Episode #12: Why You Abandon Yourself When Life Gets Hard (And How to Stay)

Episode #15: Why Peace Never Arrives When You're Chasing It

And if I could just do enough healing, enough journalling, enough meditation, enough inner work, eventually I'd arrive there. But I never did. Get full access to Tariro Mundawarara at tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe [https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Episode #14: When You Finally Stop Leaving Yourself

Most of your life, you’ve been leaving yourself. Not physically. But emotionally. When things get hard, you leave. When things get uncomfortable, you override. When things get painful, you distract. The first abandonment and the one that has likely established that deep fear of being abandoned is when you as a child first abandoned yourself. Abandoned yourself to fit in at school Abandoned yourself to make your parents happy, proud You’ve been abandoning yourself for ages. For many, this is the start of if not the original wound. But what happens when you finally stay? The Pattern You Don’t See Anymore Let me paint you a picture. You wake up anxious. But instead of being with that anxiety—instead of engaging and asking it what it needs—you override it. You push through. You caffeinate. You revert to one of your coping mechanisms. You tell yourself to get it together. Someone hurts your feelings. But instead of honoring that hurt, you make excuses for them. You tell yourself you’re being too sensitive. You abandon what you feel; in order to keep the peace. You say yes when you mean no. You stay when you want to leave. You perform when you need to rest. And you do this so often that you don’t even realize you’re doing it anymore. You’ve forgotten what it feels like to stay with yourself. What Happens When You Stop First, you begin to notice. You feel the anxiety rising—and instead of immediately reaching for your phone or the next task—you pause. Now ask: “What’s happening right now? What am I feeling? What do I need?” At first, you might not have answers. Because you’ve been running for so long, you don’t even know what you’re running from. But you stay anyway. And something starts to shift. Second, parts of you that have been waiting start to emerge. The part that feels scared. The part that feels inadequate. The part that carries the old wounds. These parts have been locked away because every time they tried to get your attention, you left. You distracted yourself. You told them to be quiet. You ignored and confined them to the shadows. But now you’re staying. And these parts start to come forward—not to overwhelm you, but to finally be accepted, to be seen. When you can listen to what they’ve been trying to tell you, you realize: they’re not the enemy. They’re just parts of you that have always just needed you. And now you start to show up for them. Third, your relationships start to change. When you stop abandoning yourself, you stop tolerating people who abandon you. Not in a harsh way—but you can no longer sit with the feeling that it stirs up you can no longer unsee. The relationships where you had to shrink to fit start to feel too small. The people who only wanted you when you were performing start to fall away. Not because you’re being difficult. But because you’ve tasted what it feels like to not abandon yourself. To be with and to honour Self. And you can’t go back. Fourth, you come home. All these years of abandoning your Self, you’ve been away from home. Out there. Performing. Proving. Seeking. Looking for something outside yourself to make you feel okay. But when you stop abandoning your Self, you realize: home was never out there. Home is here. Home is internal - the relationship with your Self is the most important relationship you will ever invest in. And when you come home—when you finally stop running and just allow yourself to be here—you will remember that everything you were looking for was already here. You Can Stop You don’t have to keep abandoning yourself. You don’t have to keep running. You don’t have to keep overriding what you feel and need. You can stop. And when you do, you’ll discover the real you—not the performed version, not the acceptable version, but the one who’s been waiting all along. You were never alone. You always had you. You just had to stop leaving. If you’re ready to stay with yourself, I’ve created a meditation to support you in this return. 🎧 Listen: “Reclaim Your Power: Return To Self”Insight Timer [https://insig.ht/fybYvGZIt0b] | YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cx9chJrRlok] This practice guides you back to the parts of yourself you’ve been running from—with gentleness, with presence, with the promise that you won’t leave. Ask Tari I want to hear from you: What’s one way you’ve been abandoning yourself lately? And what would it look like to stay instead? Hit reply and tell me. I read every response. Honour your truth. Keep growing. Keep becoming. Tari P.S. If this resonated, would you forward it to someone who needs to hear it? Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is remind each other: you don’t have to keep leaving yourself. ======= Connect with me: Insight Timer [https://insighttimer.com/tariro/guided-meditations]Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/]YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TariroMundawarara-mo7vk] Podcast: YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw6yMBrxxOWGTIV5U-et3cHTAsgzr-UkG]Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/7BonmeeyXHQgCaMCW17JWh]Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/bo/podcast/circling-back-stories-from-the-soul/id1805638420] Get full access to Tariro Mundawarara at tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe [https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Episode #13: The One Relationship That Determines Everything Else

