The Rhino Julie Show

My Lesson from Stoneys Rocking Country Last Night and Made Up Dancing Rules

Last night I was at Stoneys Rockin’ Country. A nice cowboy guy asked me to dance. We were dancing…and he said ‘oops, I’m sorry, I messed up.’ I said ‘you can’t mess up dancing. You can’t do it wrong as long as you’re having fun!’ I don’t think he agreed lol. Back when I was first learning to two-step, I would have guys stop me in the middle of the dance floor and tell me I’m doing it wrong. They were obviously not good at living in the moment. I’m all for ‘hey, let’s try this, and if you turn this way when my hand goes here, then we can do this cool move and it’s fun!’ But ‘you’re doing it wrong’ or ‘i’m doing it wrong’? Nah. We can’t do it ‘wrong.’ What’s the purpose of dancing? To have fun. When I like the song, I always have fun dancing. This podcast episode is NOT for all of you who are like ‘um, Julie, you’re wrong, obviously there’s a right way and a wrong way to dance.’ This episode is for all of you who are like ‘wait a minute…I literally make up the rules for my own life…and as long as I’m having fun dancing, I AM doing it right!’ And learning new things is fun, but I still can’t do it ‘wrong’ as long as I’m having fun! I’ve been practicing doing things that feel good. Letting go of how things look to other people or what other people’s expectations are of me. At a recent conference there was a live band and one of my formerly ‘dreaded’ things happened. A dance circle. Just so you know where I’m coming from, I never even shook my booty even a little bit before I turned 25. You know the movie footloose? Yeah. haha. That was me. So when I first went dancing with some friends, I LOVED the idea of it, but was SO worried about whether or not I was doing it right. They taught me some moves, but still… a dance circle was a nightmare for me haha. So I was at this conference we were all dancing to the music and then the crowd parted and the dreaded dance circle started. This is not a story where I was awesome and went in the middle and crushed it. This is a story of my friend Cathey who continued to do her own thing outside of the circle. I was honestly mesmerized by her moves. She doesn’t drink so everything she did was 100% her normal every day self. As she danced, one thing became clear to me. The reason that her moves were so awesome. She was dancing for herself. She could not care less about what anyone else was doing…she had the largest most awesome smile and was absolutely crushing it. And by crushing it, I don’t mean she was doing anything fancy. She was just being 100% her. And it was inspiring. I've been thinking a lot about what I’m put on earth to do. And I think that one of the things I’m here to do is show you that you can dance YOUR way and you can’t do it wrong. You can’t do the dance of life wrong. One of my exes had the moves memorized but he had no rhythm. (no judgment here haha, I didn’t care) Even though I LOVE dancing and we met while dancing, he NEVER wanted to go out dancing. But every wedding we went to, he trotted me out and showed off for the crowd, edging the others off the dance floor. And yes, we DID make quite a spectacle. I’m talking flips and that move that Baby did in that one movie where she ran and did a headstand off his shoulders as he held her hips… But he didn’t dance for pleasure…he danced to be seen of others. How many of us are missing the dance of life?…We trott out memorized dance moves to be seen of others. We learn more moves and train harder, not for pleasure of the moves, but because we want to impress others. Ew. It’s so much more fun to ask ourselves ‘what do we want to do?’ This World has so many exciting and amazing things we can do for work. So many things we can do for pure pleasure. So many things we can learn. So many people to meet. So many cultures to experience. What would I do if no matter what I chose to do and no matter who I chose to be…everyone who matters thinks I’m awesome? (side note…the only person who needs to think you’re awesome is you…and the rest will happen naturally…) I had another boyfriend who loved dancing but thought he wasn’t good at it. (Not enough characters left, listen or check out the full story on my Rhino Julie FB page for this part of the story) It’s a great journal prompt: What moments in life can we enjoy more fully if we let go of the made up rules of others. We are all different…we all have ways that we want to show up and things we want to do. But no one else can make your rules for you. You have to make your own. If it feels good to you, check out my private online group at www.rhinojulie.com … In the private group I make live courses on making your own rules for business, relationships, money, weight loss and life in general. I share things I would NEVER share on the interwebs and enjoy the camaraderie of the like minded souls in the group. We are all learning, growing, and busting out of the pre-programmed lives that were set up for us by others.

When life gives you lemons paint your walls yellow.

My life partner wants kids...I don't...how I handle our breakup. No, I don't actually talk about painting my walls yellow in the episode, but here is a picture of my Mom and I painting them just a few days after my breakup. Lol it WAS therapeutic.

