I Finally Like My Book (And It Only Took 3 Years)

Am I Even an Author?

If you’d rather watch this instead of read it, click here: Watch Here [https://youtu.be/DppU4mkSQls] A few months ago, someone asked me a question that completely caught me off guard. “So, you’re an author?” And for some reason, I froze. Not because I didn’t know how to answer. Because I wasn’t sure the answer was true. For years, I assumed that if you were writing a book with the intention of publishing it, then you were automatically an author. It seemed simple enough. You’re writing a book. Therefore, you’re an author. Right? The more I thought about it, though, the more uncomfortable I became with that title. Because while I was spending my mornings, late nights, and stolen pockets of time writing a novel, I still didn’t have a published book. And that made me ask a question I never expected to wrestle with: Am I actually an author, or am I something else? The Difference Between a Writer and an Author This is just my opinion, so take it for what it’s worth. A writer is someone who writes. That’s it. You write novels, poems, short stories, scripts, comic books, journal entries, fan fiction, or anything else? You’re a writer. An author, on the other hand, is someone who has written and published work. Publication is the difference. That doesn’t make one better than the other. It just makes them different. Right now, I am absolutely, undeniably a writer. I write constantly. I think about stories constantly. I spend an unreasonable amount of time talking to fictional people who only exist inside my head. But I am not published. Which means, at least for me, I’m not an author yet. And strangely enough, admitting that has been incredibly freeing. Why I Stopped Calling Myself an Author For a long time, every time I called myself an author, something felt off. It felt like I was introducing myself as something I hadn’t earned yet. Maybe that’s imposter syndrome. Maybe it’s semantics. Maybe it’s both. But the truth is that I felt more pressure when I called myself an author than when I called myself a writer. Because the moment you say you’re an author, people ask questions. “Where can I buy your book?” “What’s your book called?” “Do you have a link?” And when you don’t have those answers yet, it gets awkward fast. When you say you’re a writer, people understand you’re in the process. You’re creating. You’re building. You’re working toward something. There’s room to grow. The Weird Middle Space Nobody Talks About This is the part I think a lot of aspiring authors live in. You aren’t a hobbyist. This isn’t some random thing you’re trying on a weekend. You’ve built a world. You’ve developed characters. You’ve written thousands—or hundreds of thousands—of words. You’re serious about this. But the book isn’t published yet. So what are you? You’re not quite where you want to be. But you’re far beyond where you started. You’re standing in the middle. And sometimes that middle feels uncomfortable because it doesn’t come with a clear title. For me, that’s where “writer” fits. Not because it’s smaller. Not because it’s less important. But because it’s honest. Why We Care So Much About the Title I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why this bothered me so much. Why did I want the title of author so badly? I think part of it is because we see successful authors everywhere. We see bestseller lists. BookTok. Bookstagram. Publishing announcements. Movie deals. And we start to believe that becoming an author is the finish line. But when I really sat with it, I realized something. The thing I actually love isn’t the title. It’s the writing. It’s the characters. It’s the worlds. It’s sitting down and creating something from absolutely nothing. The title is nice. The work is what matters. Stop Comparing Your Journey This is the reminder I needed most. You cannot compare your journey to someone else’s. Some writers are working full-time jobs. Some are homeschooling moms. Some have three kids. Some have none. Some have unlimited time. Some are squeezing writing into fifteen-minute increments between laundry, appointments, and bedtime routines. No two paths look the same. And yet so many of us spend our energy comparing our Chapter 3 to someone else’s Chapter 30. It’s exhausting. And it’s unfair. Your circumstances are different. Your timeline is different. Your story is different. So What Am I? Right now? I’m a writer. Tomorrow I’ll be a writer. Next year I’ll probably still be a writer. And someday, if all goes according to plan, I’ll also be an author. But becoming an author won’t erase the fact that I was a writer first. Because every author is still a writer. The title changes. The work doesn’t. And honestly? That’s enough for me. If you’re sitting in that strange middle space between wanting publication and not being there yet, I hope this helps. You don’t need a published book to prove you’re creating something meaningful. You don’t need a title to justify the work you’re doing. If you’re showing up and putting words on the page, you’re already doing the thing. You’re a writer. And that’s a pretty incredible thing to be. Are you a writer, an author, or somewhere in that messy middle space? Let me know in the comments. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Car Writing, Burnout, and Finally Moving Forward

