Unfertile & Unfiltered

Ep 17 - Reading the Journal Entries From Our Infertility Diagnosis

In this episode, we talk through Mother’s Day, the unexpected emotions that came with it, and what happened after reading back through old journal entries from the beginning of our infertility journey. We go back to the first few months of trying to conceive — the excitement, assumptions, optimism, and the gradual shift into confusion, testing, diagnosis, and grief after finding out we were dealing with severe male factor infertility and non-obstructive azoospermia. The episode covers: * The emotional shift from trying to prevent pregnancy to trying desperately to conceive * Reading journal entries from the beginning of the process * The emotional impact of failed cycles, testing, and the microTESE surgery * Mother’s Day while navigating infertility * The pressure of hope, faith, and expectations during infertility * Processing grief differently as a husband and wife * Looking back at how quickly life changed over a few months

Ep 16 Breaking Down "Three Makes Baby": What We Learned About Building a Donor-Concieved Family (Updated Podcast)

In this episode, we’re breaking down the book Three Makes Baby: How to Parent Your Donor-Conceived Child by Jana M. Rupnow [p/1732549419?crid=MIIQ3JMCD888&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.4KraNq46VOc4H9zU69HMkHt0BL3ueSZ7C-Oxl9iJdg2JtbNZO_KvSwtbrB0sPVzoKl0GALk6ebkbs2hf1lR8gTBQBffGe2wwOrRR-eqBPjCINGgiYz6Prr3yMRdPFf-aXL1aTDBUkSZ8suMIVPhApqUB4AQdF6Ml2V5OyRMGrFIXa0nscitMnyCoPgLLs9Fufp8YSfsg8Ahmh-VBkio_uxOuVjmQRzpTky5VFtj95NY.o9Le5MHV2KdMu1aYRJMDUKN5MyKe2s3H8HDMVEWa5rQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=three+makes+baby&qid=1767500800&sprefix=three+make,aps,189&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=sidneyhdavis-20&linkId=d0a27c9a9c6e23dc16ce79d5cfa3c1f4&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl] and sharing our honest thoughts after reading it. If you’re navigating male factor infertility, azoospermia, or considering building a family through donor conception, this book is one of the most comprehensive resources we’ve come across. It focuses less on the medical side and more on the emotional, psychological, and identity aspects of raising a donor-conceived child. In this episode, we walk through what the book actually covers, including: * The emotional weight of infertility and how to process it as a parent * Whether or not to tell your child they are donor-conceived—and why openness is now widely recommended * Common fears like feeling like a “real” parent, bonding concerns, and fear of rejection * Social stigma, family dynamics, and how to handle difficult conversations * How to choose a sperm donor (anonymous vs. open ID, identity considerations, future contact) * When and how to talk to your child about their story—from early childhood through teenage years * How to navigate identity, half-siblings, and the possibility of meeting a donor * And one of the biggest takeaways: how to hold both grief and gratitude at the same time We also share our personal reactions to the exercises in the book—especially the ones that helped us uncover emotions we didn’t even realize we were feeling. If you’re at the beginning of your donor conception journey or trying to understand what it really looks like to raise a donor-conceived family, this episode gives you a straightforward, unfiltered overview of what this book teaches and why it might be worth reading. For reference, this is a breakdown of what the chapters cover: Introduction: An Emotional Decision Chapter 1: Are You Ready to Tell? * Explore Your Reasons Chapter 2: Why Tell? * Get Comfortable * Experts Say Disclose * Telling Is Healthy * Secrets Aren’t the Best Protection Chapter 3: How to adddress the most common concerns about donor conception? Concern #1 Emotional Distress: * What If My Child Is Upset? * Complicated Grief * Distinguish Your Feelings from Your Child’s Concern #2: Parental Legitimacy * Parent-Child Attachment * Broken Bonds Concern #3 Social Differences * Social Strain * Social Strategy * Privacy vs. Secrecy * Confronting Shame * Embracing Differences Concern #4 Family/Cultural Differences * Acclimating to New Family Chapter 4: Choosing a Donor Connecting to Your Donor * Donor Profile Selection Process Anonymity Not Guaranteed * The internet is a resource * Social media influence * Donor Regulation * Self-Report Psychological Testing Known Donation * Preparing for known donation Embryo Adoption vs. Embryo Donation Future Contact Potential Genetic WonderEpigenetic Influences Chapter 5: when and how to talk about it * When Is the Right Time to Tell? * Talking over the Years—Make It Your Story * Shifting from your story to your child's * Baby years * Preschool years * Middle-childhood years * Teenage years - Finding Identity and Meaning * How to talk about half siblings * how to talk about grief Five Ways to Handle Social Situations: The Five Ds Chapter 6 - Finding treasure Book link: Three Makes Baby [p/1732549419?crid=MIIQ3JMCD888&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.4KraNq46VOc4H9zU69HMkHt0BL3ueSZ7C-Oxl9iJdg2JtbNZO_KvSwtbrB0sPVzoKl0GALk6ebkbs2hf1lR8gTBQBffGe2wwOrRR-eqBPjCINGgiYz6Prr3yMRdPFf-aXL1aTDBUkSZ8suMIVPhApqUB4AQdF6Ml2V5OyRMGrFIXa0nscitMnyCoPgLLs9Fufp8YSfsg8Ahmh-VBkio_uxOuVjmQRzpTky5VFtj95NY.o9Le5MHV2KdMu1aYRJMDUKN5MyKe2s3H8HDMVEWa5rQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=three+makes+baby&qid=1767500800&sprefix=three+make,aps,189&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=sidneyhdavis-20&linkId=d0a27c9a9c6e23dc16ce79d5cfa3c1f4&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl]

