Heart Work After Betrayal | Infidelity, Marriage, Forgiveness, Loneliness, Trust

37 | Why Emotions Still Can Take Over Out of Nowhere - And How One Sacred Space Can Change Your Healing After Betrayal and Broken Trust

Do your emotions still take over out of nowhere. maybe in the car, in the middle of a normal conversation, right before you fall asleep and you cannot figure out why you are still feeling this way? Have you been powering through, staying busy, keeping the routines and yet something still feels tender and unresolved underneath all of that functioning? Have you ever wondered if what you are calling exhaustion or numbness or irritability might actually be grief that has simply had nowhere safe to go? "Sometimes what we call being tired is actually grief that has had nowhere to go." In this Monday Heart Check we are continuing our grief series and this week I want to give you one of the most practical and relieving tools in the entire healing journey after betrayal. In this episode I am sharing a simple three step practice for creating a sacred space for your grief, a specific time, a specific place, and a gentle way to tend the vineyard of your heart with God, so that grief stops ambushing you in the moments you least expect it and starts moving through you the way it was always meant to. Because a grief container does not mean grief gets to run your whole life. It means grief is allowed to be here, in its own space, with God, and where it can finally begin to move. Grief showing up again does not mean you failed. It may simply mean another layer is ready to be tended. This episode is for the woman who has been strong for everyone else and has not yet given her own heart somewhere safe to land. RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Proverbs 4:23 a picture of the heart as a vineyard and you as its keeper, introduced in Episode 35 and carried throughout this series * 🎙️ Episode 33 "You Can't Grieve What You Can't Name: 3 Steps to Begin Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal”  - start here if you are new to the series! * 🎙️ Episode 34  "Why Do I Still Feel This Way: Understanding the Grief Nobody Talks About After Marriage Betrayal and Broken Trust" * 🎙️ Episode 35  "What Has the Storm of Betrayal and Broken Trust Left Behind in Your Heart? A Simple Practice to Name the Hidden Losses" * 🎙️ Episode 36 "Why I Still Can't Forgive: 8 Hidden Layers of Loss After Betrayal and Broken Trust" * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]  A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you are tired of carrying this alone, together we will work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE *** COMING SOON ***A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]   DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

36 | Why I Still Can't Forgive: 8 Hidden Layers of Loss After Betrayal and Broken Trust

Have you been trying to forgive your husband's betrayal, saying the words, praying the prayers and yet the wound keeps reopening and the anger keeps coming back no matter how hard you try? Do you feel stuck in your healing and cannot figure out why?  It feels like you are doing everything right but it still seems you cannot move forward? Are you months or even over longer into this journey and still asking yourself why you cannot find the healing and the peace you so desperately are longing for?  If forgiveness has felt impossible after your husband's betrayal, this episode is going to give you the answer you have been looking for. And it is probably not what you expect. In this episode I am sharing the 8 hidden layers of loss that most women never name after betrayal in their marriage and why carrying these unnamed losses is the most common reason healing stalls and forgiveness feels out of reach. Using the powerful picture of the heart as a vineyard from Proverbs 4:23 we are going to walk the rows together from the most visible surface damage all the way down to the deepest root of all. You will walk away from this episode with clarity of what you are actually grieving and the ability to begin to do the HEART work with intention. This is Episode 2 of our grief series and it builds directly on Episode 34. If you have not listened to that one yet go back and start there first RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Proverbs 4:23 - the picture of the heart as a vineyard and you as its keeper * 📖 Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard, the heart as the executive center of the self * 📖 Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss introduced in Episode 34, referenced throughout this series * 🎙️ Episode 33. You Can’t Grieve What You Can’t Name: 3 Steps to Begin Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal [https://theheartwork.podbean.com/e/33-you-can-t-grieve-what-you-can-t-name-3-steps-to-begin-grieving-the-loss-after-marriage-betrayal/] * 🎙️ Episode 34: Why Do I Still Feel This Way? Understanding the Grief Nobody Talks About After Marriage Betrayal and Broken Trust. [http://admin5.podbean.com//theheartwork.podbean.com/e/34-why-do-i-still-feel-this-way-understanding-the-grief-nobody-talks-about-after-marriage-betrayal-and-broken-trust/]  Listen to this before today’s episode!  * 🎙️ Episode 35: What Has the Storm of Betrayal and Broken Trust Left Behind in Your Heart? A Simple Practice to Name the Hidden Losses [https://theheartwork.podbean.com/e/35-what-has-the-storm-of-betrayal-and-broken-trust-left-behind-in-your-heart-a-simple-practice-to-name-the-hidden-losses/] - the Vineyard Inventory practice pairs perfectly with today's episode * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] — A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you're tired of carrying this alone, together we'll work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE ***COMING SOON*** A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you'll be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]     DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

