EP 75: Breaking the Trauma Bond: Taking Back Your Power

EP 79: Living in the Aftermath with Lyndsey Hackford: Stories of Survival, Advocacy, and Hope Beyond Abuse

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Lyndsey Hackford, a domestic violence survivor, advocate, and host of the podcast Living in the Aftermath. After enduring years of coercive control and abuse that began at just 16 years old, shaped by her strict Mormon upbringing, Lyndsey now uses her voice to shed light on the psychological realities of abuse and why leaving is often far more complex than it seems. Lyndsey shares how her abuser used subtle manipulation to isolate her from dance, family, and her sense of independence, along with the darkest moments of her experience and the challenges she faced within the justice system. Drawing from both lived experience and her advocacy work, she now helps others understand trauma, reclaim their identity, and find meaning and purpose after abuse. Together, Laura and Lyndsey explore the long-term impact of coercive control, the complexities of healing, and the importance of creating honest, supportive spaces for survivors. Through her podcast Living in the Aftermath and her advocacy, Lyndsey continues to educate, empower, and amplify the voices of those navigating life after abuse. Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction (00:01:25) Laura introduces her guest, Lyndsey Hackford, a survivor, advocate, and host of the "Living in the Aftermath" podcast. Meeting the Abuser (00:02:46) Lyndsey shares that she met her abusive ex-partner at the young and naive age of sixteen. Upbringing and Religious Background (00:03:19) Lyndsey describes her strict Mormon upbringing, which taught her to be subservient and not question male authority. Early Isolation Tactics (00:04:58) Lyndsey's abuser convinced her to quit competitive dance, a lifelong passion, framing it as a way to gain independence. The Subtlety of Control (00:07:12) Lyndsey explains how her ex's manipulation didn't seem like isolation at the time, but rather like supportive encouragement. Questioning Authority (00:07:57) Lyndsey and Laura discuss being labeled "difficult" as children for asking questions, especially within high-control religious environments. The Dynamics of Isolation (00:11:30) Lyndsey describes how her ex made family events so uncomfortable that she chose to cut off contact with her family. The Burden of Managing an Abuser (00:15:09) The hosts discuss the exhausting and impossible task of managing an abuser's emotions and making them feel comfortable. Life After Abuse (00:18:46) Lyndsey and Laura talk about the overwhelming but exciting process of rediscovering their own identities after leaving their relationships. Emotional vs. Physical Abuse (00:22:02) Lyndsey emphasizes that the emotional abuse she endured for years was often harder to process than the physical violence. Grieving Someone Who Is Still Alive (00:23:56) The hosts discuss the unique and complex grief of mourning a relationship with an abuser who is still living. A Violent Attack (00:27:29) Lyndsey recounts a brutal physical assault where her ex threw her onto concrete, resulting in a serious head injury. The Danger of Leaving (00:30:05) Lyndsey explains why leaving is the most dangerous time for a survivor, using her own story as a powerful example. The Abuser's Childhood (00:35:38) Lyndsey explains how her ex's traumatic childhood, including being given up by his birth father, shaped his abusive behavior. The First Arrest (00:37:17) Lyndsey details the confusing events leading to her ex's first arrest, which he initiated by calling the police himself. The Aftermath and Final Outcome (00:41:52) Lyndsey shares the journey through the legal system, the divorce, and how her ex eventually gave up parental rights. Becoming an Advocate (00:47:22) Lyndsey explains how she found purpose by sharing her story, speaking at high schools, and starting her own podcast. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Lyndsey, 'The moment you realize that you're not responsible for that other person that you will never please, it is the most relieving feeling on the planet.' Lyndsey, 'I still believe to this day that the emotional stuff I went through was so much harder than anything physical I went through, and I suffered that for so much longer, but didn't even realize it.' Lyndsey, 'It did feel like I was grieving my relationship with him as I was in it, because it felt like I didn't know the person that I was with.' Lyndsey, 'There were so many things that I questioned and I'm like, "Was that real? Did that really happen to me?"' Lyndsey, 'I knew very early on that if I didn't find a purpose for my trauma, it was going to destroy me because it doesn't go away.' RESOURCES: COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura [https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura] YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, RECLAIMING YOUR SANITY AND SELF-WORTH AFTER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE ebook: laurarichpodcast.gumroad.com/l/notcrazyebook [https://laurarichpodcast.gumroad.com/l/notcrazyebook?