InFertility Stories

5. "I Just Let Myself Dream" | Missed miscarriage, neurodivergent burnout & building a joyful life anyway | Asha's story

Have you ever experienced a loss and been unable to cry? Or felt like your life is stuck on pause due to infertility, struggling to feel like you are actually living?”? If you have, this interview is for you. In this week’s episode, Miriam and Elise sit down with Asha Harkness (she/her) to hear her infertility story in full. Asha has been trying to conceive for over three years and is a coach for people who are late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD. At 37, living in Hertfordshire, UK, Asha is navigating a complex landscape: a heartbreaking missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, a hormonal crash that triggered neurodivergent burnout (and her discovery of undiagnosed autism and ADHD), thyroid toxicosis, and a medical system that treats her body as a collection of symptoms rather than a whole person. Along the way she has learned something crucial: she can grieve the future she imagined while building a beautiful life right now. This is not a story told in hindsight. This is what it feels like from the inside. In this episode, Asha, Miriam and Elise talk about: * The 12-week scan that changed everything: what it feels like to hear “there’s no heartbeat” and discover you’ve had a missed miscarriage, something you didn’t know was even possible * Why she broke the “don’t tell anyone before 12 weeks” rule — and why she’s grateful she did * The three months after miscarriage when she couldn’t cry, couldn’t move off the sofa, couldn’t do basic things and how she realized it wasn’t depression, but autistic burnout * How discovering her undiagnosed autism and ADHD helped her understand the burnout: the sensory overwhelm, the hormonal crash, and the loss of every routine during a house move * The week she grieved all the dreams she didn’t know she had and what it meant to finally let herself cry * What “I just let myself dream” means: allowing herself to get excited, calculate due dates, knowing she’ll probably be disappointed and that that’s ok * How she went from doing everything “to be fit for pregnancy” to doing everything for herself — and how that shift changed everything * Why the medical system fails: they test her extensively but barely test her husband, they mention stress but don’t address it * The protocol she created for day one of her period — and how it helps her cope with another cycle of not getting pregnant * Where she is today: still hoping, still trying, but no longer putting her life on pause waiting for it to happen Resources mentioned in this episode: * PODCAST: The Maisie Hill Experience Podcast Episode 31 ‘Recovering from Pregnancy Loss’ and Episode 32 ‘Pregnancy Loss Q&A’ * NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY: Hack your Health: The Secrets of your gut * NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY: The Plastic Detox Follow Asha: * INSTAGRAM: @AUDHD_Coach_Asha [https://www.instagram.com/audhd_coach_asha/] * WEBSITE: https://www.indigoinclusion.com/ [https://www.indigoinclusion.com/] This podcast is for those who are still in it, not knowing how their story will unfold. These are the stories of being in the midst of the unknown. Welcome to the InFertility Stories Podcast This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com [https://infertilitystories.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

4. When everyone else is getting pregnant — except you

Have you ever picked up the phone and braced yourself, convinced that whoever is calling is about to tell you they’re pregnant? Do you walk down the street feeling like there is a pregnant person or newborn baby on every corner? Are you afraid that someone will have a “little announcement” anytime you show up at a party? If you have, this episode is for you. When you’re going through infertility, other people’s pregnancies can feel like the hardest thing to navigate. Not because you don’t love the people in your life. But because every announcement is also a reminder of the thing you want most, the control you don’t have, and the growing distance between your life and everyone else’s. In this episode, Miriam and Elise go deep on a topic that almost everyone going through infertility will recognise: what it actually feels like when the people around you keep getting pregnant while you are still waiting. In this episode, Miriam and Elise talk about: * Why other people’s pregnancies can make your infertility feel more acute and why that has nothing to do with not being happy for them * The harder emotions that pregnancy announcements can bring up: envy, resentment, anger — and the feeling of guilt that follows * Why trying to protect yourself by looking away may actually make things harder, and what turning towards someone else’s pregnancy can give you instead * Elise’s strategy for asking the people closest to her to share their news in a way that gives her time to process before she has to respond * The difference between two things that can be true at the same time: I am so happy for you and I am so sad for myself * What friends and family can do that actually helps make pregnancy announcement easier — and the well-meaning things that don’t * Why women often feel pressure to show up fully for other people’s pregnancies even when they have nothing left to give and why it’s okay not to * Practical ways to feel, express, honour and move through the harder emotions, rather than suppressing or avoiding them This podcast is for those who are still in it, not knowing how their story will unfold. These are the stories of being in the midst of the unknown. Welcome to InFertility Stories. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com [https://infertilitystories.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

