S2 E1: Stress, Self-Doubt and the Moment You Realise You’ve Lost Yourself with Dr Rachel Goldman

S2 E1: Stress, Self-Doubt and the Moment You Realise You’ve Lost Yourself with Dr Rachel Goldman

What if your relationship does not actually have a communication problem? What if the real problem is that both of you are exhausted, overloaded, defensive, disconnected and living in survival mode? In the first episode of Season 2 of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare sits down with New York City clinical psychologist, speaker, consultant and author of When Life Happens, Dr Rachel Goldman, for a powerful conversation about what happens when stress becomes the third person in the relationship. This episode explores the quiet space before a relationship breaks. The space where people are still functioning, still parenting, still working, still organising, still showing up on the outside, but inside they are depleted. Their nervous system is overloaded. Their patience is gone. Their confidence is low. Their body is tense. Their thoughts are harsh. Their self-trust is shaky. And eventually, the relationship starts absorbing all of it. Gabriella and Dr Rachel talk about why many couples say they “cannot communicate” when the deeper issue may be that they are too emotionally charged, too stressed or too burnt out to access the communication skills they actually have. They discuss why timing matters when it comes to difficult conversations, and why the best time to talk is rarely when one or both people are already angry, flooded or overwhelmed. Dr Rachel shares practical communication tools, including the importance of pausing, listening, reflecting and responding rather than reacting. They also explore the role of the nervous system in relationships, and why people in fight-or-flight mode are often not able to have calm, constructive or compassionate conversations. When the brain is wired for survival, it can jump to worst-case scenarios, misread a partner’s intentions and turn ordinary moments into emotional threats. This conversation looks at the question so many couples miss: Would we be communicating this way if we were not so stressed? Would this feel like such a big problem if we were not exhausted? Would I be interpreting my partner this way if I felt calmer, safer or more supported? Gabriella and Dr Rachel also talk about burnout inside long-term relationships and marriages. Not just individual burnout, but couple burnout. The kind of emotional depletion where one or both people begin to feel like there is nothing left in the tank. The kind of burnout that can sound like “I’m done,” when what someone may really mean is “I am overwhelmed, unsupported and I do not know how to keep going like this.” They explore the signs of emotional disconnection, silent divorce and quiet quitting inside a relationship, including withdrawal, silence, lack of communication, emotional distance, reduced affection, changes in behaviour and the feeling that someone is physically present but no longer truly connected. This episode also looks at self-doubt and how it shows up in relationships. Dr Rachel explains how low confidence and self-doubt can change the lens through which someone sees themselves, their partner and the relationship. When a person is already questioning themselves, they may be more likely to stay silent, avoid hard conversations, assume they are the problem or wait until the issue finally explodes. Guest: Dr Rachel Goldman Dr Rachel Goldman is a New York City-based clinical psychologist, speaker, consultant and author of When Life Happens. Her work focuses on psychology, health, behaviour change, mindset, stress, confidence and the mind-body connection. Find Dr Rachel Goldman: @drrachelnyc Book: When Life Happens Listen now and subscribe for more conversations about relationships, marriage, communication, family, co-parenting, emotional disconnection, repair and what happens before it breaks.

