Your Emotional "HOA"

Your Emotional "HOA"

Uncover and Rewrite Your Emotional Homeowners Association Rules In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores how subconscious "rules"—much like HOA bylaws—govern our emotions and behaviors, often causing stress and guilt. She offers practical strategies to identify outdated or unhelpful rules and update them to better serve our current lives. Key Topics: * The metaphor of emotional HOAs and how they enforce internal rules * How childhood and cultural messages embed rules we aren't aware of * The impact of outdated rules on our mental health and well-being * Techniques to identify, question, and revise limiting internal rules * The importance of values-based behavior over rigid rule enforcement  * Recognizing conditioned responses, like feeling guilty about bedmaking * Practical tips for practicing self-compassion and updating internal standards  * The connection between self-regulation, self-schema, and guilt * How to shift from punishment to flexible, realistic standards Click here to get in touch [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499439/fan_mail/new] Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab [https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab] If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467]

Imposter Syndrome

Embracing Imposter Syndrome: A Personal Reflection with Vanessa Gorelkin In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin openly shares her recent struggles with procrastination and imposter syndrome, providing a candid behind-the-scenes look at confronting self-doubt. It’s a relatable deep dive into understanding and managing imposter feelings, especially for high-achievers and those navigating new challenges.Key Topics   * The personal battle with imposter syndrome and how it can delay progress * The prevalence and scientific basis of imposter syndrome, affecting up to 62% of people * Characteristics of those prone to imposter feelings: conscientious, high-achieving, sensitive  * Imposter syndrome as a cognitive distortion: a mismatch between perceived and actual competence * Environment factors that amplify imposter feelings: underrepresented groups, ambiguous roles * Neuroscience insights: the brain’s threat detection system versus confidence-building * Practical tips to recognize and confront imposter syndrome, including labeling feelings and perspective shifting * The importance of growth mindset: replacing "I don’t know" with "I’m learning" * Standard post-graduation doubts and how they are natural steps into professional identity * Reassurance that feeling like an imposter signals growth, not incompetence * Encouragement to "do it anyway" despite doubts and high standards   Click here to get in touch [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499439/fan_mail/new] Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab [https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab] If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467]

Ariana Grande & (Energy) Receipts like Phone Numbers

Understanding the Bounce Back Tax: Why High-Functioning Days Leave You Drained Ever had a day where everything seems to go perfectly, only to crash the next morning? This episode breaks down the concept of the "bounce back tax" — the invisible toll your body and brain pay after high-energy days — and offers practical strategies to manage it without guilt or burnout. Main Topics Covered:  * The science behind effort costs and energy expenditure  * How high-functioning days deplete cognitive resources and cause physical fatigue * The role of ego depletion, allostatic load, and dopamine dips in post-productivity crashes * Social science insights into social regulation fatigue and emotional labor * Practical strategies: The 80% day, reset window, and minimum effort floors * Reframing rest as productive recovery rather than non-functional   Remember, your high-energy days cost something — honoring that helps you build sustainable productivity and kindness to yourself. Click here to get in touch [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499439/fan_mail/new] Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab [https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab] If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467]

Relapse and Recovery

Understanding and Navigating Mental Health Relapses with Vanessa Gorelkin. In this episode, your host, Vanessa Gorelkin, a licensed occupational therapist with 30 years of experience, discusses the often misunderstood nature of mental health relapses. She shares her personal journey with depression, explains why relapse is a common part of recovery, and provides practical strategies to cope and prevent shame during setbacks. Main Topics: * The reality of mental health relapses as a natural, predictable part of recovery * The importance of accepting medication and continuous care for chronic mental health conditions * How shame and silence can worsen mental health setbacks and why honesty is vital * Practical steps: honesty, consistency, and compassion during relapse * Stories of resilience, including Kaylee's experience with depression and relapse management * The significance of support systems and open communication with loved ones * Myths about linear recovery and embracing a lifelong management approach  Remember, relapse is a chapter, not the entire story. With honesty, support, and self-compassion, you can navigate setbacks and continue your journey towards mental wellness. Hey listeners! From the heart-- this episode was emotional--  I cried while I recorded it (admittedly, I'm a pretty easy crier!) because talking about relapse is painful but I truly hope this episode helpful someone today. Sending love your way. Click here to get in touch [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499439/fan_mail/new] Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab [https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab] If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467]

Life Skills Toolbox: Body Doubling

Struggling with household tasks due to overwhelm or ADHD? Vanessa Gorelkin shares a compassionate, step-by-step body doubling approach to help you initiate and complete chores with less stress. This episode offers practical exercises to tackle cleaning, laundry, and dishes in manageable blocks, emphasizing progress over perfection. Key Topics: * The concept of body doubling and its benefits for neurodivergent brains * Why tasks pile up: breaking down complex chores into simple, achievable steps * How co-presence reduces cognitive load and increases task initiation * The importance of micro-movements and focusing on one item at a time * Guided routines for cleaning a room, doing laundry, and washing dishes * Strategies for managing overwhelm, including silence and pacing techniques * Encouragement to view progress as meaningful, not perfect We hope you enjoy this body doubling experiential episode! Click here to get in touch [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499439/fan_mail/new] Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab [https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab] If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467]