35 | What Has the Storm of Betrayal and Broken Trust Left Behind in Your Heart? A Simple Practice to Name the Hidden Losses

Have you been carrying a vague but heavy sense that you have lost so much more than just the marriage you thought you had, but you cannot quite put words to all of it? Do you feel like there is damage in your heart you have never fully allowed yourself to see? Are you weeks, months, or even longer into this journey and still feel like something is missing in your healing like you have only been looking at the surface of the loss?   In this Monday Heart Check we are continuing our grief series because now that we understand why betrayal grief goes so deep, we need to start naming what is actually in there. In this episode I am sharing a simple but powerful journaling practice called the "Vineyard Inventory" inspired by Proverbs 4:23 and the picture of the heart as a vineyard you are called to keep and tend so you can begin to walk the rows of your heart and see what the storm of betrayal has actually left behind. Because you cannot tend what you cannot see, and you cannot grieve what you have never allowed yourself to name. RESOURCES & LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Proverbs 4:23 "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life"  * 🎙️ Episode 33 Monday Heart Check: "You Can't Grieve What You Can't Name: 3 Steps to Begin Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal”  - start here if you are new to the series! * 🎙️ Episode 34 "Why Do I Still Feel This Way: Understanding the Grief Nobody Talks About After Marriage Betrayal and Broken Trust" - listen to this before this one! * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 📞 Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with Julia [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] : A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA & NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you're tired of carrying this alone, together we'll work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE — COMING SOON A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist — you'll be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]   DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

34 | Why Do I Still Feel This Way: Understanding the Grief Nobody Talks About After Marriage Betrayal

Are you months or even longer into healing from your husband's betrayal, if that is infidelity or other behaviors that have broken your trust, and you’re still asking yourself why you feel so stuck and whether you will ever actually feel okay again? Do you feel like your emotions are too much, not enough, or that you should be over this by now but no matter what you do you just cannot seem to move forward? Have you ever tried to explain your pain to someone and felt completely unable to find the words, like the wound goes so deep that language cannot even reach it? Betrayal grief is not like any other grief you have ever experienced — and if you have been wondering why it is taking so long, why you still feel so broken, or why you cannot seem to just move forward, this episode is going to give you the clarity and the compassion you have been looking for. In this episode I am explaining why the grief after infidelity and betrayal in marriage wounds at the deepest level of who you are using Dallas Willard's powerful teaching on the heart as the executive center of the self, the surprising and deeply personal way God Himself has grieved betrayal, and the concept of ambiguous loss, so you can finally stop measuring yourself against an impossible timeline and give your grief the space it actually deserves. This is Episode 1 of our grief series and it is the foundation everything else will build on. Whether you are brand new to this journey or you have been carrying it for a long time I pray it brings you much needed clarity and hope.  RESOURCES & LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard ( the concept of the heart as the executive center of the self and the foundation of spiritual formation) * 📖 Hosea, Jeremiah, Ezekiel (scripture passages on God's grief over broken covenant and His faithfulness in the middle of betrayal) * 📖 Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss (the research behind why betrayal grief is so uniquely complex and why it does not follow a predictable timeline) * 🎙️ Episode 33 Monday Heart Check:  33. You Can’t Grieve What You Can’t Name: 3 Steps to Begin Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal [https://theheartwork.podbean.com/e/33-you-can-t-grieve-what-you-can-t-name-3-steps-to-begin-grieving-the-loss-after-marriage-betrayal/] - listen to this one first! * 🎙️ Coming Monday: Episode 35: Next Heart Check in our grief series * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 📞 Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with Julia [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] - A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA & NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Follow: Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you're tired of carrying this alone, together we'll work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** - A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you'll be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

33 | You Can’t Grieve What You Can’t Name: 3 Steps to Begin Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal

Are you walking through betrayal in your marriage and feeling so overwhelmed you can't even find words for what you're feeling? Do you find yourself numb, disconnected, or wondering why anger keeps rising up out of nowhere and you don't even know where it's coming from? Are you months  or even over a year into this journey and still feel stuck, wondering if something is wrong with you because you're not further along by now? In this Monday Heart Check, we're starting a brand new series on grief after betrayal and we're beginning at the very beginning, no matter where you are in your healing journey. Whether you just found out or you've been carrying this for over a year, this episode meets you exactly where you are. Today I'm sharing one simple, gentle journaling practice called Name It to Begin It , so you can begin to find words for what your heart is carrying and take your very first step toward moving through your grief instead of staying stuck in it.  RESOURCES & LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard (referenced in this episode and throughout our grief series) * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 📞 Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with Julia [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] - A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA & NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you're tired of carrying this alone, together we'll work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART Work Healing Community - COMING SOON A private community for women doing the hard, holy work of healing after betrayal. Get your name on the waitlist, you'll be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]     DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.