The Truth About Adult Friendships

The Truth About Adult Friendships

Episode Summary:  In this episode of "For the Rest of Us," Tolu introduces the show's first guest, Simone Saunders, a therapist and content creator. They engage in a candid conversation about the complexities of adult friendships, addressing everything from making new friends to navigating the growth and changes within existing ones.  To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link [https://forms.gle/VKjS3NHRvQEZjCDy7]. Timestamps * 00:00 - Introduction of guest Simone Saunders  * 02:58 - Dilemma 1:  How do you make new friends without feeling like you are forcing it. * 05:30 - How the proximity factor affects a relationship * 06:01 – Dilemma 2: Addressing the guilt of outgrowing friendships * 08:51 - Personal check-ins: Tolu and Simeone talk about their current life phases and upcoming book launch. * 17:22 – Podcast Main Topic: Defining what makes a friendship feel safe * 22:56 - Building depth in friendships and the role of vulnerability * 24:37 - Redefining vs. ending friendships and swallowing your ego * 29:08 - What effort looks like in adult friendships * 40:42 - Closing thoughts on the necessity of human connection. Resources & Mentions * Ashay Therapy Services: Tolu’s group practice. Click [https://ashaytherapy.janeapp.com/locations/ashay-therapy/book#/free-20-minute-consultation] to book a free 20-minute consult (for Canadian residents). 🎙️New episodes drop every other week — subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/toluthetherapist] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@toluadepoju_] * Therapy Practice: Ashay Therapy Services [www.ashaytherapy.ca] 💌 Work With Tolu / Collaborations: Reach out via email at: info@toluadepoju.com 🧠 Disclaimer: The conversations and information shared on For the Rest of Us are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re in need of support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your family doctor. ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Take The Trip Alone: Here's Why

In this episode, Tolu reflects on the importance of taking solo trips, and how it helps to rediscover oneself and build confidence. Tolu addresses a listener’s dilemma about feeling anxious and disconnected in a relationship, helping us differentiate between intuition and anxiety. She wraps up with a celebration of solo travel, offering her top tips, destination recommendations, and encouraging you to stop waiting for others and just take the trip! To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link [https://forms.gle/VKjS3NHRvQEZjCDy7]. Timestamps * 00:00 – Intro: Tolu greets her audience and speaks about preparing for the rugby season. * 1:50 – Birthday plans: How Tolu’s 30th birthday was one of the best and her plans for this year’s birthday. * 03:06 – Craving Slowness: Tolu wants more space, reflection and total newness. * 03:50 – Topic Inspiration: How Tolu’s first solo trip in 2020 inspired this episode’s topic.   * 04:42 – The Dilemma: "I feel anxious and overthink communication with someone I'm dating. Is this self-sabotage or intuition telling me something is wrong?" * 05:41 – Advice: How to tell the difference between anxiety (loud, chaotic, nitpicky) and intuition (quiet, grounded, a "knowing"). Plus, taking space to observe without fixing. * 08:10- Main topic: Take The Solo Trip. How Tolu fell in love with solo-travel and the places she explored during the travel. * 11:23 - Importance of solo travel: How solo-trips helps to discover a different version of yourself outside of your regular routine. Why taking a trip alone is the ultimate confidence builder. *     14:03 – Solo Travel Tips: 1.  Inform of your absence. 2.  keep your safety in mind. 3.  Do not give too much information. 4.  Don’t jam-pack your schedule. * 22:43 – Top destinations for first-time solo travelers: The Netherlands (Amsterdam), Spain (Barcelona), and Greece (Santorini/Mykonos).  * 26:18 – Reflection Prompts: Three questions to ask yourself about solo travel and self-reliance.   Reflection Prompts 1. If you've had the thought of taking a solo trip, what are you waiting for? 2. Do you trust yourself to handle new experiences and navigate challenges on your own? 3. When was the last time you intentionally spent quality, disconnected time with just yourself?   Ashay Therapy Services: Tolu’s group practice. Click [https://ashaytherapy.janeapp.com/locations/ashay-therapy/book#/free-20-minute-consultation] to book a free 20-minute consultation (for Canadian residents). 🎙️New episodes drop every other week — subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/toluthetherapist] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@toluadepoju_] * Therapy Practice: Ashay Therapy Services [www.ashaytherapy.ca] 💌 Work With Tolu / Collaborations: Reach out via email at: info@toluadepoju.com 🧠 Disclaimer: The conversations and information shared on For the Rest of Us are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re in need of support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your family doctor. ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Overfunctioning in Relationships: Stop Fixing and Start Coaching

