Transforming the Shame Triangle with Jessica Fern and David Cooley
In this episode we explore:
* What the shame triangle is and how it shapes the way people experience themselves and their relationships
* The difference between the inner critic, the shame part, and the protective escape strategies that follow
* Why shame is often one of the biggest obstacles to healing, accountability, and repair
* How perfectionism, people-pleasing, shutdown, projection, and conflict avoidance can all be protective responses
* The connection between shame, anger, attachment wounds, and nervous system dysregulation
* What self-energy is and why it is so essential in healing relational patterns
* How the shame triangle can begin to transform into self-love, inner coaching, and deeper internal safety
We talk about how shame quietly drives so many of the patterns people struggle with in relationships, from defensiveness and reactivity to collapse, avoidance, and disconnection, and how learning to relate to these patterns with more awareness, compassion, and curiosity can create real transformation.
This conversation is an invitation to understand the parts of you that formed in response to pain, reconnect with the deeper wisdom of your system, and begin creating more presence, repair, and authentic connection in your relationships.
About Jessica Fern: Jessica Fern is a certified clinical trauma professional, trained Internal Family Systems practitioner, and the internationally recognized author of Polysecure, Polywise, and Transforming the Shame Triangle, which she co-wrote with David Cooley. Her work helps individuals, couples, and multi-partner relationships break free from reactive patterns, insecure attachment, cultural conditioning, and past trauma so they can embody new possibilities in life and love.
About David Cooley: David Cooley is a professional restorative justice facilitator, diversity and privilege awareness trainer, bilingual cultural broker, and the creator of the Restorative Relationship Conversations model. In his private practice, he specializes in working with non-monogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, integrating trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative therapy, and mindfulness-based techniques to support deeper connection, intimacy, and repair.
Connect with Jessica
https://jessicafern.com/
https://www.instagram.com/jessicafern411/
Connect with David
https://restorativerelationship.com/
https://www.instagram.com/rrconversations/
Learn more about The Azurite Way
https://www.instagram.com/azuriteway/
https://www.theazuriteway.com/
Connect with Lindsey
www.lindseybournecoaching.com
Free consultation (for couples & individuals): https://calendly.com/lbourne2/discovery-call?back=1&month=2025-07
Free guide, Breaking the Pattern: https://www.lindseybournecoaching.com/breaking-the-cycle
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