There’s one relationship in your life that determines the quality of every other relationship. Not your relationship with your partner.Not your relationship with your parents.Not your relationship with your friends. It’s the one you ignore the most. Because the relationship that determines everything else is the relationship you have with yourself. And if that relationship is broken, everything else will be too. Your Relationships Are Mirrors Think about your relationships for a moment. The ones that feel hard. The ones where you feel misunderstood. The ones where you’re constantly trying to prove your worth. Now let me ask you something: How do you treat yourself when you make a mistake? Do you speak to yourself with kindness? Or do you attack yourself? How do you treat yourself when you’re struggling? Do you give yourself permission to rest? Or do you push through and override what you need? Here’s what I’ve learned: the way you relate to yourself is the way you’ll relate to everyone else. And the way you allow others to relate to you. Your relationships are mirrors. They reflect back to you the relationship you have with yourself. If you abandon yourself when things get hard—if you override your needs, ignore your feelings, push through your exhaustion—you’ll attract people who do the same to you. Or you’ll stay in relationships where you have to abandon yourself to keep the peace. If you criticize yourself constantly, you’ll attract people who criticize you. Or you’ll be so afraid of their criticism that you’ll shrink yourself to avoid it. If you don’t trust yourself—if you second-guess every decision, if you look outside yourself for validation—you’ll attract people who don’t trust you either. Or you’ll give your power away because you don’t believe you have the answers inside. Do you see the pattern? The outer reflects the inner. Why We Ignore This Relationship So why do we ignore this relationship? Why do we spend so much time trying to fix our relationships with other people—but we never turn inward and ask: “How am I relating to myself?” Because it’s easier to blame them. It’s easier to say: “If they would just change... If they would just see me... If they would just give me what I need...” But here’s the truth: they can’t give you what you won’t give yourself. If you don’t see yourself, they can’t see you.If you don’t value yourself, they won’t value you.If you don’t stay with yourself when things get hard, they won’t either. Not because they’re bad people. But because you’re teaching them how to treat you. And you’re teaching them by how you treat yourself. When you abandon yourself, you teach them it’s okay to abandon you. When you criticize yourself, you teach them it’s okay to criticize you. When you override your needs, you teach them your needs don’t matter. This is the cost of ignoring the relationship with yourself. It doesn’t just hurt you. It shapes every relationship you have. When You Change This Relationship, Everything Changes But here’s the good news. When you change the relationship with yourself—when you learn to stay with yourself, to listen to yourself, to treat yourself with the kindness you’ve been giving everyone else—everything changes. Your relationships don’t just improve. They transform. Because when you stop abandoning yourself, you stop tolerating people who abandon you. When you stop criticizing yourself, you stop accepting criticism that isn’t constructive. When you start trusting yourself, you stop giving your power away to people who don’t have your best interest at heart. And the people who can’t meet you there? They fall away. Not because you pushed them away. But because you’re no longer a vibrational match for that dynamic. And the people who can meet you there? They show up differently. Because you’re showing up differently. How to Repair This Relationship So how do you repair this relationship? How do you rebuild trust with yourself after years of abandonment? First, notice how you speak to yourself. Most of us have a voice inside that criticizes, judges, tells us we’re not enough. Notice when it’s speaking. Notice what it says. Then ask yourself: “Would I speak to someone I love this way?” If the answer is no—then why are you speaking to yourself this way? Second, stay with yourself when it gets hard. This is where most of us abandon ourselves. Something uncomfortable happens, and we leave. We distract. We numb. But what if you stayed? What if you turned toward the discomfort and said: “I’m here. I’m not leaving. You’re safe with me.” This is how you rebuild trust with yourself. Third, listen to what you need. Not what you think you should need. Not what everyone else needs from you. What do YOU need? And