The Joshua Roy Show

Podcast Episode 35

Chapter Title: Unplugged: What I Actually Believe About Resilience I didn't prepare any of this. No slides. No outline. No notes. Just me, a microphone, and whatever came out. Sometimes that's when the real stuff shows up. When you stop trying to be a coach and just let yourself be a person who's been through some things and figured out a few things along the way. Here's what came out. The Definition You Haven't Heard Emotional resilience isn't about being tough. It's not about gritting your teeth and powering through. Here's how I defined it in the moment, words I'd never spoken in that order before: Emotional resilience is the ability to go through a difficult circumstance, situation, or event, and at the end of it, effectively sort and manage your emotions to the point where it doesn't throw you off kilter — and you're able to maintain direction and purpose toward your goals. Notice what's missing. Nowhere does it say "you don't feel anything." Nowhere does it say "you're not affected." It says you sort it. You manage it. You don't let it steer you off the road. The Problem No One Talks About Most advice about resilience assumes you've been through something similar before. That you have skills and tools ready to deploy. But what about the thing you've never faced? The breakup that's unlike any breakup you've had. The job loss that hits different because you're older now. The health scare that came out of nowhere. How do you have resilience for an experience you've never had? You can't draw on old experience that doesn't exist. So you have to draw on something else. Something timeless. Something that was true yesterday, is true today, and will be true tomorrow. That's where love comes in. The Mirror Moment You've heard "love is the answer" so many times it's become wallpaper. You nod along. You don't feel it. But watch what happens when I ask you this: What's the one thing that has made you do something you never thought you'd do? Not ambition. Not fear. Not logic. Love. People sacrifice for love. They give up time, money, sleep, pride. In extreme cases, they give up their lives. There's an old saying — older than any religion, older than any philosophy: "Greater love hath no man than this, than a man lay down his life for his friend." That's not sentimental. That's physics. Love is the most powerful force in the human emotional system. And if it can make you die for someone, it can certainly make you live for yourself.

Episode 34 - Why you are into personal development

Why I Love to Travel I've just come back from a trip to Tangalooma. We took the whole family. while snorkling I saw one fish. I was so happy. I'd seen a fish in the wild. Then I turned around and looked down deeper. There were hundreds of fish. Yellows, purples, greens. So many colors. Fish the size of small suitcases. I was reaching out, almost touching them. Why People Do Personal Development I've been coaching for twelve years now. I came up with an acronym: INSPIRED. Each letter stands for a reason people come to personal development. Let me walk you through it. I - Increase Income People want to increase their income. Why? Because they believe it will make them happy. And there's truth to that. Money gives you opportunities. Travel. Experiences. For your family. But here's the nuance. Money and happiness rise together up to a point. Once you have all your needs met and some of your wants, more money doesn't create more happiness. Yet people keep acquiring, hoping it will. N - Never Work for a Boss Again Why do people want this? Because bosses can give you a hard time. Micromanage you. Undermine you. Give you the work of four people. Come down hard on mistakes. Create stress. Tightness across your neck and shoulders. People want to work for themselves. Choose their own hours. Remove the cap on their income. And they believe that will make them happy. S - Spare Time More spare time means time for hobbies. Time for family. Time for friends. Time for activities that make you smile and laugh. That make you feel happy. P - Personal Development Some people just love personal development. They love growing. It's been said that you're either growing or you're dying. Growth is part of fulfillment. The other part is contribution. I - Influencer People want to become influencers. To inspire others. To lift others. To guide others. To be a coach or a leader. When you impact somebody in a positive way, you get benefits too. It feels good. When someone says, "Thank you. You've changed my life for the better," that's powerful. R - Retirement / Saving People prepare for retirement. But it's not just financial. You need to emotionally clear your past. Heal your inner child. Stop ruminating. Stop being depressed about what happened. Stop being anxious about what might happen. I heard Barbara O'Neil tell a story. A couple came to her health retreat. They were retired professionals. Both earned lots of money. But they had health problems. They said, "We're retired now. We can focus on our health." And they changed their lives. Here's a sad story. A man was driving to his own retirement function. He had a heart attack in the car. Died before he enjoyed one day of retirement. Prepare your mind, your heart, your body, your spirit. Not just your bank account. E - Enjoy Financial Freedom People fall in love with travel. With living the lifestyle they want. Money creates happiness to a point. Beyond that, you can find more happiness by using your wealth to impact others. Charity. Service. Getting your message out to help people. D - Design a Destiny Personal development gives you the ability to design the future you want. Your love life. Your relationships. Your health. Your energy. Your vitality. Your finances. Your emotional well-being.

