The Dating Lab

Episode 15: What is "Date Vanilla"? Alyssa Dineen Explains Her Signature Framework

In this special milestone episode, Alyssa Dineen steps behind the microphone for her very first solo episode of The Dating Lab. Drawing from her personal life and years of professional experience as a midlife dating coach , Alyssa opens up about her own journey, sharing the exact story of how she met her partner of nine years, Yoav, on Tinder and how that unexpected relationship became the blueprint for her signature framework: The Date Vanilla Method. Alyssa deconstructs the common misconceptions surrounding the word "vanilla," explaining why a "ho-hum" profile or an initial lack of instant, overwhelming chemistry is not a sign to run, but rather an invitation to get to know someone real. She shares how her first few dates with Yoav lacked conventional "fireworks" and explores why continuing to show up allowed deep, lasting chemistry to develop over time. Moving beyond her personal story, Alyssa analyzes the broader patterns behind her clients' biggest success stories, demonstrating how a shift toward evaluating values, integrity, and emotional availability moves the needle for adults over 45. Finally, Alyssa addresses the current explosion of the online dating coaching landscape. She offers critical advice on how to navigate conflicting professional guidance and emphasizes the importance of following mentors who truly understand the unique nuances of midlife transitions, divorce, and late-stage dating. Empowering, practical, and deeply honest, this episode is a foundational primer for anyone ready to lower their guard, reframe their expectations, and date with authentic clarity. YOU'LL ALSO HEAR ABOUT: * (00:45) Alyssa’s first solo episode: Sharing her personal love story and client success patterns * (01:30) Deconstructing "Date Vanilla": What it really means and why it doesn't mean settling * (02:50) Meeting Yoav on Tinder: Re-evaluating immediate messages and the "same-day date" myth * (04:35) The early dates: Navigating work-morning matcha, restaurant running jokes, and zero initial chemistry * (08:00) The fourth date turning point: Overcoming the fear of leading someone on to give it one last shot * (09:45) The mirror moment: Shifting from a comfortable friendship foundation to off-the-charts fireworks * (11:55) Deconstructing a vanilla profile: The green flags of respectful communication over showy bio lines * (13:25) Redefining high standards: Shifting focus from superficial traits to core values and true availability * (16:25) Sifting through the noise: Navigating a saturated coaching landscape to find advice tailored to midlife daters RATE, REVIEW & FOLLOW THE DATING LAB Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show. LEARN MORE ABOUT ALYSSA DINEEN: * Visit https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/Style My Profile [https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/] * Follow Alyssa on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/alyssadineen/?hl=en] * Follow Alyssa on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@alyssadineen]

Episode 14: Navigating Divorce, Dating, and Listening to Instincts with "My Next Chapter" founders

Alyssa Dineen sits down with Shari Joseph and Tamara Frankfort, the co-creators of My Next Chapter, a community-driven platform designed to support individuals navigating every stage of separation and divorce. Together, they explore the deeply personal transitions that follow the end of a marriage, from the initial "race" to start dating again to the quiet power of finding oneself in the aftermath. Tamara and Shari share their contrasting experiences, one amicable and one high-conflict, and offer wisdom on why listening to your gut is the most important tool in your arsenal. They discuss the nuanced difference between dating to escape the "icky" feeling of loneliness and dating because you are genuinely ready to share a life you have worked hard to build. You'll also hear about: * (01:40) Indicators of marriage longevity and the vital importance of following your instincts * (04:44) High-conflict divorce, cultural excuses, and the normalization of unhappiness * (08:29) The "Next Chapter" race: Why jumping into dating too quickly can feel unsatisfying * (13:31) Distinguishing between the "icky" weight of loneliness and genuine dating readiness * (15:45) Dating as an escape: How meeting new people can unexpectedly aid the healing process * (18:54) The myth of being "fully healed" before finding new love * (24:06) Silver linings of custody: Recharging, presence, and the evolution of the parent-child bond * (31:40) Lightning Round: Healthy love, breaking divorce rules, and the gift of a second chance This episode is for anyone navigating the transition from "we" to "me," those questioning their readiness to date, and anyone looking for permission to enjoy the quiet moments of their new life. RATE, REVIEW & FOLLOW THE DATING LAB: Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show. Learn more about My Next Chapter: * Visit their Website [https://www.mynextchapter.com/] * Follow them on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/mynextchapterofficial/] Follow Alyssa Dineen: * Visit https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/Style My Profile [https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/] * Follow Alyssa on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/alyssadineen/?hl=en] * Follow Alyssa on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@alyssadineen]