S1 E10: The Green Flags We Miss Before It Breaks

In Episode 10 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella shifts the conversation away from the red flags we are constantly told to look for, and asks a different question: what about the green flags we miss before a relationship breaks? In a culture obsessed with relationship red flags, warning signs, toxic patterns and reasons to leave, it can become easy to focus only on what is wrong. We become relationship detectives, scanning for evidence, replaying arguments, analysing messages, comparing our partner to online advice, and wondering whether every difficult moment is a sign the relationship is already over. But sometimes, before a relationship breaks, there are also signs that something is still alive. Not the dramatic signs. Not the grand gestures. Not the perfect Instagram relationship, the public anniversary caption, the flowers, the holiday reel or the curated couple content that makes love look effortless. The real green flags are often much quieter. They look like someone trying again after getting it wrong. They look like a partner who can apologise without turning the whole conversation around. They look like emotional safety after conflict, a willingness to listen, small acts of care, effort that is consistent rather than performative, and the ability to repair instead of simply moving on. They look like a relationship where both people may be tired, imperfect, overwhelmed or disconnected, but there is still enough respect, accountability, honesty and willingness to make repair possible. In this episode, Gabriella explores the relationship green flags that are often overlooked in modern relationships, marriage, family life, parenting, separation and co-parenting dynamics. She unpacks why healthy relationships are not about perfection, why emotional safety matters more than appearances, and why the absence of constant conflict is not the same as connection. This episode asks what it means to notice the quiet signs of repair, respect, effort and emotional maturity before resentment becomes the whole relationship. It is for anyone who has been so focused on the red flags that they may have forgotten to ask whether there are still signs of care, willingness, accountability and love. Gabriella also explores the difference between genuine green flags and bare minimum behaviour. A green flag is not simply someone doing one nice thing after weeks of disconnection. It is not a grand gesture that avoids accountability. It is not flowers after harm without change. It is not public affection while private emotional neglect continues. Real green flags are found in patterns, not performances. They are found in how someone responds when you are hurt. How they behave when they are defensive. Whether they can hear you without punishing you for having needs. Whether they take responsibility without needing to be chased. Whether repair actually follows the apology. Whether they are willing to grow, not just promise that things will be different. This episode is not about telling people to stay in relationships that are unsafe, harmful or emotionally damaging. It is not about ignoring red flags or romanticising effort that never turns into change. It is about creating a more balanced conversation about modern relationships, one that recognises that healthy love is not always loud, obvious or cinematic.

S1 E9: TikTok, Facebook Groups, AI and the Modern Relationship Crisis

The advice, comparison and commentary we are letting into our private lives. In this episode of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores how social media, TikTok relationship advice, Facebook groups, the group chat, AI-generated messages and curated online lives are quietly changing the way we see our relationships. We live in a time where our most private relationships are constantly being compared, interpreted, diagnosed and judged through online spaces. We scroll through relationship reels, watch TikTok clips about red flags and emotional neglect, post anonymously in Facebook groups, send screenshots to the group chat, and sometimes even ask AI to help us write the message we are too overwhelmed to say ourselves. Some of this can be helpful. Online content can give people language for emotional neglect, coercive control, mental load, gaslighting, weaponised incompetence and unhealthy relationship patterns. It can help people feel less alone and recognise when something is not okay. But online advice can also flatten complex relationships into quick labels and simple answers. A thirty-second clip cannot understand the full context of a marriage, long-term partnership, family system, separation, co-parenting dynamic or private emotional history. A comment section does not have to live with the consequences of telling someone to leave. The group chat may love you deeply, but it often only sees the relationship through the moments when you are hurt. In this honest and nuanced episode, Gabriella asks whether the internet is helping us see more clearly, or whether it is making ordinary relationships feel inadequate, feeding resentment, encouraging comparison, and replacing real support with quick validation. This episode explores curated relationship content, TikTok therapy language, Facebook group advice, AI in relationships, online comparison, boundaries, red flags, relationship tests, emotional safety, repair, separation, co-parenting and the difference between validation and guidance. At the heart of the episode is a simple but powerful question: Are we using online content to understand our relationships, or are we letting the algorithm become the authority on our most intimate lives? This episode asks: * Is online relationship advice helping or hurting us? * What happens when we compare real relationships to curated lives? * Can TikTok therapy language become too blunt? * What is the difference between validation and guidance? * Are Facebook groups and group chats giving support, or only one-sided certainty? * How is AI changing the way we communicate in relationships? * What do children learn when adults outsource conflict to screens? T his episode is for anyone navigating modern love, marriage, separation, co-parenting, conflict, repair, online comparison, relationship advice, or the quiet question of whether the relationship they are living inside still feels honest, safe and alive. Listen to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.

S1 E8: Are We Staying for the Kids, or Hiding Behind Them?