Prefer the video version? Click here to watch [https://youtu.be/OealREQbntc] 🎥 As you can see… we are in a totally different location today. We are in my car. {if you listening or reading just imagine me in a car 🤣} Because I am a busy mom. I’m at co-op for my daughter. My son isn’t big enough yet, so… car it is. This is where we’re working today. And today we’re talking all things my book. First of all—side note—this is like my fourth computer case. My kids keep breaking them. Thank God for cases because my laptop would not have survived at this point. Anyways. We are remote working on my book today, and I wanted to give you guys an update because… I’m actually writing again. I sent my book to my editor—I think in January? I honestly don’t even remember at this point. But it’s been a while since I’ve really sat down and looked at it. So if you’re new here—hi. My name is Ash Kairie. I am writing a romantic paranormal dystopian fantasy. Yes… it’s a mouthful.Yes… it’s confusing.Yes… it makes my life slightly miserable. But I love it. I love the story. I love the characters. I love what it’s doing. It’s just… a beast. This is my debut novel, and I really said go big or go home… which maybe was a choice. Because I’ve had to reevaluate this book so many times. It was originally supposed to be a six book series. Halfway through writing it, I decided: nope. One book. Why? Because I was so over it. I wanted to go write contemporary romance instead (which is still the plan after this). But this book needs to be finished. I paid my editor. We’re committed. We’re in it. Right now, we’re a little over halfway through. * Chapters 1–10 → basically solid * Chapters 11–20 → lots of “white room syndrome” If you don’t know what that is—it just means your characters are talking, but nothing around them feels real. No environment, no grounding, no sensory detail. Just floating dialogue. Which sounds scary, but honestly… that’s an easy fix. So I’m not too worried about it. What I have been struggling with… is actually writing. I’ve had the go-ahead for weeks. And I just… haven’t touched it. Because the truth is? I’m over writing this book. Not because I don’t love it. I do. But because it’s complex. It’s heavy. It’s layered. There are so many moving pieces. Even after simplifying it ten times—it’s still a lot. And my main character? She sounds nothing like me. She’s clipped. Calculated. Controlled. And I am… not that. So writing in her voice takes effort. BUT. Yesterday? I sat down and wrote three chapters. Are they rough? Yes.Are they complete? Absolutely not.Are they enough to keep moving? Yes. And that’s the goal. I want to push through the next ten chapters, then go back and refine. I need that distance so I can actually see what’s working and what’s not. Right now I’m in this weird space between developmental editing and line editing. We started that way because I had two main issues: * Overwriting * Not staying on track Scenes have always been the hardest thing for me. I understand what a scene is. Beginning, middle, end. I get it. But when I go to write one? My brain just… short circuits. Same thing with outlining. If I outline too much, my brain goes, “cool, the book is done,” and then I don’t want to write it anymore. I don’t know if it’s ADHD. I don’t know what it is. But it slows me down. A lot. But now? We’re at a turning point. My editor is like:“We need MORE.” Which is actually a good problem to have. Adding is so much easier than cutting. And I finally understand that now. So the plan is: Finish writing the book → send the rest to my editor → go through edits → hopefully be done. I want this book published this year. I don’t know if that will happen. I don’t even have a cover yet. But I do have a title… and I love it. I’m just not sharing it yet because things can still change. Story-wise, we are officially past the midpoint. Something big happened. Something the main character did not want to happen. She made a choice—her first real choice—and then immediately… that choice gets ripped away. So now she’s in that place of: “I’m still choosing this. Even if everything is falling apart.” Which complicates everything. We’re in Act 2B now. We know a lot—but not everything. And from here to Act 3? It gets chaotic. Act 3A → all the answersAct 3B → okay… now what? How do we live with this? I have all the major beats mapped out. Not in a super rigid outline, but enough structure to keep me from accidentally ending up in Neverland in a story where Neverland does not exist. Because yes—my brain will do that. And for the first time in a long time… it’s working. Writing those three chapters showed me that. I know where the story is going. I know what needs to happen. I just have to sit down and do it. But also? I’m tired. I’ve been working on this book for three years. And this is why authors always say—if you’re stuck, go write something else for a bit. I don’t have that option right now. I’m working with an editor. We are past that stage. We are in the “we need to finish this” stage. And I will finish it. So if you’re in the same place? * If you’re stuck → try something new, switch projects, shake it up * If you’re working with an editor → I see you. I feel you. We’re