School “avoidance”: Part 2 - The impact on families and what we can do about it

School “avoidance”: Part 2 - The impact on families and what we can do about it

Part two of our deep dive into EBSA for neurodivergent children is essential listening for anyone navigating the school avoidance minefield as a parent or carer of a neurodivergent child - whether they are autistic, ADHD, PDA profile, or any combination of the above. Heidi Mavir returns to offer her advice as someone who has lived every corner of this experience - not only in her own life, but also through her advocacy work with thousands of families affected by barriers to attendance. In this episode, we dig into the real-world impact - the emotional, financial and logistical strain it places on families. We also look at practical things parents can actually do if their child is experiencing barriers to attendance - from how absences should be coded at school, to what the Children's Wellbeing Bill means for home education rights, to when a part-time timetable might help and when it's just a sticking plaster. If you're wrestling with EBSA daily and you’re looking for advice that's rooted in lived experience, this is the episode for you.   CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED) 00:01:28 - Meet The Guest 00:03:25 - Topic of the Week: Barriers to Attendance Part 2 00:03:59 - Parental Blame and Being Doubted by School Professionals 00:09:32 - Attendance Targets, Fines, and Rewarding Full Attendance 00:13:23 - "Make Home Less Appealing" and Other Unhelpful Advice 00:17:49 - Why Exposure Therapy Doesn't Work for EBSA 00:21:35 - The Emotional, Financial and Relational Impact on Parents 00:35:34 - What You Can Actually Do: Practical Advice for Families 00:53:15 - Home Education, Deregistering and the Children's Wellbeing Bill 01:11:46 - EOTAS and When School Just Isn't the Right Shape 01:15:07 - It's Not All Rubbish: Specialist Settings and What Works 01:20:05 - Neurodiversity Champions 01:25:19 - Tiny Epic Wins 01:31:10 - What the Flip! LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE Neuroshambles mailing list sign-up (with free PDF of all What the Flip moments from all 59 episodes) - https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share [https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share] Your Child Is Not Broken book, Heidi Mavir - https://www.heidimavir.com/i-wrote-a-book [https://www.heidimavir.com/i-wrote-a-book] Your Child Is Not Broken free Facebook community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/eotasmatters [https://www.facebook.com/groups/eotasmatters] Heidi Mavir: The Marble run - https://www.heidimavir.com/the-marble-run [https://www.heidimavir.com/the-marble-run] Children’s Wellbeing and Schools Act - https://bills.parliament.uk/bills/3909 [https://bills.parliament.uk/bills/3909] Section 19 of Children and Families Act - https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2014/6/section/19 [https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2014/6/section/19] EOTAS, EOTIS, EOTISC - https://www.ipsea.org.uk/home-education-and-education-otherwise [https://www.ipsea.org.uk/home-education-and-education-otherwise] Not Fine in School - https://www.notfineinschool.co.uk [https://www.notfineinschool.co.uk/] Define Fine - https://www.definefine.org.uk/ [https://www.definefine.org.uk/] SEND Advocacy Limited (Alice) - https://www.sendadvocacy.com/ [https://www.sendadvocacy.com/] Audhdacious Humans - https://www.audhdacious.com/ [https://www.audhdacious.com/] Make and Create Club - https://www.audhdacious.com/make-and-create/club/ [https://www.audhdacious.com/make-and-create/club/] Eliza Fricker and "Can't Not Won't" - https://amzn.eu/d/0bMMrrwa [https://amzn.eu/d/0bMMrrwa]   📣 CONTACT NEUROSHAMBLES 🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com [http://www.neuroshambles.com/] 📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com [hello@neuroshambles.com] 📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles 🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod 📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles 📬 Sign up to the Neuroshambles mailing list: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share [https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2414072/190019322933937234/share]   🎙️ CREDITS 🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com [https://pixabay.com]

