drkellyflanagan.substack.com [https://drkellyflanagan.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7] I’ve got good news and bad news: Good News: I came out of my writing cave and decided to shave for this month’s Human Hour call. Woohoo! Bad News: Zoom didn’t record my cleanly-shaven mug, because of a change to its interface (no pun intended). Good News: My face doesn’t matter! Zoom did record the keynote slides and my voice, so you still get to enjoy the replay… This is what we covered: * Why setbacks are inevitable in, and even essential to, our personal and relational growth * How your response to setbacks can make you more childlike again, in the best of ways * What an old science experiment gone wrong can teach us about the power of curiosity * The reason you can’t overcome your limiting beliefs * What the nature of trees can teach us about how to actually handle our triggers * A powerful principle for transforming self-criticism into self-acceptance * How to practice curiosity in crucial relationship moments If you attended the Q&A and live group coaching following the keynote, I’d love to continue the discussion with you in the comments. If you missed the live event but have questions of your own, I’d love to hear those in the comments as well. Note: By upgrading below, free subscribers can view the whole replay, join the discussion in the comments, and get access to next month’s Human Hour about how to connect with compassion in any relationship situation.