in this together. This book will get written. It has to. Because it’s a good story. I love it. I love the characters. I’m just… ready to be done writing it. Also—quick note on filming. You might see more car videos like this. Because honestly? This is the most realistic time for me to film right now. Two kids. Busy life. Trying to balance everything. So if the background changes sometimes… just know we’re making it work. Thank you for being here. Truly. Watching this grow—even slowly—means everything to me. I know it’s still small. But I’m so grateful for every single one of you. This started as a diary for myself… and now people are actually watching. That’s wild to me. If you have questions—about my book, my process, my journey, anything—drop them below. Maybe I’ll do a Q&A soon. And I’ll be back next week with hopefully more progress. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

I Finally Like My Book (And It Only Took 3 Years)

I don’t think I’ve actually talked about my book. Like really talked about it. The story.The process.The absolute chaos it took to get here. So… let’s talk about it. Because for the first time since I started this journey, I can finally say: I’m excited about my book. If you would much rather watch this click here. [https://youtu.be/wLBJBXQhfFc] The Truth? It Wasn’t Always Like This For almost four years… This book has been the bane of my existence. I wrote the first draft. It was trash. And listen—before anyone comes for me—first drafts are supposed to be trash. But this one? Extra trash. Even the early edits? Still trash. My editor was kind about it (bless her), but the reality was: There was no structure.No real foundation.Just vibes and chaos. And honestly? That’s part of the process. Because what I have now? Is something I’m genuinely proud of. This Book Was an Accident I did not set out to become an author. This book wasn’t planned.It wasn’t some lifelong dream. It just… happened. And now here we are, years later, with a story that has been rewritten, torn apart, rebuilt, and reshaped into something completely different than what it started as. What I’m Writing (Without Giving Everything Away) My debut novel (currently under a placeholder title 👀) is a: Romantic. Paranormal. Dystopian. Fantasy. Yes. All of that. It’s genre-bending, which is both: * Really fun * And really annoying (especially when it comes to things like covers and marketing) The World The story takes place in a world called Ameridon, where there’s an island called Rhea. Rhea is where hybrids go. Hybrids = people with multiple supernatural abilities. And they’re sent there young—like babies—to learn control. Because without it? They’re volatile. Dangerous. Unstable. Everything at Rhea is built around one goal: Ascension. Graduate. Prove you’re stable.Earn your place back in the world. The Main Character Demi. She’s: * The top student * Controlled * Calculated * Morally gray (but not dark-dark) She knows how to play the system. Not for power. But to protect the people she loves. Because her best friend? Is one mistake away from being sent somewhere worse. The Catalyst Everything is fine. Until her best friend disappears. And suddenly? Nothing is what it seemed. The Vibes (aka Tropes We Love) Because I know you care about this part: * Found family * Enemies to lovers * “I choose you” romance * Control vs love * Dark academia energy * Hidden manipulation * System vs truth And yes… It’s dark.Moody.Chaotic. In the best way. The Characters (My Favorite Part) This is where it gets fun. Because the dynamics? Elite. We’ve got: * Demi – controlled, clipped, hard to write because she is not me * Jaxxon – sunshine chaos in a 7-foot dragon-shifter body * Heximus – dark, moody, grumpy (we love him) * Maeve – calm, calculating, slightly detached * Luna – pure chaos gremlin energy * Juniper – chaotic, playful, unpredictable * Hailynn – structured, mother-hen, rule follower They’re all different. But somehow they work. And writing their dynamics? Is one of my favorite parts of this entire process. The Turning Point For the longest time, something wasn’t working. We couldn’t figure out what. The story almost fit—but not quite. Until my editor asked: “What if it had a military structure?” And suddenly— Everything clicked. The world made sense.The villain made sense.Demi made sense. It was like all the puzzle pieces finally snapped into place. Where I’m At Now Right now: * Chapters 1–10 → solid (just needs standard edits) * Chapters 11–20 → strong, but needs more depth (hello, white room syndrome) * The rest → ready to be written And for the first time? It feels like a real book. Not a mess I’m trying to fix. But a story I’m building. The Emotional Reality I almost quit. Multiple times. I even took a long break because something just wasn’t clicking. And here’s the thing I learned: You’re not failing if you pause. You’re not failing if you step back. You’re not failing if you need time to figure it out. You only fail if you quit. What Comes Next Now I’m: * Writing the second half of the book * Editing the first half alongside my editor * Figuring out a cover (pray for me 😅) And trying—really trying—to give myself grace with the timeline. Because I want it done this year. But also? I want it done right. Final Thought This book is not what it started as. Not even close. But maybe that’s the point. Because writing isn’t about getting it right the first time. It’s about staying long enough to figure it out. If You’re Here With Me… If this story sounds like something you’d read— Tell me. Because I’m finally at a point where I’m excited. And I want to share that energy with people who get it. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

