When Will I Be Complete?

Having A Ball in Belgrade

DISCLAIMER: This episode takes you to Belgrade, Serbia where I share my lower surgery experience.  The sound of a door opening and closing and a plate sliding onto the nightstand next to me woke me from a lucid dream. I began to blink my eyes and focused on the blurred image of a small woman in a white dress and a stethoscope around her neck. She held in her hand a syringe, which was full of a clear fluid, and set a chart at the end of the bed by my feet. My body was too long for the metal bed, so my legs ended up dangling over the tiny mattress. “What did I do?” I asked.

When Will I Be Complete?

On August 10, 2007, I agreed to make my first appearance on Larry King Live! It didn’t fully sink in that I would be on live television and watched by millions of viewers until I stepped into the studio and felt the heat from the lamps, which surrounded the table, rest on my forehead. When will you be complete?” Larry asked. His other questions had been slightly awkward, but this one stopped all wheels from spinning in my brain. He had just asked the question that I was struggling with the most. I wasn’t ready to answer it; and I knew that being on live TV, I didn’t have time to think about what I’d really like to say. I knew I couldn’t sum up a question about feeling “complete” in one sentence.

A House Is Not A Home

Welcome to the start of Season 2, where we begin with part 3 of Second Son! Christmas, 2005, had passed. The ranch-style stone house I was renting with Michelle was still illuminated by our live-cut, eight-foot Christmas tree, which we had purchased from a local hardware store. With the high from the holidays and the activities that reminded me of my family growing up, I looked at her and blurted out, “Honey, I think we should buy a house together.” She turned her gaze away from her book and toward me. “No,” she said. “I don’t want change.”

Bicep Envy

The focus on my perceived imperfections leads me to understanding how guys get addicted to weights and their supplements. I’ve been able to keep myself away from the supplements so far, but the thoughts pop into my mind every day. My right hand is constantly edging my computer mouse toward the search button after typing GNC into the box. The battle not to click on the box gets harder with each year that passes because I recognize that the body I want can’t be achieved through genetics and hard work in the gym. But I continue to stop myself.   I wish it were as easy to stop my thoughts.

Finding My Soul in the Heartland

Over the years I’ve noticed our transgender brotherhood and our experiences have turned us into mentors in the community. There are so many aspects to transitioning: the name change, surgical procedures and options, hormones, insurance coverage, legal protection, and finding peace with one’s body. It helps when people are willing to sit down and talk about each aspect, one issue at a time.