Ep 15. Updating on Our Free IVM Gameto Study

In this episode, we break down the Gameto study and what it shows about IVM outcomes, timelines, and expectations—especially in the context of male factor infertility. We walk through the IVM process from start to finish, including testing, retrieval, fertilization, and transfer, along with where people tend to run into challenges and delays. We also talk through common concerns around using donor sperm, including how donor selection works through platforms like Seed Scout, what kind of information is available, and how people approach those decisions. Disclaimer: After recording this, I realized the study we are doing is different than the Grace IVF study that I mentioned in the podcast. Either way, below are both links to more information on the studies: * Grace IVF [https://www.graceivfstudy.com/] * Utah Gameto Study [https://accelrecruitment.com/ivf-study/?utm_medium=paid&utm_source=ig&utm_id=120233420876750039&utm_content=120233421840020039&utm_term=120233420876180039&utm_campaign=120233420876750039] (this is the one we're doing)

Ep 14 Are Plastics Affecting Male Fertility? What the Research Actually Shows

In this episode, we break down the growing concern around plastics, BPA exposure, and how microplastics may be impacting fertility—especially sperm count and hormone balance. We recap a recent plastic detox study and talk through what actually changed for the couples involved, including measurable improvements in sperm health and multiple pregnancies following lifestyle changes. We also share where we’re at in our own infertility journey—deciding between IVF vs IUI, the cost with having to do donor sperm due to Matt's male factor infertility and emotional tradeoffs, and what it looks like to be stuck in the waiting phase.

Ep. 13 How Regulated Is Sperm Donation, Really?

In this episode of Unfertile and Unfiltered, we dive into sperm donor regulations in the United States and what actually exists versus what people assume exists. After watching documentaries like Our Father and Delivery Man, we break down real concerns around donor conception, including cases of fertility doctors using their own sperm without consent, the lack of legal consequences, and how little oversight there is in the industry. We cover: * What sperm donor regulations exist in the U.S. (and what doesn’t) * FDA involvement and why it’s limited to disease screening * The “25 family” guideline and why it’s not a law * How self-reporting impacts donor limits and tracking * The issue of serial donors and lack of a national registry * Real-world examples of donor misuse and legal gaps * Differences between U.S. regulations and other countries * Ethical concerns around sperm banks, anonymity, and cost We also share our personal perspective as a couple navigating male factor infertility and considering donor conception, including the realities, concerns, and trade-offs that come with it. This episode is a straightforward look at the current state of sperm donor laws, the gaps in regulation, and what people should understand before going down the donor route.