The Emotional Timeline of Divorce Is Not What You Think

Who Are You Without This Marriage?

After a long marriage — especially a difficult one — you can lose track of who you actually are. If you've come out of your divorce not quite knowing what you like, what you want, or who you are when nobody's watching, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about rebuilding your identity after divorce, why the blank slate is both terrifying and a gift, and what salsa Tuesdays taught her about the science of starting over.   IN THIS EPISODE •     The identity question nobody asks when you're going through a divorce: who did you become inside this marriage, and who are you actually? •     Why the blank slate is terrifying — and why having preferences again feels selfish when it isn't •     How small, repeated experiences of dismissal and accommodation change how the brain processes your own needs over time •     Neuroplasticity and new beginnings: why salsa Tuesdays and V-necks are not trivial — they're how identity rebuilds •     How to start figuring out who you are without sitting down with a journal and deep questions •     What to do when the people around you are unsettled by who you're becoming •     Nurse's Note: The neuroscience of identity erosion in diminishing relationships — and what actually rebuilds it   Figuring out your next step doesn't have to feel overwhelming. The Breaking Upward tool helps you assess where you are and understand your options — privately, at your own pace, with nothing stored. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com]   RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com] Website: breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com] Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org]   DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

The Emotional Timeline of Divorce Is Not What You Think

The emotional timeline of divorce isn't linear — and it's not what anyone tells you it is. If you've felt relief when you thought you should be devastated, or devastated when everyone thinks you should be moving on, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife and divorce survivor Rachel Newhouse breaks down what the emotional stages of divorce actually look like in real life — the liberation phase, why grief hits later, when anger finally arrives, and the gut-punch moment that catches every divorced parent off guard.   IN THIS EPISODE •     Why relief after divorce doesn't mean something is wrong with you — and the biology behind why leaving a stressful situation actually feels better •     The five distinct emotional waves of divorce (and why applying the Kübler-Ross grief model as a linear checklist is making things worse) •     Why anger often arrives months after you thought you were done — and what it actually means when it does •     What to do when your emotional timeline doesn't match anyone else's expectations •     The gut-punch moment: when it stops being about your pain and becomes about your child's experience •     Practical tools for living inside a nonlinear process: therapy, community, movement, and permission •     Nurse's Note: The physiological reality of stress relief — what happens to your nervous system when a chronic stressor is removed   Ready to understand your situation before your next step? The Breaking Upward tool helps you think through the legal, financial, and emotional pieces of divorce — privately, without storing your information. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com]   RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com] Website: breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com] Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org]   DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

Episode 5: How to Find the Right Divorce Lawyer (And What to Do If You Can't Afford One)

Because "just get a lawyer" is not a strategy.   Finding the right divorce attorney can make or break your case — and your sanity. In this episode, Rachel breaks down exactly what to look for in a divorce lawyer, what questions to ask in a consultation, and the red flags that should send you walking. She also covers the options most people don't know exist: collaborative divorce, mediation, limited scope representation, and nonprofits like the Lilac Tree in Evanston, IL that help women navigate the process even when traditional legal fees feel impossible.   IN THIS EPISODE •      Why Rachel hired three lawyers before finding the right one — and what she learned from each •      How to treat a legal consultation like a job interview (because it is) •      The single best question to ask a prospective attorney •      Red flags: the attorney who guarantees outcomes, the one who only agrees with you, and the one who picks fights that don't matter •      The full spectrum of divorce options — uncontested, collaborative, and mediation explained clearly •      "My sanity had a dollar value" — why Rachel made financial concessions to move faster, and how to decide what's right for you •      Legal aid, law school clinics, limited scope representation, and the Lilac Tree — real options when cost is a barrier   Save this episode and come back to it when you're ready to start making calls. If you're looking for a nonprofit that helps women navigate the divorce process, search for organizations similar to the Lilac Tree in your state, or contact your State Bar Association for referrals.   RESOURCES & LINKS breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com] — full show notes, resources, and community @breaking_upward_divorce on Instagram  |  @breakingupward on TikTok If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence: National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233  |  Text START to 88788  |  thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org]   If this episode helped you, please leave a review and share it with a friend who needs it. Reviews help other women going through divorce find this show.

Episode 4: Protecting Your Kids Without Lying to Them

The conversation delves into the impact of divorce on children, emphasizing the importance of age-appropriate communication, professional support, and the quality of how parents handle the divorce. It highlights the need for honesty and effective communication, as well as the significance of professional support and therapy for children during and after divorce. The overall theme revolves around the well-being of children during the process of divorce and the crucial role of parents in ensuring a positive outcome for their children. Takeaways * Children are affected by sustained parental conflict, not divorce itself * Honesty and age-appropriate communication are crucial for children during divorce * Professional support and therapy for children during and after divorce are important * The quality of how parents handle divorce matters more than the fact of divorce Chapters * 00:00 The Impact of Divorce on Children * 15:13 Professional Support and Therapy for Children breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com]  •  @breaking_upward_divorce on Instagram  •  @breakingupward on TikTok If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence: National DV Hotline 1-800-799-7233  •  Text START to 88788  •  thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org] This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation.

Episode 3: The Money Talk Nobody Has Before They Leave

She had two years of joint tax returns in a box in their closet. She had signed every one of them. She could not have told you what was in them. She was a professional with a graduate degree. And she did not know what was in her own financial life. This episode is about that — and what to do about it. ---------------------------------------- What we cover: Financial clarity isn't betrayal. It's self-preservation. If you don't know what's in your marriage financially, you cannot make intelligent decisions about your own life. This episode walks you through exactly what to gather, what it means, and how to protect yourself before, during, and after the process. We get into marital property — what it actually means that assets acquired during a marriage are generally considered joint property, even if your name is nowhere on the account. We talk credit, the types of divorce most people don't know exist, the financial mistakes that will damage your case, and what to do if you can't afford a traditional attorney. The woman who is most protected in a divorce is the woman who was prepared. This episode is about becoming that woman. ---------------------------------------- Chapters: 00:00 — The importance of financial clarity: why not knowing is not the same as failing 06:05 — Understanding marital property: what's actually on the table, including assets you've never thought about 17:12 — Mistakes to avoid: what not to do before you file, and why it matters ---------------------------------------- Resources mentioned: Legal aid — search your state bar association's website for free or reduced-cost family law services in your area Law school clinics — supervised law students handle real family law cases at no cost Limited scope representation — hire an attorney for specific pieces only, not the whole case Breaking Upward Triage Checklist — free, no account needed: app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com] Breaking Upward free workbook — the full financial document checklist and 30-day action guide: link in bio ---------------------------------------- If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence: National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 • Text START to 88788 • thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org] ---------------------------------------- Breaking Upward is not legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.