Successful business owners worried about 'failure' or 'quitting'

How to overcome the fear of failure or quitting... What if failure didn’t exist? What if the implications of failure are just something we made up as humans? What if we were put on earth to follow our hearts and our intuition and try lot’s and lot’s of different things? What if there was no failure, there was only learning and growing? On a coaching call yesterday, one of my Mastermind Members has finished what I call a season of purpose. (She was feeling like she had failed, but we reframed it together) She started a new business 3 ½ years ago, went hard, put everything she had into it, and changed lives. But it was the hardest years of her life and she gave up a LOT personally to keep it going. There were some tough feelings of regret that surfaced. But I asked her ‘Why would you want to erase all that learning and growing? You are perfectly set up for your next season of purpose.’ That’s right, we can have different seasons of purpose. Meaning…there doesn’t have to be just one purpose that we spend our whole lives fulfilling or searching for. We can have many different seasons of purpose and many different seasons of friendships. She has had many people try to tell her ‘you’re in the tough part, you can’t quit now, keep going, you’ve got this!’ They mean well. But what if there is no ‘quitting’? What if there is just choosing something better? There are so many made up rules about how we are supposed to live this life. Really, we are only supposed to try one thing and stick to it no matter what? We are supposed to finish the degree even if we start hating the subject? We are supposed to stay with the person when our heart and soul are in agony? Choosing is not quitting. It’s okay to change our goals. It’s okay to decide ‘this or something better.’ It’s okay to decide ‘I don’t want this anymore, I want that.’ And it’s also okay if we feel like we crashed and burned many times along the way. It’s okay if the thing we were excited about, we are no longer excited about. What if we were put here to try as many experiences as possible while being nice to our fellow humans and spreading the joy that only comes from following our hearts? I have an entrepreneur friend whose goal is to make 1 Million a year…in profit. She’s in her 40’s and has been at the game a while. She is currently at about $500,000 profit per year and heading towards $750,000. She was up till 2am the night before we talked, working. We talked about this subject of ‘choosing isn’t quitting.’ She said ‘I feel like I make goals and then I quit before I achieve them.’ I said ‘choosing to change your goals isn’t quitting.’ ‘And…what’s wrong with $500,000 per year?’ She told me about when she was making $300,000 per year…and how she only worked 1 ½ hours a day…and how happy she was…but then she got bored! I love her story lol. As entrepreneurs we often get bored with what we are doing. And that’s okay, too. But when we are seeking our next season of purpose, it’s important to not let the outside ideas and pressure in. It’s important to not make our new goals based off of something that other people deem ‘cool.’ What do WE want? What lights us up? Currently, what lights me up is helping my entrepreneur friends with their businesses. I love hearing about their businesses and I LOVE strategy. But most of all I love listening to their hearts and peeling back the layers of ‘shoulds’ and ‘rules’, just like they do for me.

Cringy stories of unconfidence and where my newfound confidence came from...

I decided to share stuff more openly on social media in 2020. I made a cringy video and edited my spaces and ums out. I didn’t keep up with it very well. But little by little it got easier and easier to do. This blog is about how to get more confidence and where it comes from. ***I would watch the video instead of read the blog…it’s more fun with some extra stuff…but some of you are readers and not watchers or listeners so I honor you with this written version that were just my notes for the video**** Yep, you guessed it, I’m about to share where I am now and then I’m going to share some super cringy examples of where I used to be. But first…why do we care so gosh darn much about what people think????? Well, it’s because in the ‘olden’ days we would have been thrown out of our wandering tribe into the wilderness to be eaten by a bear if we didn’t fit in. And our thousands of years old brain has us programmed to fit in for survival. Okay, now that we have that settled, back to the confidence topic. Where I am now: “I wish I had your confidence!” I hear that a lot. My boyfriend says I’m the most confident person he’s ever met. And he’s a musician.  Where I was then: I used to eat lunch in the middle school bathroom because trying to fit in was so agonizing. I knew some nice girls but I always felt like they knew things I didn’t, knew how to act, knew what was cool, knew what to say. I was so nervous before the first bootcamp I taught in the parks that I couldn’t eat or sleep.  I agonized over every little thing, replaying how the class went in my head and the things I should have done better. When I started the first Henderson location, I put fliers on doors and got 12 women to sign up. This was the first time I was going to have all of them show up at once. Before, I would have one or two trickle in to ‘try it’ but then they would leave so it was mostly my friends and family who weren’t paying. This was different. They were paying $200 a month. I was trying to figure out how I should treat them, how I should start the class and how I should end the class. Mom said her aerobics instructor hugged everyone. So I started by hugging everyone and being ridiculously cheerful and upbeat. But that wasn’t me. I mean, I like hugging people, but this was called ‘BOOTCAMP’ not Hug Camp. So the next day I left the hugs at home and started the class with a hardcore set of rules for the class.  And we ended it bringing our sweaty hands in and yelling ‘BOOTCAMP TOUGH’ at the top of our lungs. Much better. Now let’s talk about dating. Before, I would change myself to be more ‘likable’ for whoever I was with. I would also cook, clean (okay, I’m not much of a cleaner but better than most dudes), and ‘serve’ them like the woman most of us were brought up to be. I would pride myself on never arguing with them and always taking care of them. Then I would break up with them because you can’t live that life for very long, you know? With Denny I am 100% myself at home.  And it’s funny how often I CHOOSE to do things for him, but he doesn’t expect it. We cook our own food, we do our own laundry, we are independent of one another but best buds. And because I’m being myself in my relationship, I am flourishing in all the other parts of my life. I never think ‘I should do x,y or z so he doesn’t want to leave me.’  Which is what I used to think until I got tired of it and then I would leave them. I have some VERY humbling stories from when I was in pretty bad relationships that I will share with my mastermind if anyone needs to feel better about these things (LOL) “Okay, okay Rhino, but what do we do to get more confidence?” Well, you know I’m gonna tell you that it starts with loving yourself. Which is something we work super hard on in my Mastermind. And I have a lot of podcast episodes about it, too. But don’t worry, there’s another way. Because for me, loving myself took 33 years LOL. And you might want to go out of your comfort zone and do something cool NOW, not years from now. The other way to get confidence is through repetition. It’s by taking a tiny step that is uncomfortable and doing it again and again until it becomes comfortable and then taking a further step. It’s just like learning to ride a bike or learning to drive or learning a new job. It’s tough at first, but then to quote my Grandpa, ‘Everything is easy when you know how.’ With writing, making podcasts, making videos, speaking, starting a new business…just take the first step knowing that it will get easier and easier. Meanwhile, know that your subconscious is fighting you the entire way. Because it’s trying to keep us safe. Historically, new things could mean danger or death. So whenever those thoughts come up that try to keep you from your new thing you are trying…ask yourself ‘is that true?’ ‘What is a truer thought?’ For example… you want to start a new business. Or you want to start putting yourself out there and making more content for your current business. But something keeps stopping you. Journal out the thoughts that come up. Thoughts could be: “I’m afraid my friends will laugh at me” “I’m afraid I will fail” “I’m afraid my idea isn’t as good as I think it is” Then…ask yourself, ‘what’s a truer thought?’ “My friends will support me. “ “The only people whose opinions matter are the ones I’m helping with my new idea/content.” “I do not fail, I only learn and grow.” “I will try and learn from what I try so I can try again.” “I love my idea, and it helped me. I’ll find more people who need my idea.”  These new thoughts become your ‘mantras’  They get written on sticky notes and places on a mirror.  Maybe you turn them into a little ditty you sing to yourself. Personally, I just go through my thoughts every morning and make new thoughts. And if the same thoughts keep cropping up, I might make a sticky note or two. What are your new thoughts?

