The One Where Valentin Finds All the Candles

Joe Fitzpatrick:The Only Guy Doing His Job

General Hospital Snarkcast - Recorded Monday, June 29, 2026 It's the last Monday of June and Mama Snark and Snark Jr. are already sweating through a heat wave -- at least one of us literally. David is conserving energy in a dark apartment in New York while Lianne knits in Southern California, and somehow the Snarkcast gets made anyway. This was a popcorn week on General Hospital -- a little bite of every storyline, and yet somehow things actually moved forward more than they felt like they did in the moment. We break it all down. The Accident non-story continues to get remarkable mileage out of absolutely nothing. Chase and Curtis are losing their minds over an accident that involved one car, while Chase simultaneously cannot stop wandering after Willow, even as he makes grand speeches about commitment to Brook Lynn. Tracy sees it. We see it. Chase does not. Sidwell has moved himself into Willow's house uninvited, and we are here for it. The man wants the right yogurt and the right tea and Willow is running a congressional district, a paralyzed husband, and an unwanted houseguest simultaneously. Meanwhile, Drew sits in that chair, buffed and strapped in like some kind of gargoyle, blinking at whoever will pay attention. Speaking of which -- Joe Fitzpatrick is Mama Snark's character of the week, and it is well deserved. This man actually does his job, has a dry sense of humor, and held a coherent conversation with a paralyzed man better than anyone else on canvas. We stan. Snark Jr. makes the case for Charlotte as his character of the week. She is Valentine Cassadine's daughter in every way that counts, and she can hold her own in any conversation. However, General Hospital could let her save herself once in a while instead of waiting for Danny to show up. We are tired of saying this. Trina's stoic farewell speech to her parents landed well -- robotic tantrum and all. Get her out of that orbit. Meanwhile Anna is back and immediately dropping cryptic bombshells about Nathan not being Nathan, which Felicia will either investigate immediately or completely ignore until it blows up in everyone's faces. General Hospital has two speeds on this and we know them both. Sonny, once the undisputed center of this show, is now showing up once or twice a week to yell something threatening while his face goes red. The comparison to a dachshund barking furiously at a mailman was made and we stand by it. Sidwell, by contrast, is charming, funny, and actually feels dangerous. The contrast is stark. Snark Jr.'s soap recommendation this week takes us to a Guiding Light Substack written by someone who worked right next door to the CBS studio for years. If you are a soap fan of a certain era, this one is worth your time. Link is in the description. Check them out: https://soapoperareviews.substack.com/ And yes -- we officially announce the Snarkie Gathering in New York City on August 16th. Details are still coming together, but mark your calendars. This is happening. WHERE YOU CAN FIND US: Follow General Hospital Snark on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ghsnark Find us on Substack where we do long-form articles: https://ghsnark.substack.com/ GHSnark Patron Information: https://www.patreon.com/generalhospitalsnark Follow General Hospital Snark on Twitter (if you're still there...): @GHSnarky (we mainly do reposts. Very little original content) You can follow us on Instagram. We post our reels there. https://www.instagram.com/generalhospitalsnark

The One Where Valentin Finds All the Candles

General Hospital Snarkcast - Recorded Monday, June 22, 2026 It's June 22nd, 2026, and Mama Snark and Snark Jr. are back with a week's worth of General Hospital chaos to unpack. This week the Snark Team digs into the Great Chem Test of 2026 -- Dante and Liz have already passed the test, so, hello Lucas and Joe. We ask the hard questions about why nobody on this show knows how to write a gay meet cute. We also check in on Trina's tiny tantrum, Curtis's spectacular stupidity, Jordan's career as Port Charles' least productive undercover agent, and the return of Yuri, the only person on the canvas who consistently makes life worth living. Plus: Valentin lights approximately four hundred candles for Carly's goodbye (how did he know where she kept them?), Agent Harker makes his debut as the new goon of Pikeman 2026, and Ava gets summoned to an audience with Sonny like she's appearing before the throne. We've hit 83,000 followers on Facebook, our Substack and YouTube numbers are climbing, and we are still looking forward to our First Snark Gathering on August 16 in NYC. David also previews his upcoming field report from the Maurice Bernard State of Mind tour because apparently, he IS a journalist now. All this plus our word of the week, character of the week, a deep dive into dropped plots, and the butt cheek seen ‘round the world. Subscribe, tell your friends. Tell your enemies too. You never know. WHERE YOU CAN FIND US: Follow General Hospital Snark on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ghsnark Find us on Substack where we do long-form articles: https://ghsnark.substack.com/ GHSnark Patron Information: https://www.patreon.com/generalhospitalsnark Follow General Hospital Snark on Twitter (if you're still there...): @GHSnarky (we mainly do reposts. Very little original content) You can follow us on Instagram. We post our reels there. https://www.instagram.com/generalhospitalsnark

