Hemipenes Horror Show

Honkers & Booties

Flash showed up uninvited, hit the mute button, presented his cat butt to RJ, and left like nothing happened. Oakley had opinions about the cats. Hartley chewed through wires on the Expedition that turned out to be fine, which is the only way that story was going to end well. Two Canadian gooseapuses used the pond as a rest stop during a storm and took off like seaplanes. Then RJ opened the stenopad. What followed was a full housekeeping audit of every topic ever written down and never discussed — including BJ Ho's license plate, a UFO video, a flea autopsy, a rehydrated frog, Enrique Iglesias, and the revelation that RJ owns FatAssMahomes.com, and also BieberBootyBoom.com. Dobby liked socks. Mark changed it to pens. Mikey still likes it.  In this episode: • Junior chewed the one wire on the Expedition that didn't matter — and it's now just sitting on the deck • Hartley is only destructive when he's making a point, and RJ must have done something • Flash hit the mute button, got credited as producer, and retired to across the room • Two Canadian gooseapuses on the pond during a storm — six to eight pounds of output per day, per goose • The stenopad audit: Shania Twain done, Macarena in progress, Moosecrazy.com available? • BJ Ho has an Arizona license plate that nobody can explain and everybody has questions about • Enrique Iglesias — on the list, checked off, apparently already covered, moving on • FatAssMahomes.com is a real website that RJ owns and hasn't updated in a while but stands by • BieberBootyBoom.com also exists, also his, under construction • Mikey from the Life cereal commercial explained to RJ — who immediately went to mikeylikesit.com and was hooked • Dobby liked socks. Mark said pens. RJ said sure. • UFO video, flea autopsy, and a rehydrated frog — all pending future episodes Email us at setcenterlive@gmail.com or check out our website at https://www.setcenter.live Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/setcenterlive YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@setcenterlive Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/setcenterlive

Flash Hacks The Pentagon

Oakley, Finley, and Flash are all in the studio and none of them were invited. Spotify thinks Set & Centered listeners should also check out Calm Your Daily Stress and Handbag Designer 101, which we are choosing to take as a compliment. Mark wrote to Shania Twain from an aircraft carrier in 1994, she wrote back with autographed photos for the whole crew, and he found out the same day he took a catapult launch off the USS Theodore Roosevelt. Meanwhile: Cher held an entire naval vessel hostage for two days so she could film a music video, three AI systems gave three completely different answers about solar panel wiring and at least one of them was dangerous, Buckley has grown up, and there's a 24-7 live stream of Lake Lucy and Patsy's Pasture coming to YouTube very soon. In this episode: • Oakley, Finley, and Flash in the studio — a false start, a scuffle, and a cat that is probably hacking the Pentagon • Spotify's suggested podcasts for Set & Centered listeners include Calm Your Daily Stress and Handbag Designer 101 — make of that what you will • James May, Rachel Ray, and the specific kind of person who watches something just to complain about it • Mark wrote to Shania Twain from the USS Theodore Roosevelt in 1994 — and she wrote back with autographed photos for the entire crew • What a catapult launch off an aircraft carrier actually feels like from inside the plane — and why the CNN guy was turning blue • Cher's If I Could Turn Back Time video held an entire ship at sea for two extra days after a six-month deployment • Three AI systems, one solar panel wiring question, three completely different answers — a public service announcement • Buckley update: little legs, big heart, finally keeping up with the pack • The Lake Lucy and Patsy's Pasture 24-7 live stream — coming to YouTube soon • Studio move in progress — maybe Email us at setcenterlive@gmail.com or check out our website at https://www.setcenter.live Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/setcenterlive YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@setcenterlive Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/setcenterlive