then give it to yourself. Not later. Not when you’ve earned it. Right now. Fourth, become your own best friend. Think about how you show up for the people you love. When they’re struggling, you’re there. When they make a mistake, you don’t abandon them. Now—what if you showed up for yourself that way? This is what I call self-friendship. It’s about being the one who doesn’t leave. The Relationship That Changes Everything The relationship with yourself is the foundation for everything else. When that relationship is strong—when you trust yourself, when you stay with yourself, when you treat yourself with kindness—everything else shifts. Not because you found the right person. Not because they finally changed. But because you changed. You stopped abandoning yourself. You stopped looking outside for what you could only find inside. You came home. And when you come home to yourself, you realize: you were never alone. You always had you. And that is the relationship that determines everything else. If you’re ready to rebuild this relationship, I’ve created a meditation to guide you home. 🎧 Listen: “Embrace Yourself: A Self-Love Meditation”Insight Timer [https://insig.ht/rcVXHp1As0b] | YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBHUPcC4LSg] This practice helps you turn toward yourself with the kindness, presence, and companionship you’ve been seeking outside. I want to hear from you: How do you abandon yourself when life gets hard? And what would it look like to stay instead? Hit reply and tell me. I read every response. Honour your truth. Keep growing. Keep becoming. ======= Connect with me: Insight Timer [https://insighttimer.com/tariro/guided-meditations]Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/]YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TariroMundawarara-mo7vk] Podcast: YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw6yMBrxxOWGTIV5U-et3cHTAsgzr-UkG]Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/7BonmeeyXHQgCaMCW17JWh]Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/bo/podcast/circling-back-stories-from-the-soul/id1805638420] Get full access to Tariro Mundawarara at tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe [https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Episode #12: Why You Abandon Yourself When Life Gets Hard (And How to Stay)

There’s a moment that happens when life gets uncomfortable. It doesn’t arrive loudly. It doesn’t announce itself. It’s the moment you leave yourself. You think you’re coping. You think you’re being strong. But what’s really happening is that a part of you—usually a very old, very tired part—is and has been working overtime to keep you safe. That part has been doing this, this role of protector for probably a very long time. When something goes wrong—a conversation that doesn’t land, a relationship strain, a project that falls apart—a protector part steps in. Not consciously, but automatically. It decides that what you’re feeling is too much. Too dangerous. Too overwhelming. So it distracts you.It criticises you.It pushes you to perform.It numbs you. And slowly, without realising it, you abandon the very part of you that needs you most. You Are Not Broken For Doing This Here’s what I want you to know: you are not broken for doing this. This isn’t a character flaw. It’s how you survived. Somewhere in childhood—maybe at seven, maybe at twelve, or at four—a part of you felt rejected, scared, ashamed, or unworthy. The pain was too big to hold, so it was exiled. Locked away. And protector parts stepped in to make sure you could keep going. One became the achiever so you’d never feel worthless again.One became the people-pleaser so you’d never be abandoned.One became the critic so you’d never make a mistake that cost you love. They’re not the enemy. They’re exhausted guardians. How To Recognise When A Protector Is Running The Show When life gets hard, notice what happens inside. Do you suddenly feel the urge to be productive—to fix, to solve, to move?Do you go numb, scroll endlessly, reach for something to take the edge off?Do you hear a voice that tells you you’re failing, that you should have known better, that you’re not enough? These are protector parts. And they’re trying to help. But here’s the thing: they’re operating from an old blueprint. They’re still trying to protect the younger you—the one who didn’t have the capacity to hold what was happening. But you’re not that child anymore. You have Self now. The part of you that can stay. The part that can be curious instead of critical. The part that can say: “I see you. I hear you. I understand you.” Staying Doesn’t Mean Fixing Staying doesn’t mean fixing.It means noticing.It means getting curious. When you feel yourself leaving—when you feel the urge to distract, to numb, to override—pause. Now ask: “What part of me is trying to protect me right now? What does it think will happen if I stay?” And then, gently: “What would it be like to just be here? To not leave?” This is how healing begins. Not because life gets easier—but because you’re no longer at war with yourself. Eventually, when the protector trusts you enough, you’re invited to sit with the younger part it’s been protecting all along. Not to change it. Not to rush it. But simply to be there. All Your Parts Belong If you’re in a hard season right now, hear this clearly: There is nothing wrong with you.You don’t need to become someone else.You don’t need to transcend your humanity. All your parts belong. And you—the deeper, steadier Self—are capable of holding them all. If you’re ready to stay with yourself, I’ve created a meditation to guide you home. 