The Longest Goodbye in GH History

General Hospital Snarkcast - Recorded Monday, June 15, 2026 Big news first: the Snarkies are meeting in New York City on Sunday, August 16th -- and yes, David and Lianne will be meeting each other in person for the first time in their 12-year partnership. Details to follow. Bring your snark. This week Kristina Corinthos finally left town via the most implausible exit in recent soap history -- skipping her college degree entirely to apply to multiple top medical schools, apparently in her spare time between running a tennis court building project and administering free therapy to half of Port Charles. The Kristina Corinthos Friendship Club has filed its paperwork. Membership is not optional. Meanwhile, back in Port Charles: Joss and Liesl are characters of the week for scenes that were actually allowed to breathe, Cullum wore a three-piece suit to Disneyland and stayed in character the entire time, everybody has a plan and none of the plans are going to work, and the new dock at the boathouse is getting more screen time than it deserves. Is this the new MetroCourt pool? Also: Curtis needs to go to prison. This is not a hot take. This is a cold truth.New column debuting on Substack: Hot Takes, Cold Truths. You heard it here first.Soap recommendation this week: a rabbit hole. Specifically, musicians who came through GH. Rick Springfield, Ricky Martin, Jack Wagner, John Stamos and his Beach Boys drumming. Your local library has more than you think. Start digging. WHERE YOU CAN FIND US: Follow General Hospital Snark on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ghsnark Find us on Substack where we do long-form articles: https://ghsnark.substack.com/ GHSnark Patron Information: https://www.patreon.com/generalhospitalsnark Follow General Hospital Snark on Twitter (if you're still there...): @GHSnarky (we mainly do reposts. Very little original content) You can follow us on Instagram. We post our reels there. https://www.instagram.com/generalhospitalsnark

