That's Not a Family Tree... It's a Family Pretzel

That's Not a Family Tree... It's a Family Pretzel

This week on Small Town Shit, Mel and Jessie spend a solid 20 minutes doing what they do best, getting completely sidetracked before ever making it to the story. Between booster club drama, new job updates, gym adventures, ADHD rabbit holes, ruined schedules, and the eternal struggle of making decisions, the conversation goes everywhere before landing exactly where it needs to. Then it's time for this week's listener-submitted Small Town Story, and let's just say things get complicated. What starts as a story about an ex-boyfriend, an ex-wife, and an ex-stepdad quickly turns into one of the most tangled family situations we've ever heard. The result? A family tree so twisted that we officially rename it a family pretzel. Along the way, the girls discuss: * Mel narrowly avoiding becoming Booster Club President * Why Jessie can't function if she has a 3 PM appointment * The chaos of trying to stick to a perfectly planned schedule * Parking lot Zoom calls and strange Dollar General encounters * The difference between being annoyed and being truly angry * Resting bitch face vs. deep concentration * Listener-submitted family drama that broke our brains * Another local "family pretzel" story involving an affair nobody saw coming * The rabbit hole nobody asked for: first-cousin marriage laws across America * Why Paw Paw and Aunt Linda should probably just stay friends If you've ever looked at someone's family situation and thought, "Wait... what?" this episode is for you. "That's not a family tree anymore. That's a family pretzel." Got a family pretzel of your own? A small-town scandal? A story that makes people say, "There is absolutely no way that's real"? Send it our way! We love hearing the wild and weird stories that only happen in small towns. 👇🏼 https://forms.gle/6emMEwEGJbbQ41dK9 [https://forms.gle/6emMEwEGJbbQ41dK9]  Follow us on social media and keep those stories coming, we couldn't make this show without you! IG- https://www.instagram.com/smalltownshitpod?igsh=MWEweHI0bTdqcGVhZQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr [https://www.instagram.com/smalltownshitpod?igsh=MWEweHI0bTdqcGVhZQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr] FB- https://www.facebook.com/share/1BfLPH3aHt/?mibextid=wwXIfr [https://www.facebook.com/share/1BfLPH3aHt/?mibextid=wwXIfr] TT-https://www.tiktok.com/@smalltownpod?_r=1&_t=ZP-97T1BPqpNOg [https://www.tiktok.com/@smalltownpod?_r=1&_t=ZP-97T1BPqpNOg]

Half Brothers, Holsteins & History Lessons

This week on Small Town Shit, we start with a shocking realization: we don't actually know how government works. Somewhere between discussing the "basketball Super Bowl," communist countries, and whether coaches should be teaching history, the conversation takes a hard left turn into family secrets, funeral stories, small-town entertainment, and one listener's unforgettable dairy farm adventure. Mel shares the unbelievable story of discovering a secret half-brother in the Philippines through Facebook, Jessie questions whether she's a psychopath because she doesn't yawn back, and somehow we end up debating whether we'd come back as hummingbirds, cows, or something even more annoying. Then we hear a listener story that proves just how different small-town teenage rebellion can be. While city kids were sneaking off to parties, these girls accidentally triggered a police search after disappearing to spend the evening hanging out with dairy cows. As always, things spiral beautifully. In This Episode: * Why we think we need a history segment * The "basketball Super Bowl" controversy * Government, politics, and things we should probably know by now * Mel's surprise half-brother in the Philippines * Funeral mishaps and showing up in the wrong outfit * Spiritual festivals, tarot cards, and good vibes * What animal we'd come back as * The dairy farm disappearance story * Growing up in a truly small town * Turkey legs vs turkey claws * Botox math and adult problems Listener Story: A late-night dairy farm adventure turns into a full-blown police response when two teenagers forget to tell anyone where they're going. Turns out hanging out with cows at 1 AM is suspicious behavior. Who knew? Submit your stories here ↓  https://forms.gle/V2AUKFKZ2jffGVsr6 [https://forms.gle/V2AUKFKZ2jffGVsr6]

I Got Escorted Out of Church by the Police

This week, Mel and Jessie are recording from a top-secret dungeon (for legal reasons, apparently) and catching up on the first few weeks of summer. The conversation starts with summer survival, pool day dreams, 75 Hard updates, magnesium margaritas, and the pressure society puts on people who choose not to drink. From there, they spiral into discussions about weight-loss shots, Ozempic culture, low-rise jean trauma, and why millennials are still recovering from the early 2000s. Then things get interesting. A listener shares the unbelievable story of being escorted out of church by police as a teenager after a misunderstanding with their parents. That story launches Mel and Jessie into their own teenage adventures, including sneaking out, getting blamed for things they didn't do, and one absolutely terrible decision involving strangers, the mountains, and a situation that could have easily ended up on Dateline. And because no Small Town Shit episode stays on track for long, the episode somehow ends with an in-depth discussion about public bathroom etiquette, fart anxiety, and one unfortunate freshman-year incident that ruined an innocent guy's reputation. In This Episode: * Summer break survival mode * Starting 75 Hard (again) * Non-alcoholic magnesium margaritas * Ozempic, weight-loss culture, and health trends * The trauma of low-rise jeans * The listener who got escorted out of church by police * Sneaking out as teenagers * The questionable decisions we survived as kids * Why boys are chaos in public * Public bathroom embarrassment * Fart theories * The story that got poor Kyle blamed for something he didn't do Question of the Week: What's the worst place you've ever farted? And what's the dumbest thing you did as a teenager that somehow didn't get you killed? Send us your stories, we'll be reading our favorites on a future episode.

My Teenager Has Notes 🫠

What happens when your co-host is out for the week and you replace her with your teenage son? Chaos. This week, Corban joins the podcast to answer questions, share his thoughts on growing up and most importantly, roast Mel for the entire episode. From her terrible driving and questionable parking skills to the beta fish cover-up she's been hiding for years, nothing is off limits. We also talk about parenting, teenage life, Goodwill Bin Store madness, and why strict parents might be setting their kids up for failure. If you've ever been humbled by a teenager, this episode is for you. Fair warning: if you're a parent, this episode may cause emotional damage.

Hostile Toast Energy

This week on Small Town Shit, Mel and Jessie dive headfirst into the wildest neighborhood complaint stories the internet has to offer and somehow end up discussing haunted Airbnbs, HOA conspiracies, Disney Solitaire addictions, office fish wars, and whether kids laughing is now considered a public disturbance. From neighbors measuring grass with rulers to a roommate documenting “hostile energy while making toast,” this episode proves that some people truly wake up looking for something to complain about. The girls also debate the horrors of HOAs, relive traumatic childhood stories (RIP Neopet), and uncover a possible ghost/demonic Airbnb situation in Austin that honestly deserves its own Netflix documentary. Also discussed: * The ice cream truck debate no one asked for * Why office microwaves should be federally regulated * HOA “psychological warfare” * A neighbor offended by children laughing * Murder mystery dinners at the Belvedere * Whether ghosts know all the town gossip * Why country living > HOA living * Mel’s future mayor campaign platform: abolish all HOAs If you’ve ever lived next to a Karen, been trapped in a Facebook complaint group, or just enjoy chaotic small-town energy… this episode is for you. Send us your: * Small town stories * HOA horror stories * Complaint page screenshots * Rodeo drama * Neighborhood chaos