Staying for the Kids: Is It Really Best for Children? In this raw and honest episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores one of the most difficult and controversial questions in family life: should parents stay together for the kids? Many parents tell themselves they are protecting their children by staying in an unhappy relationship. But what if the children are already living inside the tension, silence, resentment or emotional distance? What if the family looks intact from the outside, but does not feel emotionally safe on the inside? Gabriella unpacks the difference between staying and repairing, versus staying and avoiding. She explores why children do not need perfect parents, but they do need emotional safety, repair, honesty and adults who are willing to take responsibility for the atmosphere of the home. This episode is not about telling people to stay or leave. It is about asking a better question: what are the children actually living inside? For parents navigating relationship breakdown, separation, co-parenting, family conflict, guilt, fear, or uncertainty, this conversation offers compassion, clarity and a deeply human look at what it really means to centre children. Key Themes Staying for the kids Relationship breakdown Unhappy marriage with children Emotional safety in families Children and separation Co-parenting after separation Family conflict Repair after conflict Parent guilt Healthy family dynamics Conscious parenting Marriage, separation and children High-conflict homes Quiet unhappy marriages Emotional inheritance Child-centred decision-making Should you stay together for the kids? It is one of the hardest questions in family life — and one many parents carry silently for years. In this episode of Before It Breaks, Gabriella Pomare explores the reality behind “staying for the kids”: when it can be loving and reparative, and when it becomes fear, guilt or avoidance dressed up as sacrifice. This is not an episode telling people to leave. It is not an episode telling people to stay. It is a conversation about emotional safety, repair, family conflict, separation, co-parenting and what children are actually absorbing inside the home. Because children do not need perfect parents. Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare is a relationship, separation and co-parenting podcast hosted by Gabriella Pomare — Sydney family lawyer, author of The Collaborative Co-Parent, media commentator and founder of The Collaborative Co-Parent platform. Through honest, emotionally intelligent conversations, Gabriella explores what happens before relationships, communication, families and identities break down, covering modern marriage, parenting after separation, co-parenting, conflict, family law, emotional safety, repair and rebuilding. Follow Gabriella on Instagram at @thegabriellapomare, learn more about The Collaborative Co-Parent, and listen to Before It Breaks on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.

S1 E7: The Ex Who Never Really Left - Relationship Boundaries, Old Flames & Emotional Attachment

What happens when the third person in your relationship is not an affair partner, but an ex who never really left? In Episode 7 of Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomare, Gabriella explores the complicated emotional space between past relationships and present love. This episode is not just about co-parenting. It is about old flames, exes, former partners, workplace relationships, family friends, friendship circles, divorced partners without children, and the people from our past who sometimes continue to take up space in our current relationships. Sometimes the issue is not contact. It is access. A partner may still speak to an ex because they share children, work together, move in the same friendship group, or have long family history. But when ordinary contact turns into emotional dependence, guilt, secrecy, late-night messages, private support, or a sense that the past has more power than the present, the current relationship can start to feel crowded. Gabriella unpacks the difference between being mature and becoming invisible, between healthy friendship and unfinished business, and between jealousy as control and jealousy as information. She also explores why some people stay emotionally available to an ex out of guilt, habit, conflict avoidance or the need to feel needed — and how that can quietly undermine a new relationship. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered: Am I being insecure, or is something actually off? Can you really be friends with an ex? Why does this person from my partner’s past still feel so present? What is the difference between contact and emotional access? How do you set boundaries without being controlling? What happens when your partner keeps dismissing your discomfort as jealousy? With warmth, honesty and Gabriella’s signature conversational style, this episode looks at the old attachments, emotional third parties and blurred boundaries that can quietly build resentment before a relationship breaks. Because sometimes the question is not whether someone from your past is still in your life. The question is whether they are still in your relationship. ---------------------------------------- SHOW NOTES In this episode, Gabriella talks about: The ex who never really left emotionally Why this episode is not only about co-parenting Old flames, workplace exes, family friends and friendship circle dynamics Why contact is not the same as emotional access How past relationships can quietly affect current relationships The difference between healthy friendship and unfinished business Why “we’re just friends” is sometimes more complicated than it sounds When jealousy is not immaturity, but information How emotional dependence can threaten a relationship even when nobody is cheating Why guilt keeps people emotionally attached to former partners How partners can feel displaced by someone from the past Why dismissing someone as “insecure” can create resentment The emotional impact of being repeatedly made to feel secondary What healthy boundaries with an ex or old flame can sound like Why kindness after a relationship ends sometimes means clarity The question every person with a complicated past should ask themselves How to name the issue without rage, control or accusation Why the goal is not always to make the person disappear, but to make the boundaries clear ----------------------------------------