_gl=1*mx8uag*_ga*MjEwMjE2Nzk3MS4xNzQ2NDkyMTE2*_ga_6LJN6D94N6*czE3NTE4NTYyMjEkbzQ5JGcwJHQxNzUxODU2MjIxJGo2MCRsMCRoMA..] MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/book-store [https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/book-store] FOLLOW THE PODCAST: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com [http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/] JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 [https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517] LISTEN TO MY INTERVIEW ON LYNDSEY'S PODCAST: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1PXIffZjG9IkeKJNF7hIvI?si=dO2EDoR4R2GyNtg8qTeKhQ [https://open.spotify.com/episode/1PXIffZjG9IkeKJNF7hIvI?si=dO2EDoR4R2GyNtg8qTeKhQ] FOLLOW LYNDSEY: INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/lyndseyh6723/ [https://www.instagram.com/lyndseyh6723/] YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@livingintheaftermath [https://www.youtube.com/@livingintheaftermath] Lyndsey's Story: Beyond The Monsters Part 1: https://youtu.be/GZMoAHaTEmc?si=UHZt9HkRJAM7y7I- [https://youtu.be/GZMoAHaTEmc?si=UHZt9HkRJAM7y7I-] Beyond The Monsters Part 2: https://youtu.be/oJx5xraQuk8?si=uSjYf-G6xeTq0YZN [https://youtu.be/oJx5xraQuk8?si=uSjYf-G6xeTq0YZN] The Rollercoaster Podcast: https://youtu.be/S-D6vhXsWiA?si=wZV5VABaK-mlUVrS [https://youtu.be/S-D6vhXsWiA?si=wZV5VABaK-mlUVrS] "Healing begins the moment you realize their control was never your responsibility—and your life is still yours to reclaim." Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com [https://resilientvoicemedia.com/] Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

EP 78: Healing Hidden Trauma and Finding Your Voice with Christina L. Woods

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Christina L. Woods, an internationally recognized Clinical Hypnotherapist, Rapid Transformational Therapist®, Certified High Performance Coach, Reiki Master, author, and founder of Wise Woods Hypnotherapy, Inc. Christina helps women unlock their worth, release limiting beliefs, and align with their authentic selves through her signature Wise Woods Method™, which blends hypnotherapy, coaching, and energy healing. Christina shares her powerful personal journey from a 30-year corporate career to discovering hypnotherapy after her marriage collapsed and her health declined. Drawing from both her professional background and lived experience, she opens up about buried childhood trauma, including sexual abuse she didn't acknowledge until age 50, and how it shaped patterns of people-pleasing, overachievement, and self-sabotage. Together, Laura and Christina explore the power of subconscious beliefs, the role of various healing modalities, and the importance of self-compassion, boundaries, and breaking shame. This episode is a deeply honest and transformative conversation about reclaiming your identity, trusting your inner wisdom, and creating a life that feels aligned, meaningful, and fully your own. Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction & Overview (00:01:33) Laura introduces Christina Woods, her background, and previews the conversation about childhood trauma and healing. Christina's Career Shift & Hypnotherapy Introduction (00:03:17) Christina shares her transition from corporate life to healing work and initial misconceptions about hypnotherapy. Childhood Patterns & Overachievement (00:04:10) Christina discusses how childhood survival strategies led to people-pleasing, overachievement, and stress in adulthood. Therapy & Hypnotherapy Experience (00:05:06) Christina describes her journey into therapy, discovering hypnotherapy, and how it quickly revealed and rewired limiting beliefs. How Beliefs Shape Reality (00:07:04) Explains how subconscious beliefs drive behavior and how hypnotherapy helps rewire them for positive change. Challenging Internal Narratives (00:08:02) Laura and Christina discuss questioning negative self-talk and the importance of forming new, positive neural pathways. Learning, Failing, and Growth (00:11:13) They talk about the value of trying new things, embracing failure, and how the brain grows through new experiences. Impact of Narcissistic Relationships (00:12:27) Laura shares how being with a narcissist stifled her ability to try and fail, leading to self-silencing. Seeking Evidence for Beliefs (00:13:06) Christina explains how people seek evidence to support their strongest beliefs, even if those beliefs are negative or untrue. Paradigm Shifts & Changing Self-Dialogue (00:14:21) Discussion on how changing internal dialogue can shift reality and self-perception. Questioning Thoughts & Ownership (00:15:14) Laura emphasizes that not all thoughts are true and the importance of identifying whose voice is influencing self-perception. Unlearning Old Patterns After Divorce (00:19:26) Laura reflects on the process of unlearning automatic behaviors and discovering her authentic self post-divorce. Making New Thoughts Familiar (00:20:26) Christina explains the brain's resistance to change and the need to make new, positive