Play to Win, Not Just to Lose

Play to Win, Not Just to Lose

Play to Win: How to Compete with Courage (and Beat Fear of Failure) Valerie Alston uses the France–England World Cup third-place match to explore why athletes often play freer once pressure is gone, suggesting fear of failure can lead to playing not to lose, conservative choices, and reduced creativity. She explains how pressure can narrow decision-making and disrupt momentum, and encourages parents and coaches to create psychologically safe environments where mistakes are treated as learning rather than punished. The episode emphasizes staying aggressive, generating momentum through controllables like effort, communication, and celebrating small wins, and adopting a “next play” mindset. Alston provides car-ride conversation prompts for families: when you play your best, what changes under pressure, how momentum shifts, and how you’d play if you weren’t afraid to fail, reinforcing that love and support shouldn’t depend on results. 00:00 Pressure Off Peak Play 01:11 World Cup Case Study 02:44 Fear Of Failure Trap 04:24 Parents Reduce The Stakes 05:26 Play To Win Mindset 07:28 Momentum You Can Create 08:41 Pressure Hurts Decisions 10:21 Bring Freedom To Big Games 10:53 Support The Show 11:27 Conversation Rules 11:46 Prompt One Best Performances 12:44 Prompt Two Under Pressure 13:32 Prompt Three Build Momentum 14:34 Prompt Four Fearless Play 16:50 Closing And Next Steps Discussion questions: 1. When do you play your best? Think about one of your best games or performances. What made you feel free to play your game? What was different about your mindset compared to days when you feel tight or afraid to make mistakes? 2. What changes when the pressure gets high? When the game gets close or the stakes get bigger, what changes first for you? Do you get quieter, rush your decisions, hesitate, overthink, or become more focused? How can recognizing that help you next time? 3. How do you create momentum? Can you think of a time when your team changed the momentum of a game? What happened first? Was it a big play, great communication, extra effort, positive energy, or something else? What can you do to help create positive momentum even if you're not the one scoring? 4. What would you do if you weren't afraid to fail? Imagine you knew you couldn't be criticized for making a mistake. How would you play differently? Is there one thing you've been holding back from trying that might actually help your team? Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go. For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter [http://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter] For more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychology [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/confidentcalmandclutchbook] If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/coaches]. Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for Parents [https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1XBC48thLu/] Have an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here. [https://valstoncoaching.typeform.com/carridetopic] Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.com Follow Me on: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoaching Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoaching YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666 Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V]

How to Stay Composed When the Game Gets Chaotic

Overwhelmed in the Game? Simplify: 3 Ways to Reduce Mental Load and Play Your Best Host Valerie Alston explains how chaos in sports can overwhelm athletes by maxing out limited cognitive capacity, leading to slower processing, hesitation, rushed decisions, missed cues, and errors. Instead of trying to think more, she teaches listeners to simplify by focusing on “What’s important now?” and “What is my job for the next five seconds?” She shares three practical tools to reduce mental load: narrowing to a single controllable cue (“the win”), grounding in the present with “feet and breath” or a physical anchor, and using a practiced reset routine—release, refocus, respond. She also advises parents and coaches to avoid adding to athletes’ cognitive load with too many instructions, especially for younger kids, and offers a weekly challenge to build a personalized chaos-to-composure plan plus family discussion questions. 00:00 Simplify the Chaos 00:41 Meet the Host 01:54 Why Overwhelm Happens 04:23 Cognitive Overload Signs 06:09 Whats Important Now 08:45 Grounding in the Moment 12:22 Reset Routine Steps 15:48 Parents and Coaches Cues 18:31 Weekly Challenge Plan 19:49 Car Ride Questions 23:03 Wrap Up and Next Steps Discussion questions: 1. What does it feel like in your body or mind when a game starts becoming too chaotic? 2. What is one situation in your sport where you tend to think about too many things at once? 3. When that situation happens, what could your ‘What’s Important Now?’ answer be?” 4. What role do your parents play in adding to the chaos? Are there things they do during games that add to the chaos? Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go. For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter [http://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter] For more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychology [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/confidentcalmandclutchbook] If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/coaches]. Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for Parents [https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1XBC48thLu/] Have an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here. [https://valstoncoaching.typeform.com/carridetopic] Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.com Follow Me on: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoaching Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoaching YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666 Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V]

The Mental Game of the World Cup: Lessons Every Young Athlete Should Notice

Watch the World Cup Differently: Mental Toughness Lessons for Young Athletes Valerie Alston challenges sports families to watch the World Cup by focusing on mindset rather than the ball, using knockout-round moments to teach mental toughness. She highlights how quickly momentum shifts in soccer and the importance of emotional flexibility—responding to the current reality and “playing the score on the scoreboard, not the one in your head.” She explains that pressure doesn’t require rushing, emphasizing deliberate routines and the cue “slow is smooth, smooth is fast.” She also discusses intentional body language after mistakes, composure late in games, and how top teams solve problems together through communication, encouragement, and solution-focused resilience. 00:00 Watch the Mindset 01:18 Momentum and Emotional Flexibility 03:26 Play the Scoreboard 04:37 Pressure Without Rushing 06:24 Slow Is Smooth 07:11 Body Language and Composure 09:33 Team Resilience Together 10:52 Watch for the Hidden Skills 11:53 Family Conversation Prompts 14:46 Wrap Up and Next Steps Discussion questions: 1. When you watched the World Cup this week, who impressed you the most—not because they scored, but because of how they handled pressure? 2. After you make a mistake in your sport, what does your body language usually communicate to your teammates? 3. What's one situation in your sport where slowing down instead of speeding up would actually help you perform better? 4. If someone watched only your attitude—not your statistics—what would they learn about you as a teammate? Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go. For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter [http://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter] For more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychology [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/confidentcalmandclutchbook] If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/coaches]. Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for Parents [https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1XBC48thLu/] Have an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here. [https://valstoncoaching.typeform.com/carridetopic] Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.com Follow Me on: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoaching Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoaching YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666 Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V]

