Ep. 54: Are You the Pursuer or the Withdrawer in Your Marriage?

Ep. 54: Are You the Pursuer or the Withdrawer in Your Marriage?

What if the biggest problem in your marriage isn’t the topic you keep fighting about… but the pattern you fall into every time you try to talk about it? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m breaking down the pursuit-withdrawal cycle — also called the demand-withdraw cycle — and why it can quietly create resentment, loneliness, panic, shutdown, and emotional distance in a marriage. This is the pattern where one spouse pushes for answers, connection, reassurance, repair, or change… and the other spouse pulls away, shuts down, gets defensive, goes silent, or leaves the conversation altogether. And here’s the hard part: both people usually feel completely justified. The pursuer feels abandoned, dismissed, and like they’re the only one who cares. The withdrawer feels pressured, criticized, overwhelmed, and like there is no right answer. Over time, this cycle can make both spouses feel like victims — and both become more convinced the other person is the problem. In this episode, I’ll help you recognize which side of the cycle you may be on, why this pattern escalates so quickly, why silence can feel like peace when it’s actually disengagement, and what it takes to begin interrupting the cycle before it causes deeper damage. And if you’re in the complicated middle — wondering if your marriage can be repaired or if you’re moving toward divorce — this episode will help you see the pattern more clearly so you can decide what needs to happen next.   Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]

Ep. 53: Hard Season or Marriage Crossroads? Here's How To Know

Is your marriage going through a hard season, or are you standing at a real crossroads? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins helps you tell the difference between a temporary rough patch and a deeper marriage crisis. When you’re unhappy, disconnected, resentful, or emotionally exhausted, it can be hard to know what is actually happening. Is this stress? Is it burnout? Is it parenting, money, grief, or a difficult year? Or has something more serious shifted in the relationship? Kari explains why this distinction matters so much. If you treat a hard season like a marriage-ending crisis, you may make decisions from fear or exhaustion. But if you treat a true crossroads like “just a rough patch,” you may stay stuck for years, waiting for things to magically get better while resentment continues to grow. In this episode, you’ll learn the signs of a hard season, the signs of a marriage crossroads, and the difference between a passing divorce fantasy and the deeper shift that happens when divorce becomes something you are seriously considering. This conversation is for anyone who has been asking, “Should I stay? Should I go? Is this fixable? Or am I avoiding the truth?” You do not need to have the answer today. But you do need a clearer way to understand the question. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]

Ep. 52: Unhappily Married? Stop Doing These 3 Things Before It Gets Worse

Unhappy marriages don’t usually fall apart overnight. They often deteriorate through small, repeated patterns that become part of everyday life. In this episode, Kari shares three things to stop doing if you’re unhappy in your marriage: belittling or demeaning your partner, keeping score, and avoiding conversations when issues are still small. These habits may feel understandable when you’re hurt or resentful, but they quietly add fuel to the fire. They create more disconnection, more resentment, and make it harder to know whether your marriage can actually be repaired. Kari explains why stopping these patterns doesn’t magically fix everything, but it does help “stop the bleed.” Your daily life can feel calmer. Your conversations can become more productive. And whether you choose to rebuild or separate, you’ll be making decisions from a clearer place. Take the free “Should We Get a Divorce?” quiz at kahoskins.com to find out where you are in the divorce decision process. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]

Ep. 51: Can Your Marriage Be Saved? The Question of Desire

In the final episode of the Can This Marriage Heal? series, Kari tackles the question that keeps people up at night: If real change were possible, would you actually want to stay? This isn't a question about whether your marriage can be fixed. It's a question about whether you want it to be — and those are very different things. In this episode you'll learn: *  The difference between desire and obligation, *  Why showing up out of duty alone will quietly make things worse, not better. * What it sounds like when someone is motivated by fear versus genuine desire  * Why you can do all the right things and still end up right back where you started What it actually takes to sustain real, lasting repair. Because here's the truth: a marriage doesn't heal just because two people love each other. It heals when both people are willing to become the kind of people who can make it work. If you're somewhere between we have problems and I think I might be done — this episode will help you figure out which one is actually true. Take the free Should We Get a Divorce? quiz to find out what stage of the decision-making process you're in Takt it here: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]

Ep. 50: Can Your Marriage Be Saved? One Thing You Can't Ignore

Can Your Marriage Be Saved? One Thing You Can't Ignore Are you wondering if your marriage can be fixed — or if it's already too late? In this episode of the Divorce Decision Podcast, host Kari Hoskins digs into one of the most important questions you need to answer before you can even think about saving your marriage: Is there still respect between you and your spouse? You might not feel in love right now. You might not even like each other very much. But without respect, repair is almost impossible — and Kari explains exactly why. In this episode, you'll learn: ·       Why respect matters MORE than love when it comes to saving your marriage ·       7 warning signs that respect has already broken down in your relationship ·       The difference between frustration and contempt — and why it matters ·       How to know if YOU are still open to seeing your spouse differently ·       What "openness" really means (hint: it's NOT the same as forgetting or forgiving everything) This is part two of a three-part series on can your marriage be saved. If you're not ready to give up but you're not sure if there's still hope, this episode is for you. Take Kari's free quiz — Should We Get a Divorce? — at kahoskins.com Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]