Episode 13: The Psychology of Attraction and Breaking Toxic Patterns with Dr. Jenn Kennedy

In this insightful episode of The Dating Lab, Alyssa Dineen is joined by Dr. Jenn Kennedy, a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist based in Santa Barbara. Together, they explore the psychological underpinnings of first impressions and how much of attraction is decided in those initial few seconds. Dr. Jenn breaks down the unconscious sorting our brains do and why what we say we want often differs from the patterns we actually pursue. The conversation delves into common dating traps, such as unconsciously seeking out partners similar to our exes to heal old wounds, and how to break the cycle by choosing healthier, if seemingly less "dramatic," dynamics. They also discuss the myth of "low desire" in midlife women, reframing it around the need for more satisfying and connected sexual experiences rather than just a biological deficit. Finally, Dr. Jenn shares actionable advice for sustaining long-term attraction through healthy interdependence. She introduces the concept of "sensate focus," explaining how slowing down physical touch and treating early intimacy as a mindfulness exercise can calm the nervous system, reduce performance anxiety, and create a deeper erotic connection. YOU'LL ALSO HEAR ABOUT: * (01:55) What happens psychologically in the first few minutes of meeting someone and the unconscious sorting our brains perform. * (05:45) Why textual banter and intellectual engagement can increase physical attraction before a face-to-face date. * (09:02) The psychological reasons we unconsciously seek out the same toxic patterns and how to break the loop. * (12:24) The "cat from the pound" analogy: Why replacing your ex with a similar model is a recipe for disaster. * (13:44) Navigating the "limerence" phase and the milestones needed to truly know a partner beyond the initial chemical spark. * (17:47) How maintaining individual silos and bringing rich experiences back to the partnership sustains long-term attraction. * (20:16) The crucial difference between codependence and healthy interdependence in a relationship. * (22:49) How dressing well and showing up thoughtfully signals your self-worth and impacts the partners you attract. * (33:02) Debunking the myth of "low desire" in midlife women and the reality of their sexual needs. * (38:38) Using the 1950s "sensate focus" protocol to slow down intimacy, reduce anxiety, and explore non-genital pleasure. RATE, REVIEW & FOLLOW THE DATING LAB Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show. LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. JENN KENNEDY * Visit: The Pleasure Project at pleasureproject.us * Email: drjenkennedy@gmail.com * Follow Dr. Jenn Kennedy: Find her on Instagram and YouTube * Listen: Pleasure Project Sex and Relationships podcast LEARN MORE ABOUT ALYSSA DINEEN: * Visit https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/Style My Profile [https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/] * Follow Alyssa on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/alyssadineen/?hl=en] * Follow Alyssa on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@alyssadineen]

Episode 12: From Commitment Phobia to Happily Married: Natasha Chandel's Dating Evolution