thoughts familiar through repetition. Childhood Trauma's Impact on Adulthood (00:22:29) Christina shares how buried childhood sexual abuse shaped her self-worth, relationships, and coping mechanisms. The Relief of Facing Trauma (00:27:10) Christina describes the relief and self-compassion that came from acknowledging and processing her trauma. Breaking Shame Through Community (00:30:18) Laura discusses how sharing stories and connecting with others helps break the isolation of shame. Universal Patterns of People-Pleasing (00:32:14) They discuss how many women develop people-pleasing tendencies due to childhood roles and expectations. Subconscious Mind & Hypnotherapy (00:32:53) Christina explains the power of the subconscious mind and how hypnotherapy accesses and rewires it. Healing Modalities After Divorce (00:34:43) Christina lists the various healing methods she used post-divorce, including EMDR, therapy, and energy healing. Journaling as a Healing Tool (00:37:44) Both discuss the power of journaling for processing emotions, tracking growth, and expressing anger safely. Boundaries, Anger, and Self-Abandonment (00:41:40) They explore how anger signals unmet needs, the importance of boundaries, and the tendency to self-abandon. Closing Encouragement & Resources (00:44:55) Christina offers final encouragement that change is possible, and Laura shares where listeners can find Christina and support the podcast. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Christina, 'I have learned things about myself that I believed to be true that aren't even true—beliefs like I'm not good enough and I'm bad. And I realize those beliefs that aren't true literally have carved the way I've led my life.' Christina, 'I never felt enough. I always felt less than other people. And so how it influenced my life was seeking validation outside of me. Overachieving. Overdoing. Over giving.' Christina, 'When you hide shame and you hide guilt, it really just created a Christina version of me that was overcompensating to hide shame and guilt.' Christina, 'When you have compassion for yourself, you allow yourself to love yourself and be patient and kind and understanding.' Christina, 'So much of this process is about not abandoning yourself.' RESOURCES: * COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura [https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura] * YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE [http://laurarichpodcast.gumroad.com/l/notcrazyebook] * MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE [https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards] * JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 [https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517] FOLLOW CHRISTINA: * WEBSITE: https://christinalwoods.com/ [https://christinalwoods.com/] * INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/christina.lwoods/ [https://www.instagram.com/christina.lwoods/] * FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/christinalwoodsvaron/ [https://www.facebook.com/christinalwoodsvaron/] * LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christinalwoodsvaron/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/christinalwoodsvaron/] Free Hypnosis Audio https://christinalwoods.mykajabi.com/offers/8zr2ZscK/checkout [https://christinalwoods.mykajabi.com/offers/8zr2ZscK/checkout] "The beliefs you learned to survive aren't the ones you have to live by—healing begins when you choose a new story." Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com [https://resilientvoicemedia.com/] Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

EP 77: Shattering Silence with Michelle Jewsbury: How One Woman's Story Became a Global Movement for Survivors

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura interviews Michelle Jewsbury, founder and CEO of Unsilenced Voices, internationally recognized speaker, coach, and survivor of domestic abuse. Michelle is known for helping individuals transform their personal stories into powerful narratives, using her own journey of breaking the cycle of abuse to inspire others to create impact and purpose from their pain. Michelle shares her harrowing experience with a violent, controlling partner, detailing the early red flags, escalating abuse, and her eventual escape. She opens up about how she transformed her trauma into advocacy through writing, performing a solo play, and launching global programs that support survivors in West Africa. As the driving force behind Unsilenced Voices, Michelle now works with individuals, entrepreneurs, and organizations to harness the power of storytelling for healing and growth. Throughout the conversation, Michelle emphasizes the importance of speaking out, seeking support, and finding community. This episode delivers a powerful message of hope, resilience, and empowerment for survivors ready to reclaim their voice and rewrite their story. Key Topics & Timestamps Michelle's Background & Abusive Relationship (00:03:31) Michelle shares her upbringing, move to Hollywood, and meeting her abusive partner. Early Red Flags & Control (00:04:49) Michelle