Episode 21: Low and Slow: Communication Lessons from a Hostage Negotiator -Guest Don Fieselman

Episode 21: Low and Slow: Communication Lessons from a Hostage Negotiator -Guest Don Fieselman

Episode 21: Low and Slow: Communication Lessons from a Crisis Negotiator If you think command presence means getting louder, this conversation may change your mind. In this episode of the Blue Leader Nation Podcast, Ed sits down with Don “Woody” Fieselman, a negotiation coach with The Black Swan Group, former Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department crisis negotiation team leader, and active cold case homicide investigator. Don spent more than 25 years in law enforcement, with much of his career focused on investigations, crisis negotiation, instruction, and team leadership. In this conversation, he brings those experiences into a practical discussion for law enforcement leaders, especially supervisors who need to communicate clearly when emotions are high, stakes are real, and people are not always ready to listen. The big idea: communication is not a soft skill. In law enforcement, it is a survival skill, a leadership skill, and sometimes the difference between escalation and progress. Don explains why tone often matters as much as the words themselves. Under pressure, many leaders get louder, more direct, and more forceful. The problem is that yelling often creates the opposite result. The other person may stop processing the message and start reacting to the emotion behind it. That is where Don’s “low and slow” approach comes in. By lowering your voice, slowing your cadence, taking a breath, and staying curious, you help regulate yourself and the person in front of you. That applies during a crisis call, a difficult counseling session, a conflict with a subordinate, or even a tense conversation with command staff. Ed and Don also talk about the difference between police communication and human communication, why many of us are not as good at listening as we think, and how active listening skills such as labels and mirrors can help leaders build trust before the crisis happens. This episode is packed with practical tools for new supervisors, experienced leaders, crisis negotiators, and anyone who has ever found themselves thinking, “Why are they not hearing what I’m saying?” Maybe the answer is not to say it louder. Maybe the answer is to say it better. In this episode, we discuss: The difference between police communication and human communication Why yelling often shuts down thinking instead of creating compliance How a low and slow tone can calm both the leader and the person being led Why leaders need to respond instead of react The role of curiosity in emotional self-control How listening breaks down when we start forming our reply too early Why leaders should practice listening in everyday conversations, not just during major incidents How labels and mirrors can help supervisors build trust and get better information Why people often remember how you made them feel more than what you said How calm leadership can steady an entire scene, squad, or conversation Key takeaway: The leader who can stay calm, listen deeply, and communicate with control has a major advantage. Not because they are soft. Because they are disciplined. Low and slow is not weakness. It is command presence with the volume turned down. Resources mentioned: The Black Swan Group Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss https://amzn.to/4yaSh6B [https://amzn.to/4yaSh6B] Fight Less, Win More by Derek Gaunt and Jonathan Smith https://amzn.to/44iTZ8g [https://amzn.to/44iTZ8g] Ego, Authority, Failure by Derek Gaunt https://amzn.to/4p8go1A [https://amzn.to/4p8go1A]

Episode 20: Stress Contagion: The Emotional Footprint You Leave Behind

Have you ever walked into a briefing and known within thirty seconds that the lieutenant was having a bad day? Nobody said a word. No memo, no email. Yet everyone in the room felt it. That's stress contagion, and in this solo teaching episode, Dr. Ed Pallas breaks down the behavioral science behind why it happens and what it means for the way you lead. Drawing on more than thirty years in policing and over two decades as a hostage negotiator, Ed explains why your emotional state never stays with you. It spreads. Your calm spreads. Your frustration spreads. And in law enforcement, where the emotional baseline is already elevated, a leader's presence carries more weight, not less. This is the third episode in a deliberate arc following Episode 17 (The Tactical Pause) and Episode 18 (Set the Emotional Weather). Here, Ed answers the question those episodes raised: why does one person's emotional state move an entire team? In this episode: * Why communication begins before you ever speak * The accidental 1990s lab discovery that helps explain emotional contagion * The one question your brain is always asking, and how your team reads the answer in you * Why a leader's emotional footprint outlasts the words they use * The PressureProof Minute: a sixty-second, three-question reset to use before any high-stakes moment * The four footprints every leader leaves: calm, confidence, curiosity, or chaos Your rank gives you authority. Your emotional state gives people information. People comply with authority. They respond to your emotional state. That difference is what this episode is about. 🎧 Listen to the full Blue Leader Nation podcast: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@edpallas [https://www.youtube.com/@edpallas] CHAPTERS 00:00 The briefing room nobody warned you about 01:30 Welcome + where this series has been heading 03:30 Communication begins before you speak 06:00 Why police officers read you so well 08:30 The science: a monkey, a peanut, and a lab in Italy 12:00 The one question your brain never stops asking 14:30 Why law enforcement amplifies emotional contagion 17:00 A story from the field 20:00 The first person you negotiate with is yourself 22:30 The Emotional Footprint Principle 24:30 The PressureProof Minute 27:00 The four footprints 29:00 Your challenge this week 30:30 Closing CONNECT Website: http://www.edwardpallas.comedpallas.com [http://edpallas.com] http://www.edwardpallas.comEmail: ed@edpallas.com [ed@edpallas.com] #LawEnforcement #PoliceLeadership #BlueLeaderNation #LeadershipDevelopment #FirstResponders #PoliceSupervisor #EmotionalIntelligence #LawEnforcementLeadership

EP 19: The Courage to Lead: Dennis Flynn on Pressure, Empathy, and Hard Decisions.

