Self Trust Is Freedom (And How to Build It)

Self-Abandonment Healing: How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships with Kendra Allen

There comes a point in healing where you realize the deepest pain was never only about the relationship itself. It was about how much of yourself you lost inside of it. In this week’s podcast episode, Beth sat down with Kendra Allen from Heal Your Heartbreak for a powerful conversation about addiction recovery, heartbreak, nervous system healing, emotionally unavailable relationships, and self-abandonment. One of the most impactful moments in the conversation came when Kendra shared this: “If you ignore your inner compass long enough, you lose your true north.” That is exactly what self-abandonment feels like. It’s slowly disconnecting from yourself in order to maintain connection with someone else. And so many people do it without even realizing it. WHAT IS SELF-ABANDONMENT? Self-abandonment happens when you consistently ignore your own needs, feelings, boundaries, truth, or intuition in order to feel accepted, loved, safe, or chosen. It can look like: * Saying yes when you want to say no * Avoiding difficult conversations * Suppressing your emotions * Over-functioning in relationships * People pleasing * Ignoring red flags * Staying in emotionally unhealthy dynamics * Shape-shifting to avoid rejection * Prioritizing everyone else’s needs over your own Over time, this disconnects you from your authentic self. And eventually, many people wake up feeling emotionally exhausted, resentful, anxious, disconnected, or unsure of who they really are. WHY WE LEARN TO ABANDON OURSELVES Most self-abandonment patterns begin long before adult relationships. They usually develop as survival strategies. For many people, being agreeable, emotionally easy, hyper-independent, helpful, or low maintenance became the safest way to maintain connection growing up. The nervous system learns: “If I become who other people need me to be, I’ll stay safe.” These patterns often continue into adult relationships without conscious awareness. That’s why emotionally unavailable relationships can feel so addictive. They activate old survival patterns that feel familiar to the nervous system. As Beth and Kendra discussed in the episode, healing is not only about finding healthier relationships. It’s about becoming aware of the ways you disconnect from yourself inside relationships. THE LINK BETWEEN HEARTBREAK AND HEALING One of the most powerful parts of the conversation was hearing Kendra share how heartbreak became the catalyst for her healing journey. After years of unhealthy relationship dynamics, she realized that even sobriety had not automatically healed her relationship patterns. She spoke openly about people pleasing, chasing emotionally unavailable partners, and learning how to stop abandoning herself for connection. This is something so many people experience after heartbreak. A breakup often forces us to confront: * The ways we ignored our intuition * The ways we tolerated emotional inconsistency * The ways we overgave * The ways we relied on external validation * The ways we disconnected from ourselves And while heartbreak is painful, it can also become an invitation back to yourself. WHY BOUNDARIES FEEL SO DIFFICULT For people who struggle with self-abandonment, boundaries can initially feel terrifying. Because boundaries often trigger fears of: * Rejection * Conflict * Disappointing people * Being misunderstood * Being abandoned * Being “too much” But boundaries are not punishment. They are protection. They are how we stay connected to ourselves while remaining connected to others. One of the most healing shifts happens when people stop asking: “Will they still like me if I’m honest?” And start asking: “Can I stay connected to myself while being honest?” That changes everything. HEALING REQUIRES AUTHENTICITY One of the biggest takeaways from this episode is that healing requires authenticity. And authenticity can initially feel uncomfortable if you’ve spent your life adapting yourself for others. As Kendra shared, healing often changes relationships. Some friendships fade. Some dynamics shift. Some people no longer resonate with the version of you that is no longer self-abandoning. That can feel lonely at first. But eventually, something beautiful happens. You begin attracting relationships built on truth instead of performance. Relationships where you no longer have to earn love by abandoning yourself. Relationships where you feel emotionally safe enough to be fully seen. REBUILDING SELF-TRUST Healing self-abandonment is ultimately about rebuilding self-trust. It’s learning: * To listen to your intuition again * To honor your feelings * To communicate honestly * To stop betraying yourself for approval * To trust your own needs * To believe you are worthy of healthy love without shape-shifting for it And while this process takes time, it creates a kind of freedom that changes every area of life. As Beth shared during the episode, one of the most empowering parts of healing is knowing: “I will be okay even if this relationship ends.” That is real self-trust. Not because you no longer value relationships, but because you no longer abandon yourself inside them. Healing self-abandonment is not about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming more honest. More connected to yourself. More aware of your patterns. And more willing to choose authenticity over survival. Because the more connected you become to yourself, the less you settle for relationships that require you to disconnect from who you truly are. And that changes everything. IN THIS EPISODE * Kendra’s sobriety journey and healing from addiction * Trauma bonding and emotionally unavailable relationships * How heartbreak became the foundation for Heal Your Heartbreak * Why no-contact is so powerful after a breakup * Nervous system healing in relationships * Self-abandonment and people pleasing * Dating after healing * Learning to trust yourself again * Relationship patterns and emotional availability * How healing changes friendships and relationships * Why authenticity creates deeper connection ABOUT KENDRA: Kendra Allen is the founder of Break Up Bestie, a platform created to help people heal, grow, and reconnect with themselves after heartbreak. After experiencing everything from toxic and codependent relationships to a devastating breakup that completely changed her life, Kendra turned her own healing journey into a space of support for others. Through honest conversations, practical tools, and compassionate guidance, she helps people move forward with self-trust, clarity, and hope after a breakup. CONNECT WITH KENDRA: Instagram: @yourbreakupbestie [https://www.instagram.com/yourbreakupbestie/]Website: BreakupBestie.com [http://breakupbestie.com]Podcast: Heal Your Heartbreak [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heal-your-heartbreak/id1506259735] ABOUT BETH: Beth is a somatic coach, breathwork facilitator, and speaker who helps women and leaders move from survival mode into safety, self-trust, and authentic expression. She bridges nervous system science and spirituality in a grounded, practical way so healing happens beyond mindset. CONNECT WITH BETH: Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/p/Shift-With-Beth-100064853205810/]Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/shiftwithbeth/]Website [https://shiftwithbeth.com/] If this episode resonated, follow and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next. Share it with someone who struggles with boundaries or people-pleasing. Learn more at shiftwithbeth.com [http://shiftwithbeth.com]

How the Enneagram Can Transform Your Relationships, Parenting, and Healing Journey with Tracy O'Malley

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Vulnerability in Leadership: How Self-Awareness Transforms Teams & Relationships with Ken Crenshaw

When most people think about leadership, they think about confidence, authority, and control. But the truth is, the most impactful leaders don’t lead from control—they lead from awareness. Vulnerability in leadership is often misunderstood. It’s not about oversharing or being emotional in every moment. It’s about being real, honest, and grounded in who you are. It’s about having the courage to show up without hiding behind perfection. And more importantly, it’s about creating a space where others feel safe to do the same. Why Vulnerability Is the Most Powerful Leadership Tool One of the biggest insights from this conversation is […]

Self Trust Is Freedom (And How to Build It)

In this episode, Beth breaks down one of the most foundational pieces of emotional healing and personal growth: self-trust.