The Cabrera Lab Podcast

#109: Think It Through: When Reality Isn’t What You Want It to Be

Get 20% off any STSI course with code REALITY20 — become a scientist today! In this Think It Through episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University tackle a hard question: what do you do when reality is showing you something you don’t want to believe? They break down what “love reality” actually means (it’s not about enjoying it), why most “sudden” crises are built one tiny decision at a time, and how fear, denial, and catastrophizing can trap you in a mental model that makes things worse. From being stuck on the side of a mountain to the slow slide toward divorce, they show how separating thoughts from feelings, getting comfortable with discomfort, and aligning your decisions with what’s real is how you get your agency back.

#108: Stop Believing Frameworks That Haven’t Been Tested

Get 20% off any STSI course with code VALID20 — become a scientist today! In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University unpack one of the most overlooked distinctions in science—and in life: the difference between studying whether something exists and studying its effect. Before you measure outcomes, before you test benefits, before you publish results, there’s a deeper question that most fields skip entirely: does the thing you’re talking about even exist in the way you claim it does? From corporate culture to SWOT analyses to systems thinking itself, they explain how entire disciplines often assume existence without ever testing it. They break down why construct validity matters more in complex human systems than in physics, why most frameworks are legacy opinions rather than verified models, and why science is not prestige, academia, or authority—it’s freedom. This conversation moves from sheep-counting to gravity, from empathy to organizational models, and lands on a powerful idea: science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking. If your model aligns with reality, it works. If it doesn’t, it fails. That alignment—what they call model–world alignment—is the real test. If you care about truth, effectiveness, or building better mental models for your life, this episode will fundamentally sharpen the way you think.

#107: Love Is a Behavior, Not a Feeling

Get 20% off any STSI course with code LOVE20 — start loving reality today! In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University unpack a radical but deeply practical idea: love is not a feeling — it’s a behavior. While most of us are taught to think of love as romance, chemistry, or intense emotion, the Cabreras argue that those experiences are often hormonal surges or evolutionary drives mistaken for something deeper. Real love, they explain, is built through repeated micro-decisions — small, consistent behaviors that accumulate over time into something solid, secure, and trustworthy. They explore why words are easy but trustworthy patterns of behavior are hard, how integrity determines whether “I love you” actually means anything, and why love must apply across concentric circles — from self, to partner, to family, to community, and ultimately to reality itself. Drawing on systems thinking and universal organizing principles, they show how one mental model can apply across all levels of life. If you’ve ever wondered why some relationships feel dramatic but unstable while others feel grounded and secure, this episode will challenge what you think love is — and offer something far more durable.

#106: Passive-Aggression Isn’t Passive—It’s Just Dishonest

Get 20% off any STSI course with code INTEGRITY20 — start building your mental fitness today! In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University unpack one of the most uncomfortable—but important—distinctions in human behavior: the difference between being passive-aggressive and being direct. They challenge the common belief that passive aggression is somehow “nicer” or less harmful than open aggression, and explain why passive-aggressive behavior is actually a form of dishonest aggression—one that hides intent, creates confusion, and slowly erodes trust. Through everyday examples, cultural patterns, and systems thinking concepts like externalities, identity, and integrity, they show how indirect behavior creates invisible debt that compounds over time. The conversation explores why people learn passive aggression in the first place, how sociocultural norms reinforce it, and how metacognition creates the pause needed to catch it before it spills out sideways. They also explain why living transactionally may help you “get away with things,” but costs you something far more valuable in the long run: self-concept, trust, and deep relationships. If you’ve ever wondered why certain dynamics feel off, why resentment leaks out in strange ways, or why indirect communication never seems to resolve anything, this episode will help you see what’s really happening—and how to change it without pretending, gaslighting, or losing yourself.

#105: Think It Through: Helping Others See What They’re Missing

Get 20% off any STSI course with code SIMPLE20 — start building your mental fitness today! In this Think It Through episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University tackle a deceptively hard question: what do you do when someone is overwhelmed, talking a mile a minute, and stuck inside their own thoughts and emotions? Rather than offering advice or arguing content, they show how to slow a conversation down and help someone actually see their mental model. Using a realistic leadership example about a frustrated manager whose team isn’t meeting KPIs, they walk step-by-step through how systems thinkers uncover hidden structure using distinctions, part–whole thinking, relationships, perspectives, and zooming. Along the way, they reveal why frustration is usually aimed at the wrong thing, how leaders mistakenly place themselves outside the system they’re part of, and why reacting emotionally never improves understanding. By externalizing the mental model—onto paper, objects, or a map—the problem shifts from blaming people to understanding the system. This episode is a practical masterclass in real-time sense-making. If you want to help others think more clearly without controlling, fixing, or lecturing them, this episode shows you exactly how to do it.