In this fun and refreshingly candid episode, Alyssa Dineen is joined by Natasha Chandel, an Indian-Canadian-American writer, actress, comedian, and the former host of the wildly popular Kinda Dating podcast. Natasha shares her personal evolution from a self-proclaimed "reformed commitment phobe" who kept partners at arm's length to a woman who happily navigated a pandemic-era romance that led to marriage. Alyssa and Natasha dive deep into the messy realities of modern dating, leaving no topic off the table. They discuss the psychology behind "the ick" (and why it's often just an excuse to end things), the double standards of commitment phobia, and why waiting an hour to text someone back is a power play we all need to outgrow. Natasha also opens up about her unique love story, locking down with a stranger she met on Hinge just days before the pandemic, and why she believes a prenuptial agreement is actually the most romantic thing a couple can do. This episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments and hard truths about taking accountability, staying present, and not attaching your self-worth to early dating experiences. YOU'LL ALSO HEAR ABOUT: * (01:50) Natasha’s journey from serial monogamist to a "reformed commitment phobe." * (04:35) How starting the Kinda Dating podcast held Natasha accountable in her own love life. * (08:00) Meeting her husband on Hinge and moving in together on their third date right before the COVID lockdown. * (11:44) Why Natasha never wanted to get married, and how she ended up with the "dream Indian wedding she never wanted" in Spain. * (15:23) The truth about "the ick": Is it a real red flag or just a convenient excuse to bail? * (18:45) Why women are just as guilty of commitment phobia as men (and how to spot your own patterns). * (22:29) Gender norms in early dating: Who should follow up, who should plan, and who should pay? * (29:19) Why full transparency and a prenup can actually bring a couple closer together. * (31:47) The one dating behavior Natasha would outlaw today: Playing the "waiting to text back" game. * (34:22) Why getting ghosted says nothing about your self-worth. RATE, REVIEW & FOLLOW THE DATING LAB Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show. LEARN MORE ABOUT NATASHA CHANDEL * Follow Natasha on Instagram and Facebook: @NatashaChandel * Follow Natasha on TikTok: @Natasha.Chandel * Listen: Check out the archives of the Kinda Dating podcast (300 episodes available!). LEARN MORE ABOUT ALYSSA DINEEN: * Visit https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/Style My Profile [https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/] * Follow Alyssa on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/alyssadineen/?hl=en] * Follow Alyssa on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@alyssadineen]

Episode 11: From Serial Monogamy to Self-Love: Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce

In this insightful episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with Leah Mazur, a certified divorce recovery coach, founder of Mindfully Ready, and co-creator of The Next Chapter membership. Drawing from her own deeply personal journey through three marriages, Leah shares how she overcame her fear of being alone and stopped using serial monogamy as a "life raft." Leah offers a candid look at the mistakes she made jumping into relationships too quickly to numb her loneliness, and how doing the inner work completely transformed her approach to dating. She breaks down the critical difference between true compatibility and toxic chemistry, which often just mimics familiar childhood wounds, and explains why getting divorced means your dating standards should actually be higher, not lower. Alyssa and Leah also tackle the realities of modern dating for single moms, the unspoken necessity of financial independence, and the science that proves why the "staying for the kids" narrative is harmful. This conversation is packed with actionable advice on how to build a fulfilling life so that a partner becomes an addition to your happiness, rather than the source of it. YOU'LL ALSO HEAR ABOUT: 1. (04:43) Leah’s wake-up call after her first two marriages and how she stopped making choices based on the fear of abandonment. 2. (09:25) The crucial mindset shift: Going from "Am I good enough for him?" to "Does he add value to my life?" 3. (11:12) How Leah's third marriage resulted in a peaceful uncoupling and a lifelong, stable stepdad for her daughter. 4. (16:54) Why you must build a healthy relationship with yourself before you can model one for your children. 5. (18:20) Unlearning the toxic relationship narratives fed to us by Romcoms and Disney. 6. (20:47) The biggest post-divorce dating mistake: Dating just to numb the loneliness. 7. (21:28) Chemistry vs. Compatibility: Why the "spark" might just be a familiar, toxic nervous system response. 8. (27:05) The importance of financial stability so you don't choose a partner out of survival mode. 9. (33:53) Debunking the "stay for the kids" myth and why a mother's happiness directly correlates with her children's well-being. 10. (40:45) The Next Chapter membership: A resource hub for moms navigating high-conflict divorce and co-parenting. RATE, REVIEW & FOLLOW THE DATING LAB Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show. LEARN MORE ABOUT LEAH MAZUR: 1. Visit: mindfullyready.com 2. Check out: The Next Chapter Membership 3. Follow Leah on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and YouTube: @MindfullyReady LEARN MORE ABOUT ALYSSA DINEEN: 1. Visit https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/Style My Profile [https://www.stylemyprofilenyc.com/] 2. Follow Alyssa on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/alyssadineen/?hl=en] 3. Follow Alyssa on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@alyssadineen]