Cozy Kush Talk: Vol II
When I use the word “cozy”, I’m not doing so lightly. I’ve achieved maximum coziness in the devils hours of the evening after catching a quick chill outside smoking on some sour diesel. It’s earthy skunk with no citrus notes and sticky as hell so it’s getting better as it ages (and dries out a bit).
So as you listen to this episode where I make a rather impassioned argument about why monogamy is flubbing up the natural course of most of your relationships, know these are the vibes in the room where it happened.
I don’t profess to be an expert in relationships, but I would consider myself an expert in desire (full credit to the job) which means I so often see a longing no one is allowed to name fester until it degrades all the relationships that ill fitted one impacts. Sometimes the best friend you’ll ever have needed to want you in a different way first for you to arrive at the place that made you the best of friends. Sometimes, we earn our enemies after hubris or distance or lack of character leads to a falling out that makes a continued relationship untenable. When we’re married to restraint first and foremost, we’re not capable of showing up fully in any of our relationships because we’re not really allowed to play with the confines of them to see what the best fit truly is.
Monogamy as it stands currently, doesn’t reward your curiosity about all the ways intimacy, depth and consideration shows up in your life, it discourages this exploration. To commit to any public deviation from the belief that relationships are supposed to look a certain way forever is to admit to some deficit of character according to our current social contract. All of the tenderness and sincerity you ever expressed is called into question because real love, true love doesn’t question; it knows that this is your person and there are no doubts or questions when it’s real. This belief was the center of an essay I wrote in the spring.
Not only do I find the way we partner currently wholly unnatural, it’s also just far less fun. Dating became this bigseriousthing™️ when it stopped being fun and I’d argue the contradictions and guardrails of monogamy have left us restless, yearning for real fun and that restlessness is spilling out in all sorts of problematic and just generally messy ways. Maybe if we allowed relationships to spool out over time like threading a sewing machine, we can construct something beautiful together. Let the tapestry of life be filled in by many people in a myriad of ways we couldn’t predict. Give the origin story we tell folks who marvel at it on the wall some heft, let it be unforgettable.
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