Self-Abandonment in Relationships: Understanding Attachment Styles, Setting Boundaries, and Prioritizing Your Needs

Core Relational Skills

Relational skills like reflective listening, embodied presence, and attunement are the tools that create deeper, more meaningful connection and I want to share them with you! I'm so glad to be back to the podcast! In this episode, I dive right into what it actually means to become relational and why sharpening these skills matters (especially now). I introduce a relational framework and walk through each one with real, practical examples you can start using in your everyday relationships. I also share some personal updates, including a sweet workshop series I just finished, my upcoming professional psychology book Attachment Theory Made Simple (coming out in the spring!), and some exciting new offerings on the horizon, including a supervision group for therapists and a consultation group for coaches and helping professionals. And please don't miss the free Becoming Relational Mini Guide linked here. It's full of ideas for showing up well in your community and you can get started today. BECOMING RELATIONAL MINI-GUIDE [https://elizabethgillette.com/becomingrelationalguide] About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/becomingrelationalpod] To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, you can reach out here! [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/virtual-coffee-with-elizabeth] For more information about my work: Blog [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/blog] Coaching [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/] Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples [https://bookshop.org/p/books/attachment-theory-workbook-for-couples-exercises-to-strengthen-and-grow-your-relationship-elizabeth-gillette/c450c46dd26b3a26?ean=9781638781080&next=t&utm_source=google&utm_medium=pmax&utm_campaign=16243454879&utm_content=&utm_term=%7Bsearchterm%7D&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=16235479093&gclid=CjwKCAiA3-3KBhBiEiwA2x7FdH2jIQeYpzTBXUzWa-zLRhCkjU6SqNynqgiGDkV6N0ieloTmoLFIphoCdZ0QAvD_BwE]

Navigating the Shame of Self-Abandonment

In this episode of Becoming Relational, we explore shame, self abandonment, and how breaking people-pleasing patterns can transform your relationships. I'm sharing honestly about something that took me years to understand: how shame and self abandonment are deeply connected. I explore my own experience of hitting rock bottom and the slow, sometimes painful journey of finding my way back to myself. We talk about how so many of us have been socialized to put everyone else first, why the word "selfish" can feel the worst thing you could be called, and what it actually takes to stop abandoning yourself in relationships. I also open up about how changing my own patterns shifted the way others showed up for me — and why I believe that's worth every bit of discomfort along the way. Come Home to Yourself: Healing from Self-Abandonment [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/comehome] BECOMING RELATIONAL MINI-GUIDE [https://elizabethgillette.com/becomingrelationalguide] About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/becomingrelationalpod] To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/virtual-coffee-with-elizabeth] For more information about my work: Blog [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/blog] Coaching [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/] Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples [https://bookshop.org/p/books/attachment-theory-workbook-for-couples-exercises-to-strengthen-and-grow-your-relationship-elizabeth-gillette/c450c46dd26b3a26?ean=9781638781080&next=t&utm_source=google&utm_medium=pmax&utm_campaign=16243454879&utm_content=&utm_term=%7Bsearchterm%7D&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=16235479093&gclid=CjwKCAiA3-3KBhBiEiwA2x7FdH2jIQeYpzTBXUzWa-zLRhCkjU6SqNynqgiGDkV6N0ieloTmoLFIphoCdZ0QAvD_BwE]

Self-Abandonment in Relationships: Understanding Attachment Styles, Setting Boundaries, and Prioritizing Your Needs