After a busy March, Tolu is back! In this quick life update, she talks about the chaos of the "fire horse" year that is 2026, the growth of her therapy practice, and leaning into delegating by hiring an operations and marketing coordinator. The main focus of this episode is inspired by a TikTok video Tolu made that went viral (over 500k views!). The topic? Overfunctioning in relationships. Tolu explains why this pattern happens, how it leads to resentment and burnout, and gives actionable tips on how to pull back, stop fixing, and let others rise to the occasion. To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link [https://forms.gle/VKjS3NHRvQEZjCDy7]. Timestamps * 00:00 – Intro: "Your girl disappeared for March!" Catching up and getting back on the recording schedule. * 02:15 – Life Update: Expanding Ashay Therapy Services, hiring a coordinator, and practicing delegation (even when it’s scary). * 07:27 – The Dilemma: "I make plans with friends, romanticize them, and then want to cancel right before. Why does this happen?" * 10:01 – Advice: Taking the opposite action and normalizing the urge to cancel (especially on Fridays after a long week) and how to navigate the discomfort of going anyway. * 11:02 – Main Topic: Overfunctioning in relationships. Inspired by the viral TikTok: "Be willing to sit with the discomfort of letting other people be responsible for themselves." * 13:13 – How overfunctioning shows up: Being the default planner, the problem solver, or the person everyone relies on when things go wrong. * 15:30 – The consequences: Anxiety, emotional burnout, and resentment ("Why am I the only one doing this?"). * 16:30 – The "Superwoman" Syndrome: The exhausting pressure to prove your worth by always being capable. * 20:24 – Practical Tips: * 1. Shift from Fixer to Coach: When people come to you with a problem, don't solve it. Ask, "What would you want to do about this?" or "Do you want me to listen or give advice?" * 2. Sit with the Silence: Resist the urge to jump in and fill the silence or immediately offer to take on a task. * 3. Let the Ball Drop: Allow people to fail or make mistakes so they can learn. * 4. Experimenting with stepping back: Let someone else plan the next outing and see what happens. * The Challenge: This week, try doing a little less. See what feelings come up when you aren't fixing everything. Resources & Mentions * Ashay Therapy Services: Tolu’s group practice. Click [https://ashaytherapy.janeapp.com/locations/ashay-therapy/book#/free-20-minute-consultation] to book a free 20-minute consultation (for Canadian residents). * Click here [https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVY27sElK3n/?igsh=ZHBic3JweXhnd3g1] to watch the video on Instagram. 🎙️New episodes drop every other week — subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/toluthetherapist] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@toluadepoju_] * Therapy Practice: Ashay Therapy Services [www.ashaytherapy.ca] 💌 Work With Tolu / Collaborations: Reach out via email at: info@toluadepoju.com 🧠 Disclaimer: The conversations and information shared on For the Rest of Us are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re in need of support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your family doctor. ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Japan Travel Tea: What Surprised Me

