Why A Narcissist Coworker Feels So Familiar To You
Summary
In this episode, Cyndi Bennett gets personal. She shares what happened after she did the hard work of getting regulated and reached out to repair things with a difficult coworker, and what his silence taught her. Drawing from her own experience and a conversation with mentor and dear friend Kimberly Weeks from episode 51, Cyndi walks through five specific behaviors that show up in narcissistic coworkers and explores why, for many trauma survivors, these patterns feel so familiar. Because for some of us, they are. This episode is not about diagnosing anyone. It is about learning to see clearly, and understanding why it took so long to see it in the first place.
Key Thoughts
* When a difficult coworker feels familiar, that familiarity is worth paying attention to. It often has roots that go back much further than this job.
* Normalization is not the same as acceptance. Growing up around certain patterns teaches us to see them as just how things are, which makes them easy to miss later in life.
* You cannot repair with someone who will not own their part. The absence of accountability is not a small thing. It is information.
* Dismissiveness toward others’ experience and expertise is a pattern, not a personality quirk. And for those of us who grew up shrinking our knowing to keep the peace, it can feel almost invisible at first.
* Going quiet in spaces where your voice belongs is not always about personality. Sometimes it is a response to a pattern you have been living inside for a long time.
* Grandiosity is not confidence. It is an outsized sense of self that requires constant reinforcement, often at the expense of everyone around it.
His non-response was not about me. It was not a reflection of my worth or my effort. It was a reflection of his unwillingness to do his part.
What This Means For You
If something in this episode is landing in a way that feels familiar, here are some things worth sitting with:
* The familiarity is a signal, not a flaw. If a coworker’s behavior feels like something you have lived before, that recognition is not weakness. It is your nervous system connecting dots that your mind may not have caught up to yet. Pay attention to it.
* Naming the patterns matters. Accountability, dismissiveness, talking over others, grandiosity, a habit of looking down to feel bigger. These are observable behaviors. Once you can name them, you can stop internalizing them as something you caused or something you deserve.
* The instinct to keep trying has old roots. If you find yourself looking for the right angle, the right words, the right approach that will finally make someone meet you where you are, that instinct is worth getting curious about. It often started somewhere long before this workplace.
* Repair requires two people. If you have done the work, gotten grounded, and reached out honestly, and the other person will not show up for that, the problem is not your approach. Seeing that clearly is not giving up. It is progress.
* Recognition can be a lot to hold. If this episode connected something happening right now to something that happened a long time ago, be gentle with yourself in that. That kind of awareness is the beginning of something important, and it does not have to be processed all at once.
Come Journey With Us
If this resonated with you and you would like to go deeper with the exact tools, resources, and community built specifically to support trauma survivors navigating their careers, consider joining us in the Resilient Career Academy. You don’t have to figure this out alone. There is a place where people understand exactly what you are carrying, and where your pace, your healing, and your story are not just welcomed, they are honored.
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