School "Avoidance": Part 1 - What it is and how to spot it | Heidi Mavir

If you are a parent or carer of a neurodivergent child, the chances are that school attendance has been a topic that has kept you awake at night. Whether you know it as school refusal, emotionally based school avoidance, or one of a dozen other terms, it is one of the most stressful and isolating things a family can go through. As a neurodivergent parenting podcast, Neuroshambles has been asked about this topic more than almost any other, so this week’s guest is one of the best in the business. Heidi Mavir is a best-selling author, public speaker, late-identified autistic and ADHD adult, and one of the most knowledgeable and tireless advocates for SEND families in the UK. Her own journey with her son Theo, who went from full school attendance to none at all in the space of a few months at the age of fourteen, gives her both the lived experience and the hard-won expertise to talk about this topic like very few others can. This is Part 1 of a two-part episode, so here we focus on what barriers to attendance actually looks like in neurodivergent children and young people - from the terminology chaos to the sensory nightmare of school environments, the morning meltdowns, the masking, the after-school explosions, the physical symptoms, and ultimately what can happen when it all builds up into burnout. Part 2 will focus on the family impact and what you can actually do about it. If you are a parent trying to make sense of what is happening with your child and school, this one is for you.   CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED) 00:01:37 - Meet the Guest - Heidi Mavir 00:05:08 - What is EBSA? Unpacking the Terminology 00:19:01 - Why School is a Sensory and Emotional Minefield 00:30:40 - The PDA Dimension - Demand Avoidance in School 00:35:27 - Early Signs of Barriers to Attendance 00:42:00 - Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn and Flop - Polyvagal Theory 00:45:33 - After-School Meltdowns and the Masking Behind Them 00:52:19 - Physical Symptoms - When the Body Tells the Story 00:57:01 - What Changes Outside of School? 01:03:41 - How Barriers to Attendance Build Up Gradually Over Time 01:07:42 - Autistic Burnout - When It All Catches Up 01:17:22 - Neurodiversity Champions 01:20:13 - Tiny Epic Wins 01:23:04 - What the Flip?   LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE Your Child Is Not Broken by Heidi Mavir - https://www.heidimavir.com/i-wrote-a-book [https://www.heidimavir.com/i-wrote-a-book] EOTAS Matters - https://www.heidimavir.com/forfamilies [https://www.heidimavir.com/forfamilies] PDA Society: School Distress - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-helps-guides/pda-and-emotionally-based-school-avoidance-ebsa/ [https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-helps-guides/pda-and-emotionally-based-school-avoidance-ebsa/] Kieran Rose: School Induced Trauma - https://theautisticadvocate.com/school-refusal-or-school-induced-trauma-rethinking-ebsa-ebsna-and-the-harm-we-call-help/ [https://theautisticadvocate.com/school-refusal-or-school-induced-trauma-rethinking-ebsa-ebsna-and-the-harm-we-call-help/] Audhdacious Humans - https://www.audhdacious.com/ [https://www.audhdacious.com/] Polyvagal Theory - https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory [https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory] Scouts UK - https://www.scouts.org.uk/ [https://www.scouts.org.uk/] Heidi Mavir/Rachel Filmer webinar on SEND Reform Proposals - https://eotasmatters.kartra.com/page/WhitePaperWebinar [https://eotasmatters.kartra.com/page/WhitePaperWebinar] Black SEN Mamas - https://blacksenmamas.com/ [https://blacksenmamas.com/] Rachel Filmer - https://www.instagram.com/sendra.uk/ [https://www.instagram.com/sendra.uk/] Not Fine in School - https://www.notfineinschool.co.uk [https://www.notfineinschool.co.uk/] Square Peg - https://www.teamsquarepeg.co.uk/ [https://www.teamsquarepeg.co.uk/] Define Fine - https://www.definefine.org.uk/ [https://www.definefine.org.uk/]   📣 CONTACT US 🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com [http://www.neuroshambles.com/] 📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com [hello@neuroshambles.com] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neuroshambles/ [https://www.instagram.com/neuroshambles/] 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod [https://www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles/ [https://www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles/]   🎙️ CREDITS 🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

