Stop Giving People an Exit Before They've Chosen to Stay

Stop Giving People an Exit Before They've Chosen to Stay

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/fan_mail/new] Have you ever told someone everything about your past, only to watch them pull away? Maybe you've called it honesty, or you've called it vulnerability. Maybe you've convinced yourself that if they're going to leave, you'd rather know now. But what if sharing your deepest wounds too early isn't connection? What if it's self-protection? In this episode of Dating on High Alert, Ilja explores the hidden difference between intimacy and intensity, why so many people with trauma, ADHD, autism, and complex life experiences find themselves oversharing too soon, and what it actually costs when we hand someone our entire story before trust has had a chance to grow. You'll discover: • Why oversharing is often a nervous system strategy, not a personality flaw • The difference between signposting and flooding • How trauma, ADHD, and autism can create the perfect conditions for premature disclosure • Why consent matters in emotional conversations too • The hidden link between oversharing and over-giving • How to stop short-circuiting genuine connection • The "Drip Feed" approach that builds intimacy without overwhelming yourself or others Most importantly, you'll learn why your story isn't a warning label and why not everyone has earned the right to hear it yet. Because real intimacy isn't built through urgency. It's built through trust. If you've ever wondered whether you're "too much," this episode is for you. 🎙️ Need support in the moment? Explore Dear Ilja Voice Note Support: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/] 🌿 Ready to understand your patterns more deeply? Work with Ilja: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/] If this episode made you think of someone, please share it with them. These conversations matter because so many people are quietly living through the same patterns, wondering if they're the only one. And if you'd like to help keep Dating on High Alert going, there's a support button in the show notes. Every contribution helps me continue creating honest conversations about dating, trauma, ADHD, autism, relationships, and everything in between. Whether you share the show, leave a review, or buy me a coffee, thank you for helping this work reach the people who need it most. Until next spiral... Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/support] 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival. For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply. 🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/]/resources 📩 Join the podcast mailing list: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/ [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/] 🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/%f0%9f%8e%99%ef%b8%8f-submit-a-guest-pitch-or-podcast-topic/] 🎧 Support the podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new] 📱 Instagram: @iljaabbattista 📬 Contact: l [empowerher@ilja-abbattista.com]etsconnect@iljaabbattista.co.uk Until next spiral, Ilja x

Read. Forgotten. Devastated. (You've Been Both.)

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/fan_mail/new] What happens when you read a message, mean to reply… and then completely forget? And what happens when someone does the same thing to you? In this episode of Dating on High Alert, we’re talking about unread messages, forgotten plans, RSD spirals, ADHD, autism, AuDHD, avoidance, and the painful gap between intention and impact. Because sometimes one person is distracted - and the other person feels abandoned. This episode is for anyone who has ever forgotten to reply, gone quiet from overwhelm, spiralled when someone didn’t text back, or lost people to misunderstandings that were never about a lack of care. We’ll talk about why the people we care about most can become the easiest ones to accidentally let down, how shame makes repair harder, and why small, honest messages can stop silence becoming a story. Understanding changes everything. If this episode landed, don’t just sit with it and spiral. Come and work with me. Head to iljaabbattista.co.uk and visit the Work With Me page to explore Inner First, JFAI, voice note support, coaching, and the support that fits where you are right now. If this episode helped you feel seen, please support the podcast by leaving a review, sharing it with someone who needs it, or sending me a message with what landed. Every share helps this reach someone who thought they were the only one. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/support] 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival. For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply. 🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/]/resources 📩 Join the podcast mailing list: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/ [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/] 🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/%f0%9f%8e%99%ef%b8%8f-submit-a-guest-pitch-or-podcast-topic/] 🎧 Support the podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new] 📱 Instagram: @iljaabbattista 📬 Contact: l [empowerher@ilja-abbattista.com]etsconnect@iljaabbattista.co.uk Until next spiral, Ilja x

You Can’t Love Well From a False Map | Dating on High Alert with Ilja Abbattista

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/fan_mail/new] You Can’t Love Well From a False Map | Dating on High Alert with Ilja Abbattista What happens when the information you’ve used to understand yourself was never built for the full picture? A major new study has found that over half of ADHD and autism content online is inaccurate or misleading - and honestly, I think a lot of people can already feel that. Because so many people are trying so hard to heal. Learning the language. Doing the work. Trying to understand themselves and their relationships… …and still ending up confused, overwhelmed, heartbroken, or exhausted. In this episode, Ilja Abbattista explores: 🧠 AuDHD misinformation online 🖤 trauma, masking & nervous system survival ⚡ why so much relationship advice misses the mark 🧩 the complexity of late diagnosis & self understanding 🌿 and what changes when you finally start working from a more accurate map of yourself Because maybe you were never failing. Maybe the map was incomplete. If this episode resonates with you and you’d like support navigating your own patterns, relationships, self understanding, or healing journey, you can find ways to work with Ilja in the show notes, including 1:1 coaching and Dear Ilja voice note support. And if this podcast is helping you feel seen, understood, or less alone - please consider supporting the show by sharing the episode or leaving a review. It genuinely helps keep these conversations going. Links are in the show notes. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/support] 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival. For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply. 🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/]/resources 📩 Join the podcast mailing list: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/ [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/] 🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/%f0%9f%8e%99%ef%b8%8f-submit-a-guest-pitch-or-podcast-topic/] 🎧 Support the podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new] 📱 Instagram: @iljaabbattista 📬 Contact: l [empowerher@ilja-abbattista.com]etsconnect@iljaabbattista.co.uk Until next spiral, Ilja x