The Portfolio of Life

Finding Nemo has been fully watched, including the turtle scene this time. RJ returns with an official updated review — same five categories, same seven-duckie scale — and the scores have moved. Some significantly. Meanwhile, a Mother's Day gift spent six days in the Dallas regional facility before anyone told it to leave, RJ walks through the entire tracking history in real time, and somehow it's riveting. Then: Mark's six to eight carousels of 35mm slides from his Seattle photography days, why old film has a shelf life that nobody thinks about until it's too late, and what it actually takes to digitize 25 reels of eight millimeter home movies from 1956. Chimp Crazy has also finally been watched. There are no words. Watch it. In this episode: • Finding Nemo review number two: updated scores across all five categories now that the turtle scene has been seen • Why the turtle scene bumped the story/plot score from one duckie to three — and why RJ is now selling it harder than Mark did • Andrew Stanton: director, voice of Crush, and the thing RJ looked up that he didn't expect • Final score: 26 out of 35 duckies. Mark's still at 29. The gap has narrowed. • The Mother's Day package: Palestine TX post office, priority mail, and six days of going in circles in Dallas • A step-by-step walkthrough of the USPS tracking history that has absolutely no business being as compelling as it is • Chimp Crazy: Mark and Christina have watched it. Jaw on the floor, multiple times, per episode. It's on HBO Max. Four episodes. Watch it. • Kesha's Joyride: a banger attached to a music video that has no business being attached to it • Mark's Seattle photography era — waterfalls, Gasworks Park, slide film, and six to eight carousels nobody has looked at in decades • Digitizing 25 reels of eight millimeter home film from 1956: the machine that worked, the DVD process that didn't, and the truck that saved the day • What happens to old film if nobody does anything about it — and why now is always the right time Email us at setcenterlive@gmail.com or check out our website at https://www.setcenter.live Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/setcenterlive YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@setcenterlive Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/setcenterlive

17 Out of 35 Duckies

RJ watched Finding Nemo. It took two months, a lapel mic, a homemade review template scored in duckies, and royalty-free background music that sounds — his words — a little like porn music. He also accidentally skipped the turtle scene. Mark is not letting that go. The official Set & Centered rating system makes its debut, Dirty Dancing is formally up next, and somewhere in East Texas, Chimp Crazy remains unwatched. In this episode: • Why RJ put Icy Hot on an insect bite right before recording and how that went • Layne's Chicken Fingers in Palestine Texas: a verdict delivered with feeling and a long for Chicken Express • The Finding Nemo review: scored across five categories, rated in duckies, recorded in real time over two months of watching • The royalty-free background music situation and why it sounds the way it sounds • Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, and what it's like to watch an animated movie with zero context • The turtle scene incident: what Crush is, why it matters, and how exactly RJ missed it • Mark's counter-rating: 29 out of 35 duckies, for reasons that involve grandkids • Finding Dory: one review, immediate consensus, case closed • Dirty Dancing is next — and RJ is going in clean Email us at setcenterlive@gmail.com or check out our website at https://www.setcenter.live Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/setcenterlive YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@setcenterlive Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/setcenterlive

We're Anti-Sponsoring Layne's Chicken Fingers

RJ went down a YouTube rabbit hole at midnight watching West Coast swing dance competitions in Singapore. This led to a completely serious investigation into why nobody has brought the Macarena back. Then there was a road trip to Palestine, Texas to mail a Mother's Day gift, a spontaneous decision to try a new chicken finger place instead of Chicken Express, and 27 minutes of waiting for food that absolutely did not earn it. This episode contains an unsolicited fake ad, a genuine consumer warning, and a promise to bring back the Macarena. Set & Centered is a public service. In this episode: • Chimp Crazy: still unwatched, still being recommended with increasing urgency • A midnight YouTube wormhole: West Coast swing dance competitions, random pairings, random songs, and one very talented dancer • Why hasn't anyone brought the Macarena back — and the footage from Mom's wedding that may hold the answer • Cowgirls and Angels: a movie Mark watched, really liked, and cannot name • The Mother's Day mission: Palestine TX post office, closing time, and a gift that shall not be named • Layne's Chicken Fingers, Palestine Texas: 27 minutes, 8-10 staff members, chicken thumbs, sauce that tasted like ketchup and pepper, and toast that tasted like nothing • Chicken Express: an unsolicited fake ad, a genuine endorsement, and a redemption run already in planning • Rob calls at exactly the wrong moment and gets an earful about dry chicken for 20 minutes • The Set & Centered public service announcement: wear sunscreen, and don't go to Layne's Email us at setcenterlive@gmail.com or check out our website at https://www.setcenter.live Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/setcenterlive YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@setcenterlive Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/setcenterlive