The Quibbler: A Harry Potter Book Club

A lot of important things happen in this chapter, but also, Minerva McGonagall leads a flock of Hogwarts desk into battle. Awesome. This week, The Golden Trio stick to a plan; LoVo should fire his advance team; Draco’s mommy wuvs him; and we bid goodnight, sweet(?) Half-Blood Prince. Plus: actual, Hagrid-style weeping about Hagrid. This time: The Elder Wand Next time: The Prince’s Tale

Fred Weasley was dead, to begin with. Sorry, we just had to remind you exactly what you’re getting into with this episode. But don’t worry! There’s also hellfire! And murder! And toxic workplaces! And snogging! And impossible moral conundrums! And bitchy ghosts! And PUNS ON PUNS ON PUNS! And a very limited amount of singing. This time: The Battle of Hogwarts Next time: The Elder Wand

Five years, 100 episodes, every single conceivable permutation of the f-word, and a 45-minute summary of a pretty throwaway chapter. Welcome back, witches! Sorry we wrote that. Anyway, this week, some classic Rowling quirks rear their fat pig heads, including ugly villains, reactionary teens, brutal foreshadowing of fractured families, and cool hidden Hogwarts tricks. Harry also does a torture. Plus: We … sing? A lot? This time: The Sacking of Severus Snape Next time: The Battle of Hogwarts

Can we get away with not acknowledging that this is our first episode since February? No, huh? Don’t worry, there’s an explanation at the beginning, but mostly this is just a long, unhinged summary with digressions into wizard bathroom habits (thanks, Twitter) and interruptions from a puppy. Neville has some battle scars; Harry learns to accept help; Aberforth makes a mean ploughman’s lunch; and the Snape Discourse gets ever-more maddening. This time: The Lost Diadem Next time: The Sacking of Severus Snape

Pretty annoying to meet the best character in the final act of the final book, but that's the hand we're dealt with G.O.A.T. Aberforth Dumbledore. This week: Ron's hunger makes him stupid(er), we miss dive bars immensely, and a terrible family saga finally sees the light of day. Plus: aspersions of goat … uh … loving. It takes all sorts. This week: The Missing Mirror Next week: The Lost Diadem