Au Revoir, PJ Pascal

General Hospital Snarkcast - Recorded Monday, June 8, 2026 David is filming in Toronto (location: undisclosed, vibe: very disclosed), and he has Opinions. Big ones. This week he delivers a full ranking of all five soaps currently on the air, and the verdict is: General Hospital is still the champ, Young and Restless is LinkedIn the Series, Days is now a chore, Beyond the Gates has potential and terrible sets, and Bold and Beautiful exists. We also mourn the departure of writer Ryan Kwan, who apparently fixed GH and is now being sent to fix Days. Godspeed.On the actual Port Charles front: Pascal gets driven away by Sonny's very attractive goon, Cullum is creeping everyone out beautifully, Joss is out-actioning Anna in the basement (not a sentence we expected to type), and Hotel Catacombs has opened for business with a second resident. Obrecht clocks Willow in approximately two seconds flat. Willow is Mama’s character of the week for being completely unhinged and nailing it. Cullum is David's character of the week for making everyone nervous every time he walks into a room. Chase is the word of the week, apparently. And yes, he is about to become a congressional chief of staff. Just go with it.Also: Scout has been SORASed to sixteen, Avery's fate is unclear, and Carly and Valentin still take our breath away.Book rec from David: Love in the Afternoon, a brand new essay collection about the art of soap opera. Paperback only. Get it. WHERE YOU CAN FIND US: Follow General Hospital Snark on Facebook:   / ghsnark   [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqblQtYVNDekNnSmRZQ0ozWXM2eGZPZ2JBWldkQXxBQ3Jtc0tsTHFvVk5ybUtVV2R5ZlFlcXN1ZU1POExhNHBEVDJ4aVZjY1pPQ3Z0RUs2ZVJnYmlnaEJhRlBNUmNHV3hVMlBpcWdHSWlKTjNpQVFHdUhtRERVTHlFWUU1WDVKU2lCdHFhRDBYc0kyZERvUFViRTdTUQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fghsnark&v=N7fie78ITe0] Find us on Substack where we do long-form articles: https://ghsnark.substack.com/ [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbFBYRkxfRDBOaW5BdWRtRzBQSnVHemc4alFmUXxBQ3Jtc0ttS0Naa0p4Nk5KRlE0dXdDUFRORV9STzFOVEZTUEh5c0FiZmZnbnRUWTVsS0VobGhIVmlqWkZtV0syZUpYTWEyZnREN25BLUR3TVM2OTBmN2VBVXY0Qnotc09MN2tIWWtSZkE2RVJ2Vk9rR0JqV1kxZw&q=https%3A%2F%2Fghsnark.substack.com%2F&v=N7fie78ITe0] GHSnark Patron Information:   / generalhospitalsnark   [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbjVIamFWRlhMcDZkekdlX0pmcVpiLV9lZXpVd3xBQ3Jtc0tsemR3M1J4SmdtNkhOdzRHSGc3ZkxXbXNrR3JKMHgyckFwNVZFZGpZQkVoTFN0Y3B2TVdBUmI0cFJBQnZzOEw4c083OU1uVlJwUGtuelNYSFFIZTcwWmJOei1ieTlrMFdIQ09LZmlwX19zbTZ1OG9tQQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.patreon.com%2Fgeneralhospitalsnark&v=N7fie78ITe0] Follow General Hospital Snark on Twitter (if you're still there...): @GHSnarky (we mainly do reposts. Very little original content) You can follow us on Instagram. We post our reels there.   / generalhospitalsnark   [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbTU2X2JKbmZSdzBiVW96MWZfYlNSNWptbDVFQXxBQ3Jtc0ttaVpRb0F6MUdpa0E1N2xoWWVsMk5GUWlDQS1HbHFYLWR6bkZYa2xWUWl4eW00b0tyeHNzSUpLRVZQbS0xNW00U1pYV2dHVzdWQTJDR0xxVldUQjctOThCdTU1akFyYXZIV2Q3WlNOT0IwX2RJWjdDaw&q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fgeneralhospitalsnark&v=N7fie78ITe0]

All the Plots Are Built on Nonsense

General Hospital Snarkcast - Recorded Tuesday, June 2, 2026 Nonsense on Parade: Car Crashes, Secret Med Schools & Dark Michael Rises Welcome back to Snarkcast, where we watch General Hospital so your blood pressure doesn't have to spike alone. This week, Mama Snark survived a mysterious highway incident of disputed origin, David mixed up time zones (again), and somehow, we still managed to break down what can only be described as a full week of gorgeous, committed, top-shelf nonsense. On the docket: Dark Michael makes his long-awaited return and immediately throws Brooklyn under a bus (metaphorically, unlike certain unnamed drivers on Route 91). Willow finally says what she means. Drew is in a chair, and we almost feel bad about it. Nina has a crisis of conscience in what appears to have been a secret invisible episode none of us were invited to watch. And Christina, a woman who has never finished college, got into UCLA Medical School. We have questions. Plus: Maxwell Caulfield shows up at a New York art gallery that looks suspiciously like the Port Charles one, Suzanne discovers her book boyfriend is real and extremely in flagrante, and we introduce our newest detective, Joe Fitzpatrick, who has a lot of opinions and not a lot of storyline yet. Character of the Week are revealed. The Trina Tiny Tantrum of the Week returns. And we ask the real question: how many people have actually quit watching General Hospital versus how many are just peeking around the corner through the Snark? Like, subscribe, leave a comment, and tell your GH fans all about us. WHERE YOU CAN FIND US: Follow General Hospital Snark on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ghsnark Find us on Substack where we do long-form articles: https://ghsnark.substack.com/ GHSnark Patron Information: https://www.patreon.com/generalhospitalsnark Follow General Hospital Snark on Twitter (if you're still there...): @GHSnarky (we mainly do reposts. Very little original content) You can follow us on Instagram. We post our reels there. https://www.instagram.com/generalhospitalsnark