The Good Divorce® Show

Tearing It Apart and Sewing It Back Together: Writing The Good Divorce (Part 2 of 3)

She had a book deal. Now she had to write the book. In Part 2 of this behind-the-scenes series, Karen walks through what it actually took to get The Good Divorce from outline to print — nine months of writing squeezed around a graduating son, a daughter heading to Europe, divorce clients, speaking gigs, and a single-income household with no one to walk the dog. She bought a van, hired back her ghostwriting team with money she didn't have, and spent the better part of three months writing from campgrounds across the Pacific Northwest. Then came the restructuring. Two days over Thanksgiving, alone with her golden retriever Moab, Karen spread the entire manuscript across her kitchen counter and dining room table — color-coded, categorized, and cut apart — before putting it back together into something that finally made sense. Thirty percent didn't make the cut. What followed was twelve days of around-the-clock rewriting alongside her developmental editor in South Africa, a copy editor who found corrections on every page, a design team, and a managing editor in India keeping all the plates spinning toward a May 19th release date. At the end of the show, Karen reads from Chapter Seven — The Community — on leaning into her people when the grief felt too big to carry alone, and the friend who gave her permission to stop pretending everything was bubbles and rainbows. Part 3 is next: the book is written. Now she has to sell it. 🔖 Pick up your copy of The Good Divorce at karenmcnenny.com/the-good-divorce [https://www.karenmcnenny.com/the-good-divorce].

The Book That Was Chasing Me: How The Good Divorce Found Its Way Into the World (Part 1 of 3)

At 18, Karen McNenny wrote in a pageant essay that her greatest ambition was to write a bestselling book. She had no idea what it would be about. She certainly never guessed divorce. In this first of three special episodes, Karen tells the origin story of The Good Divorce — from that Miss Montana essay to a publishing offer from Wiley/Jossey-Bass that arrived faster than anyone in the industry said it should. Along the way: a pandemic pivot, a stranger's persistent emails she almost ignored, two ghostwriters who flew to Missoula to squeeze her brain for two days, and a New York Times bestselling author who finally talked her off the ledge when the contract arrived and the reality of what she'd set in motion hit hard. She also reads from Chapter Four, “The Kids,” on preparing to deliver the hardest lines of her life to an audience of two.

Gray Divorce, Adult Children, and the Myth That They'll Be Fine — with Dr. Carol Hughes

What happens when parents wait until the kids are grown to divorce — and then discover their adult children are not fine with it? In this rich and eye-opening conversation, Karen sits down with Dr. Carol Hughes, clinical psychologist, two-time Fulbright Scholar, and one of the true pioneers of the collaborative divorce movement, to challenge one of the most pervasive myths in divorce: that adult children don't need the same care and intentionality that minor children do. Dr. Hughes shares the origin story of collaborative divorce — rooted in a single letter written on January 1, 1990 by Minnesota attorney Stu Webb, who declared he was "done going to court and destroying families" — and how that moment sparked a movement that has since trained over 25,000 collaborative professionals worldwide. Together, Karen and Dr. Hughes explore: * Loyalty binds — what they are, how they form, and why they damage children of all ages * The five F's — fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and feign — and how our neurological wiring pulls us toward conflict when we feel unsafe * Gray divorce — why divorce among adults 50 and older doubled between 1990 and 2012, and what research from Bowling Green State University predicts by 2030 * The biggest myth about adult children — why "they're adults, they can handle it" is not only wrong, but harmful * Family before finances — why starting with the children, not the money, leads to better outcomes for everyone * The "six-year-old within" — how adult children still carry the emotional vulnerability of their younger selves, even when they appear to be coping * Creating a divorce story — how parents can paint a picture of the future that reduces fear and uncertainty for their children * The statement of highest intentions — a collaborative divorce tool for helping couples get clear on what they actually want the process to look like * Practical guidance for gray divorcing parents: how to involve adult children collaboratively in planning holidays, family gatherings, and transitions — without burdening them or writing them out of the story Dr. Hughes also opens up about her own childhood experience of her parents' divorce — including a detail that will shock modern listeners — and how an unexpected phone call from a minor's counsel changed the entire direction of her career. Resources & Links Mentioned: * 📖 Dr. Carol Hughes' book: Home Will Never Be the Same Again: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce— available at Barnes & Noble [https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/home-will-never-be-the-same-again-carol-r-hughes/1133915607] and all major booksellers * 🌐 Dr. Hughes' divorce website: divorcepeacemaking.com [https://www.divorcepeacemaking.com/] * ✍️ Dr. Hughes and Psychology Today: Visit Psychology Today's guest blog [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/contributors/carol-r-hughes-phd-lmft-and-bruce-r-fredenburg-ms-lmft] * 📖 Karen's book: The Good Divorce: How to End Your Marriage Without Ending Your Family [https://www.karenmcnenny.com/the-good-divorce/] * 🎓 The Good Divorce Academy: Karen's online community and classroom for ongoing support and education * 🌐 Work with Karen directly: thegooddivorcecoach.com [https://www.thegooddivorcecoach.com/] * 🤝 Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County [https://cdsoc.com] * 🌍 International Academy of Collaborative Professionals [https://www.collaborativepractice.com] (IACP) — trains collaborative divorce professionals worldwide * 📖 Workbooks referenced: Our Family in Two Homes and A Family in a Few Homes — created by a Canadian collaborative divorce attorney for use with minor and adult children respectively "Divorce is not a weapon — it's a tool. And when used well, it can be a tool for transformation." — Karen McNaney

