If You Would’ve Told Me

Too Lazy for Felonies

Joe and Emily spiral through high school memories, TikTok trends, book obsessions, and whether a great ending can save a mediocre novel. They debate face tattoos in the workplace, mourn the death of Blockbuster nights, talk baldness and hair experiments, react to a man refusing to work because he “never asked to be born,” and somehow end up designing Joe’s dream Key West chicken tattoo while discussing RFK Jr. collecting raccoon anatomy on a family road trip. Just another normal episode.

Burned by Bubbles

In this episode, Joe and Emily react to being called “ableist” over their audiobook take—and try to figure out how the internet heard something they definitely didn’t say. From there, things spiral (as usual) into a heated debate about Central Jersey, pork roll etiquette, and why you should never try your first one at Wawa. Joe shares a wild stand-up story involving a heckler named “Bubbles” that escalates from crowd work… to threats… to tears. It’s one of those comedy nights that comics never forget—and raises real questions about safety on stage. Plus, they break down the Gen Z dating trend “shrecking,” attraction vs personality, and why banter might be the most important trait in a relationship. It’s chaotic, honest, and somehow still makes sense.

Cocaine Sharks & Crazy Ex Revenge

We dive into some of the most unhinged news stories we’ve ever covered. From a woman getting revenge on her ex by signing him up for 88 marathons, to the discovery of cocaine in sharks, to a Florida woman declaring herself the “Squirrel Queen”… yeah, this one goes off the rails fast. Along the way, we somehow get into the difference between men and women, why women might need more sleep, “girl words,” breakups, revenge, and why the best response might just be… doing nothing at all. It’s chaotic, it’s hilarious, and it might be our wildest episode yet.

That’s A Girl Word

This week, we accidentally turned into a book club… and then immediately spiraled into chaos. Joe and Emily catch up after a short break, talk birthdays, and realize they both set the same goal to read 12 books this year—leading to a surprisingly deep (and hilarious) conversation about books, audiobooks, and getting tricked into reading something VERY unexpected. Then things take a turn. We break down three wild stories of “crazy women,” including: * A woman who trapped her ex in an escape room designed for “emotional accountability” * A girl who plastered her ex all over town as “emotionally unavailable” * And a true crime story that will make you question everything Plus: * Why “closure” might be a myth * What emotional unavailability actually means * And why people choose chaos instead of just… breaking up This one goes from thoughtful to completely unhinged real fast.

What If Your Thoughts Aren’t Yours?

This episode starts with a ridiculous “scream with no air” challenge and somehow turns into a deep dive on anxiety, panic attacks, creativity, spirituality, and whether we actually create our thoughts — or just receive them. Joe and Emily talk about: • Being anxious about getting anxious • Déjà vu and intuition • Panic attacks on stage • Addiction, self-awareness, and emotional growth • Bombing vs crushing in comedy • The quietest room in the world • And whether feelings are facts It’s chaotic. It’s thoughtful.