Screen Time: Part 2 - The Downsides For Neurodivergent Kids | Hannah Woods

This week we're back with part two of a candid, deep dive into screen time. Last time we covered all the good stuff - the regulation, the social connection, the sense of mastery. This time, we're braving the darker side of the coin. Mark is joined again by Hannah, mum to nine-year-old Henry (autistic, ADHD, PDA profile) and six-year-old Thea (suspected neurotypical). Together they work through the thornier aspects of neurodivergent parenting and screen time - addiction, in-game spending, safeguarding and parental controls. They also take an honest look at crushing guilt and the shame that often lies underneath it, as well as how to handle transitions off screens without descending into full-scale conflict. For anyone trying to navigate neurodivergency parenting without a rulebook, this episode won't give you all the answers, but it will make you feel considerably less alone. ------------ CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED) 00:01:10 - Meet the Guest 00:02:34 - This Week's Topic: Screen Time - The Difficult Bits 00:03:48 - Screen Addiction, ADHD and the Dopamine Loop 00:16:12 - Managing Screen Time: Swapping One Dopamine Hit for Another 00:21:57 - In-Game Spending, Roblox and Robux 00:29:16 - Safeguarding and Online Safety 00:34:10 - Parental Controls: A Full-Time Job 00:46:52 - Are Screens Putting Our Kids Off Other Kinds of Play? 00:50:39 - Using Screens as a Tool for Transitions and Outings 00:56:38 - Getting Them Off Screens: Transition Strategies That (Sometimes) Work 01:01:45 - Parental Guilt, Shame and Societal Judgement 01:12:46 - It's Not All Rubbish 01:15:12 - Neurodiversity Champions 01:21:43 - Tiny Epic Wins 01:25:48 - What the Flip Moments ------------ LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE Neuroshambles Live, Brighton (23rd July 2026) - www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1988682312330/?discount=Neuroshamblers [http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1988682312330/?discount=Neuroshamblers] Alternatively, search "Neuroshambles Live" on https://www.eventbrite.co.uk [https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/] and use the access code “Neuroshamblers” for the discounted rate of £8 throughout May. After that, tickets go on general sale for £10. Screen time: Part 1 episode - https://neuroshambles.com/episode/screen-time-part-1-the-benefits-for-neurodivergent-kids-hannah-woods [https://neuroshambles.com/episode/screen-time-part-1-the-benefits-for-neurodivergent-kids-hannah-woods] ADHD and dopamine - https://www.additudemag.com/brain-stimulation-and-adhd-cravings-dependency-and-regulation/ [https://www.additudemag.com/brain-stimulation-and-adhd-cravings-dependency-and-regulation/] Roblox - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roblox [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roblox] Grow a garden - https://growa-garden.io/ [https://growa-garden.io/] Apple parental controls - https://support.apple.com/en-gb/105121 [https://support.apple.com/en-gb/105121] Google parental controls - https://support.google.com/accounts/answer/15077835?hl=en [https://support.google.com/accounts/answer/15077835?hl=en] Microsoft parental controls - https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/microsoft-365/family-safety [https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/microsoft-365/family-safety] Crunchyroll - https://www.crunchyroll.com/ [https://www.crunchyroll.com/] Tech Smart Parenting book by Catherine Knibbs - https://amzn.eu/d/0iqIy0cv [https://amzn.eu/d/0iqIy0cv] Holidays Episode of Neuroshambles - https://neuroshambles.com/episode/holidays-dr-hildi-mitchell [https://neuroshambles.com/episode/holidays-dr-hildi-mitchell] Cards against humanity - https://amzn.eu/d/08Dn7YIt [https://amzn.eu/d/08Dn7YIt] Smartphone Free Childhood - https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/ [https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/] Spectrum Squad Penarth - https://www.facebook.com/groups/2039735040102766/ [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2039735040102766/] ------------ 📣 CONTACT US 🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com [http://www.neuroshambles.com/] 📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com [hello@neuroshambles.com] 📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles 🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod 📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles ------------ 🎙️ CREDITS 🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com

