103: Why Knowing Better Doesn't Always Mean Doing Better

103: Why Knowing Better Doesn't Always Mean Doing Better

Many people spend years reading books, listening to podcasts, attending therapy, and understanding addiction. Yet they still feel stuck. This week Luke and Alana explain why information alone never creates transformation—and what actually does. You'll learn: * Why insight feels good but doesn’t change behavior * The uncomfortable “growth zone” * How emotional awareness rewires recovery * Why habits matter more than motivation * How integration creates lasting healing Chapters * 01:35 The Recovery Expert Trap * 02:25 Swimming Lessons * 05:37 Insight vs Practice * 07:24 Repetition * 11:15 Integration * 15:13 Systems * 18:46 Compassion As You Try to Change Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/reclaimed-intensive/] - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT. * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/betrayal-trauma-guide/] Questions or topics you'd like us to address? Send us an email with “Choose To Be” as the subject to podcast@chooserecoveryservices.com [podcast@chooserecoveryservices.com].  Watch us⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_j_PjCjNzTorEwciK3zdnkb] on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram: @choose_recovery_services ⁠Schedule⁠ [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/] a complimentary consultation. Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/95gxktd/CTBPodcastsignup] to be notified when new episodes air. More from Choose Recovery Services * Beyond the Facade Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthefacadewithchoose] - Helping men live authentically and aligned with their values. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-healing-betrayal-trauma-support-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women navigating betrayal trauma and its effects. * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Immersive healing experiences designed for deep transformation in a short time. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - A program for men to build empathy, improve communication, and repair relationships. * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - Support for men working through addiction, shame, emotional growth, and relationship healing. * ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Empowered Divorce Podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-empowered-divorce-podcast-navigating-divorce/id1650161235] with Amie Woolsey for those who are leaning toward divorce.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-empowered-divorce-podcast-navigating-divorce/id1650161235] * Dating From Within [https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page] - Learn to date yourself first and recognize when you’re ready for a healthy relationship. * Should I Stay or Go? [https://shouldistayorgo.amiewoolsey.com/] - A self-paced course guiding you toward clarity and personal empowerment. * Trauma Trigger Kit [https://amiewoolsey.com/swag-shop-product-details/product/trauma-trigger-kit] - Grounding tools to help you manage triggers using your five senses. * Believing in You [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/believing-in-you/] - Learn brain-based tools to rebuild trust, empowerment, and joy. * Intimacy Within ⁠ [https://intimacywithin.amiewoolsey.com/intimacy-within-page]- A self-paced guide to building authentic, vulnerable intimacy from the inside out. * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/] - Group designed for those who are trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship.

102: This Isn't an Addiction Problem - It's an Emotional Awareness Problem

Most men were never taught how to identify their emotions—and that missing skill can quietly fuel addiction, disconnection, and destructive coping patterns. This week Luke explores why emotional awareness is one of the most important foundations of recovery. You'll discover why thoughts aren't feelings, why behavior management isn't enough, and how learning to recognize emotions can interrupt the cycle of compulsive behaviors. Listen to learn: * Why "I'm fine" isn't an emotion * How emotional distress leads to acting out * Why shame and loneliness stay hidden * The real purpose of emotional awareness * A simple exercise to build emotional regulation Recovery isn't just about stopping behaviors—it's about learning to understand what your emotions are trying to tell you. Chapters * 01:33 Why Men Miss Emotions * 02:23 Thoughts vs Feelings * 04:59 Rocky III Fear Lesson * 8:04 Stop Asking Why Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/reclaimed-intensive/] - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT. * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/betrayal-trauma-guide/] Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- Group designed for those who are trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]

101: Why Am I Still Struggling Years Later?

You've read the books. Gone to therapy. Joined groups. Learned the language of recovery. And yet, you're still stuck. In this episode, we explore a painful question many men quietly carry: "Why am I still struggling?" This week we unpack why recovery isn't simply about trying harder—it may be about receiving the right level of support. You'll discover: * Why insight alone doesn't create lasting change. * The difference between information and integration. * Signs that you may need a higher level of care. * Why white-knuckling isn't the same as healing. * How emotional regulation—not just behavior management—changes recovery. If you've wondered whether you're broken or hopeless, this conversation offers another possibility: Maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe it's time for a different level of help. Chapters * 2:45 Why You Feel Stuck * 05:12 Integration * 07:05 Signs You Need More * 12:00 No Shame; More Support * 13:15 Do the Hard Thing Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/reclaimed-intensive/] - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT. * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  NEW Groups * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship.  * Know Your Story [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/know-your-story/] is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks. Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]

100: Making Sense of His Behavior

What happens when the acting out stops—but everything still feels broken? This week Luke and Scott Blundo [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team-bios/#ScottBlundo] (fellow Choose Recovery Services coach) explore the difference between sobriety and recovery. Many betrayed partners expect life to improve once the behaviors stop. But recovery is far more than just abstinence. You'll learn: * Why sobriety and recovery are not the same thing * Why emotions often intensify after acting out stops * The four key markers of genuine recovery * How accountability differs from shame and punishment * What betrayed partners can realistically expect during healing Interested in learning more? Register for the Making Sense of His Behavior group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/] starting soon at Choose Recovery Services. Chapters * 01:39 Meet Scott * 04:20 Making Sense of His Behavior Course * 07:11 Sobriety vs Recovery * 09:54 When Things Get Worse * 16:54 Markers of Change * 25:04 Accountability * 32:34 Setbacks and Progress Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/reclaimed-intensive/] - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT. * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  NEW Groups * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship.  * Know Your Story [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/know-your-story/] is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks. Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/betrayal-trauma-guide/] Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]

99: How to Spot an Emotionally Shut-Down Man Part 2

Why does an emotionally shut down man struggle to change—even when he genuinely wants to? In this follow-up episode, Luke and Alana respond to listener questions about emotional shutdown, nervous system healing, and what recovery actually looks like for men who have spent years disconnecting from their emotions. ***Listen to Part 1 HERE [https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/dw5WzL9R72b].*** Together they explore: * Why insight alone doesn't create change * What emotional shutdown is really protecting * How attachment wounds shape adult relationships * Why some men become more emotional after starting recovery * What somatic work actually is * How nervous system healing creates lasting transformation * What emotional reconnection looks like in real life Chapters * 01:45 Why Insight Isn’t Enough * 08:01 What Shutdown Protects * 12:12 Control and Safety * 16:17 Predictability Over Vulnerability * 20:05 Reconnecting Emotionally * 28:43 Somatic Work Explained * 30:04 Healing Takes Time Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * 🌴NEW: Couples Retreat in Costa Rica! [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/rise-and-renew-couples-retreat/]- If you are in a stable place in your relationship and want to reconnect, regulate, and rediscover each other, we invite you to our couples breathwork retreat. Retreat is July 30-August 3. * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. * Know Your Story [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/know-your-story/] is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives. Through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion, participants create a personal narrative that helps them uncover the roots of shame, self-protection, and unhealthy behaviors. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks. Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/betrayal-trauma-guide/] Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]