Down The Rabbit Hole: Unfiltered
EPISODE 9: I’m No Longer Shrinking to Be Digestible (Everything I Know About My Light Was Taught by My Darkness) This episode isn’t about healing in a pretty way. It’s about what abuse actually teaches you to do in order to survive. I talk about how trauma conditioned me to become digestible. How I learned to disappear without realizing I was doing it. How being adaptable, agreeable, and “easy” slowly erased my sense of self. This episode traces where that pattern started, how it followed me through friendships, work, relationships, and everyday life, and what it cost me to keep surviving that way. We talk about: • How abuse trains you to explain yourself to stay safe • Why being “understanding” can actually be self-erasure • The difference between being understood and being aligned • What happens when you stop shrinking and people lose access to you • Why growth doesn’t always feel lighter, just clearer There’s no packaged takeaway here. No clean ending. No version of this story made easier to swallow. Just truth, presence, and the moment you stop negotiating your own existence. If you’ve ever felt like you disappeared to keep the peace, this episode will land. Trigger Warning: This episode contains a discussion of sexual assault and trauma responses. Please listen with care. Resources for Support Abuse doesn’t discriminate—and neither do the resources that can help. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 800-799-7233 | thehotline.org (Free, confidential support for anyone in an abusive relationship—women, men, LGBTQIA+, teens, and more) RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 800-656-HOPE | rainn.org (24/7 support for sexual assault survivors of all genders) Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S.) for immediate, free support from trained crisis counselors 1in6 (for male survivors of sexual trauma): 1in6.org (Support, therapy, and group resources specifically for men) Male Survivor: malesurvivor.org (Education, peer support, and healing spaces for men who have experienced sexual abuse) BetterHelp or Open Path Collective: Online, low-cost therapy options for all genders International Directory: therapyroute.com or womensupportproject.co.uk (Global support lists for emotional abuse, trauma, and domestic violence)
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