Izzy Kalman: What the Bullying Conversation Gets Wrong

Izzy Kalman: What the Bullying Conversation Gets Wrong

Everything you’ve been taught about bullying might be making it worse. Izzy Kalman has been a school psychologist and psychotherapist since 1978 — and since the 1999 Columbine shooting, he’s been the anti-bullying movement’s most persistent critic. In this episode, he argues that a generation of “zero tolerance” policies, mandated by law, took the very things that escalate conflict and taught them as the right thing to do — training kids toward an external locus of control, fragility, and a victim mindset that follows them into adulthood, the workplace, and the college campus. Then he does something rare on this show: he proves it live. Ryan and Izzy run the “insult game” — a real-time demonstration of how the Golden Rule works, not as a moral platitude, but as applied psychology rooted in our biological wiring for reciprocity. In this conversation: * Why the post-Columbine approach to bullying backfired * Internal vs. external locus of control — and why it predicts a happy, successful life * Resilience, fragility, and how good intentions weakened a generation * The science of the Golden Rule and why we’re wired for reciprocity * How to handle insults, cyberbullying, and conflict without anyone’s help * Why “the bullies aren’t them — they’re us” Guest: Israel “Izzy” Kalman, MS — director of Bullies to Buddies, creator of the Golden Rule System, author of Bullies to Buddies: How to Turn Your Enemies into Friends, and lead author of the Be Strong Resilience Program. His work has been featured in The New York Times, Good Morning America, and TEDx. Learn more about Izzy: Website: https://www.izzykalman.com Psychology Today (Resilience to Bullying): https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resilience-bullying Connect with Ryan: COLLIDE newsletter: https://ryanvet.com/collide Website: https://ryanvet.com LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/ryanvet Instagram: https://instagram.com/theryanvetshow Book Ryan to speak: https://ryanvet.com/generational-speaker Chapters: 00:00 Cold open 00:36 Welcome — challenging the bullying orthodoxy 01:28 Columbine and the birth of the anti-bullying movement 08:28 Progressive philosophy and internal vs. external locus of control 11:55 Resilience vs. fragility: how we weakened a generation 12:48 Victim mindset, lawsuits, and “13 Reasons Why” 17:22 The science of the Golden Rule 21:14 Why we’re wired for reciprocity 22:31 The insult game (live demonstration) 30:10 The two illusions revealed 34:37 Comedy, cancel culture, and “making fun” 37:42 Social media and cyberbullying 41:41 “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” 42:47 “The bullies aren’t them — they’re us” 44:37 Where to find Izzy Kalman Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2557074/fan_mail/new] ABOUT RYAN VET Ryan Vet [https://ryanvet.com/?ref=podcast] is a USA TODAY bestselling author, futurist [https://ryanvet.com/futurist/], and international keynote speaker whose insights on generations, culture, and the future of work have been featured in Forbes, Financial Times, ABC, NBC, and CBS. His research helps leaders understand emerging generational patterns and anticipate societal shifts before they fully unfold. JOIN 20,000+ LEADERS FOR WEEKLY INSIGHTS If you want deeper research and behind-the-scenes insights on generations and the future of culture and society, join Ryan’s weekly newsletter: 👉 https://ryanvet.com/collide

Why Wozniak Got Cheered and Schmidt Got Booed: What Commencement Boos Reveal About AI, Gen Z, and the Velocity Gap