3. The Invisibility of Infertility: Early miscarriage, two failed IUIs, & possible endometriosis | Miriam’s story

Have you ever struggled with the invisibility of infertility? Of feeling a mismatch between how others perceive you and how you feel inside? If you’re navigating the identity challenges and the mental battle of infertility, then this week’s episode will resonate. In this conversation, Elise sits down with Miriam to hear her infertility story in full. Miriam has been trying to conceive for over two years, during which time she has experienced an early miscarriage and two failed IUIs. After exploring naturopathic treatments, acupuncture, and fertility testing, Miriam realised she may have undiagnosed endometriosis. This is not a story told in hindsight. This is what it feels like from the inside. In this episode, Miriam and Elise talk about: * The emotional fallout of delaying trying to conceive due to life circumstances. * How to navigate the uncertainty and mentally pace yourself when trying to conceive takes longer than it should. * Understanding your identity as a mother after a first pregnancy ends in loss. * Experiencing grief and pursuing treatment for depression when going through infertility. * The psychological impact of experiencing dismissive attitudes towards pregnancy loss and the invisibility of early miscarriage. * How trying to manage stress when trying to conceive can backfire. * Realising that ‘unexplained infertility’ might actually mean endometriosis, and deciding where to go from there. Resources mentioned in this episode: * BOOK: Taking charge of your fertility by Toni Weschler * BOOK: Period Power: Harness Your Hormones and Get Your Cycle Working For You by Maisie Hill * BOOK: It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF by Rebecca Fett * FACEBOOK GROUP: Nancy’s Nook Endometriosis Education * BOOK: Heal Endo: An Anti-inflammatory Approach to Healing from Endometriosis by Katie Edmonds Find us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/infertilitystoriespodcast/] and Substack [https://infertilitystories.substack.com/] This podcast is for those who are still in it, not knowing how their story will unfold. These are the stories of being in the midst of the unknown. Welcome to the InFertility Stories Podcast. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com [https://infertilitystories.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

2. “Maybe I'm just exaggerating” | Elise's story: 3.5 years TTC with PCOS, Hashimoto's, miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy

Have you ever sat in a doctor's office, or come home after a difficult appointment, and told yourself: it's probably not that bad. Maybe I'm overreacting. It was only early. If you have, this episode is for you. In this conversation, Miriam sits down with Elise to hear her infertility story in full. Elise has been trying to conceive for three and a half years. She has Hashimoto's disease, PCOS and insulin resistance. She has had two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy that resulted in the loss of her left fallopian tube. She has done everything right — the tests, the lifestyle changes, the supplements, the specialists — and she is still here, in the middle of it, not knowing how her story will end. This is not a story told in hindsight. This is what it feels like from the inside. In this episode, Elise and Miriam talk about: - What it is like to start trying to conceive already knowing something is wrong with your body and how that shapes your hope from the very beginning - The confusion and loneliness of navigating a medical system where every doctor tells you something different, and none of them quite see you as a whole person - The moment Elise sat in an endocrinologist's office, crying, while the doctor didn't even look up — and what she decided at the bike parking station afterwards - What changed when she started working with a fertility coach, and why finding someone who looked at her as a complete person made all the difference - The emotional weight of doing everything right — the morning routines, the diet rules, the supplements — and still not getting the result you worked for - Her first pregnancy, her first miscarriage, and the strange mix of grief and unexpected gratitude that came with it - Her second pregnancy and the moment she knew something was wrong before she could explain why - What an ectopic pregnancy actually feels like to live through: weeks of bleeding, pain, uncertainty, two surgeries, and a medical system that kept sending her home - The experience of being told there is no sign of a baby here and why the words doctors use can either acknowledge or erase what you have been through - How she is learning, slowly and imperfectly, to ask for help, to receive support, and to trust the signals her body sends her - Where she is today: not hopeful, not hopeless but finding her way forward one cycle at a time Resources mentioned in this episode: - Fertility coach Nora Deborah: find her at Naturally Nora on Instagram and podcast - Real Food for Fertility by Lily Nichols and Lisa Hendrickson-Jack - The Worst Girl Gang Ever a community for women who are going through loss at every stage of pregnancy - Cycle tracking as a tool for understanding your body, pinpointing your fertile window and identifying potential health issues. Elise has been tracking her cycle for over eight years and teaches other women how to do the same Find us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/infertilitystoriespodcast/] and Substack [https://infertilitystories.substack.com/] This podcast is for those who are still in it, not knowing how their story will unfold. These are the stories of women in the midst of infertility. Welcome to the InFertility Stories Podcast. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com [https://infertilitystories.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

1. Being in it together: friendship through infertility

In this first episode, we share why we started this podcast and how our friendship grew through years of trying to conceive, voice note by voice note. It began as a private conversation between us but became a space to be honest about the things that are hard to say out loud: the uncertainty, the grief, the hope, the loss, the anger and everything in between. We talk about what infertility means to us, how that continues to change over time, and why it matters to talk about it while you are still in it. As this experience is not static, we end the episode with a personal update on where we are at in our in/fertility journey as it is unfolding today. Some topics you’ll hear in this episode: - What it means to be “in it”: in the uncertainty, not knowing and “what if” thinking - Why we felt the need to create this podcast - How we met and built a friendship through infertility - Navigating hope, loss, and the emotional ups and downs If you liked this episode and would like to follow along, you can subscribe on Substack [https://infertilitystories.substack.com/] or follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/infertilitystoriespodcast/]. If you have a question or would like to share your story in a future episode, please reach out to us there.  This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com [https://infertilitystories.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]