Episode Summary: As promised in the previous episode, Tolu is here with the tales from Japan! In this chatty episode, she spills all the details from her recent 15-day trip to Japan. She covered everything from the intense jet lag to the surprising food finds. She also dives into a listener's dilemma about turning 30 and feeling "behind" in life. Tolu shares her perspective on letting go of societal timelines and finding grace for your unique journey. Plus, get practical travel tips for Japan, including navigating the trains, what to pack, and why you definitely need a coin purse. To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link [https://forms.gle/VKjS3NHRvQEZjCDy7].   Timestamps * 00:00 – Intro & Welcome Back: Catching up, sipping coffee, and setting the vibe. * 04:15 – The Dilemma: Turning 30 and feeling behind in career, relationships, and life milestones. * 05:30 – Advice: Why you need to give yourself grace, acknowledging the impact of the pandemic on our timelines, and avoiding the comparison trap. * 10:45 – Japan Trip Breakdown: * Itinerary: 15 days across Kyoto (3 nights), Osaka (4 nights), and Tokyo (7-8 nights). * Travel Logistics: The flight, dealing with jet lag, and arriving in Narita. * 17:15 – Surprises in Japan: * Cleanliness: How spotless the streets are. * Fashion: The incredible street style of locals. * Convenience Stores: Why 7-Eleven, FamilyMart, and Lawson are life-savers (and delicious). * The Vending Machines: Hot coffee in a can? Yes, please. * 21:50 – The Toilets: Tolu’s love affair with Japanese heated bidets (and why she misses them). * 24:30 – Safety: Feeling incredibly safe walking alone at night as a solo traveler. * 26:15 – Culture Notes: The politeness, bowing, and quiet trains. * 28:40 – Travel Tips: * Money: Bring cash (yen) and a coin purse! * Transportation: Using the Suica card (on Apple Pay) and navigating the trains with Google Maps.  * Connectivity: Getting an eSIM (Maya or halo) for data. * Walking: Prepare to walk a lot (bring comfortable shoes!). * 35:00 – Highlights: * Kyoto: Ring making class, night tour, and temples. * Osaka: Shopping in Dotonbori and the Aquarium. * Tokyo: Mario Kart (Shibuya Sky), teamLab Planets, and the Tsukiji Fish Market. * 42:10 – Food: Trying matcha, Monjayaki (the pancake dish), and fresh sushi. * 45:30 – Final Thoughts: Would she go back? (Yes!) And advice for solo female travelers. Resources & Mentions * Transport: Suica Card (add via Apple Wallet), Japan Rail Pass (optional, depending on itinerary). * Connectivity: GlobalYo or Maya Mobile (eSIM apps). * Apps: Google Maps (essential for trains), Google Translate. * Activities: Ring making class (Glänta), TeamLab Planets. 🎙️New episodes drop every other week — subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/toluthetherapist] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@toluadepoju_] * Therapy Practice: Ashay Therapy Services [www.ashaytherapy.ca] 💌 Work With Tolu / Collaborations: Reach out via email at: info@toluadepoju.com 🧠 Disclaimer: The conversations and information shared on For the Rest of Us are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re in need of support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your family doctor. ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Why Your 2026 Vision Board Needs Mental Health on It.

Episode Summary After an unexpected and longer-than-anticipated break, Tolu is back to kick off 2026! In this chaotic but honest life update, she dives into the main theme for the year: why mental health cannot be an afterthought in your 2026 goals. She shares how stress physically manifests in the body, her new weekly routine for regulation, and practical prompts to help you build a sustainable foundation for the year ahead. To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link [https://forms.gle/VKjS3NHRvQEZjCDy7]. Timestamps * 00:00 – Intro: Welcome to 2026 and addressing the unplanned hiatus. * 01:00 – Life Update: The Japan Trip Saga. Picking up Accutane, getting into a car accident en route to the airport, and the shock of the aftermath. * 05:40 – The "Lost Episode": Why there was no content from Japan (technical difficulties and needing to unplug). * 09:45 – The Dilemma: "I feel like every guy I talk to ghosts me." Dealing with dating fatigue, discouragement, and the internal belief that "something is wrong with me." * 12:20 – Advice: Acknowledging that the dating scene is tough right now ("it's the ghetto"), zooming out to see the bigger picture, and why taking a break is valid self-care. * 14:10 – Main Topic: Prioritizing Mental Health in 2026. Why it needs to be the foundation for your career, relationships, and physical health. * 16:30 – Somatic Awareness: How stress and burnout manifest physically (insomnia, body tension, holding your breath). * 17:50 – Resilience over Perfection: Why "falling off the wagon" is part of the process, and how to get back on the horse without guilt. * 20:00 – Practical Tips: Tolu’s 2026 Routine structure: * Sundays: The Reset Day (Journaling, slow planning, no work). * Fridays: Community and Connection days. * 22:50 – Reflection Prompts: Three questions to ask yourself to prevent burnout this year. Visit ashay therapy [http://www.ashaytherapy.ca/] to book a therapy session. 🎙️New episodes drop every other week — subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/toluthetherapist] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@toluadepoju_] * Therapy Practice: Ashay Therapy Services [www.ashaytherapy.ca] 💌 Work With Tolu / Collaborations: Reach out via email at: info@toluadepoju.com 🧠 Disclaimer: The conversations and information shared on For the Rest of Us are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re in need of support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your family doctor. ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.