Raiford Dalton Palmer on Divorce Done Differently: A Family Law Attorney's Case for the Good Divorce

What does it look like when a divorce attorney goes through his own divorce — and comes out the other side with a blended family, a co-parenting partnership, and a whole new perspective on his practice? That's exactly what Karen McNenny explores in this conversation with Raiford Dalton Palmer, Illinois divorce attorney, bestselling author, and CEO of STG Divorce Law. Raiford's own 2015 divorce after a 24-year marriage shaped not just how he lives — but how he leads his firm and serves his clients. In this episode, he pulls back the curtain on what divorce law gets wrong, what families can do differently, and why his commercial litigation background may be the secret weapon more divorcing couples need. In this episode, you'll hear: * Raiford's personal divorce story — what went right, what was hard, and how his blended family became a model of abundance over scarcity * Why "simple" and "easy" are not the same thing when it comes to divorce * How the adversarial, win/lose court system fails families — and the alternatives that are quietly changing the landscape (mediation, collaboration, arbitration, and the "1.5 attorney divorce") * The 90/10 Rule: what attorneys can actually help you with — and what belongs with a therapist or divorce coach * Cost-benefit analysis applied to divorce — why staying in a high-conflict process can cost you far more than the dollars you're fighting over * Why social media silence is one of the smartest moves you can make during a divorce * A preview of Raiford's upcoming book, I Just Want to Know How — the guide he wishes he'd had when struggling with his own marriage, and the book he believes couples should read before they ever say the D word * Why going to marriage counseling early is not a sign you want a divorce — and why waiting too long is like treating stage 4 cancer Resources mentioned: * 📘 I Just Want to Know How — Raiford's upcoming book, expected Fall 2026 * 🎙️ I Just Want This Done Divorce Podcast [https://www.ijustwantthisdonepod.com] — live Thursdays, drops every Friday on all major platforms and YouTube * 💬 Illinois Divorce Support — free, anonymous private Facebook group (open to all, not just Illinois residents) * 📲 Follow Raiford: @RaifordPalmer on TikTok, Instagram, and X * ⚖️ STG Divorce Law, P.C. — https://www.stglawfirm.com/attorneys/raiford-d-palmer/ [https://www.stglawfirm.com/attorneys/raiford-d-palmer/] | Serving the greater Chicagoland area Karen McNenny is the author of The Good Divorce: How to End Your Marriage Without Ending Your Family [https://www.karenmcnenny.com/the-good-divorce/]. To work with Kathleen directly or join her online community, visit TheGoodDivorceCoach.com [https://www.karenmcnenny.com] and the Good Divorce Academy. And remember: "Everything will be okay in the end — and if it's not okay, it's not the end."

The Grief That Gets No Casserole

Divorce is a death — of a marriage, an identity, a family, a home — and yet our culture offers almost none of the support it would for any other kind of loss. In this solo episode, Karen gets honest about the grief of divorce: why we wildly underestimate it, why we're often left to navigate it in isolation, and what it actually looks like to move through it with intention. Karen introduces the concept of ambiguous grief — the particular pain of losing someone who is still very much present in your life as a co-parent — and why that "gone but not gone" experience makes healing so disorienting. She also calls out the trap of pain shopping: the social media stalking, the gossip, the drive-bys that keep picking at a wound that's trying to heal. You'll also hear Karen's case for including divorce in the Family Medical Leave Act, practical advice for surviving those first brutal transition days when the kids leave for the other home, and why the goal isn't to stop caring — it's to reach a place of emotional indifference, where your ex's choices simply don't rattle you anymore. This is an episode worth sharing with anyone in your support circle who wants to show up for you but isn't sure how. Topics covered: * Why divorce grief is invisible — and why that isolation makes it harder * The many losses layered inside one divorce * Ambiguous grief and the "gone but not gone" experience of co-parenting * Pain shopping: what it is and why it sets you back * How scars are different from wounds (and why that's good news) * What emotional indifference actually means — and why it's the goal * The grief-relief cocktail: feeling two things at once * Practical tips for transition days when the kids leave * Karen's advocacy for divorce-inclusive workplace policies Resources: * The Good Divorce [https://a.co/d/05xvtQPz] by Karen McNenny * The Good Divorce Academy — online community & classroom * thegooddivorcecoach.com [http://thegooddivorcecoach.com/] "Everything will be okay in the end. And if it's not okay, it's not the end."