Episode 33 - Dont just survive, its time to thrive.

The Rear Vision Mirror We all have a past and we all have a future. But what we don't want to do is jump in our vehicle and drive out into our life looking into the rear vision mirror. You can glance at it momentarily. What you don't want to do is be looking at it in a fixated way because that's going to lead to an accident, especially at high speed. Your past doesn't equal your future. The Definition of Insanity The definition of insanity is a person doing the same thing the same way repeatedly expecting a different result. Some people do that. They beat a dead horse and wonder why it doesn't get up and run. It's been said that a person who's worked in a job for twenty years may say, "I've got twenty years experience." That's not correct. They probably have one year experience repeated twenty times.I believed something different. I believed you could go from victim to survivor to thrive. I believed that you can change. That the past doesn't equal the future. That if you bring in different ideas, different tools, and work with your beliefs, you can shift not just your attitude but your behavior. We had different belief systems. I think that led to our separation. The Room and the Doorway Imagine you're in a dark room. There's a door. On the other side of that door is a spotlight pointing at the door. But the door has no gaps. No light is seeping through. That's "not possible." You're stuck. Hopeless. Helpless. Now imagine you open the door just a fraction. A sliver of light comes in. You can start to make out the walls. The objects. Everything becomes clearer. That's "possible." That's the first step. Then you move to "probable." I can probably heal. I can probably overcome this. I can probably change my situation. Then you move to "definite." Absolute knowledge. Total conviction. Life coaching is grabbing that door handle and ripping the door open so the floodlight fills the room. The Healing Process How do you resolve the past? Because it happened. You can't erase it. Here's what you do: 1. Recognize there's a problem. 2. Stop picking at it. Stop telling the same story the same way. 3. Forgiveness. 4. Gratitude. That's the healing process. It gets you from "not possible" to "I know it." My Second Marriage I remarried a wonderful woman named Rebecca. She helped me back onto my feet. Helped me get the confidence back to believe I could create and design a future I could absolutely love. I've been with Rebecca for nineteen plus years. It's a relationship filled with love and passion. If I had believed that the past equals the future, I would have been destined to repeat the same pattern. I didn't repeat it. Final Statement Wherever you are right now. If you're feeling stuck. Dealing with depression. Anxiety. Even suicidal ideology. There is a way forward. There is a way out. There is a light at the end of that dark tunnel. Your past doesn't have to equal your future.

Episode 32 - Direct connection between illness and negative emotions

The Basketball Injury That Changed My Mind I was playing basketball. I landed on someone else's foot and rolled my ankle. My right ankle has been sprained many times. I went home, put a bandage on it, used ice. Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate. The RICE formula. That was the plan. Reduce the swelling. Then my mum spoke to me. She had been reading a book by Louise Hay. The book said every physical problem has an underlying emotional reason. Mum looked it up. A sprained ankle meant fear of moving forward. I argued with her. I said, "Mum, it has nothing to do with my emotions. I landed on someone's foot. I rolled my ankle." But later, I thought about it. Was I afraid of something? Was there fear of moving forward in my life? I realized there probably was. That idea stayed with me. The Tony Robbins Shift Years later, I went to a Tony Robbins event. After that, my mind was more open than ever before. I started to believe that our mind has power over our body. If something isn't working physiologically, there is an emotional reason. I started working with energy healing. I started teaching what my mother once said. The Spinning Technique (David Snyder) I found David Snyder on YouTube. He had a technique called the spinning technique. He worked with the physical body, the nervous system, and emotions. People were reducing pain in real time. One demonstration stuck with me. A military person at an airport had a PTSD episode. Someone did the spinning technique on him. Afterward, he followed that person around the airport. He just wanted to be near them. His nervous system had been reprogrammed in moments. David Snyder said there were three prerequisites for healing: 1. Play pretend 2. Full absorption 3. Have fun Once those were in place, pain could be reduced to zero. I didn't believe it at first. I had an ingrown toenail once. Even with anesthetic, it was painful. The idea that the mind could get rid of all pain seemed impossible. But I tried the technique. I did it with one person, then another. Before long, I had done it 100 times. People kept getting results. Back pain. Headaches. Period pain. Cancer. Sprained ankles. I started to believe. Anybody could heal from anything. The Frozen Shoulder Demonstration I had a frozen shoulder once. I tried the technique on myself. It didn't work. I'm stubborn. But I used it on a woman with a frozen shoulder. She could only lift her arm to 90 degrees. I did the technique. I said, "Now raise your arm as high as you can." She went over her head. She couldn't believe it. I never promise it works 100% of the time. I just say, "Let's find out. Let's see if this makes a shift." And person after person has reduced or eliminated pain. The Acid-Alkaline Balance We have an acid-alkaline balance in our body. Blood sits at 7.36, slightly alkaline. When your body chemistry moves toward an acidic state, disease, illness, and even cancer can be produced. We think about diet. We think about rest. We think about oxygen. But what about emotions? The Chemistry of Connection Couples who make love regularly produce endorphins and oxytocin. These create a euphoric feeling. They are good for the heart. Good for the circulatory system. Good for creating positive emotions. Arguments, fights, conflict? Those create toxicity in the body. They create inflammation. They make you sick. Final Thought Unprocessed trauma manifests as illness. Resolve the emotional challenge, and the condition can leave. That is what I have learned. That is what I now teach.