The Class of 2026 didn't boo the future. They booed being told the future had already been decided for them. The strangest commencement season in memory, and the leadership lesson hiding inside it. Generational futurist, USA Today bestselling author, and keynote speaker Ryan Vet unpacks the commencement booing wave of 2026. A few weeks after he joked that every graduation speaker would inevitably mention AI, the prediction came true. What he did not predict was the reaction from the seats. Former Google CEO Eric Schmidt was booed at the University of Arizona for comparing AI to past technological revolutions. Gloria Caulfield was booed at the University of Central Florida for calling AI "the next industrial revolution," then cheered the moment she changed her framing. Scott Borchetta, the man who signed Taylor Swift, got double booed at Middle Tennessee State for telling graduates to "deal with it." An AI name reader at Glendale Community College mangled graduates' names and got booed by the crowd itself. And Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation and one of the loudest critics of phone-based childhood, was booed at NYU before he said a single word. Then there was the contrast. At Grand Valley State, Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak was cheered when he told graduates "You all have AI. Actual intelligence." Same topic. Opposite response. Ryan uses that split to explain the Velocity Gap: the distance between how fast the technology is moving and how fast the humans absorbing it are being asked to feel okay about it. The Class of 2026 entered college the same semester ChatGPT went mainstream, were told AI was cheating, and now graduate into a world that calls the same tool the key to staying employable. The data backs up the unease: Pew finds 50% of U.S. adults are more concerned than excited about AI versus just 10% more excited, and Gallup finds employed Gen Z says the risks outweigh the benefits by 48% to 15%, with excitement down 14 points in a single year. This episode is about more than graduation. It is a leadership lesson. There is a difference between "AI is coming, deal with it" and "you are entering a changed world, and your humanity still matters." One breaks the ritual. The other earns the room. In this episode: * The commencement booing wave of 2026, speaker by speaker * Why Eric Schmidt, Gloria Caulfield, Scott Borchetta, and an AI name reader all drew boos * Why Jonathan Haidt got booed for the opposite of techno-optimism * The Steve Wozniak contrast: same topic, opposite reaction, better leadership * The Velocity Gap: when technology moves faster than the humans absorbing it * Why AI hit the nerve for a class told AI was cheating, then told it was opportunity * The data behind the unease: Pew, Gallup, and the Class of 2026 job market * A short history of booing, from Stravinsky and Mahler to Wagner inventing the silent audience * Why booing at commencement feels different: it breaks the ritual, not just the speech * What leaders should actually take from this, in any room, not just a stadium Referenced in this episode: * Pew Research Center, views of artificial intelligence (2025) * Gallup, Gen Z's AI adoption steady, but skepticism climbs (2026) * National Association of Colleges and Employers, Job Outlook 2026 Spring Update * NBC News (2026), Eric Schmidt booed at the University of Arizona * Orlando Weekly (2026), Gloria Caulfield at the University of Central Florida * Futurism (2026), Scott Borchetta at Middle Tennessee State; Steve Wozniak at Grand Valley State * Washington Square News (2026), graduates boo Jonathan Haidt at NYU * Business Insider (2026), AI name reader at Glendale Community College * COLLIDE Newsletter by Ryan Vet: ryanvet.com/collide [https://ryanvet.com/collide] * Full essay version of this episode: Why Wozniak Got Cheered and Schmidt Got Booed [https://collide.ryanvet.com/p/why-wozniak-got-cheered-and-schmidt-got-booed] Connect with Ryan Vet: * Website: ryanvet.com [https://ryanvet.com] * COLLIDE Newsletter: ryanvet.com/collide [https://ryanvet.com/collide] * LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/ryanvet [https://linkedin.com/in/ryanvet] * Instagram: instagram.com/ryancvet [https://instagram.com/ryancvet] * Book Ryan as a Keynote Speaker: ryanvet.com/generational-speaker [https://ryanvet.com/generational-speaker] Subscribe to The Ryan Vet Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and wherever you get your podcasts. New COLLIDE essay episodes release every Thursday at 7am ET. Guest era episodes release Monday mornings at 6am ET. Join the COLLIDE newsletter at ryanvet.com/collide [https://ryanvet.com/collide] for the research, reflections, and frameworks behind every episode. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2557074/fan_mail/new] ABOUT RYAN VET Ryan Vet [https://ryanvet.com/?ref=podcast] is a USA TODAY bestselling author, futurist [https://ryanvet.com/futurist/], and international keynote speaker whose insights on generations, culture, and the future of work have been featured in Forbes, Financial Times, ABC, NBC, and CBS. His research helps leaders understand emerging generational patterns and anticipate societal shifts before they fully unfold. JOIN 20,000+ LEADERS FOR WEEKLY INSIGHTS If you want deeper research and behind-the-scenes insights on generations and the future of culture and society, join Ryan’s weekly newsletter: 👉 https://ryanvet.com/collide

