Steamy & Schemey

We haven't posted in 99 days, but a bitch ain't worried about it. Clearly, we do not know how to be consistent, organized adults and we lie. But so does that wanker, Elon Musk. Honestly who wants to go to the #moon, when you can instead go under the sea to find the Flying Dutchman? This entire episode is furrr suure financial advice. Let's ride baby! ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Does your dick qualify for Penuma? Snap a pic to 1-800-Big-Dick and we will decide if you need the large, XL, or XXL implant. This episode is a complete roller coaster, so strap in and hold on for dear life. We might or might not be going through a mid-podcast crisis and Whitney may or may not have blacked out in the middle of this episode. Bonus game from this episode: take a shot every time we say penile, penis, Penuma, or dick and you’ll be slurring your words like Whitney in no time.

Roses are red. Queen Victoria is blue. Thank God this bachelor szn is coming to an end. All the drama, we can't even comprehend. Matt is boring. The audience is snoring. The producers are scheming. The competition is steaming. Who will become Matt's wife? And who will just become an influencer for life? Listen to hear our take on this week's episode of the Bachelor & some insider gossip. *Spoilers included*

Get woke or get f*cked. Welcome to the round 2 simulation sesh. We still are unsure if anything is real. We are anticipating the CIA will come bust down our doors after releasing this episode, but maybe they'd be down to do an interview for Steamy & Schemey. The CIA do be on that schemey shiiii. We also lied when we said we would release this two weeks ago, so for that we apologize. Next week, we WILL be on time. Tune in to hear more of our belligerent thoughts & get stimulated by our straight fAcTs.

Would you consider the idea that we are in a simulation: steamy or schemey? In this episode, we dive into the spicy topic of simulations and discuss parallels between our world and the novel Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. This genius novel was made into a 1-season TV show on Peacock that you should definitely peep. Is polygamy the 20th century wave? Are drugs really even that bad? Is life even real, like for real? Are we really in a simmy, with no stimmy, in the middle of a civvy? Tune into to hear our thoughts on these topics & stay tuned for part 2 next week! XO.