How to Pay for College Without Losing Your Mind (or Your Money)

How to Pay for College: Scholarships, FAFSA Timing, and Family Money Talks Valerie Alston and guest Shelly Howard discuss how sports families can fund college through early, honest conversations about what parents can contribute, whether loans are on the table, and the student’s role in earning merit scholarships. Howard explains four “buckets” of money, notes scholarships can be pursued as early as fourth grade, and emphasizes getting a clear estimate of what colleges expect you to pay using a Student Aid Index (SAI) calculator. She highlights that FAFSA considers not only income but where assets are held, and warns planning should start well before late junior year. The episode stresses that the biggest money can come from choosing the right, more generous college and from students building a strong “resume” of authentic leadership and activities. They offer conversation starters like the “millionaire” game to gauge values and financial literacy, and share resources including books and a 30-minute discovery call at collegereadyplan.info. 00:00 College Cost Wakeup 02:16 Funding Starts With Talk 04:46 Scholarship Buckets And FAFSA 08:07 Student Merit Mindset 13:19 Where To Find Scholarships 17:24 Family Money Talk Starters 18:20 Millionaire Game And Debt 23:03 Resources And Wrap Up www.collegereadyplan.info [http://www.collegereadyplan.info] www.collegereadyplan.com [http://www.collegereadyplan.com] Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go. For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter [http://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter] For more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychology [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/confidentcalmandclutchbook] If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/coaches]. Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for Parents [https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1XBC48thLu/] Have an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here. [https://valstoncoaching.typeform.com/carridetopic] Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.com Follow Me on: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoaching Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoaching Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666 Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V]

Before You Pick a Major, Try This First - with Shellee Howard

How to Pick a College Major & School: Try, Test, and Build a Real Plan Host Valerie Alston continues her conversation with college-planning expert Shelly Howard about helping students move from a future vision to choosing a major and school. They emphasize building confidence by trying real experiences, shadowing jobs, volunteering, and leadership roles, to discover both what students like and what they don’t, while also gathering stories for applications. They discuss balancing passion with practicality, including return on investment and realistic expectations for careers like professional sports or influencing. Howard outlines key admissions factors: rigorous GPA, aligned test scores, meaningful service, extracurricular depth, leadership, recommendations, and a strong essay, and explains how her “College Ready” village reduces stress by providing a roadmap and support for both students and parents. They close with conversation prompts on who leads the process and what type of college environment fits best. 00:00 Pressure to Decide 00:21 Meet the Hosts 01:22 Vision to Next Steps 03:19 Try It to Know It 06:46 Athletes and Reality Checks 09:26 Passion Versus Paycheck 11:17 Choosing a College 11:40 What Schools Look For 15:13 Beating the Overwhelm 20:51 Car Ride Questions 21:35 Who Leads the Process 23:42 Assessments and Neutral Help 25:55 Campus Fit and Tours 27:35 Wrap Up and Next Week You can reach Shelley and College Ready Plan on social media here: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shelleehoward/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/shelleehoward/] Facebook: Shellee Maree Howard 5.3K followers www.facebook.com/shellee.howard1 [http://www.facebook.com/shellee.howard1] College Ready Page 4.8k followers www.facebook.com/CollegeReadyPlan [http://www.facebook.com/CollegeReadyPlan] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/collegereadyplan/ [https://www.instagram.com/collegereadyplan/] Youtube: @collegereadyplan https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCr_WodPHDfSWEbiPdsRDbyQ [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCr_WodPHDfSWEbiPdsRDbyQ] TikTok: collegereadyplan https://www.tiktok.com/@collegereadyplan?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc [https://www.tiktok.com/@collegereadyplan?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] Google: College Ready Twitter: https://x.com/GoCollegeReady [https://x.com/GoCollegeReady] Discussion questions: 1. What's something you've always been curious about but haven't tried yet? What would it take to explore it? 2. Think about an experience you've had recently. What did it teach you about what you enjoy or don't enjoy? 3. If you could shadow anyone's job or spend a day learning from someone, who would it be and why? 4. What's one skill (leadership, communication, problem-solving, teamwork, etc.) you want to develop this year, and how could sports help you build it? Thanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go. For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter [http://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletter] For more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychology [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/confidentcalmandclutchbook] If you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here [https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/coaches]. Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for Parents [https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1XBC48thLu/] Have an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here. [https://valstoncoaching.typeform.com/carridetopic] Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.com Follow Me on: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoaching Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoaching YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666 Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V]