The reason I don’t ask anyone’s opinion on anything…and the story about yesterdays elevator pitch crashing and burning.

The reason I don’t ask anyone’s opinion on anything…and the story about yesterdays elevator pitch crashing and burning. I built my new mastermind and I didn’t ask a single person what they thought about what I was doing. Because I realized something recently. If I’m not doing it from my heart, and if what I create isn’t coming fully from me, I’m not going to attract the most aligned members and I’m not going to enjoy myself nearly as much. I didn’t ask for advice on my personal brand colors (I LOVE them) I didn’t ask for advice on my landing page (I don’t love it right now, but I think the right women will see past it) I didn’t ask for advice on what I should provide (I woke up at 4:30 am this morning so freaking excited to work on my mastermind because I’m providing what felt aligned to provide) I didn’t ask for advice on my ‘elevator pitch.’  Right now I’m winging it. I crashed and burned in an online networking group last night on my ‘elevator pitch’ LOLOL.  I forgot we were going to do one so I just decided to say what would come to mind. I thought I had a flash of brilliance…which turned out to be hilarious… So I said ‘I started a mastermind, it’s like Only Fans for Entrepreneurs and Women who want to work on their mindset. They get to ask questions and I give them an inside peek into what life is really like for me and how I actually got here…from miserable and broke to happy and a million dollar a year business.’ Okay, I don’t REALLY think I crashed and burned.  That’s impossible. It’s about the energy, not the words.  And the women who are drawn to my Mastermind can feel that they want to be in it.  I can’t say it wrong, can’t do it wrong. ‘You should charge more.’ I’ve been getting this a lot, and it’s such a freaking compliment. Thanks for telling me I’m valuable. But I want to charge what I’m charging because it feels good to me. And I don’t need the money from my mastermind right now. One day the Mastermind will be $500 a month for new members, but right now it’s, oh, 95% less. I’m not asking for opinions on what I wear or how I do my hair or what pictures I choose for things. I do like hearing from my bf but honestly he just tells me I’m beautiful and yes, he does like my hair parted down the middle, but it’s fun the other way too. I don’t ask people’s opinions on what I’m doing…but I DO love hearing what other people are doing.  I love getting that little spark that ignites my own flame. It’s like I’m a candle and I put my candle against their candle and then all of the sudden I’M LIT…but it’s my own flame. It didn’t take from their flame…they still have theirs and it’s theirs alone Brainstorming is amazing! People are fun! I didn’t ask anyone if I should go by the name Rhino.  I just liked it. What if you could create anything and you couldn’t do it wrong? You couldn’t mess it up? What would you create?