What It Actually Looks Like to Be a Writer in 2026

Let’s talk about what it really means to be a writer. Not the polished, aesthetic version.Not the “I’ve had a dream since I was five and have a creative writing degree” version. I mean the real one. The everyday, average, chaotic version. The stay-at-home, homeschool, juggling-life-and-ideas kind of writer. Because here’s the truth: Anyone can write a book. And I don’t mean that lightly. If you would rather watch this instead of listening or reading please click here [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt2FMIu1eQc]. The Myth of “Real Writers” There’s this weird, quiet gatekeeping in the writing world. Like you have to: * Have a degree * Have been writing your whole life * Have some deep, poetic origin story But it’s 2026. If you have an idea—even just a tiny one—that won’t leave you alone? You can write a book. That’s it. That’s the requirement. An idea that keeps whispering what if… Start Before You Feel Ready If you’re sitting there thinking: “It would be cool if…”“I wonder what would happen if…” That’s your sign. Write the book. Even if it’s just for fun.Even if no one ever reads it.Even if it’s messy. Because a lot of careers start as hobbies. Let’s Be Honest About Money I need to say this clearly: Do not start writing because you think it will make you rich. Could it? Yes.Does it for some people? Yes. But for most? It’s slow. It’s inconsistent. And it’s expensive. You could: * Spend thousands on editing * Pay for covers, formatting, software * Invest time, energy, literal tears And then… Make about $1 per book sale. Sometimes less. That’s the reality no one glamorizes. Writing in 2026 = Chaos Let’s just call it what it is: It’s a battlefield. You’re navigating: * Books marketed as romance that are… not really romance * AI-generated books flooding the market * Debates about what is “real writing” * Pricing struggles and platform payouts It’s loud. It’s messy. It’s confusing. And you’re just over here trying to tell a story. The AI Conversation (Real Talk) I’m not here to scream “AI is evil.” Because let’s be honest: If you use tools like grammar checkers or editing software…That’s AI. But here’s where I stand: 👉 Use tools to assist, not replace.👉 Learn the craft yourself.👉 Don’t outsource your voice. Because writing isn’t just output. It’s skill.It’s growth.It’s learning how to tell a story that actually feels like something. And you don’t get that by skipping the work. The Cost No One Talks About Writing a book isn’t just writing. It’s: * Editing * Covers * Formatting * Marketing * Shipping (if you sell physical copies) * Websites * Platforms You could easily invest thousands before making a dollar. And sometimes? It takes years to make that money back. The Truth About Getting Better Your first book probably won’t be your best. Actually—hopefully it’s not. Because every book should be better than the last. That’s the goal. And the only way to get there? Practice. Messy drafts.Bad sentences.Rewrites. Growth. What You Actually Need to Start Let me simplify this for you: You do not need fancy tools. You need: * Google Docs * Your brain * An idea That’s it. Everything else? Optional. How I Write (Because This Matters) I am not a strict plotter. I’ve tried it. My brain said no. So I: * Start with a loose idea * Dump words onto the page * Walk away * Come back and fix the chaos It’s messy. But writing is figuring it out. Not executing perfection. If You’re Thinking About Writing… Here’s what I want you to take from all of this: * Do your research—but don’t overthink it * Don’t expect instant success * Don’t rely on shortcuts * Don’t wait until you feel “ready” Just start. Because you don’t actually know what you’re capable of until you try. My Honest Timeline I thought I could write a book in a month. I did. It was terrible. It’s taken me three years to get to where I am now. And I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. Because now? I understand: * Structure * Scenes * Process * Craft And that didn’t come from shortcuts. It came from doing the work. Final Thought If you have an idea… Write the book. Even if: * No one reads it * It never gets published * It’s messy and imperfect Because somewhere out there? There is someone who would love your story. And you’ll never find them if you never write it. Tell Me If you’re writing your debut novel… Tell me what it’s about. I want to hear it. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Faith Ruined My Author Career (But Maybe in the Best Way)

