Q&A: Mismatched Libido & Sexual Incompatibility

Body Image & Light's On Confidence

I’ll be brief today because it’s assignment season and all of my writing eggs are going into the uni basket. This episode is for anyone who feels like something is missing in their intimacy, who struggles with body image, and wants to form a sexual self-identity that feels… Free. I share some insights on how to cultivate the confidence you need to be yourself in intimate contexts, and connect to the parts of you that feel like they can’t. This will be helpful for you if: * You struggle to speak up during sex * Identify with the people pleaser archetype * Hide your body during sex * Feel disappointed or defeated after sex (even if it was good) As always, take what resonates. Leave the rest. »»»»» Listen on Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/6ouAlEjGuozokAX0MsnLiP?si=65286f5119e44992] »»»»» Listen on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/better-loving-by-laura-ellen/id1456549010] With love, Laura Ellen This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe [https://bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

What Blocks (Genuine) Confidence

Links & Resources: Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact [https://laura-ellen.com/contact] About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about [https://laura-ellen.com/about] Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen [https://substack.com/@bylauraellen]? Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw] Episode Summary: This episode sits alongside a personal reflection on creativity, confidence, and the quiet ways we move away from our own voice within sexual and relational contexts. I speak into the fear of being too expressive, too intuitive, or too unconventional, and how that can soften confidence over time. This is a grounded reflection on returning to creative self-trust, allowing space for imperfection, and reconnecting with a more natural and self-led way of speaking, creating, and being seen. Key Topics: The impact of using AI on creative expression and self-trust The difference between sounding confident and feeling connected to your voice Fear of being perceived as too spiritual, emotional, or unconventional The tension between academic validation and embodied knowing Reconnecting with intuitive expression and creative autonomy Letting go of perfection and allowing more honest, in-process work Building confidence through self-acceptance and lived experience Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com [hello@laura-ellen.com]. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe [https://bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Q&A: Mismatched Libido & Sexual Incompatibility

Links & Resources: Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact [https://laura-ellen.com/contact] About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about [https://laura-ellen.com/about] Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen [https://substack.com/@bylauraellen]? Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw] Episode Summary: This episode explores the impact of mismatched libido and sexual rejection on our sense of self and erotic vitality. I reflect on what happens when our desire isn’t met by a partner, how repeated experiences of being turned down can quietly erode confidence and the freedom to express sexuality, and how subtle self-silencing can affect our overall sense of aliveness. I focus on understanding what sexual rejection can mean psychologically, how it interacts with our own sense of enoughness, and how to stay connected to pleasure, desire, and sexual self-identity while honoring differences in arousal, history, and rhythm between partners. This episode is about holding space for our own vitality without trying to fix or change the other person. Key Topics Covered: How repeated sexual rejection can impact confidence and erotic vitality The ways self-silencing develops when desire isn’t reciprocated Understanding differences in sexual rhythm, history, and arousal between partners Maintaining connection to your sexual self-identity despite mismatch Reflecting on what sexual rejection means psychologically and emotionally Practicing enoughness and presence with your own desire Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com [hello@laura-ellen.com]. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe [https://bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Struggle To Relax During Sex?

Links & Resources: Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact [https://laura-ellen.com/contact] About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about [https://laura-ellen.com/about] Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen [https://substack.com/@bylauraellen]? Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw] Episode Summary: Switching off at the end of a full day and moving into intimacy can feel harder than we admit. In this episode, I explore why sex is not inherently relaxing and how nervous system state, relationship context, and the pace of modern life all shape our capacity for arousal. We unpack the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and how cultural messaging can quietly create pressure on bodies to respond in ways that are not authentic. I speak to the moments of contraction, resistance, or bracing that arise when initiation lands at the wrong time, and how meeting those moments honestly can build deeper confidence and connection. This conversation supports you to honour your arousal system, communicate from integrity, and allow pleasure to arrive at a pace that feels true to your body. Key Topics Covered: Why sex is not automatically relaxing and how nervous system state influences readiness The impact of stress, unresolved tension, and daily demands on sexual connection Spontaneous and responsive desire and how each functions in real bodies Cultural expectations shaped by media and how they influence sexual pressure Noticing contraction, bracing, or resistance during initiation and what that means Building confidence through honest communication in moments of discomfort Moving beyond chemistry and newness to cultivate authentic, sustainable intimacy Supporting pleasure to unfold organically rather than rushing the experience Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com [hello@laura-ellen.com]. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe [https://bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Painful Sex, Numbness & Dissociation

Links & Resources: Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact [https://laura-ellen.com/contact] About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about [https://laura-ellen.com/about] Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen [https://substack.com/@bylauraellen]? Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw] Episode Summary: This episode explores the often unspoken reality of pain, numbness, and pressure in women’s sexual experiences. Drawing on clinical insight and research, including findings from OMGYes that one in four women experience pain during sex, I speak to the layers of shame, bracing, and self-judgement that many women carry behind closed doors. We unpack the psychodynamics and somatics of painful sex, including overwhelm, lack of safety, medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment. This conversation offers practical and compassionate tools for creating sexual contexts grounded in safety, attunement, and responsive desire. Designed with female bodies in mind, this episode will also support partners who want to better understand the pace and conditions that allow pleasure to unfold organically. Key Topics Covered: The prevalence of pain during sex and the impact on confidence and self-worth Shame, bracing, freezing, and fawning in intimate moments The nervous system responses that can shape sexual experiences Medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment Responsive desire and the importance of attuned, female-centered touch Creating safety as the foundation for genuine pleasure Practical tools for building a sexual context that supports your body Supporting a partner with patience, attunement, and care Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com [hello@laura-ellen.com]. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe [https://bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]