Tom LeNoble: Facebook Employee Number 57, the Adult in the Room, and Finding Unity

Tom LeNoble was employee number 57 at Facebook, recruited out of Palm, the Palm Pilot and Treo company, back when it was still "the Facebook" and still lived inside college networks. He was older than almost everyone in the building, the person Ryan calls the adult in the room, and he had a front row seat as a tiny unknown startup became one of the most powerful companies in the world. In this conversation, Tom pulls back the curtain on the human side of that story: what it was like to meet Mark Zuckerberg for the first time, the camaraderie of the early days, the goodbye he gave Mark on his way out, and what it means to work shoulder to shoulder with brilliant, driven young builders. Then he and Ryan widen the lens. Tom is careful to speak only to his own era, not today's Facebook, and he turns the conversation from technology and kids to something bigger: responsibility, the parts of the tech world most people never see, and how a deeply polarized world might start finding its way back to unity. It is a warm, reflective episode about people, not just platforms, and about the future we are building for our children. In this episode: How a Palm executive became Facebook employee number 57 The human side of the early days, including meeting Mark Zuckerberg Why every team needs an adult in the room What working with brilliant young builders taught him Responsibility, and the side of tech most people never see Depolarization, unity, and a hopeful message for the future Connect with Tom LeNoble: Website: openingpathwayscollective.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/tomlenoble Podcast: Opening Pathways (youtube.com/@OpeningPathways, also on Apple Podcasts) Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2557074/fan_mail/new] ABOUT RYAN VET Ryan Vet [https://ryanvet.com/?ref=podcast] is a USA TODAY bestselling author, futurist [https://ryanvet.com/futurist/], and international keynote speaker whose insights on generations, culture, and the future of work have been featured in Forbes, Financial Times, ABC, NBC, and CBS. His research helps leaders understand emerging generational patterns and anticipate societal shifts before they fully unfold. JOIN 20,000+ LEADERS FOR WEEKLY INSIGHTS If you want deeper research and behind-the-scenes insights on generations and the future of culture and society, join Ryan’s weekly newsletter: 👉 https://ryanvet.com/collide

Nicki Petrossi: Scrolling 2 Death, AI Companion Bots, and the Fight to Keep Kids Safe Online

Content warning: this episode discusses online harms to children, including suicide, self-harm, and online predation. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the US to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Nicki Petrossi spent years managing social media for tech companies and their executives. Then she started learning how bad the internet had become for kids, and she could not stop. Today she hosts Scrolling 2 Death, one of the most important resources parents have for understanding what is really happening to children online. Ryan and Nicki go past the usual social media conversation into the traps most parents are not watching: Roblox and online gaming, encrypted chat apps like Discord, and the fast rising world of AI companion bots designed to befriend, isolate, and addict young users. Nicki explains why the common excuse, "my kid will be left out," gets the risk backwards, and why keeping a child off these platforms is an act of love, not deprivation. They dig into the velocity gap, the reality that technology is accelerating faster than our morality and wisdom can keep up, and what that means when the companies on the other side have hired neuroscientists to build the most addictive products ever made. Nicki shares what is finally changing: Australia and the UK raising the minimum age to 16, more than 1,500 school districts taking action, court cases turning on internal documents, and a growing parent movement demanding safety by design. Most important, Nicki offers hope. It is never too late to change your family's relationship with screens. She walks through practical steps for every stage, from newborns to teens, and makes the case that the single most powerful thing a parent can do is stay a safe, open place their kid can always come back to. In this episode: Why "everyone else has it" is the wrong reason to hand over a device The online dangers beyond social media: gaming, encrypted chat, and AI companions What the data shows about Gen Z and chatbots, and why it is climbing fast The velocity gap, and why regulation has been so slow How schools and parents can work together The truth about YouTube and YouTube Kids A practical blueprint for families at every age Learn more about Nicki's work at scrolling2death.com. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2557074/fan_mail/new] ABOUT RYAN VET Ryan Vet [https://ryanvet.com/?ref=podcast] is a USA TODAY bestselling author, futurist [https://ryanvet.com/futurist/], and international keynote speaker whose insights on generations, culture, and the future of work have been featured in Forbes, Financial Times, ABC, NBC, and CBS. His research helps leaders understand emerging generational patterns and anticipate societal shifts before they fully unfold. JOIN 20,000+ LEADERS FOR WEEKLY INSIGHTS If you want deeper research and behind-the-scenes insights on generations and the future of culture and society, join Ryan’s weekly newsletter: 👉 https://ryanvet.com/collide