Welcome back to another week. This is one of those posts I’ve debated writing. Because once it’s out there… I can’t take it back. And if I’m being honest, part of me feels like I’m not qualified to say any of this. Which is a weird place to be—feeling something deeply, but questioning whether you’re allowed to speak on it. But here’s the truth: My faith has changed my author career. Not in a bad way.Just… not in the way I planned. If you want to watch the video version: Click Here [https://youtu.be/Hf2eoZ_j5qA] The Version of Me I Thought I’d Be I started writing my first book in 2022. A romantic paranormal dystopian fantasy.With spice. And like most first drafts—it was trash.(Which is normal, but at the time I didn’t know that.) I didn’t know structure.I didn’t know plotting.I didn’t know anything, really. The last four years have been me learning how to write, how to think like an author, how to actually finish something. But more recently? Something else started shaping me. The Part I Ran From Faith has always been complicated for me. I have a rough past.A lot of trauma.And for a long time, my question was simple: Why would God allow that? So I ran. But about a year ago, something shifted. Not because I suddenly had answers—but because my kids started asking questions I didn’t have answers for. And then life hit. Hard. Everything started breaking all at once: * Roof * Hot water heater * Floors * Garbage disposal * Microwave * Fridge * Sewer line One thing after another. And I watched my husband carry it all—financially, emotionally—while also supporting my dream of becoming an author. I could see the weight on him. And I felt… lost. The Night Everything Changed One night, I prayed. Not a polished prayer. Not a “good” one. Just honest. “You don’t owe me anything.But if we’re supposed to stay here…If I’m supposed to homeschool…If I’m supposed to write…If this is the path—fix the fridge. If not… don’t.” The fridge was still broken when I went to bed. The next morning? It worked. And I just sat there like— Okay… I hear you. Then we opened our Bible study… And instead of continuing where we were, it jumped to the story of Job. Then later that day, a verse: “Ask and you shall receive…” It felt like confirmation stacked on confirmation. So we leaned in. And Then Everything Got… Quieter Not perfect. Not easy. But calmer. More grounded. More clear. We started going to church.Reading daily.Building something we didn’t even know we were missing. And in the middle of all that— I went back to my book. The Scene That Broke Everything I hit a spice scene. Wrote it. And something felt… off. Not wrong in a moral, rule-based way. Just… misaligned. So I set it aside. Came back weeks later. Still off. Then I noticed something else: Everything I was reading with spice? Started giving me the ick. So I switched to closed-door romance. And something in me relaxed. That’s when it hit: Maybe I’m not supposed to write spice. The Decision That Changed Everything So I made a choice. I’m removing the spice. From this book.From future books. And the moment I decided that? I felt peace. The Fear That Came With It And then immediately— Fear. Because let’s be real: BookTok = spice.The market = spice.Everything feels like it’s pushing in that direction. So my thoughts went straight to: * “No one’s going to buy my books.” * “I’m limiting myself.” * “Am I ruining my career before it even starts?” And then something wild happened. My entire algorithm shifted. Everywhere. * Clean romance readers * Authors writing without spice * A whole audience I didn’t even know existed And I realized: There is space here. The Moment That Made Me Feel Less Crazy Then I saw a video from Kelsey Humphreys. She’s established. Successful. Making great money. And she said she’s removing the spice from her books. On purpose. Because it no longer aligned. And I just sat there thinking: Okay. I’m not alone. Let Me Be Clear About One Thing I’m not writing Christian romance. I’m writing: Contemporary romance with no spice. There’s a difference. My stories will still have: * Messy people * Real struggles * Faith elements (especially people wrestling with it) * Emotional depth * Happily ever afters Just… no spice. So Yeah… Faith Ruined My Author Career At least the version I thought I was building. The dark romance path.The expectations.The plan. It’s gone. But honestly? I think what’s replacing it is better. Not easier. Not safer. But more aligned. Where I’m Going From Here My debut? Still happening. (I’ve invested too much to walk away.) But after that? I’m writing stories about: * Women in their 30s+ * Real life, not fantasy bodies or unrealistic expectations * Love that exists without needing explicit scenes to carry it Because that’s what I want to read now. And If I’m Being Honest… I’m still scared. Scared of being put in a box.Scared people won’t get it.Scared I’m doing this wrong. But I also feel something I didn’t before: Peace. And right now? That matters more than the plan I had. If You’re In This Too… If something in your process feels off… If you feel like you’re forcing yourself into a version of success that doesn’t fit anymore… If you’re quietly questioning everything— You’re not alone. I’m right there with you. If you’re here for the long haul—for writing, motherhood, homeschooling, building something in the cracks of time— stay. We’re figuring this out together. — Ash KairieUnfiltered. Unapologetic. Still Becoming the Indie Author. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashkairieauthor.substack.com [https://ashkairieauthor.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]