Episode 30 | Tidying Up — And Why Bother

Family, Friends, Fakes & Frauds — And Why You Keep Them Around (Part 1)

I got my ass beaten with a rubber paddle while my father held me down with his forearm and my mother switched hands when her right arm got tired. They called it spanking. I call it what it was. That's where this one starts — not to revisit the wound, but because you cannot talk honestly about family without being honest about what family actually was. For me. In my house. On my specific body. This episode is about the inventory. Family. Friends. Fakes and frauds. Not the definitions you were handed — the ones you actually live by, whether you've named them or not. I'm going to tell you about the last time I saw my parents. My brother talking shit about my wife at our wedding while my mother stood there with her arms crossed. The choice I made that day and haven't reconsidered once. My father dying and finding out from my uncle because nobody thought to call me — and me not giving a shit, and being honest about what that says and doesn't say. I'm going to tell you about the friend who only calls when he's been drinking. The brother who's wealthy enough to charter a private jet and didn't offer to help when we needed it — and how I sat with wanting him to and him not. The person who spends thirty minutes unloading their life and then says by the way, how are you doing. And I'm going to ask you the question underneath all of it. Why are these people in your life? What does keeping them there tell you about what you believe you deserve? I didn't know families could actually enjoy each other until I married into one. That's not a punchline. That's the whole point.

Episode 39 | The Ever Changing: Who I Was, Who I Am, and What I'm Actually Doing Here

I've got a cold Guinness, headphones on, and Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings playing while I talk into this microphone. Very few people know I'm a classically trained flautist. That's not the point of this episode, but it kind of is. This one goes back to the beginning — not the beginning of the podcast, but the beginning of the pursuit. The Bible verses my father had me memorize while the belt and the rubber paddle said something completely different. The list of traditions I moved through trying to find something that made sense of what I was experiencing. Neville Goddard, Abraham Hicks, Eastern mysticism, the Church of Latter-day Saints, Elizabeth Clare Prophet — I needed answers badly enough to look everywhere. What I finally understood is that the answer was never in any of those places. Not because they were wrong, but because none of them could tell me who I was. Only I had access to that. You are the single constant variable in every experience you have ever had. Every single one. And until you're willing to sit with that — really sit with it — none of the books, the traditions, the courses, or the teachers are going to do what you actually need them to do. I'm not counting listeners anymore. I'm not counting anything. Someone is going to hear this and know exactly what I'm talking about. What do you hide? What do you submerge so other people will accept you? How much of yourself do you set aside just to keep the peace? That's what this episode is actually asking.

She's Here (FINALLY) — And No, She's Not Introducing Herself

I've been talking about bringing Sharon on for years. Today she's here. Sitting across from me, right in front of the microphone, on a Monday in June that we weren't even planning on recording. This is not what I imagined this episode would look like. It sure as shit isn't what she imagined either. What you're going to hear is two people who have been together for twelve years doing what they actually do — which is talk, disagree, laugh, forget what they were saying, knock shit over, and somehow arrive at something true by the end of it. No outline. No formal introduction. No curated version of who we are. Sharon refused to introduce herself. She was right to. We talk about TikTok and why we haven't done it yet. We talk about Jelly Roll and Bunny XO and celebrity couples and irreconcilable differences and what it actually takes to make something real work. We talk about her cancers. About four marriages and four divorces and what made the fifth one different. About schedules and the word fuck it and why consistency means something different to us than it might to you. And at the very end, Sharon figures out why she was resisting posting the TikTok conversation we recorded earlier. It's a good reason. She's here. It took as long as it needed to.

What About That Fucking List is Really True?

I made a list.    Four marriages worth of lists actually.    One could reasonably say that I sucked at finding the one to love, the one with whom all of life could be truly shared.   Four marriages.   Four divorces.   How in the actual fuck did I even think that a fifth was possible and not end up like the other four? Out. Of. My. Everlasting. Mind.   Right?   But you see, I still believed, despite all of the shit that I thought about myself, was that the right person with the right qualities was “out there.” And together, we would figure out the relationship from there.   Together.   Didn't work.   Until…   This episode is about what I finally asked myself instead — what if I stop focusing on the person and start defining the relationship I actually want? And what if I go even further back than that and ask who I need to be to participate in that relationship honestly?   I talk about the sexual abuse and what it did to my ability to be intimate with another person. About the litmus test disclosures — giving someone just enough to see if they recoil before you give them the real thing. About learning the hard way that preemptive disclosure doesn't work and that trusting yourself means trusting the timing.   I didn't know Sharon existed when I made my list. I didn't know what year she was born or what her skin looked like. I just did the work on myself and defined what I actually wanted honestly for the first time. And then she showed up.   I don't know how that works exactly.    I'm just telling you it did.   The free workbooks are at www.theloveofyourlifetime.com.    Start with The Mist. Everything else follows from there.

Episode 38 | None of This Tech Holds My Hand

I'm on the sofa next to my wife. Coffee's hot. The trees outside haven't leafed out yet but the birds are already doing their thing on the light post and I'm watching them like I've got nowhere else to be. I've got an iMac, a MacBook Air, a MacBook Pro, a 32-inch monitor, an iPad Air, an iPad Pro, a Vocaster 2, Bose speakers, and a fountain pen. And not one single piece of it comes to meet me at the door. This one is short. It's about cherry picking — specifically about the fact that most of us do it constantly and don't realize it, and that what we tend to pick is the ugly stuff. The painful stuff. The evidence for the prosecution against ourselves. What if you rooted around for the good stuff instead? Not toxic positivity. Not pretending the hard things didn't happen. Just — what if you applied the same energy you use to excavate the worst moments to finding the ones that actually felt like something worth keeping? That's it. That's the episode. I'm going to go hold my wife's hand before I have to get dressed for the day job.