describes early signs of control and manipulation in her relationship. Hope After Abuse & Unlearning Patterns (00:06:08) Michelle and Laura discuss hope for healthy relationships and the need to unlearn toxic patterns. First Incident of Physical Violence (00:07:27) Michelle recounts the first act of physical violence and her initial reaction. Documenting Her Story & Founding UnSilenced Voices (00:07:58) Michelle explains how documenting her experience led to a play, memoir, and founding her nonprofit. Suing Her Abuser & Regaining Her Voice (00:08:54) Michelle details suing her abuser for financial and emotional damages and the empowerment it brought. The Importance of Speaking Out (00:10:12) Laura and Michelle discuss the stigma of talking about abuse and the importance of breaking silence. Leaving an Abusive Relationship (00:11:34) Both share the difficulty and commonality of multiple attempts to leave abusive partners. Escalation of Abuse & Final Break (00:12:24) Michelle describes escalating violence, infidelity, and what finally gave her the strength to leave. Therapy & Finding Her Voice (00:14:24) Laura and Michelle discuss therapy's role in healing and reclaiming self-worth. Life After Abuse & Small Wins (00:16:10) They reflect on the freedom and small victories experienced after leaving abuse. Recognizing Emotional Abuse (00:19:03) Laura discusses realizing emotional abuse through journaling and family patterns. Who Michelle Helps & Her Programs (00:19:59) Michelle explains her nonprofit and for-profit work, including programs in Sierra Leone and coaching survivors. Why Sierra Leone? (00:24:10) Michelle shares how she was called to work in Africa and the origins of her nonprofit's international focus. The Power of Sharing Your Story (00:26:46) Michelle encourages listeners to share their stories to help others and create change. Healing Modalities & Performing Her Story (00:28:30) Michelle describes how writing, performing, and speaking publicly contributed to her healing. Dealing with Naysayers & Victim Blaming (00:30:33) They discuss negative reactions, victim blaming, and the importance of supportive communities. Support Systems & Cultural Barriers (00:32:41) Michelle talks about losing friends during abuse, the need for supportive people, and cultural challenges in addressing abuse. Encouragement & Final Advice (00:37:03) Michelle and Laura offer encouragement to keep going, referencing "just keep swimming" from Finding Nemo. Powerful Quotes from the Episode 'Michelle, 'I started to really accept that this happened, but it doesn't have to define me.' 'Michelle, 'What I did get from this is my voice back. So when I got my voice back after four years of a lawsuit, it made me feel empowered that I could accomplish all of this.' 'Michelle, 'When you're out of those situations, the prosperity that you actually get, not just financially but for your soul, is incredible.' 'Michelle, 'Our stories are not just for us. Our stories are to help other people.' 'Michelle, 'If you feel trapped, if you are stuck, if you've escaped and you're still in this turmoil of why didn't it work, I want you to know to just keep swimming, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don't give up. Do not give up because it will get better, I promise you that.' RESOURCES: * COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura [https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura] * YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE [http://laurarichpodcast.gumroad.com/l/notcrazyebook] * MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE [https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards] * JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 [https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517] FOLLOW MICHELLE: * WEBSITE: https://www.michellejewsbury.com/ [https://www.michellejewsbury.com/] * https://unsilencedvoices.org/ [https://unsilencedvoices.org/] "Silence protects the pain—your voice creates change." Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com [https://resilientvoicemedia.com/] Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

EP 76: Building Your Emotional Home with Alyssa Scarano

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Alyssa Scarano, LPC, NCC, therapist and Founder and Clinical Director of The Collective Therapy & Wellness. Known for her empathetic and compassionate approach, Alyssa views her work as a profound privilege—supporting clients through their most vulnerable experiences while helping them heal from childhood trauma, break generational patterns, and build meaningful, authentic relationships rooted in self-compassion. Alyssa shares how personal loss in her twenties led her to pursue therapy and ultimately specialize in generational trauma and family dynamics. Together, she and Laura explore how childhood emotional suppression shapes adult behavior, the importance of inner child work, and how self-love becomes the foundation for healthy boundaries. Using a powerful "home" metaphor, Alyssa illustrates boundary-setting in a relatable way and encourages listeners to