Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy

The Wilderness Within (Part 2): Rewiring the Heart with Scripture, Beauty, and Practice

SUMMARY In this continuation of “The Wilderness Within,” Tanja and Jess unpack the how of healing. They discuss the role of Scripture in renewing the mind, the importance of daily repetition, and how curiosity, beauty, and gratitude can help rewire trauma-based thinking. Jess introduces practices such as personalized Scripture reading, morning truth statements, and keeping an evidence journal to track God’s goodness. The conversation ends with a message of hope—God is always doing a new thing, even in the wilderness. IN THIS EPISODE * Using Scripture to rewire the brain and ground the heart in truth * Why you don’t have to “clean yourself up” to come before God * How to personalize Scripture for prayer and healing * The power of repetition, emotion, and daily morning practices * What it means to keep an Evidence Journal of God’s faithfulness * “Beauty hunting” as a spiritual practice for trauma recovery * How practicing new responses rewires old habits * Finding hope when you can’t yet feel God’s presence PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS * Personalize God’s Word: Replace “you” with “me” or insert family names when praying Scripture to help it reach the heart. * Morning Moments: Right after waking, pray or read truth statements while your mind is most receptive. * Keep an Evidence Journal: Record moments of grace, answered prayers, and progress—proof of God’s goodness in daily life. * Beauty Hunt: Set aside time to notice beauty—a walk, a song, a sunset—as a way to retrain your mind toward awe instead of fear. * Practice the New: Healing takes repetition; small, consistent steps create lasting change. SCRIPTURE MENTIONED * Philippians 1:6 – “He who began a good work in you will complete it.” * Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” * Isaiah 43:19 – “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” Resources: Discover more about Jess’s coaching and resources at her website transformingus.org. Follow on socials… YouTube: https://youtube.com/@transformingus?si=uyB15vIOZg-AOowK Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coaching Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196 [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196]   Explore the growing resource library at faithfulfamiliycoaching.com [http://faithfulfamiliycoaching.com]: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter [https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/offers/grWPdKCU], “Messy Families, Faithful God. Browse blog articles [https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/blog], or become a member of the Faithful Family Community [https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/faithful-communities]. ABOUT OUR GUEST Jess Vangsnes is an Enneagram and attachment relationship coach who helps individuals and couples uncover patterns rooted in trauma and rebuild secure, faith-centered relationships. Visit transformingus.org [https://transformingus.org/] for free assessments and resources, including Seven Skills to Shift. NEXT EPISODE Up next on Marriage, Mayhem & Mercy, we’ll move from the wilderness to gratitude. Tanja sits down with Henry Nwaneri to talk about the story of the ten lepers—and the one who came back grateful. Together they explore how gratitude re-orients the heart toward God’s mercy, restores perspective, and brings healing to our relationships and faith journey.

The Wilderness Within (Part 1): Trauma, Attachment, and Hope with Jess Vangsnes

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY In Part 1, Tanja and guest Jess Vangsnes unpack the “wilderness” season as a trauma-informed journey. They explore how early experiences shape our bodies and beliefs, how those patterns resurface in marriage and parenting, and the role of secure attachment in healing. Jess shares gentle, practical first steps—like a morning practice of truth-based statements—to begin rewiring long-standing responses. IN THIS EPISODE * Deuteronomy 8:2 as a guide to the purpose of wilderness seasons * What “wilderness” looks like in modern life (triggers, uncertainty, protective responses) * How trauma impacts the whole family system—including adoption stories and “felt safety” * The four skills of secure attachment: give care, receive care, negotiate needs, know your voice matters * Why dysregulation can feel like “something else took over” (and why that makes sense neurologically) * A compassionate reframe for shame after triggers * First steps for healing: noticing patterns, naming limiting beliefs, and a simple morning practice to anchor truth PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS * Start with “Where am I now?” Write what you’re thinking, feeling, and doing in recurring hard moments. * Identify the “but…” statements (your hidden limiting beliefs) and craft brief, truth-based counters for morning prayer/meditation (e.g., “My voice matters; I can share my truth with confidence.”). * Look for an empathetic witness—counselor, coach, or trusted mentor—who can sit with your story and model regulation. * Remember: progress is usually slow and steady; repetition plus emotion helps rewire beliefs. SCRIPTURE MENTIONED * Deuteronomy 8:2 — God leads us in the wilderness to humble and test what’s in our hearts. ABOUT OUR GUEST Jess Vangsnes is an Enneagram and attachment relationship coach who helps individuals and couples understand stuck patterns from a faith-based, trauma-informed perspective. Website & resources: Transforming Us (assessments and guides available under Resources). MENTIONED CONCEPTS * “Felt safety” and why safety must be experienced, not just stated * Survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, fawn * Evidence journaling God’s goodness and small wins (introduced here; expanded in Part 2) RESOURCES: Discover more about Jess’s coaching and resources at her website transformingus.org. Follow on socials… YouTube: https://youtube.com/@transformingus?si=uyB15vIOZg-AOowK Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transforming_us_coaching Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196 [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579352282196]   Explore the growing resource library at faithfulfamiliycoaching.com [http://faithfulfamiliycoaching.com]: Subscribe to the weekly newsletter [https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/offers/grWPdKCU], “Messy Families, Faithful God. Browse blog articles [https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/blog], or become a member of the Faithful Family Community [https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/faithful-communities].   NEXT UP (PART 2 PREVIEW) We’ll personalize Scripture for prayer, talk about overcoming negativity bias with “beauty hunting,” and outline simple practices that build soft, flexible resilience in daily life.

