You Don't Need Hope, You Need Agency

The Watch I Wasn't Ready to Wear: On Possible Selves and Becoming Who You're Meant to Be

My brother sent a photo of a watch he bought me — and it sent me straight to a drawer where my late grandfather's watch had been sitting, unwound, for years. Turns out, this is a textbook case of "possible selves" — the psychological gap between who we are and who we're afraid we haven't earned the right to become. This episode is about inheritance, imposter syndrome, and why the feeling of being "ready" never actually comes first. What have you been waiting to feel ready for?

conditions, not character — what my calendar taught me about quitting on myself

I deleted my entire to-do list out of spite. What filled the empty calendar afterward wasn't more guilt — it was everything I'd already done that never made the list. A story about contingent self-worth, the psychology of why winning and losing both hit harder when you tie them to performance, and what's left of you on the days you cross nothing off at all. Source: * Wouters, S., Thomaes, S., Colpin, H., Luyckx, K., & Verschueren, K. (2018). How does Conditional Regard Impact Well-being and Eagerness to Learn? An Experimental Study. Psychologica Belgica, 58(1), 105–114. https://doi.org/10.5334/pb.401 [https://doi.org/10.5334/pb.401]

it was never all or nothing — how to ruin a meal and mean it

I tried making fried vermicelli noodles for the first time and ended up with porridge. What surprised me wasn't the failure — it was how quickly I let it mean everything. In this episode, I explore all-or-nothing thinking, what the physics of energy has to do with resilience, and why ruining something is sometimes the only way to make it. Source: Understanding and Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/all-about-cognitive-and-behavior-therapy/202210/understanding-and-overcoming-all-or-nothing]

start now or plan forever; why do my sims always live better lives than I do

You know exactly what you need to do. You've written it down, time-blocked it, maybe even colour-coded it. And yet — nothing starts. In this episode, I reflects on six hours of playing The Sims and the uncomfortable moment I realised my virtual self was outperforming me. Not because he was smarter or more disciplined — but because he was simpler. No hesitation. No "one more thing before I start." Just the next action. References * Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.493 [https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.493]

you still have a battery

How letting my laptop die let me live. Burnout doesn't always announce itself with a collapse — sometimes it shows up as not caring anymore. In this week's episode, I'm coming to you five hours deep into a report, running on fumes and the wrong kind of determination, and what happened when I unplugged my laptop on purpose and worked until the battery died. Rest days exist for a reason. You're no machine — but you still have a battery. Reference List * https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35997632/ [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35997632/]