embrace discomfort as a necessary part of healing. She also offers a free 21-day email series designed to help build self-worth. Key Topics & Timestamps Episode Overview & Guest Introduction (00:01:29) Laura previews the conversation with Alyssa about generational patterns, boundaries, and self-love. Alyssa's Healing Journey (00:02:58) Alyssa shares her personal background, family dynamics, and how therapy empowered her. Family Silence and Childhood Trauma (00:03:26) Discussion about growing up in families that suppress emotions and the impact on children. Internalizing Trauma as a Child (00:06:19) Exploring how children internalize family trauma and blame themselves. Alyssa's Path to Therapy Work (00:07:16) Alyssa describes her transition from personal healing to becoming a family therapist. Inner Child Work Explained (00:09:26) Alyssa explains inner child work, early social learning, and how childhood beliefs shape adulthood. Boundaries and Self-Love Connection (00:11:46) Laura and Alyssa discuss how boundaries are rooted in self-love and healing childhood wounds. Survival Mode Parenting & Boundaries (00:13:06) Exploring how generational survival mode affects parenting and boundary-setting. External vs. Internal Boundaries (00:14:10) Alyssa explains the difference between visible boundaries and internal boundaries around self-worth. Impact of Narcissistic Abuse and Healing (00:15:04) Laura shares her experience with narcissistic abuse and the process of unraveling negative self-beliefs. How Trauma Gets Stuck (00:16:32) Alyssa explains trauma as a combination of vulnerability, acute events, and lack of support. Importance of Emotional Support (00:17:51) Discussion on how lack of support after trauma makes healing harder and the need for safe spaces. Therapy Process: Genogram & Family Mapping (00:18:58) Alyssa describes her intake process using genograms to map family patterns and roles. Negative Side of Healing & Family Reactions (00:20:24) Laura discusses how healing can disrupt family dynamics and lead to uncomfortable reactions. Discomfort and Growth in Healing (00:21:59) Alyssa explains why discomfort is part of growth and why families may resist change. Embracing All Emotions (00:23:11) Alyssa emphasizes the importance of feeling all emotions, including anger, for empowerment and boundary-setting. Therapy as a Safe Space (00:26:06) Laura and Alyssa discuss the value of therapy as a safe, validating environment for self-expression. Therapist's Emotional Labor (00:28:30) Alyssa reflects on the emotional demands of being a therapist and the risk of vicarious trauma. Healthy Relationships and Community (00:30:11) Laura shares how healing attracts healthier relationships and changes her social circle. Tips for Listeners: Embracing Discomfort & Self-Compassion (00:30:53) Alyssa offers advice on tolerating discomfort, managing expectations, and giving oneself grace during healing. Boundaries Metaphor: Home as Self (00:33:13) Alyssa introduces a metaphor comparing boundaries to managing your home and deciding who gets access. Self-Love as the Foundation (00:37:34) Alyssa and Laura discuss how self-love is the foundation for breaking patterns and setting boundaries. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Alyssa, "I did my own healing, went to therapy, and found the words and the space to explore what I was feeling, and that was so empowering for me because it changed my life." Alyssa, "You're always kind of working with that inner child that was not seen and not validated, and it's powerful to offer someone an experience they never had." Alyssa, "We have the internal boundary of being able to separate someone else's responses from how you view yourself and your own self-worth—it's like putting up a veil and not letting someone else's behavior pierce it." Alyssa, "We belong to ourselves long before we belong to anyone else." Alyssa, "The reason why those patterns and behaviors formed in the first place was out of a desire for connection and love, so it begins with deciding you are worthy of love—you always were." RESOURCES: * COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura [https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura] * YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE [http://laurarichpodcast.gumroad.com/l/notcrazyebook] * MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE [https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards] * JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 [https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517] FOLLOW ALYSSA: * WEBSITE: www.collective-therapy.com [http://www.collective-therapy.com/] * FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/collective.therapy.wellness [https://www.facebook.com/collective.therapy.wellness] * INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/live.collective.wellness/ [https://www.instagram.com/live.collective.wellness/] "Healing begins the moment you realize you are worthy of the love, safety, and voice you were once denied." Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com [https://resilientvoicemedia.com/] Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