Screen Time: Part 1 - The Benefits For Neurodivergent Kids | Hannah Woods

Description If you're a parent of a neurodivergent child and you've ever felt quietly judged for your approach to screen time, this episode of Neuroshambles is for you. Mark is joined by Hannah Woods - one of the founders of the Spectrum Squad, a neurodivergent youth group in Penarth, South Wales - to tackle one of the most requested topics the show has ever had: managing screen time with our neurodivergent kids. This is part one of a two-part deep dive of a particularly knotty topic, and it's entirely focused on the positives of screen time. Because if you're navigating autism parenting, ADHD parenting, or PDA parenting, you'll know that screens aren't just a lazy shortcut - they can be a genuine lifeline. Whether it's helping your child regulate, learn and connect with peers, or just giving you ten minutes of respite to gather your energy, screen time is doing some heavy lifting in a lot of neurodivergent households. This is an honest, relatable conversation about the gap between the parents we thought we'd be and the parents our kids actually need us to be. Part 2, covering the potential downsides of screen time, is coming in the next episode. But for now, let's hear the case for the defence.   Chapter Timestamps 00:00 - Introduction and Neuroshambles Live Announcement 02:56 - Meet the Guest: Hannah Woods 08:10 - Topic Introduction: Screen Time with Neurodivergent Kids 10:00 - How We Thought We'd Parent Around Screens (Before We Met Our Kids) 14:29 - The Stigma Around Screen Time 15:23 - Screen Time Limits, NHS Guidance and Why It Doesn't Apply to Our Kids 18:17 - Dr Naomi Fisher: It's Not the Screen, It's What's Behind It 21:59 - Screens for Regulation - Meltdowns, Overwhelm and India's Wardrobe Nook 29:29 - Special Interests, Hyperfocus and Letting Them Go Deep 39:17 - Online Connection, Belonging and the Social Value of Multiplayer Gaming 42:39 - Building Friendships Through Minecraft and Shared Play 50:04 - Sharing Content as a Love Language (YouTube Clips Count) 55:16 - Watching Online as a Gateway to Special Interests 57:40 - Screens as a Learning Tool - Laptops, Writing and Demand Avoidance 01:01:08 - Reading Apps and How They Changed Everything 01:03:20 - Self-Esteem, Gaming and Finding Your Thing 01:04:53 - Screens as a Social Bridge 01:07:44 - From 3D Printing to School Fair Entrepreneur 01:09:52 - The Parental Sanity Argument (Yes, It Counts) 01:13:16 - Screens for Sleep and Winding Down 01:15:20 - Neurodiversity Champions 01:18:22 - Tiny Epic Wins 01:22:09 - What the Flip Moments   Links to Stuff We Mention in This Episode Neuroshambles Live, Brighton (23rd July 2026) - www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1988682312330/?discount=Neuroshamblers [http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1988682312330/?discount=Neuroshamblers] Alternatively, search "Neuroshambles Live" on https://www.eventbrite.co.uk [https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/] and use the access code “Neuroshamblers” for the discounted rate of £8 throughout May. After that, tickets go on general sale for £10. The Family Experience of PDA by Eliza Fricker - https://amzn.eu/d/02qGPcjD [https://amzn.eu/d/02qGPcjD] Dr Naomi Fisher article on screens - https://naomifisher.co.uk/tags/screens/ [https://naomifisher.co.uk/tags/screens/] Bluey - https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/m000vbrk/bluey [https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/m000vbrk/bluey] Gravity Falls - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravity_Falls [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravity_Falls] How To Break Up With Your Phone - https://amzn.eu/d/04PSfLq9 [https://amzn.eu/d/04PSfLq9] Roblox - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roblox [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roblox] JusTalk Kids - https://kids.justalk.com/ [https://kids.justalk.com/] MindJam - https://mindjam.org.uk/ [https://mindjam.org.uk/] Super Mario Odyssey - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Mario_Odyssey [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Mario_Odyssey] Audible storybooks - https://www.audible.co.uk/ [https://www.audible.co.uk/] Calm app - https://www.calm.com/ [https://www.calm.com/] Greeking Out (National Geographic podcast) - https://www.nationalgeographic.com/podcasts/greeking-out/ [https://www.nationalgeographic.com/podcasts/greeking-out/] Have Fun, Get Fit (South Wales) - https://www.facebook.com/HaveFunGetFitRossParsons/ [https://www.facebook.com/HaveFunGetFitRossParsons/] Neurospicy Wings (South Wales) - https://www.neurospicywings.co.uk/ [https://www.neurospicywings.co.uk/]   📣 CONTACT US 🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com [http://www.neuroshambles.com/] 📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com [hello@neuroshambles.com] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neuroshambles/ [https://www.instagram.com/neuroshambles/] 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod [https://www.tiktok.com/@neuroshamblespod] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles [https://www.facebook.com/Neuroshambles]   🎙️ CREDITS 🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: https://pixabay.com [https://pixabay.com]