🎧 Listen: “Ground Yourself With Gentle Breathing And Presence” Insight Timer [https://insig.ht/WXjigdPOu0b] | YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRhtXFTy_WI] This practice helps you return to the parts of yourself that need you most—with gentleness, with curiosity, with the promise that you won’t leave. Ask Tari I want to hear from you: What protector part shows up most when life gets hard? And what do you think it’s trying to protect you from? Hit reply and tell me. I read every response. Honour your truth. Keep growing. Keep becoming. Tari P.S. If this landed for you, would you forward it to someone who needs to hear it? Sometimes the most powerful reminder we can offer is this: you are not broken. You’re just trying to survive. ======= Connect with me: Insight Timer [https://insighttimer.com/tariro/guided-meditations]Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/]YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TariroMundawarara-mo7vk] Podcast: YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw6yMBrxxOWGTIV5U-et3cHTAsgzr-UkG]Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/7BonmeeyXHQgCaMCW17JWh]Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/bo/podcast/circling-back-stories-from-the-soul/id1805638420] Get full access to Tariro Mundawarara at tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe [https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Episode #11: Adam Gold on Self-Acceptance, Boundaries, and Quiet Confidence

Some conversations don’t need to be loud to be powerful.They don’t arrive with grand statements or dramatic revelations.They land quietly — and then stay with you. This conversation with my friend Adam Gold was one of those. We’ve known each other for over thirty years, and yet sitting down together reminded me that there are always deeper layers to uncover. What stood out wasn’t a single story or moment, but the consistency of Adam’s way of being — curious, grounded, and deeply human. At the heart of our conversation were three themes that feel especially relevant right now. Self-acceptance builds quiet confidence.Adam spoke about raising his daughters with a deep sense of inner resolve — the knowing of “I’m okay.” Not because everyone will like you. Not because every interaction will land well. But because your worth isn’t dependent on how things end.When a conversation doesn’t flow or someone isn’t receptive, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It simply means you’ve met a moment that wasn’t yours. That kind of self-acceptance removes the fear of rejection — and with it, so much unnecessary anxiety. Boundaries are love turned inward.Adam shared openly about a reckoning he reached in his professional life. For years, he gave everything to work — time, care, energy — often at the expense of the people closest to him.What he realised, with time and reflection, was simple and confronting: the best of us belongs with our families, our friends, and ourselves. Work deserves commitment and respect, but not self-abandonment. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re how we protect what matters most. Humility makes everything work better.In a world that rewards performance, certainty, and ego, Adam spoke about the quiet power of humility. Not needing to be right. Not needing to puff yourself up. Not needing to prove anything.Humility, as he described it, comes from self-acceptance. When you know you’re okay, you don’t need to dominate a room or win every argument. You can listen. You can meet people where they are. You can show up fully human — and paradoxically, that’s when connection deepens. What stayed with me most was how interconnected these themes are.Self-acceptance makes humility possible.Humility makes boundaries clearer.Boundaries create space for real presence — at work, at home, and within ourselves. This episode is a reminder that confidence doesn’t need volume.That love sometimes looks like saying enough.And that being fully human, curious, and present is often more powerful than being impressive. If this conversation stirred something in you, pause for a moment and ask yourself:Where could I soften?Where could I protect my energy more lovingly?Where could I trust that I’m already enough? Honour your truth. Keep growing. Keep becoming. ======= Connect with me: Insight Timer [https://insighttimer.com/tariro/guided-meditations]Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/]YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TariroMundawarara-mo7vk] Podcast: YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw6yMBrxxOWGTIV5U-et3cHTAsgzr-UkG]Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/7BonmeeyXHQgCaMCW17JWh]Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/bo/podcast/circling-back-stories-from-the-soul/id1805638420] Get full access to Tariro Mundawarara at tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe [https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]