The Values You Never Actually Chose — How to Find the Ones That Are Really Yours (and Not the Vision-Board Ones)

The Values You Never Actually Chose — How to Find the Ones That Are Really Yours (and Not the Vision-Board Ones)

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2543536/fan_mail/new] Identifying your core values at midlife is one of the first steps toward creating a life that is YOURS -- not someone else's. Stop chasing goals that don't fit your life! In this episode, I get honest about something a little embarrassing: for most of my life I could tell you exactly what everyone around me valued — my kids, my husband, my closest friends — and then go completely blank on my own. So today I’m walking you through the exact practice I used to find my real core values. Not the aspirational, vision-board, sounds-good-on-a-job-application ones. The ones that, when you violate them, make you feel like a stranger in your own skin — and when you honor them, make you feel like you. I share the night I read my finished list from top to bottom, got chills, and cried — not because I’d accomplished something, but because I felt seen by myself for maybe the first time ever. I talk about why two people can write the exact same word and still hold completely different values (your fingerprint lives in the story behind the word, not the word). And I give you the practice, step by step, so you can start today. In this episode: •             Why most of us think we know our values — and don’t — and what that gap quietly costs us •             The difference between a value you inherited and a value that’s actually yours •             How living by values you never chose has a name: Good Girl Ghosting •             The novelist’s secret I used on my own values (the blinking cursor that’s never perfectionism — it’s listening) •             The two-step practice: name three, then write the paragraph that gives you goosebumps •             How every named value gives you a cleaner answer to the only question that matters in the moment A few lines worth remembering: •             “You can’t live what you haven’t named.” •             “Two people can share a value. Only you carry your version of it.” •             “Your values aren’t rules. They’re a description of who you already are when fear isn’t making the decisions.” •             “Do I respect myself here, or do I betray myself here?” Next steps: •             Naming your values alone is powerful. Naming them in a room full of women deciding the same brave thing is a whole different kind of alive — that’s the Good Girl Ghosting Reset, and I’m opening it to a small founding group of Founding Sisters. Find me on Instagram @RachelHarrisOnline and DM me the word RESET for the details. •             Want a gentle place to start? DM me MY STORY, or grab the free guide, 5 Moments You’re Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) — link in the show notes. #GoodGirlGhosting #JoyfulRebel #midlifewomen #corevalues #midlifeidentity #selfdiscovery #christianwomen Resources: The founding group for the Good Girl Ghosting Reset is open!! Visit https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd [https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd] or Comment RESET and I'll tell you about it.  For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://a.co/d/0cMYC5fX Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08 My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/ Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

The Half-Second Where You Disappear — and the One Sentence That Brings You Back

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2543536/fan_mail/new] There's that moment. You know the one — and your body knows it even better. Someone asks, and before you've decided anything, you feel it: the drop in your stomach, your shoulders tightening a half-inch. Your body tells the truth… and your mouth says "sure, of course, it's fine, no worries." Smooth. Warm. A little too fast. I called it being easygoing for most of my life. What it actually was: me handing myself away in real time, one half-second at a time, until I'd disappeared from my own life without ever leaving the room. In this episode I want you to hear the part that finally set me free: you don't disappear in one dramatic scene — you disappear in the moments nobody names (the yes you didn't mean, the opinion you swallowed, the burnt corner of the casserole you took). And you can't choose a different response if you've never been handed one. So the win and the practice isn't being braver in the moment — it's deciding ahead of time what you'll reach for. I'll give you one clean sentence that needs no apology after it, and a permission slip to say the thing once and let it stand. Not loudly. Just a whisper truer than feels comfortable. What I made you: the Rebel Response Mini Kit ($7) — seven real-life moments, the exact words for each, a word bank for when you go blank, and a courage practice you can start today. Link wherever you're listening → www.RachelHarrisOnline.com/Kit Doors are open: the Good Girl Ghosting Reset founding round is live. Founding Sisters get the lowest price it'll ever be and a real voice in what we build. Link in the shownotes, or DM me the word RESET on socials and I'll send you everything. You don't have to become a different person to stop disappearing. You just have to have something to reach for. And now you do. The Joyful Rebel • Good Girl Ghosting™ | Rachel Harris  #GoodGirlGhosting #JoyfulRebel #over40women #peoplepleasing #midlifewomen #boundaries  Resources: The founding group for the Good Girl Ghosting Reset is open!! Visit https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd [https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd] or Comment RESET and I'll tell you about it.  For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://a.co/d/0cMYC5fX Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08 My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/ Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