Self-abandonment, people-pleasing, insecure attachment—in this episode, I'm exploring a pattern I see every single day in my therapy and coaching practice, and one I've struggled with myself. I'm talking about the painful cycle of choosing someone else's comfort over your own, repeatedly pushing down your desires to keep the peace, and staying in relationships that don't work for you because self-betrayal feels easier than speaking your truth. For years, I abandoned myself without even realizing it. I worked hard to please others because I believed if they were okay, I would be okay too. But I learned the hard way that prioritizing other people's needs over my own (especially for those of us with the anxious attachment style) leads to resentment, anger, and losing ourselves completely. In this episode, I share the crucial difference between being flexible and actually betraying your values. I help you understand why being well-liked never satisfies our deeper need to be truly seen, appreciated, and valued. And I invite you to identify the people who love you for exactly who you are—these are the ones worth holding onto. If you're ready to stop abandoning yourself, create genuine connection, and become deeply aware of your own desires, I hope you'll tune in. Come Home to Yourself: Healing from Self-Abandonment [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/comehome] BECOMING RELATIONAL MINI-GUIDE [https://elizabethgillette.com/becomingrelationalguide] About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/becomingrelationalpod] To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/virtual-coffee-with-elizabeth] Blog [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/blog] Coaching [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/] Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples [https://bookshop.org/p/books/attachment-theory-workbook-for-couples-exercises-to-strengthen-and-grow-your-relationship-elizabeth-gillette/c450c46dd26b3a26?ean=9781638781080&next=t&utm_source=google&utm_medium=pmax&utm_campaign=16243454879&utm_content=&utm_term=%7Bsearchterm%7D&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=16235479093&gclid=CjwKCAiA3-3KBhBiEiwA2x7FdH2jIQeYpzTBXUzWa-zLRhCkjU6SqNynqgiGDkV6N0ieloTmoLFIphoCdZ0QAvD_BwE]

How to Feel Worthy When You're Insecure

Today, I'm sharing about my personal journey with self-worth and confidence, and how attachment theory has supported me in navigating unworthiness and insecurity. I've been wrestling with feelings of unworthiness lately, a familiar struggle with believing that I belong and that what I offer truly matters. If you've ever felt like you're not enough or wondered how to show up authentically when self-doubt takes hold, I hope this episode supports you. I explore the transformative question that changed everything, shared with me by a former therapist. I also offer practical strategies for building self-trust from the inside out, setting healthy boundaries, recognizing when we're seeking external validation to fill internal emptiness, and cultivating the self-compassion and emotional security we all deserve. BECOMING RELATIONAL MINI-GUIDE [https://elizabethgillette.com/becomingrelationalguide] About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/becomingrelationalpod] To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/virtual-coffee-with-elizabeth] For more information about my work: Blog [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/blog] Coaching [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/] Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples [https://bookshop.org/p/books/attachment-theory-workbook-for-couples-exercises-to-strengthen-and-grow-your-relationship-elizabeth-gillette/c450c46dd26b3a26?ean=9781638781080&next=t&utm_source=google&utm_medium=pmax&utm_campaign=16243454879&utm_content=&utm_term=%7Bsearchterm%7D&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=16235479093&gclid=CjwKCAiA3-3KBhBiEiwA2x7FdH2jIQeYpzTBXUzWa-zLRhCkjU6SqNynqgiGDkV6N0ieloTmoLFIphoCdZ0QAvD_BwE]

Why You Should Invest in the Relationships You Have

Today I'm exploring relationship repair, secure attachment, and relationship disconnection—and why investing in the relationships you already have, rather than constantly searching for something new, might be the most revolutionary choice you can make. Let's discuss how to navigate relationship disconnection, practice intentional repair, and build resilient, secure relationships through accountability and compassion. I share why I believe that in our culture of fast fashion and dating apps, choosing to mend our relationships—rather than discard them—is a powerful counter-cultural choice. We'll talk about rupture and repair in relationships, how to strengthen your secure attachment muscles, and the reflection questions that can help you show up as your best self in all your meaningful connections. My hope is that this conversation is an invitation to slow down, invest your energy wisely, and create the kind of relational security that fosters trust and resilience. Come cozy up with me and let's talk about what it really means to become relational. About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. Rupture and Repair Bundle [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/store-buttons/rupture-and-repair-bundle] If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/becomingrelationalpod] To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/virtual-coffee-with-elizabeth] For more information about my work: Blog [https://www.heirloomcounseling.com/blog] Coaching [https://www.elizabethgillette.com/] Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples [https://bookshop.org/p/books/attachment-theory-workbook-for-couples-exercises-to-strengthen-and-grow-your-relationship-elizabeth-gillette/c450c46dd26b3a26?ean=9781638781080&next=t&utm_source=google&utm_medium=pmax&utm_campaign=16243454879&utm_content=&utm_term=%7Bsearchterm%7D&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=16235479093&gclid=CjwKCAiA3-3KBhBiEiwA2x7FdH2jIQeYpzTBXUzWa-zLRhCkjU6SqNynqgiGDkV6N0ieloTmoLFIphoCdZ0QAvD_BwE]