Desperate for Love

7. the war with my BODY

Desperate lovers, welcome to part two of my three-part mini series, BEFORE THE STORM. 🤍 As you know, when I turn 30 this year, I need to look like a full-blown SMOKE SHOW. 😭 And so, in addition to my “Operation Smoke Show” series on Instagram, I’m documenting my POINT A — my “before.” In this episode, I open up about my body. My body image struggles, my weight fluctuations throughout the years, binge eating, dieting, my eating disorder, perfectionism, comparison, shame, discipline, and the mental battle that has haunted me for most of my life. I share memories from childhood, moving to Canada, the habits that shaped my relationship with food, and the dark cycle of constantly trying to “start tomorrow.” This episode is really about the war I’ve had with my body and the pressure I’ve always put on myself to look a certain way. At the same time, this is also an episode about hope, growth, responsibility, discipline, transformation, and becoming the person I know I’m capable of becoming. Operation Smoke Show is officially underway. 🫡 This is my point A. This is BEFORE THE STORM. I appreciate you, my Desperate Lovers. xoxo and I'll be with you in the next one. 🤍

6. my MIND is running me

Desperate lovers, when I turn 30 this year I need to look like a full-blown SMOKE SHOW! So, in addition to my "Operation Smoke Show" series on Instagram, I bring to you a mini three-part series that I'd like to call "BEFORE THE STORM". I'm undergoing a transformation and in each episode, I will share my POINT A, my "before", my "before the storm". The storm is Operation Smoke Show . The storm is all the blood, sweat, and tears that are going to be shed over these next few months. In this episode, I open up about the darkness of my mind. :') However, my mind is not my own. I've been programmed. We're ALL programmed, and my program just happens to be the most negative one. I am committed to changing this program. This is hard for me to open up about, but this is authentic. This is what I have to live with, until I change it. PLEASE don't worry about me, I am OK! :) However, I believe it's important to be honest about where I'm starting. I appreciate you, my Desperate Lovers. xoxom and I'll be with you in the next one. 🤍

5. i’m plotting a murder

OK GUYS. The camera is officially OFF until further notice. I hit a point where my perfectionism is seriously stopping me from showing up. all i want is to be comfortable, talk about my feelings, no pressure, and just go off and talk sh*t. In today’s episode, we’re hanging out in my bed. Dress code: sweatpants and hoodies. Hair condition: dirty, oily only. 47th floor overlooking the city and my cat is joining us. I’m opening up about how I’ve really been feeling since launching this podcast, sharing a few small wins from the past little while, and introducing you to my new content series: Operation SMOKE SHOW. I appreciate you, my Desperate Lovers.xoxo, and I’ll be with you in the next one. 🤍

TRAILER

Welcome Desperate Lovers! I'm Sofiya. Host of the Desperate for Love podcast. Here is what I'm about and what to expect from this space.

4. behind the glow

OHKAY… so after watching the last episode, you might be completely mistaken about what is ACTUALLY happening in my life. I know I kicked the doors in, screaming, “I HAVE CHANGED AND I’M CHANGING!” But life is a highlight reel. What I left out for you is the DARK side of what I deal with every single day. The truth is: every day can feel like a dread. It’s HARD. IT HURTS. Working out every single day is NO JOKE. Pushing yourself to GET UP, do something, and work out—it’s a mission, to say the least. I’m on the borderline of victim mode, feeling sorry for myself, wanting to excuse myself from every workout. However, I made a choice. That choice is: I want to be Fit, Eat Healthy, Sleep Well, be FULL OF ENERGY, and Love Life. No matter what—even if I’m complaining and crying—I still show up for myself every day. It’s not easy, but this is what I need to do to get closer to my dream.