Doing Marriage Well

Is Venting Healthy? The Surprising Truth About Anger

Doing Marriage Well — May 25, 2026: This episode examines whether venting actually helps with anger and why many studies show it keeps us stuck in a fight-or-flight state instead of calming us down. Paul explains the difference between healthy reflection and harmful venting, and offers practical alternatives to reduce arousal—breathing exercises, long hugs, and slow walks (especially without rehashing the issue). Learn how to ask your spouse to help you calm down rather than validate your anger, and why using your partner as a verbal punching bag harms your marriage.

The Bedroom Filter: Are Biases Hurting Your Sex Life?

This episode explores how cognitive biases and miscommunication affect couples' sexual lives, covering mismatched frequency estimates, misinterpreted signals, and misconceptions about female orgasm, and offers simple strategies for clearer communication and better understanding.

Is the False Consensus Effect Hurting Your Marriage?

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (May 21, 2026), Paul explains three cognitive biases that can damage relationships: the Zanargic effect (remembering unfinished tasks more than completed ones), negativity bias (focusing on problems over positives), and the false consensus effect (assuming your partner shares your views). Paul offers a simple remedy: question your assumptions, ask clarifying questions, and intentionally notice the positive moments to counter these biases. He closes with a reminder that every marriage is different – and a lighthearted dispute over the "right" way to hang toilet paper.

Let Go of the Anchor and See Change in Your Relationship

Today’s episode explains two cognitive biases—the availability heuristic and anchoring bias—and how they make us overestimate past mistakes and ignore present improvements in our partners. Using everyday examples, it shows why we remember some events more easily and why first impressions can unfairly shape ongoing expectations. Practical tips include mentally tracking high points, challenging assumptions like "they always/never," and consciously acknowledging change so effort is noticed and relationships can grow.

The Double Standard: You’re "Stressed" but They’re "Selfish"

Paul explains how fundamental attribution error and self-serving bias make us excuse our own faults while blaming our partner, creating anger and distance in marriage. He offers simple fixes: try imagining external reasons for your spouse’s actions and ask a trusted friend to point out when you’re being unfair, so you can see yourself honestly and improve your relationship.