What does hostage negotiation teach us about police leadership? More than most leaders realize. In this episode of the Blue Leader Nation Podcast, host Dr. Ed Pallas sits down with Dennis Flynn, a retired Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department leader, former hostage negotiation commander, author of Held Hostage, and negotiation coach with The Black Swan Group. Dennis brings more than three decades of law enforcement experience, including 18 years as a hostage negotiator and 10 years commanding a hostage negotiation team. During his career, he responded to more than 1,000 hostage, barricade, and suicidal crisis incidents where communication, trust, calm, and decision-making were not just leadership ideas. They were life-and-death skills. This conversation is about what it really takes to lead under pressure. Dennis and Ed discuss how leaders can stay composed in chaotic moments, why tone of voice matters more than most people realize, and how tactical empathy applies far beyond crisis negotiation. They also explore the difference between being liked and being respected, the danger of ego in leadership, and why some of the hardest leadership decisions are also the most important ones. Dennis shares powerful lessons from his career, including a deeply personal story about the consequences of wanting to be liked instead of stepping in as a leader. His message is clear: leadership requires courage, humility, self-awareness, and the willingness to make hard decisions before the consequences arrive. You will also hear practical tools any law enforcement leader can start using immediately, including labels, mirrors, and dynamic silence. These are not just hostage negotiation techniques. They are leadership skills that help people feel heard, understood, and more willing to move in a better direction. If you are a sergeant, lieutenant, commander, chief, sheriff, FTO, aspiring supervisor, or anyone trying to lead people through pressure, this episode is packed with real-world wisdom. In this episode, we discuss: How crisis negotiation skills transfer directly into police leadership Why leaders must bring calm to chaos The difference between empathy and sympathy How tactical empathy builds trust-based influence Why tone of voice can change the entire direction of a conversation The danger of ego in leadership decisions Leadership versus “likership” Why first-line supervisors shape the culture of an agency How labels, mirrors, and dynamic silence can improve leadership communication Why listening is one of the most powerful leadership tools available Connect with Dennis Flynn and The Black Swan Group: Learn more about The Black Swan Group at: https://www.blackswanltd.com/ [https://www.blackswanltd.com/] Grab a copy of Held Hostage: Negotiating Life and Death for the Las Vegas Police Department: https://amzn.to/3QBeLfW [https://amzn.to/3QBeLfW] About Blue Leader Nation The Blue Leader Nation Podcast is built for the next generation of law enforcement leaders. Hosted by Dr. Ed Pallas, retired police commander, author of Leader Armor, and FBI-LEEDA instructor, this podcast delivers practical leadership lessons, real conversations, and proven tools for those who serve, lead, and influence others in the public safety profession. Stay safe. Lead well.

Episode 18: Set the Emotional Weather

In Episode 18 of Blue Leader Nation, Ed Pallas discusses how law enforcement leaders influence the emotional climate of their teams. This episode builds on the previous episode about the tactical pause. The tactical pause is about regulating yourself. Setting the emotional weather is about regulating the room. Ed introduces the concept of emotional contagion, which describes how emotions can spread from person to person through facial expressions, tone, posture, pace, and body language. For supervisors, this matters because the team is always reading the leader, especially under pressure. When a supervisor walks into a room anxious, irritated, rushed, cynical, or overwhelmed, the team picks up those signals. But the reverse is also true. Calm, confidence, steadiness, and clarity can also spread. The episode challenges supervisors to think about whether they are acting as thermometers or thermostats. A thermometer simply reflects the temperature of the room. A thermostat reads the room and adjusts the temperature to what the mission requires. This is not about becoming emotionless or passive. Calm leadership can still be firm, direct, urgent, and accountable. The goal is not to suppress emotion. The goal is to manage emotion so it serves the mission instead of hijacking it. To help supervisors apply the lesson, Ed shares the WEATHER Check, a simple tool leaders can use before entering roll call, a squad room, a critical incident, a meeting, or a difficult conversation. Download the free WEATHER handout here: https://link.blueleadernation.com/widget/form/TeAg29JeY561dOwq9PcA [https://link.blueleadernation.com/widget/form/TeAg29JeY561dOwq9PcA]

Episode 17: The Tactical Pause for Law Enforcement Leaders

In this episode of Blue Leader Nation, Dr. Ed Pallas breaks down one of the most important leadership tools a law enforcement supervisor can develop: the tactical pause. Law enforcement trains people to assess, decide, and act quickly. That action bias can save lives on the street, but in leadership, it can also create problems when supervisors react before they think. Ed explains what happens in the body when stress spikes, why the first few seconds matter, and how supervisors can use a deliberate pause to regain control before speaking, deciding, or correcting behavior. You’ll learn four practical tools: The tactical pause Breathwork Command presence Internal scripts This episode also connects the tactical pause to hostage negotiation, difficult supervisory conversations, discipline decisions, squad dynamics, and the everyday pressure of law enforcement leadership. The challenge for this week: identify one trigger, write one internal script, and use the tactical pause once before responding. Because between the trigger and your response is a space. Your leadership lives in that space. Want to go deeper on first-line leadership? Dr. Ed Pallas is the author of Leader Armor: Leadership for the Law Enforcement First-Line Supervisor, a practical leadership book written specifically for the men and women leading teams in law enforcement. You can read the reviews and purchase the book on Amazon here: https://amzn.to/4xfFsYh [https://amzn.to/4xfFsYh] Ed’s speaking website: https://www.edpallasspeaks.com/ [https://www.edpallasspeaks.com/] Ed’s law enforcement website: https://edwardpallas.com/ [https://edwardpallas.com/] Connect with Ed on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/edpallas/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/edpallas/]