EP 75: Breaking the Trauma Bond: Taking Back Your Power

In this episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura shares her personal journey of healing after divorcing a narcissist. She explains the psychological and chemical roots of trauma bonding, the confusing emotions survivors face, and the challenges of breaking free. Laura offers practical steps for recovery, including going no contact, journaling, rebuilding identity, seeking support, and trauma-informed therapy. She emphasizes self-compassion and patience, reassuring listeners that healing is possible and encouraging them to reclaim their lives. Laura closes by inviting listeners to join her supportive community and reminding them they are not alone in their recovery. Key Topics & Timestamps Purpose of the Podcast & Sharing Stories (00:00:31) Emphasizes the importance of sharing difficult stories for collective healing, especially for women. Trigger Warning (00:01:13) Brief warning about potentially triggering content in the episode. Understanding Trauma Bonding (00:01:21) Laura describes her conflicting feelings after leaving her marriage and introduces the concept of trauma bonding. Personal Experience with Trauma Bond (00:02:31) Shares her emotional struggle post-divorce and the confusion of loving and hating her abuser. Intermittent Reinforcement & Abuse Dynamics (00:03:30) Explains how abusers use intermittent reinforcement to keep victims attached and feeling small. Shame and Staying Too Long (00:05:59) Discusses the shame survivors feel for staying and the psychological manipulation that keeps them in abusive relationships. Chemical Basis of Trauma Bond (00:06:59) Explains the brain chemistry behind trauma bonds and the need to rebuild positive chemicals after leaving. The Good Memory Trap (00:08:14) Warns against idealizing isolated good moments in abusive relationships and describes ongoing hypervigilance. Addiction to Hope & Beginning Healing (00:09:23) Clarifies that survivors are addicted to hope, not the abuser, and introduces the first healing steps. No Contact Rule (00:10:41) Stresses the importance of going no contact to break the trauma bond and protect oneself from manipulation. Practical Steps for No Contact (00:11:41) Shares her personal approach to no contact, including blocking on social media and handling mutual friends. No Contact in Co-Parenting & Boundaries (00:12:46) Advises on maintaining boundaries and low contact when full no contact isn't possible, especially with children. No Contact is Survival, Not Cruelty (00:13:49) Explains why staying friends with a narcissist is dangerous and reinforces that no contact is about survival. Journaling for Clarity (00:14:59) Recommends journaling to document abuse, validate experiences, and avoid romanticizing the past. Reconnecting with Identity & Dreams (00:16:02) Encourages rediscovering passions and rebuilding identity lost during the abusive relationship. Building a Support System (00:18:09) Highlights the importance of finding supportive communities and professionals for healing. Trauma-Informed Therapy & Somatic Healing (00:19:19) Advocates for trauma-informed therapy and somatic practices to heal both mind and body. Self-Compassion & Patience in Healing (00:20:44) Emphasizes self-kindness, patience, and the gradual nature of recovery from abuse. Breaking the Inner Voice of the Narcissist (00:22:05) Describes the process of reclaiming one's own thoughts and voice after leaving abuse. Encouragement & Final Thoughts (00:23:10) Offers reassurance about the healing journey, normalizes setbacks, and encourages persistence. Powerful Quotes from the Episode 'I also didn't know until I started to understand some things that you can actually have two opposing thoughts. You can actually hate somebody and love somebody at the same time.' 'So remember that you weren't addicted to him. You were addicted to the hope of the person he pretended to be.' 'No contact is not cruelty. It is survival.' 'You hating him and missing him at the same time does not make you weak. It makes you human.' 'The confusion is not a sign that you made a mistake leaving. It's a sign of how deep the bond went.' RESOURCES: * GRAB THE TRAUMA BOND ACTION GUIDE: https://laurarichpodcast.systeme.io/trauma-bond [https://laurarichpodcast.systeme.io/trauma-bond] * COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura [https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura] * YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE [http://laurarichpodcast.gumroad.com/l/notcrazyebook] * MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE [https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards] * JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 [https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517] "You weren't addicted to the person—you were holding on to the hope. Healing begins when you choose yourself over that illusion." Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com [https://resilientvoicemedia.com/] Contact us for expert podcast production and support.