Episode 31 - You cannot out exercise a bad diet

The Problem with Caloric Deficit We always hear about caloric deficit. But here’s what nobody tells you. If you’re in a deficit, your body doesn’t have the building blocks to create healthy, high-functioning cells. You can only push so far before you run into issues. Think about the extreme. In the concentration camps, people were fed watery soup with maybe three beans. They lost a tremendous amount of weight. They were just skin pulled across bone. They were asked to march and work for hours, and people passed away daily. Not from old age. From malnutrition. That is what happens when the body has no fuel. The Problem with Caloric Excess Now let’s look at the other side. Over-eating. Your body stores excess sugar. Where? In fat cells. And here is a key fact: Fat cells are unlimited in their size. They are storage containers. First, energy goes to your cells. Then your organs. Then your liver. Then, finally, to storage: the gut, thighs, breasts, and around the organs. Everyone stores fat differently. Some get it on their buttocks. Some around the midsection. Some get visceral fat around the organs. But here is the non-negotiable truth: No amount of sit-ups will get rid of midsection fat. You cannot spot-reduce fat. It is holistic. The Math of a Doughnut It takes approximately 30 to 45 minutes of rigorous running to burn off a single glazed doughnut (about 300 calories). Eat a six-pack? That is four to five hours of training. Who has that time? Unless you are an unemployed lottery winner, you cannot out-exercise a bad diet. Success Leaves Clues People can fake wealth. They can lease a car or rent a house. But your body does not lie. It gives clues. You can tell if someone exercises. You can tell their diet by looking at them. Success leaves clues. And your body is the evidence. Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis (NEAT) Here is a trap. People exercise hard, then lie on the couch because they are sore. They negate the total calorie burn. You are better off staying gently active all day than doing one hard workout and collapsing. The Celery Fact Celery is actually a herb, not a vegetable. The calories in celery are less than what is needed to digest it. You actually lose weight eating celery. It is one of the only foods that does that. The Acid-Alkaline Balance If you eat an acid-forming diet (no fruit, no vegetables, no leafy greens), and then you exercise like crazy, you create lactic acid buildup. Now you have acid from food plus acid from exercise. You become toxic. You can reach a tipping point called acidosis. That is why sometimes a 25 or 30-year-old drops dead during a run. Exercise is not always the answer. If you are toxic, exercise makes it worse. Exercise Breaks the Body Down. Diet Rebuilds It. Without adequate protein, micronutrients, and healthy fats, exercise becomes a source of stress and injury. Protein is the building block of your cells. Micronutrients allow your cells to replicate at a high level. And healthy oils? They are the lubrication. Think of oil in a car. Metal on metal grinds down. But with oil, the engine lasts 20 times longer. Your body is the same. When I started taking Omega oils (3, 6, 9, 12), my arms moved better. My body worked better. Don't be scared of good oils. Avocado, coconut, olive oil. They give you mobility. The Vicious Cycle High performance requires high fuel. If you eat poorly, you will not have the energy or motivation to exercise consistently. A poor diet puts you in a food coma. You exercise once, and then you are wiped out for three days.