America Turns 250: They Signed the Declaration Without Agreeing - United Not Uniform, the Generational Pendulum, and the Middle Ground We Never Lost

On July 4, 1776, fifty-six men who agreed on almost nothing signed the Declaration of Independence anyway. Two hundred fifty years later, we have forgotten how they did it. Generational futurist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and international keynote speaker Ryan Vet marks America's 250th anniversary by walking back into the Pennsylvania State House on Chestnut Street. The signers ranged in age from 26 to 70. They were lawyers and ministers, immigrants and planters, men of different faiths and fortunes who disagreed about nearly everything. This episode of The Ryan Vet Show makes the case that the founders were united, not uniform, and asks what shapes us as a people when we lead with our labels instead of the common ground that was there the whole time. Key Takeaways * The 56 signers ranged in age from 26 to 70, averaging around 44 (National Archives). More than two generations stood shoulder to shoulder, and they argued the whole way. * The pen went to Jefferson at 33, not to Franklin at 70. Franklin's restraint, knowing when to step back, was its own kind of leadership. * Jefferson's one pre-Adams edit changed "sacred and undeniable" to "self-evident" (Becker, 1922). Common ground never required shared belief. It required a willingness to reason together. * 41 of the 56 signers owned slaves at some point, beneath the line "all men are created equal." The promise was freedom. The practice was not. It took a war, a proclamation, and a march on Washington to start closing that distance. * The Generational Pendulum: every generation reacts against the one before it, overcorrects, and hands its children a fresh set of problems to correct in turn. * Americans still agree more than we are told. In May 2026, 69% said the country has achieved at least a fair amount of its founding ideals, across party lines and age groups (Gallup, 2026). Ask what unites us and the most common answer is simply freedom (AP-NORC, 2026). * Adams and Jefferson were enemies for eleven years, then exchanged more than 150 letters late in life, and died within hours of each other on July 4, 1826, fifty years to the day. They chose each other again without ever agreeing. Research and Sources Cited * Jefferson's Weather Records and the National Archives signer factsheet on the room, the ages, and the day * Carl Becker (1922) and Michael Zuckert (1987) on "self-evident" versus "sacred" truth * Martin Luther King Jr. (1963) reading the country its own sentence back at the Lincoln Memorial * Yascha Mounk (2023), The Identity Trap, on letting the category stand in for the person * Gallup (2026) and AP-NORC (2024, 2026) on founding ideals, shared values, and what unites us * Cultural touchstone: John Trumbull's Declaration painting (the calm image we inherited that was never the room) Connect with Ryan Vet * Read the full Collide essay: https://ryanvet.com/collide/america-turns-250-they-signed-the-declaration-without-agreeing/ * Subscribe to the Collide newsletter: https://ryanvet.com/collide * Learn more and book Ryan to speak: https://ryanvet.com Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2557074/fan_mail/new] ABOUT RYAN VET Ryan Vet [https://ryanvet.com/?ref=podcast] is a USA TODAY bestselling author, futurist [https://ryanvet.com/futurist/], and international keynote speaker whose insights on generations, culture, and the future of work have been featured in Forbes, Financial Times, ABC, NBC, and CBS. His research helps leaders understand emerging generational patterns and anticipate societal shifts before they fully unfold. JOIN 20,000+ LEADERS FOR WEEKLY INSIGHTS If you want deeper research and behind-the-scenes insights on generations and the future of culture and society, join Ryan’s weekly newsletter: 👉 https://ryanvet.com/collide