ADHD, AuDHD & The Fear of Leaving Relationships When Faced With the Unknown

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/fan_mail/new] What if the intensity you’re feeling… isn’t connection? In this episode of Dating on High Alert, we’re looking at something that doesn’t get talked about anywhere near enough - the way ambiguity, inconsistency, and mixed signals can feel like chemistry. Especially for ADHD and AuDHD brains, where dopamine is driven by uncertainty, not stability. Ambiguity can be particularly activating, exhausting, or destabilising for many autistic people. That pull you feel?  The constant thinking about them?  The high when they show up and the drop when they don’t? It can feel like meaning. Like something important is happening. But sometimes, it’s not about the person.  It’s about what the situation is doing to your nervous system. We also go deeper into what happens when you ignore your internal signal for too long - how self-abandonment doesn’t happen all at once, but slowly, quietly, and reasonably… until you realise you’ve lost yourself inside something that no longer fits. And then comes the question so many people sit with: Do I stay, or do I go? This episode breaks down why that decision feels so difficult, especially when you can’t visualise a better future, don’t feel confident, and are waiting for clarity that never seems to arrive. And more importantly… what actually moves you forward when none of those things are in place. This isn’t theory. This is lived experience, pattern recognition, and truth, without the fluff. If this episode resonates with you: • Listen to the full episode via the link in the show notes  • Share it with someone who needs to hear it  • Follow the podcast for more honest conversations around dating, ADHD, trauma, and relationships Work with me: If you’re stuck in patterns you can’t seem to break, navigating neurodivergent relationships, or trying to make a decision you keep avoiding - this is exactly the work I do. → Coaching, support, and contact details: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/  → Support the podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/support Important Support Resources: If you are in a situation where you don’t feel safe, please reach out for support: • Refuge (24/7 helpline): 0808 2000 247  • Women's Aid: womensaid.org.uk  • Men's Advice Line: 0808 801 0327  • LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 999 5428  • Samaritans: 116 123 You don’t have to navigate it alone. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/support] 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival. For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply. 🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/]/resources 📩 Join the podcast mailing list: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/ [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/] 🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/%f0%9f%8e%99%ef%b8%8f-submit-a-guest-pitch-or-podcast-topic/] 🎧 Support the podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new] 📱 Instagram: @iljaabbattista 📬 Contact: l [empowerher@ilja-abbattista.com]etsconnect@iljaabbattista.co.uk Until next spiral, Ilja x

Your Body Already Knew...Your mind Just didn't Want To Know

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/fan_mail/new] Your Body Already Knew. Your Mind Just Didn’t Want to Know. Have you ever had a feeling about someone that you kept explaining away? It wasn't because you were naïve, or because you “missed the signs.” But because the connection felt stronger than the warning your body was giving you. In this episode of Dating on High Alert, Ilja Abbattista explores the difference between gut feelings, intuition, and trauma responses - and why so many of us learned to override ourselves long before we ever entered a relationship. This episode is for: • Neurodivergent people navigating relationships, masking, emotional overwhelm, and self-trust • People with trauma histories who struggle to trust their own knowing • Partners wanting to better understand trauma responses, intuition, and nervous system patterns • Anyone who keeps finding themselves overriding what they already know Inside this episode, Ilja explores: • The difference between gut feelings and intuition • Why trauma responses can blur clear thinking • Why strong feelings are not always true feelings • How childhood experiences can disconnect us from our own signals • ADHD, object permanence, and internal imagery • Why visualisation and manifestation advice often fails neurodivergent brains • The difference between thinking an image and seeing one • Why masking, survival, and self-doubt make complete sense • The real reason we override ourselves — and why it isn’t weakness This isn’t an episode about blaming yourself for the times you stayed. It’s about learning to hear yourself sooner. ⸻ CONTENT NOTE: This episode includes discussion of trauma, abusive relationships, dissociation, nervous system responses, and survival adaptations. ⸻ 💬 WORK WITH ILJA If this episode resonated with you and you’re looking for support that actually works with your brain and nervous system - not against it - you can explore support, coaching, and resources here: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/ [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/] 🖤 SUPPORT THE PODCAST If Dating on High Alert has helped you feel seen, understood, or a little less alone - you can support the podcast here: Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/support] 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival. For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply. 🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/]/resources 📩 Join the podcast mailing list: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/ [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/] 🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory [https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/%f0%9f%8e%99%ef%b8%8f-submit-a-guest-pitch-or-podcast-topic/] 🎧 Support the podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new] 📱 Instagram: @iljaabbattista 📬 Contact: l [empowerher@ilja-abbattista.com]etsconnect@iljaabbattista.co.uk Until next spiral, Ilja x