How to Stop Treating Yourself Like a Problem: Ending Self-Criticism After 40

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2543536/fan_mail/new] In this episode, I get honest about the way I used to talk to myself in front of the bathroom mirror — and what I finally noticed the day I slowed down enough to actually hear it. We’re talking about the Integrity Gap: that quiet space between what I say I value and how I actually treat myself. It’s where most of us disappear, not in one dramatic moment, but in a thousand tiny, socially rewarded ones. I’ll show you why your nervous system is tracking every word, and the small, embarrassingly doable practice I use to rebuild self-trust one kept promise at a time. In this episode: •             Why self-betrayal is rarely dramatic — and what it actually sounds like (“I knew… and I swallowed it”) •             The Integrity Gap: the distance between your stated beliefs and your lived patterns •             The mirror moment that changed how I start every morning •             Why curiosity interrupts shame — and how to swap “what’s wrong with you” for “what happened there?” •             SPE: how to catch whether you’re Shrinking, Performing, or Embodying in real time •             The Integrity Repair™ — rebuilding self-trust one tiny kept promise at a time •             The Blessed Language mirror practice (one true sentence where your eyes already go) A few lines worth remembering: •             “Your brain is listening. Your body is listening. Your nervous system is listening.” •             “I decided to remove contempt from the room. That alone was revolutionary.” •             “Curiosity interrupts shame. The noticing itself is the first rebellion.” •             “Big self-trust is built through small integrity.” •             “You are allowed to grow without contempt.” Next steps: •             New to all this? DM me MY STORY and I’ll send you my free guide, 5 Moments You’re Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It). •             Want the exact words for the moment you freeze or hand yourself over? The $7 Rebel Response™ Mini Kit is the smallest first step — DM me KIT and I’ll send you the link. •             Loved the episode? DM me LISTEN and I’ll make sure you don’t miss next week’s on visibility. #GoodGirlGhosting #JoyfulRebel #midlifewomen #selftrustcoach #selfbetrayalhealing The Joyful Rebel • Good Girl Ghosting™ | Rachel Harris Resources: The founding group for the Good Girl Ghosting Reset is open!! Visit https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd [https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd] or Comment RESET and I'll tell you about it.  For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://a.co/d/0cMYC5fX Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08 My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/ Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Enneagram 2 & People-Pleasing: Finding My Real Self After 40 Years of Performing

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2543536/fan_mail/new] You've taken the assessments. You know your type. But what if the personality you've built your whole life around isn't really you — it's the version you learned to survive as? In this episode, Rachel gets honest about the day she found out she'd been ghosting herself: confusing a survival strategy for her identity for four decades, and calling it personality the whole time. She shares why most of us take personality tests the wrong way — your first answer might not be your truth, it might be your training — what happened when she fed five different assessments into AI and asked where they all pointed to the same woman, and why the joy she spent years apologizing for turned out to be the very thing she was made to offer. Because childlike isn't childish, and being too much, too bright, too playful was never the problem. This is the heart of Good Girl Ghosting: the socially approved disappearing act — the gold-star-earning, box-checking, don't-make-waves version of yourself that everyone rewards, right up until you realize she isn't you. And it lands somewhere lighter than you'd expect, because reclaiming yourself isn't always deep excavation. Sometimes it just looks like finally dressing like the woman you actually are. If you've been calling your real self "too much" for too long, this one's for you. In this episode: Why your personality might be a survival story wearing your face The one question that separates what's true from what's automatic How to take a personality test so you get your answer, not your conditioning What five assessments plus AI revealed about the real you Childlike vs. childish — and the joy you were never meant to apologize for The socially approved disappearing act, and the way back to yourself A few lines worth remembering:  "What you thought was your personality was actually your survival story wearing your face."  "I wasn't managing my personality — I was suppressing my calling." · "Childlike isn't childish." Next steps: The founding group for the Good Girl Ghosting Reset is open!! Comment RESET and I'll tell you about it. For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, comment the word KIT for the Rebel Response Mini Kit or find it on Amazon here: https://a.co/d/0cMYC5fX #midlifewomen #GoodGirlGhosting #Enneagram #midlifeawakening #selfdiscovery #selfgrowth #christianwomen Resources: The founding group for the Good Girl Ghosting Reset is open!! Visit https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd [https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd] or Comment RESET and I'll tell you about it.  For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://a.co/d/0cMYC5fX Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08 My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/ Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Letting Go of Perfectionism After 40: The Pottery Class That Broke Mine

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2543536/fan_mail/new] What if the thing standing between you and the life you want isn’t fear — it’s the belief that you have to be good before you get to be seen? Most of us don’t avoid visibility because we’re lazy. We avoid it because somewhere along the way, being seen without excellence started to feel unsafe. So we wait. Until we know more, lose the weight, heal enough, have the degree. Until we can do it right. But here’s the truth that changes everything: you don’t get confident and then become visible. You build confidence by surviving visibility. In this episode, Rachel shares the story of a pottery class that quietly dismantled forty years of performance-based living — and what happened when she stopped waiting to be good and started showing up in the learning instead. We talk about pinkie-toe steps, nervous system panic, and what it actually looks like to practice imperfection in real life. Because joy isn’t reserved for people who are already good at something. And neither is being seen. In this episode: • Why waiting to be ready is just Good Girl Ghosting with better excuses • The pottery class that changed how Rachel thinks about visibility • How pinkie-toe steps compound into confidence • The difference between performing courage and practicing it Resources: The founding group for the Good Girl Ghosting Reset is open!! Visit https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd [https://bit.ly/4v7OmWd] or Comment RESET and I'll tell you about it.  For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://a.co/d/0cMYC5fX Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08 My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/ Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel