440 Pivot Point: When is a Story Just a Story? Never.

440 Pivot Point: When is a Story Just a Story? Never.

This week's episode came to me as I was working on my second book. I was adding yet another citation about research around how stories affect us, and for some reason, an interaction from a few years ago came back to me. It was a post on LinkedIn that I disagreed with, shared by someone I admire and respect. He was lamenting the criticisms and concerns people were bringing up about the story of Cinderella and the messages that story sends to girls. He suggested that sometimes a story is just a story. We'll set aside the fact that this person is a Rabbi, a Jewish spiritual leader, and that his entire belief system is based on stories. But at the time I didn't have the experience or relevant research that I have access to now, so I couldn't fully make my case. I pushed back in the comments, saying that I disagreed, that we couldn't pick and choose which stories had influence and impact and which didn't. I posted: "Can you tell a 4-year-old that they are expected to learn lessons about morality and ethics in bible stories and fables you share, but to ignore any possible lessons about the world they get through the fairy tales they read and Disney films they watch?" We get signals from everything we consume. When we're reading, listening, or watching, we pick up things that resonate with us, sometimes subconsciously. And stories are especially powerful. As I mentioned in my TEDx talk, bioengineering researchers Jens Madsen and Lucas Perra at City College New York found that when we experience story together, our heartbeats can start to fluctuate [https://www.cell.com/cell-reports/fulltext/S2211-1247(21)01139-6] in sync. And neuroscientists like Paul Zak find consistent evidence [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4445577/] that sharing stories can release oxytocin, the brain chemical associated with feelings of care, connection, and empathy. There's research coming out of Western Washington University [https://wp.wwu.edu/katemclean/research/] that stories influence our identity even before we're verbal. The stories people tell about us give signals about what they believe our personality to be! Think about the conflicts this can generate when we're teenagers starting to explore our identity: We change over time, but our parents and other influencing adults in our lives tell us it's "just a phase", causing us to either rebel or to submit. In this episode you'll hear about narrative identity [https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/narrative-identity], and my hope is that you'll take this reminder - again - that stories are powerful, and that if you truly desire peace, safety, and community, you'll be more intentional about the stories you make and share. Listeners, now it's your turn: * What childhood story popped into your head when you heard my story about not being good at math? * Do you remember what stories other people shared with you or about you related to your story? * Can you put the story into greater context now? Math represents a HUGE subject area, encompassing everything from basic addition and subtraction, to algebra, geometry, and advanced calculations. Can you see that failing a math test or even a semester of math doesn't mean you're not good at math overall, but maybe that particular area of math? * Can you think of an aspect of your identity that you love, and find a story to support where it came from and how it has been reinforced over time? Now that you have this reminder about the stories you share, what's one story you might choose to share differently? The stories we share say everything about who we are. Thanks for listening to Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will. Are you curious to learn about working with me? Visit my website, elkinsconsulting.com [http://elkinsconsulting.com] to schedule time to chat and sign up for periodic updates about my work, and connect with me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook for content about strengthsfinder, storytelling, public speaking. --- After more than 430 episodes of this podcast, I was recently inspired to change the format of the show. The new format for my show aligns with what I'm learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and demonstrates what I've been teaching for years: Sharing a story to reveal who you are and what matters to you. My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are. --- About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW-zrlsZPHk] speaker, DisruptHR [https://disrupthr.co/vimeo-video/show-dont-tell-why-your-stories-win-at-work-sarah-elkins-disrupthr-talks/] speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening. Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website [https://elkinsconsulting.com/books] to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

439 Pivot Point: Revealed with the Right Question - A Monologue from Sarah Elkins

You won't be surprised to hear that I had another moment of inspiration on a recent hike… This time it was about seeing meaningful, pivotal moments not as the experience itself, but in how we talk about it later. In late August of 2018 my husband and I had an amazing opportunity to travel to southern France to perform with a jazz quartet at two venues. The first was in Arudy on the edge of the Pyrenees Mountains near the border with Spain. It was a sold-out community event attended by 200+ residents of the surrounding villages. Most of our audience didn't speak English or had very limited experience with it. The second performance was on the patio of a small bar in Eygalieres in Provence. We had some serious challenges over those two weeks, some obstacles we couldn't have anticipated and others we simply weren't prepared for. I had lots of meaningful moments, but most of them felt like lessons about what not to do, how to be more prepared for things, what to avoid in the future. About a week after we arrived back home in Montana I had a call scheduled with a new connection I made on LinkedIn a few weeks before our trip. At that point I had resolved not to talk about it because it felt like I could only share the obstacles. In my ears it sounded like I was just complaining about the adventure and ignoring the privilege of the experience, the honor of performing for audiences in those extraordinary places, like I was acting like a spoiled, entitled American. But the first thing my new friend asked was: "How was the trip? I was thinking about you and hoping you were enjoying yourself!" She heard the hesitation in my voice, the pain in my "it was fine" answer. And she switched gears. It was the question she asked next that was the pivot point, not necessarily my answer to it. --- Listeners, now it's your turn: What memory popped into your head when you heard my story? Have you been the person on the receiving end, asked a perfect question to shift your perspective? Have you been the person to ask a question that positively changed something for someone else? From previous episodes you may have a specific image of who I am, did today's story shift that image at all? Did it fill in some gaps for you? The stories we share say a lot about who we are. What's one story you can share differently to reframe the experience with more perspective and context? --- After more than 430 episodes of this podcast, I was recently inspired to change the format of the show. The new format for my show aligns with what I'm learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and demonstrates what I've been teaching for years: Sharing a story to reveal who you are and what matters to you. My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are. --- About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW-zrlsZPHk] speaker, DisruptHR [https://disrupthr.co/vimeo-video/show-dont-tell-why-your-stories-win-at-work-sarah-elkins-disrupthr-talks/] speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening. Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website [https://elkinsconsulting.com/books] to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

438 Pivot Point: Noticing Progress - a monologue from Sarah Elkins

Not every meaningful moment is big and dramatic. As a matter of fact, smaller moments can be even more electrifying when we take the time to notice them. I had one of those moments last week when I performed as a backup vocalist and played my flute with the band of a friend and talented singer/songwriter at a local bar to a crowd of enthusiastic fans. We were on the patio and the crowd was much bigger for the last hour of our performance, so we pulled out our faster, more danceable tunes. My friend called the name of the last song for the night and it was one I didn't know. She counted off the song for the band to begin and I couldn't hear vocal harmonies right away, so I started improvising on my flute instead. I've been performing in bands for more than 15 years, but performing on my flute for an audience is still new to me. In 2020 when I picked it up after more than 30 years, I found sheet music and learned songs I wanted to play. But this - improvising - is new to me and I'm still tentative as I find the notes and scales to fit the keys of each song. The pivot point in this episode is my observation of myself that evening and the realization of my progress as a musician. It also applies to my journey as speaker and communication coach. I can look back and objectively say I did a good job with my keynote presentations, workshops, and coaching. I have the long-term clients and thank you notes as evidence. I can see my progress over the past 5 years, I know I'm significantly better at these things than I was before. And, even more importantly, I can imagine that in another 5 years I'll be even more competent in my work, because I know I'm not done yet. I still have so much to learn, to practice, and to grow into. ----- Listeners, now it's your turn: What memory popped into your head when you heard my story? Will you jot down a note so you can share a quiet, meaningful story with someone when the opportunity presents itself? From previous episodes you may have a specific image of who I am, did today's story shift that image at all? Did it fill in some gaps for you? The stories we share say a lot about who we are. What's one story you can share to demonstrate one of your talents? About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW-zrlsZPHk] speaker, DisruptHR [https://disrupthr.co/vimeo-video/show-dont-tell-why-your-stories-win-at-work-sarah-elkins-disrupthr-talks/] speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening. Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website [https://elkinsconsulting.com/books] to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

437 Pivot Point: Grief and Kindness - A Monologue from Sarah Elkins

"She stood up from across the aisle and walked over. Stopping in front of my seat, she said: 'I can see that you're struggling, and if you would rather I walk away, just say so. It's just that it looks like you could use a hug, and I'm a hugger.'" In today's episode I'm sharing a story about a pivotal moment in my life, an experience that shifted how I think about grief, and inspired me to be more compassionate with strangers. I almost said no, but something about her made me think if I did, she'd never offer this gift to a stranger again. It was almost as if she was the one who needed a hug. So I stood. She embraced me. And I cried. I guess I needed her hug after all. She held me for a few minutes, until my breathing evened out, and I thanked her as we parted. Listeners, now it's your turn: What memory popped into your head when you heard my story? What did you learn about the characters in the story? Did my story inspire you to do something differently? Jot down a note so you're ready to share your story when the opportunity arises! ----- After more than 430 episodes of this podcast, I was recently inspired to change the format of the show. The new format for my show aligns with what I'm learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and demonstrates what I've been teaching for years: Sharing a story to reveal who you are and what matters to you. My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are. ----- About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW-zrlsZPHk] speaker, DisruptHR [https://disrupthr.co/vimeo-video/show-dont-tell-why-your-stories-win-at-work-sarah-elkins-disrupthr-talks/] speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening. Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website [https://elkinsconsulting.com/books] to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

436 Pivot Point: A Path-Changing Letter - A Monologue with Sarah Elkins

Driving home from a volunteer shift at the Old Salt Festival near Helmville, Montana, I listened to the last hour of the book The Correspondent by Virginia Evans. As I listened to the characters reflect on their lives to share with others via handwritten letter (and a few emails), I was reminded of the great conversation I shared on this podcast with Amy Daughters, author of Dear Dana. As I mentioned in last week's episode, I was recently inspired to change the format of this show. The new format for my show aligns with what I'm learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and what I'm learning about emotional intelligence through a course I'm taking. My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are. My future guests will be given a story prompt ahead of our call, and instead of a long, organic, multi-insight conversation, we'll dive more deeply into a single story, pulling a thread and revealing a primary insight about the experience, and leaving space for you – our listeners – to remember your own related experience and pull a thread that has the potential to guide you toward deeper self-awareness. I'll be eager to hear your thoughts about this new format, so please don't hesitate to send me a message via social media or email! In today's episode I'm sharing a story about a pivotal moment in my personal life, a long relationship that continues to influence my life and how I experience the world. Mentioned in this episode: * The Correspondent [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/223001257-the-correspondent] by Virginia Evans * Amy Daughters [https://www.amydaughters.com/], author of Dear Dana, speaker, humorist * Old Salt Festival [https://www.oldsaltco-op.com/pages/festival], Helmville Montana Listeners, now it's your turn: Did my story remind you of something that happened to you? What memory popped into your head when you heard it? What did you learn about me as a person? Did my story inspire you to pick up a pen and leave a note for someone you care about? What's your related pivotal moment? About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW-zrlsZPHk] speaker, DisruptHR [https://disrupthr.co/vimeo-video/show-dont-tell-why-your-stories-win-at-work-sarah-elkins-disrupthr-talks/] speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening. Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website [https://elkinsconsulting.com/books] to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.