Mercy, Not Sacrifice — Covenant, Identity, and Real-World Marriage

MERCY, NOT SACRIFICE — COVENANT, IDENTITY, AND REAL-WORLD MARRIAGE Summary: In Part 1, Chosen in Unfaithfulness: The Story Behind God’s Relentless Love, Tanja and marriage and family therapist Paul Highfill explored what Hosea’s story reveals about discernment, covenant love, and God’s faithfulness in the face of human failure. In this continuation, they turn to the deeper questions of identity and mercy—what it means to live as children of God in a broken world and how that truth reshapes how we understand marriage, divorce, and restoration. Paul shares candidly about his own journey through loss and renewal, and together they reflect on how God’s mercy meets us in the middle of our mess. Highlights: * The difference between the kingdom of God and the kingdom of self * Understanding identity in Christ as the foundation for healthy relationships * Why God’s desire for mercy changes how we view marriage, divorce, and restoration * What covenant means in a temporary, broken world * Encouragement for those struggling with shame or spiritual exhaustion Scripture References: Hosea 6:6; Matthew 9:13; Matthew 19:3–9; 1 Corinthians 7; Psalm 34:18 Guest Bio: Paul Highfill is a marriage and family therapist who has spent decades walking with parents, couples, and youth through trauma and relational struggle. As a husband and father, he combines professional insight with deep reliance on the Holy Spirit to guide healing and transformation. Connect with Paul: 🌐 transformingpresence.org [https://transformingpresence.org/] 📧 paul@transformingpresence.org Connect with Tanja: 🌐 faithfulfamilycoaching.com [https://faithfulfamilycoaching.com/] Join the Faithful Families All-Access Community for group coaching, biblical guidance, and practical tools for marriage and family life.

Chosen in Unfaithfulness — The Story Behind God’s Relentless Love

Summary: The story of Hosea and Gomer is one of the most difficult pictures of God’s love in Scripture. But it’s also one of the most misunderstood. In this episode, Tanja and marriage and family therapist Paul Highfill unpack what Hosea’s obedience reveals about covenant love, discernment, and faithfulness in marriage. They talk about the misuse of Hosea’s story as a “command to stay no matter what,” the importance of repentance over rescue, and the practical wisdom of balancing faith, emotion, and thought when choosing a spouse. Highlights: * What Hosea’s story actually teaches about God’s love and covenant * Why rushing into marriage—or becoming sexually involved too soon—clouds judgment * The connection between clear thinking, obedience, and emotional faithfulness How feelings serve as “indicator lights” that point us toward deeper truth * The difference between godly discernment and avoidance disguised as peace Scripture References: Hosea 1–4; Hosea 6:6; James 1:19; Matthew 6:33; Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 6:18–20 Guest Bio: Paul Highfill is a marriage and family therapist with two decades of experience coaching, counseling, and teaching parents, couples, and youth who have walked through deep trauma and relational loss. He has served birth parents separated from their children, couples in crisis, and children and teens facing challenges far beyond their years. A husband and father of two, Paul brings both professional insight and personal humility to his work, emphasizing patience and complete reliance on the Holy Spirit to guide true healing—trusting God’s plan for help over his own. Connect with Paul: 🌐 transformingpresence.org 📧 paul@transformingpresence.org [paul@transformingpresence.org] Connect with Tanja: 🌐 faithfulfamilycoaching.com Join the Faithful Families All-Access Community for live group coaching, biblical tools, and marriage resources. Safety Note: If you’re in an unsafe situation or facing abuse, please use the safety resources linked below. You don’t have to walk alone. * DomesticShelters.org * thehotline.org

Staying When It’s Hard: A Real Conversation About Marriage, Mental Illness, and Mercy – Part 2

Guests: Tanja Rouintree and Kevin Rouintree Episode Description: Tanja and Kevin reflect on their 39 years of marriage, sharing how faith and growth have shaped their ability to navigate conflict and communication. They discuss the role of personal development, the importance of understanding each other, and lessons learned from their journey together. Want more than a podcast episode? Get weekly encouragement in your inbox with my free newsletter. https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/offers/grWPdKCU [https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/offers/grWPdKCU] Step into real change with Faithful Families All-Access: $57/month for daily live group coaching, a full course library, and a Christ-centered community walking this journey with you. https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/faithful-communities [https://www.faithfulfamilycoaching.com/faithful-communities]