How to be your neurodivergent child's safe person | Jo and Dotty Matthews

If you've ever found yourself having to outline the entire day's schedule before you've even had your first coffee, or negotiating bath time as a sacred non-negotiable human right, this episode might just be the one you didn't know you needed. Mark is joined by the brilliant Jo Matthews for a deep dive into what it really means to be your child's safe person. Whether your neuroshambolic family is shaped by autism, ADHD or PDA, so many of us know the exhausting, relentless, sometimes claustrophobic experience of being the one person our child needs above all others. It's a privilege and it's hard work, but it's almost never talked about with the honesty it deserves on a neurodivergent parenting podcast. In a Neuroshambles first, this episode also features a second guest - Dotty Matthews, Jo's 19-year-old autistic daughter - who joins Mark for a candid, funny and genuinely moving conversation about what it felt like to be that child. From the early days of demanding apple juice to command her mum's attention, through to slowly learning to find safety in other people, Dotty's perspective is the kind of lived experience that makes this show worth your time. There's also a listener email from Lydia, whose 13-year-old daughter's intense attachment prompted this whole conversation - and both Jo and Dotty have something genuinely useful to say in response. Autistic parenting advice doesn't get much more grounded in lived experience than this. CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED) 00:01:08 - Meet the Guest: Jo Matthews 00:03:40 - This Week's Topic: Being Your Child's Safe Person 00:04:22 - Lydia's Listener Email 00:07:06 - Dotty's Early Attachment (and the Gee Story) 00:10:25 - Transitional Objects and Starting School 00:18:58 - Co-regulation: Being Your Child's Emotional Anchor 00:25:54 - Scaffolding the Day: Structure and Predictability 00:30:54 - Being Their Executive Function 00:37:45 - Advocating for Your Child 00:43:41 - Being a Physical Safe Space (Including Co-sleeping) 00:48:05 - Being an Emotional Outlet 00:56:34 - The Guilt and Exhaustion of Being a Safe Person 01:03:12 - Attachment Theory and Building Independence 01:06:58 - When Only One Parent is the Safe Person 01:14:17 - Meet the Second Guest: Dotty Matthews 01:38:51 - It's Not All Rubbish 01:41:07 - Neurodiversity Champions 01:43:46 - Tiny Epic Wins 01:47:04 - What the Flip Moments LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE Attachment Theory (John Bowlby) - https://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html [https://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html] The Loxdale Centre, Portslade - https://www.loxdale.com/ [https://www.loxdale.com/] mASCot - https://www.asc-mascot.com/ [https://www.asc-mascot.com/] Mark's talk: "How Dads Can Show Up Better For Our Neurodivergent Kids" - https://neuroshambles.com/page-gazc-3dk8-ywa8-dnly [https://neuroshambles.com/page-gazc-3dk8-ywa8-dnly] Raising SEND kids: The Dad's Perspective (with Terry Lloyd) - https://neuroshambles.com/episode/raising-send-kids-the-dads-perspective-terry-lloyd [https://neuroshambles.com/episode/raising-send-kids-the-dads-perspective-terry-lloyd]   📣 CONTACT US 🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com 📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com 📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles 🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod 📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles 🎙️ CREDITS 🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com